Alirah gazed at the crevasse forming within the folds of the fabric – the fabrics of the universe. She clutched a hand to her stomach as her jittery nerves began to make her feel sick.1
She had not realized just how much of her confidence had been tied to having him beside her. She had only known him a day and a half, and he had changed her world…at least while he was still next to her. 2
Without him, all of her regained confidence had disappeared. Its absence only pointed out exactly how much she was unqualified for the job, as if she needed reminding. 3
Unqualified or not, the task of sealing the tear fell to her and only her. She was the last of her kind in existence; the end of a long line of wielders of chaos particles. 4
She felt the familiar echoing ache in her chest at the thought of her friends…friends? Could she even call them that? Even as a Weaver she had stood out from the rest of her race, not only in personality but physically as well. They had made sure she knew it too. 5
Alirah seemed to be the spitting opposite of everyone. Where the majority of her people were tall, she was short. While every Weaver before her was born with slender forms that only enhanced their grace, she was clumsier than a blind raging bull! However, she still retained the slender form of her race, but her raven black hair and frosty blue eyes spoke of her father's lineage. 6
Witch many humans had called her. 7
Only, they were partly correct. She was a Demigod, her mother being Bia the goddess of Chaos and her father a human. However, more importantly she was the creation of the two races-- a Weaver. But to the Weavers she was and would always be the half-ling; her powers meaning nothing to them. 8
Alirah's abilities were grand. Her most pronounced being the ability to bend and warp the fabrics of the universe separating this world from the next; like webbing. She controlled the particles of this world like a witch would magic. Her weaving relied on more than just her own abilities. The strength of her webbing also depended upon the attitudes of the world. 9
The peoples' perceptions were changing at such a rate that she could feel it deep within her bones. Lately this world's inhabitants were restraining their emotions. There was a significant decrease in aesthetics, feeling, and creation; so much so that the balance has been thrown asunder. In effect, the divide between the human world and the underworld has been torn. 10
Without imagination and creation this world would become bland, over run with demons, and eventually perish – like the others.
But not if she could help it. 11
She looked out at the surrounding land, clenching her fists as a slither of fear made her stomach heavy. 12
Breathe, she chided herself. 13
The earth trembled beneath her feet. A sign that it still lived and breathed. Alirah’s shoulders sagged with relief. There was still time. 14
As twilight waned into daylight, the field of Lily of The Valleys rhythmically swayed in the wind as one – like a sea of white feathers. Their petals were snow white and shaped like bells. They shook perilously on their thin brown stalks as another gust swirled through their depths and encircled Alirah. The sweet smell of honey abraded her nose. 15
The scene before her resembled the aesthetic swirls and strokes of an oil painting. It was simplicity and immemorial. The sky was a striking green blue dissolving into fierce shades of: pink, yellow, and purple. Masses of swirling white clouds drifted just in front of the sun, turning in areas a fierce gold. They shimmered like frozen crystals as they caught the sunlight. 16
Her eyes traveled further to the right and spotted the tear. There was no possible chance of missing it. It looked like an ugly sore; as if the sky had been punctured. Inside the hole was an impenetrable inky blackness. The sparse shining lights resembled stars, but she new they were really trapped souls. 17
Already the worlds were joining. Deep jagged cracks were forming around the opening as if something beat on it from the other side. The crude gap was steadily widening and spewing putrid fumes and contagion into this world. Little black tentacles traveled along the edges latching on like leaches. She could feel the Earth's life draining. 18
Alirah had never seen a tear this large before. It was far beyond her skill level. She new she only hand one attempt to fix the rip, and if she were to fail…she would die. And then this world would perish. 19
You can do it, she whispered to herself encouragingly. 20
But he wasn't here. It was as if her confidence left with him. Ever since she botched one of her previous jobs she had lost belief in herself. No matter that the incident was centuries ago, it had cost a human their life. A child’s life.21
The memory was upon her unguarded mind like a ravenous animal. She threw up her mental shields in an attempt to keep it at bay, but it was futile. Her guards slipped and meshed awkwardly together forming weak spots. A sign of the wounds she bore, not physically but upon her soul. The memory slipped through. Alirah braced the palms of
her hands against her temples as the memory coiled itself around her mind’s eye like a voracious snake, continuing to feed off of her swelling levels of shame and regret, while replaying the memory on the backs of her eyelids. 22
Once again she stood within the middle of the Avon river. The soft brush of her white robe she once wore drew her attention as the chilled fabric pressed against her leggings like a second skin. With a shaking hand Alirah grasped the hem of her robe and tugged upwards. It took more effort to retrieve it from the water but she hastily released it when she noticed the crimson stain. 23
It spread about the bottoms of her robe like it possessed a mind of its own. Confused she looked around her frantically. Shock stole her breath as her gaze landed on her fallen friends and foes. 24
The corpses were piled waist high, and so entangled with one another it was hard to tell the difference between Weaver and Demon. Crows swarmed about like lions to the kill. They settled upon the masses of bodies tearing at the flesh with their sharp beaks. 25
It had taken the entire team of Weavers to seal the rip, but they had not thought the demons would have discovered its whereabouts so soon. They had been wrong, but because of her mishap; her fumble with her words the weaving had taken longer to complete allowing more evil to enter the world. 26
The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and a chill sped down her spin. All of her wards were sending little shocks down her arm. It was a warning that something dangerous lurked near by. Calm, she needed calm, but her fear was too great. 27
She turned to flee from the battle, but caught sight of a little girl standing at the edge of the tree line. She was small and under nourished. Her clothes had been torn in places and looked to large for her body. The child looked but six years old to Alirah, but her eyes spoke of wisdom beyond her time. They gleamed a brilliant Sunrise-brown in the shade of the tree. 28
She is a Weaver's child!29
Surprise washed over her; it had an odd calming effect. 30
"What are you doing out here little one?" Alirah asked the child. The sentence echoed in her head as the memory continued to play out. 31
The child did not utter a word, but simply stuck out both small hands in the air. Her finger tips were stained pink and blood was smeared across one of her cheeks. Alirah felt sorry for the child whose parents were probably some where in the sea of bodies. 32
The feeling of being watched crept over her again as her wards protested more urgently now. She would take the child and run. Before she could take a step in the child's direction something heavy struck her between her shoulder blades. Alirah cried out as the force of the blow sent her crashing into the bloody river and under its depths. Almost immediately the pain lessened as the weight disappeared. 33
She remembered the fear that hand engulfed her in that moment as her mind shrieked to get up. To move, move, move!34
Alirah pushed herself to her feet, her movements sluggish because of the weight of the water. She sputtered loudly spitting out the bloody water that had seeped between her lips. Glancing in front of her where the child was her heart sank as she stared at emptiness. 35
"Little one?" she yelled, no longer caring to keep quiet. She would not let that monster defile such innocence. 36
Annoyed, Alirah roughly brushed the hair out of her face and climbed from the river discarding her cloak and its weight. 37
She remembered running. The long journey she made through the forests while tracking the demon, and the loss of hope that struck a heavy blow to her heart when she had lost the trail. She had almost given up on finding the child until by chance she had been close enough to hear a babies' crooning. 38
Hope rejuvenated, Alirah set off in hast. She had to save the child. In her eyes it had been the only deed that could atone for her grave mistake with the weaving.39
She stalked through the underbrush as silently as possible. The night was deathly quiet, due to the abnormality of the demon's presence within the forest. A faint orange glow rhythmically flickered around a thin bush just ahead of her. 40
A fire! 41
High hopes made her walk faster and with less caution, though nothing seemed to be watching her. She stole from tree to tree until she came upon a clearing small enough for five people to sit in comfortably around a moderate fire. Directly in front of her sat the demon, a black smudge compared to the firelight. 42
His skin was a deep red and he had no hair upon his head, or his body for that matter. Alirah took another step closer and openly cringed when a twig snapped under foot. 43
The demon leapt to his feet with a feline grace. Alirah's eyes widened when she took in his facial features. His eyes were slanted baring black orbs that stared back at her with emptiness. His mouth formed a straight line almost as if it had just been cut into his face, and there was no nose, just two round holes evenly placed between his eyes and mouth. 44
Even with the demon standing before her Alirah slid her gaze around the clearing in search of the child. She feared the worst when she did not spot the girl. A small hand peeked out from behind the demon as the child appeared beside it. The girl grasped one of his fingers and looked up. 45
The child had a blank expression upon her face, and stood oddly; almost as if she was contemplating her predicament. She was too still. Alirah gasped when she caught the child’s gaze. A pair of empty, black eyes stared back at her. The demon had defiled her! Alirah knew that once a demon gave its blood to a child, the child would be fated for a life of evil and damnation. She wouldn’t let that happen. 46
Anger burned white hot at Alirah's insides. She failed. She had failed the child, as well as herself. Alirah’s hands quickly rose into the air, her nimble fingers already weaving the barrier pattern. Regret ate at her heart, but she knew it must be done. 47
Impenetrable white walls appeared out of thin air to form a box around the demon and child. The walls glowed as if made of light particles, and shimmered in place as if they were alive. No one was getting in or out of her barrier. 48
She had been too late to save the child's body, but she could still save her soul from the demon's grasp. 49
Alirah weaved the most complex spell she could think of. Her anger and regret only helped to intensify her powers. She was not her mother's daughter for nothing. Chaos energy roared in her ears, calling out to her. 50
Do it, Do It, it urged! 51
The Chaos was too much, and Alirah gave into the temptation. The sweet chaos particles eagerly came when she called, sliding down and over her body like a warm blanket. Like a drug she felt off balance and giddy. 52
Alirah’s head was knocked backwards as the Chaos energy caused her power to spick two-fold. She threw her arms wide as her power demanded release from her being. The demon and child cried out in unison as Alirah leased her power upon the barrier and its contents. Her power tore around the clearing in a magnificent swirl of wind and light encompassing the barrier within its depths. A faint, malicious smile played on Alirah’s lips as the muffled screams of the demon and child were suddenly silenced. 53
Alirah formed a window in the side of the barrier facing her; she wanted to watch that bastard as it tasted death. Her smile grew wider as she approached the small window in the barrier, and she watched as the demon’s body withered on the ground. The entities body became rigid as his chest cavity sunk inwards, spewing bubbling black blood into the air, as if some invisible force crushed its body. Alirah made no attempt to cringe as its’ body decayed before her eyes and into dust. Sparing herself even more torment, Alirah disregarded the child entirely, already knowing that she had met her end sooner than the demon, and that her passage had been quick and painless. 54
The air tasted of cleanness when she had completed her job. Alriah leaned against a nearby tree to catch her breath as the Chaos energy released its hold on her. She covered her mouth with her hand, horrified by what she had just done. Never in her life had she taken a child’s life…not even one defiled by demons. 55
"With creation also comes destruction," The deep voice of her mentor rung in her ears, "and as such is the balance of life."56
The memory ended, releasing Alirah’s captive mind. She quickly rubbed her temples to soothe the steady ache that was forming.57
Guilt washed over Alirah as she thought about the memory, but she quickly pushed it aside before the fear that it would happen again coated her insides. It would not be like that this time. She had done what she must, what had been needed to save the girl's soul. Nor would she let her self be taken over by Chaos. Yet, the endless torment to her soul never wavered. Sometimes she wondered if the world would be better without her in it. 58
"It is a lovely day to die," a deep voice crooned from just behind her as if echoing her thoughts. 59
She smiled to herself as she peered over her shoulder at the stranger. He was covered from head to toe in an inky black cloak. The garment rippled in place as if blowing in the wind. The material was covered in invisible silver writing – to the naked eye – that of which she new all to well were ancient runes to protect the wearer from harm. A pair of piercing green eyes gazed at her from the depths of the hood. 60
"Aye, it is a lovely day to die indeed," she said, facing her task at hand, "but it will not be mine demon."61
Rough hands grabbed her shoulders from behind pulling her against a hard chest. Immediately warmth spread down the length of her body from his touch. She closed her eyes as a hand gently pushed her raven black hair away from her shoulder before a whisper of a kiss was placed against her neck. 62
"Don't count on that, Alirah." The demon whispered inches from her ear. 63
She should have been afraid. He was bigger and stronger than her, and his closeness was meant as an invasion of ones personal space – though she wasn't sure why he felt he had to do so. Unless he wanted to make sure she understood how easily life could be taken away. But with the feelings she had for him, she could no more be scared of him than a rabbit. And he would not hurt her anymore than she would him. 64
His race had always disgusted Alirah but being with Julian had never brought such a feeling. As the old proverb says, “Like calls to like, and like her, he was drawn to Chaos in the same manner.” Still he was different than her; he was in all his glory a Chaos Demon. 65
"I know you, you can't fool me. I will not die here today." The conviction settled her. 66
He laughed, a quiet huff of breath. "Then my dearest Silvertongue, why do you procrastinate when a task lies in wait?" The familiarity of the nickname made her heart swell.67
"I was waiting," she paused, a quizzical look on her face, "well I don't know for what exactly." She cast a teasing smile over her shoulder at him before stepping from his embrace. 68
"Thank you, Julian." She muttered. 69
Alirah inhaled and exhaled. She liked to think with each deep breath she shunned her fear, placing it in a corner of her consciousness to deal with later. Gathering the folds of her white dress in her hands she began to run. She imagined at that moment she looked like Cinderella, leaving her prince upon the hill. 70
She smiled despite the circumstances. Though the smile withered away as her lips formed a hard line, determination etched on her face. 71
Her eyes drifted shut, and for a moment she let her worries go. She felt unchained and free, searching within herself for…something. A deep calm spread over her with Julian's presence so near, and she was able to beat her worries and fears aside. 72
Then she found it. 73
Alirah's eyes snapped open as her power flared. It surged over her, white hot like lava making her skin and body tremble. Her hands shot out in front of her cupping nothingness. 74
The air itself felt heavy like a blanket, and her ears tickled as the air started to vibrate creating a loud hum. It built and built rising into a crescendo as Alirah loosed her power upon the tear. The hole rippled as her aura struck the folds, crooning loudly as the particles began to reconnect. 75
Her heart pounded within her chest like a drum in her ears, and her hands worked the air feverishly. Her hands clawed and whirled together in perfectly practiced symmetry, forming the ancient runes and spinning the weaving styles. 76
Pieces of tentacle-like cords began to shoot out from the edges of the hole. Their lengths withered about cutting the air in short snaps as they connected with the opposite side. Their numbers multiplied rapidly and interlaced with their brothers to form the webbing. 77
Beautiful Chaos surrounded her, tempting her control. She had to stay calm and control the Chaos. She would not go berserker like she had with the child and demon. The Chaos effected her like cocaine does to anyone else, only with too much she would not die, she would go insane with the power she wielded. It would control her. 78
Sweat trickled off Alirah's face. The tear was half sealed, but the act of fixing such a large hole was already taking its toll on her body. Her legs began to constantly tremble as exhaustion mockingly made its presence known, and her head was throbbing painfully. The chaos kept up a steady croon tempting her to accept just a taste; just enough to energize her. 79
But she was no fool. 80
Her fear started seeping through her consciousness. For once she was unsure whether she actually would make it through a task. This time she had made sure there were no mistakes, there were no innocents around, and she had weaved the string of runes correctly. 81
Breathing soon became hard for her to do. Her limbs felt as if they weighed a ton, but she strove onward. She never slowed the rate she wove the spell, for it could mean disaster. 82
When most of her strength had run out, she reverted to chanting. Her hands still flew through the air the fingertips white hot, but she spoke a steady stream of Latin as well. The language had a melodic feel, and she easily uttered each syllable. 83
It urged the runes faster, accelerating the weaving and smoothing over the webbing. The runes made the braided-looking area shimmer and disappear within the depths of the sky. 84
The string of chants cut off and her arms drifted lifelessly to her side as the rift sealed completely and all signs of tampering disappeared. 85
I did it, I really did it! The thought sifted through Alirah's mind like glass. Her mind and body were overly sensitive after such a feat. 86
She whimpered softly as Julian caught her before she fell, the heat from his body immediately seeping into her. Peering upwards she studied his face. He was beautiful and exotic, and she was aware of his taunt muscles through the velvety fabric of his cloak. 87
The end of a golden lock tickled her cheek as it brushed by her face. He always kept his hair pulled back in a braid, the way she liked. He was hers. 88
Hers!89
She settled in his arms as his scent wrapped itself around her. It felt awkward, this needing. Awkward and dangerous; as if she would loose herself beyond recognition. It felt strange to be in a man's arms, yet at the same time she felt as if she has always known him somehow. 90
He accepted her for who and what she was, and that was more than she could ask for. At least she wasn't alone in this world anymore. 91
She gazed upwards into the blue skies, wincing against the bright beams of the sunlight. Everything was as it once was and exactly how it was supposed to be. No tears; but it was up to the people to keep it that way. 92
Alirah smiled more to herself than at Julian. Even with him by her side Alirah had never felt more alone. He was beginning to fill all those places within her that were empty; all but one. 93
She was still an Orphan of Chaos. 94
Author notes
*** For Contests: ***
For MaximumRose...yes, I read your long list of rules! 
I used pic prompt number 15.
Okay I chose this option: http://redeemer-of-light.deviantart.com/art/The-Fantasy-59485875
This is what the picture made me think of. lol About creation kind of, and I just.. enhanced.. it a bit
This was my first time creating a story from a picture, and I have to say that I quite enjoyed it. I hope you all do as well. If you have any questions then please ask me.
I'm not sure this will be quite what you asked for, but oh well, I tried. lol
I'm also considering making this into a novella or novel..once I work out the kinks. 
So, please let me know what you think.
In a list
A contest entry
- Once Upon A Time... by Bloody-Ink.
375 points, ended January 18, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Write Me a Story by ice wolf.
525 points, ended February 13, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fantasy Quickie(Prewrites Allowed!) by Cupcake14.
170 points, ended January 30, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Written Bests! by Dreama.
350 points, ended February 12, 38 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Quarter Finals Round-The Best Writer Ever!!!! by MoonRoseWolf.
315 points, ended February 14, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Be the Story You Write, I read - Tell me a story !!! by Ashlyn Rose.
110 points, ended February 21, 53 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - All kinds of Stories... Please kill my boredom! by GrimDeath.
600 points, ended March 14, 81 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme gimme your best shot! (almost everything) by Atticus Unanimous.
600 points, ended March 19, 25 entries
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350 points, ended February 25, 70 entries
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550 points, ends November 30, 46 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Bend Reality by Midnightgaze.
318 points, ended May 17, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Prologues and chapter ones... by Lekos Memory.
125 points, ended May 27, 87 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Diary-chan's First Contest (Options: Points Have Gone Up!) by Diary-chan.
900 points, ended July 1, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Let's Get This Party Started! by Myra La-Ryn.
605 points, ended July 17, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Contest by His.Golden.Eyes.
160 points, ended July 9, 37 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Unique Fantasy Contest by silkenwolf.
250 points, ended July 28, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Prompts, Prompts, Prompts! (2nd Contest.) by EverRose.
430 points, ended August 6, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short Stories Galore! by sberendt.
550 points, ended August 3, 27 entries
Honorable mention
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140 points, ended October 25, 61 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Complete Story [Beginning/Middle/End] [Critique] by Asfand.
225 points, ended August 18, 14 entries
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How was it?
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
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This was good and very interesting too read. I enjoyd reading this. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contst!
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A work of great quality I must say! I commend you certainly for an excellent imagination and a ver creative idea! It's very nicely done! I love your magical setting, the Weaver idea is exceptionally original - and originality is really tough when it comes to fantasy stories - so kudos on that!
I love Alirah's character, she is certainly very connectable. There was a charm about her - almost like a damsel in distress, but with an imperfect character ...
Overall - a great job!
Some suggestions and nitpicks!
P1: the fabric - the fabrics of the universe [fabric or fabrics?]
P7: Comma after Witch
P9: Excellent description of your magical setting
P10: human world and underworld has[had] been torn
P11: Over run [overrun]
P15: Wonderful imagery
P16: It was simplicity and immemorial [simplistic and immemorial]
P16: shades of: pink, yellow and purple [I would suggest you take out the colon, the list seems an unnecessary flouris]
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Well, this was a very interesting story. I loved it! Keep going, you are doing great. You lost me in the beginning, but I kept reading until you actually made me want to read more.
It's good you added a love interest into the story, or I might have given up and wrote a comment saying I did read it, even though I skipped over it. XD
I hope to see your stories in my contest to come. Thank you for entering, and this reminded me of Perci Jackson.
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Thank you for the comment. I'm glad that you enjoyed my story. I think almost all of my stories have a bit of a love interest in them. I've never heard of Perci Jackson but I think I will Google his name and see what comes up. Thank you again for commenting and for hosting this contest.
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Cool!
You spelt 'knew' new. Other than that, AWESOME!!! -
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
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LOVED IT! I really liked the originality of this and the near flawlessness of the writing. This was amazing! NO errors as far as I could tell.
Keep writing and thanks for entering my contest!
~sberendt
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Wow! Wow! Wow!
First off, I really did love this! You had amazing detail, and I felt like I was in the story, watching the girl the entire time. You certainly have an amazing talent. This was truly beautiful, and I loved how this had fantasty, a hint of adventure, and romance.
What made me really happy was how there was this kind of "Forbidden love" between Alirah and Julian, how they're both different "races" and they both accept each other for who they are. It's really interesting how you ued the picture for this story, I'm impressed.
The only thing I have to see on critiqueing, is that at first, I didn't really get what was going on at the time. I was confused until about half way and had to go and re-read it. lol. But otherwise, I really enjoyed it and think you do a fantastic job! Good luck in my contest! Thanks for entering! I was needing more entires, haha.
-Rose
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This was amazing! It was so imaginative and it was written beautifully. Alirah was introduced really well and I really felt empathy for her and it had an interesting ending also. You took Greek Mythology and really made it your own. Well done! Thank you for entering my contest.
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First off: GREAT JOB! Loved the names, loved the imagery and the detail you put to it. It was absolutely amazing.
There were a few grammatical and spelling mistakes, however the picture was completely painted and utterly beautiful.
I do have to ask a) which option you chose and what your title or saying was? Unless of course I gave you a prompt. (it's anonymous, so I can't really tell)
But brilliant work.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you for the read and comment. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed my story. As for the prompt I chose, I used the Title one. I took the title and used it as the central element...'orphan of chaos' which is the main character herself and the entire story revolves around that.
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Beautiful imagery and a wonderful story, but... Option three said Greek Mythology. And if I'm correct, in Greek mythology the Goddess of Chaos is Eris.
However, I'm going to be nice and let it slide, since it was so wonderful anyways
Good luck in the contest.
~Kitty -
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I'm glad that you enjoyed my story. You are correct, the Goddess of Chaos is Eris. What ever site I had been looking at had the information wrong. The Goddess Bia is the goddess of 'force' instead of Choas. Also, I know your option was for Greek Mythology; but I wasn't sure if mine would count or not since I created mine...the weaver. However, thank you for pointing that out; I'm glad you did or it might have gone unnoticed!
Good luck judging your contest.
Amanda
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This one didn't really grab me. Now before you go all mad at all, I think your writing style is great and it does look like it can get a lot of reviews. Because it doesn't grab me, I don't think it means that its a horrible story. Just wanting to make sure you didn't think I hated it and all.
Thank you though for entering this into my contest.
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No worries, I'm not mad. Haha, you can't please everyone...but you can try! Thank you for reading my story none-the-less and good luck with your contest.
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I seriously love this. Orphan of chaos... how did you come up with that idea? It's so interesting. I love how she despises demons, but doesn't hate Julian. I also think that you could become a published author. The details were so vivid i could literally see it playing out before me. excellent job.
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I'm glad that you enjoyed my story! Thank you for reading and commenting; it is much appreciated. Really? You think that I could become a published author? Awesome! lol I want to do that one day, but its a lot of work.
Hmm, as for coming up with this idea....this was actually a contest entry. The judge of that contest had only picture options for their topics, and I was skeptical at first, but once I seen the picture I used for this story the idea just came to me. The link to the picture is in my Author Notes if you wanted to see it. To me, the picture looked like two different time periods...or worlds (night and day) colliding, and it all just came together from there.
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GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT WAS SOO GOOD I THINK YOU ARE THE BEST I LOVED IT PLEASE WRITE SOME MORE PLEASE IT WAS SOOOOOOOO GOOD
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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XD Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it! Hmmm, I was considering making Alirah and Julian's story into a series, but I haven't had any ideas for another short story involving these two just yet. I'll be sure to let you know if or when I write a second chapter.
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i like it but i have heard it before
Its a great story great flow of whats happing, but its to familar of a idea. There is a book called the Lightning Theif. It has Demigods (called half bloods in the book). But the romance part of it has a nice twist. heres what you should do. keep the plot of the story. but change from a demi god to mabey like a expeirment gone wrong just think about it ok. but keep all the descriptive words in their. thats what kept me in the book the most.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 2.
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Really? Well darn! I haven't read anything about demigods myself, but I definitely don't doubt that there are stories about them. lol The weaver part, I invented; at least I hope no one else has thought of that. Anyways, thank you for reading and commenting. I will have to take a look at the book you mentioned above. Also, thank you for the suggestion. I will consider any changes that I could make to give the story even more uniqueness. I will be sure to comment on one of your stories very soon, I always return the favor. lol
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WOW, nice writing, it was impeccable, your a great writer >smiles<
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Thank you very much for the lovely comment! I appreciate it. I'm also glad that you liked my story.
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wow you're a very good descriptive writer
your details bring much more attetion to the
smaller things and make it more enjoyable
congrats this is amazing good luck,
oh and just watch out for spelling and
grammer errors i spotted a few
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Thank you for the wonderful comment. Yes, I do know I have errors that need fixing; I shall have to devote some time for that later. XD Anyways, thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
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Very long and well standed out. You added many detail and fantasy. (No way would I stand being in a river with a bunch of blood) Alirah is an astounding character. Very very nicely created! Keep up the good work!
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I was never much into romance but i read with out bias. For its genres it was well written and very well developed in it's story. And dont take this as a negitive cause it's not but it's nice to read someones work that seems to be on the same skill level as mine. It was romance but it wasnt too ooey gooey... it seemed real and not jazzed up
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I'm glad that you liked it. And no I did not take it as a negative cause. Being on the same skill level is a plus, because we can compare our work better.
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This is the second time I have recognized a story I haven't commented on until know.
She would not go berserker- I think you mean berserk with out the er.
This was really good. Not to mushy lovey kind of fel to it. i really enjoyed it great job. This feels like it could be long though, or a second part at least. But you ended it well.
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Thank you for reading and commenting! Yes, you are right. I meant berserk without the added er. I'm glad that you enjoyed my story.
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This isn't normally what I read but I did enjoy this. Nice job here. Good luck.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. Good luck with the contest!
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I love it!
This was very imaginative and beautiful! Very artistic! I really enjoyed it even though I usually don't like these kind of stories. You are a fantastic writer! -
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Thank you for reading and commenting. yay! I'm glad that I could entertain you even with a genre of writing that you do not prefer. I love getting comments like yours.
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really good! AMAZING -would be a better word. Sorry for not commenting quicker, i've been ill.
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No worries, a comment is always appreciated whether it is late or on time. Thank you for reading my story. I am so pleased that you enjoyed it. Hope you feel better, and good luck with your contest.
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Wonderful! Great Visuals and descriptive details,I loved every last bit of it. The weavers part was very interesting and something not seen very often, great job stiring way from hub drumness. Thank you for entering my contest and Good Luck!
-Grim -
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Thank you for the comment. It pleases me that you enjoyed my story. The weavers part took a bit of thinking lol but in the end I was able to pull it off some what. Good luck with your contest.
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I really loved this story
I thought this was an amazing story, and I loved your use of chaos, I thought that was what really made the story so unique. It was fantasy mixed with a little bit of horror indeed. I also thought it was very poignant that the 'tear' (I don't know if you intended this or not) immediately made you think of the ozone hole above the melting icecaps.
Your use of language was lovely, and the story flowed really well. The only thing I would suggest changing a little is perhaps making the change between tenses and her memories more evident, as sometimes it was hard to follow.
Overall, I thought it was a great story, and I really enjoyed it-really! Well done and good luck in the contest
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Thank you so much for the award. I am happy that you enjoyed reading my story. I didn't actually have the idea about the icecaps in mind when I wrote my story, but I can see the similarities. Also, thank you for pointing out that I need to fix my tenses. I have been meaning to double check all of my work for those little errors, this just brings the need to the forefront. Again, thank you for the award. I enjoyed your contest very much so, and the lovely comment.
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It was pretty and nice but I just didn't dive into it ya know? sorry
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Well, ya can't please everyone. lol Thank you for taking a look at my story anyways. Good luck with the contest.
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Hello. This is a really good story. It pulled me in immediately. Thanks for writing and entering and I'll be judging Saturday so good luck.
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Awesome, good luck with judging the contest and your welcome. I'm glad that you liked it.
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Just don't keep changing your tenses.
It was very, very subtly erotic. I like that. It makes it less vulgar, yet really, well, powerful. (I love talking like this, please forgive me). I don't think I understood it as much as I should have-why was she an orphan?
Best of luck in the contest.
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haha that is okay, I myself have a certain way that I like to talk. I'm glad that you liked it, and thank you for commenting. I explained why she was an orphan within the flashback. Her race was killed off during an attempt to fix a gigantic tear; demons killed them. Then after she ended up being the only one left in existence. lol
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hi. i need you to add in the information i requested. i'll give you a comment on the story the day that i judge, so if you want to change anything, you have time.
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woow this is great! i rely enjoyed it! it just has such a nice flow. keep up the great work! its obvious how much time and effort you put into it. keep up the great work! ^^ <3
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I really enjoyed this! It was very descriptive and imaginative. It flowed nicely, and the pacing was just great. I feel honored to have read this, and have it in my contest. Good luck! :-)
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Thank you for starting a contest in the first place, and for granting my story a H.M. I am deeply pleased that you enjoyed my story. Good luck with other contests that you may create in the future, for I shall enter if I am lucky enough. lol
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I really liked this! You have a very vivid imagination. Your writing is quite descriptive, almost poeticly so, in some places. I love that. The plot rolled along nicely, and you left me wanting to know more at the end of the story. What happends next for Alirah?
I noticed a few little typos:
P 10 In effect, the divide between the human world and the underworld has been torn.
-- I (think) that this should read as 'had been torn' to maintain consistency with the tenses. I could be wrong.
P 16 As twilight waned into daylight, the field of Lily-Of-The-Valleys rhythmically swayed in the wind as one-- like a sea of white feathers. Their petals were snow white and shaped like bells. They shook perilously on their thin brown stalks as another gust swirled through their depths and encircled her. The sweet smell of honey abraided her nose.
-- There is absolutely nothing wrong with this paragraph...I just really liked this. The description was wonderful.
P 17 The sky was a striking green blue dissolving into fierce shades of: pink; yellow; and purple.
-- This is just a matter of style...but I find, in this instance, that the colon is a bit distracting. I'm not great with punctuation, but I think you could just write it as '--into fierce shades of pink, yellow, and purple.' Again, this is totally a matter of taste. Feel free to ignore me.
P 18. It looked like a ugly sore; as if the sky had been punctured.
-- It should read: It looked like an ugly sore. Not 'a'
P 19 Already the worlds were joining. Deep jagged cracks were forming around the whole as if something beat on it from the other side. The crude gap was steadily widening and spewing putrid fumes into this world. Little black tentacles traveled along the edges latching on like leaches. She could feel the Earth's life draining.
-- Once again, nothing wrong--I just really liked this.
P 29 Her clothes were torn in places and looked to large for her body.
-- Should be 'too' not to.
P 49 She had been to late to save the child, but she could still save her soul from the demon's grasp.
-- same here...should be 'too'.
P 50 She wasn't her mother's daughter for noting.
-- should be 'nothing'.
P 82 She whimpered softly as Julian caught her before she fell. The heat from his body immediately seeping into her.
-- I think that there should be a comma between these two sentences instead of a period. I could be wrong.
Aside from these petty little criticisms, this was really well done. You really do have a good imagination, and I TRULY love the poetic feel to some of your descriptive paragraphs...that's something sorely lacking in my writing. I envy your ability.
Great Work!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Wow! Comments like yours must be what writers hope to see on every story they create.
Thank you for the very thorough, lengthy, descriptive, and most importantly helpful comment. I'm extremely pleased that you enjoyed reading my story-- futher more actually liked it! This was a bit of a challenge for me because I had to create this story from a picture. lol
Anyways, Thank you again for taking time to read and comment on my story. I deeply appreciate it.
The corrections that you listed above will be very helpful, and I will do my best to correct my tense or grammar mistakes when I find the time.
As for the little poetic parts in my stories, I can't seem to be able to break away from that. lol
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