The Hunt For The Rightful Ones

A young vampire one of few who were left was rummaging through the old clan rooms of the old vampires. Was trying to find items to which he could use to defend him self from the hunt that was going on in the torturous world outside. While he was looking he came across a bit of parchment that looked like it was from an old book of some sort. When he turned it over he saw writing that looked old in its written style and he began to read it. 1

Diary entry2

The date is the 2 of January 2000 we are being hunted down our lives on the line because of one foolish youngster who couldn't control his craving. They young vampire went hunting when all of the humans were gathered in one place celebrating the dawn of a new year. He decided to attack one and try and drink there blood to rid him self of his hunger for a while. He went stalking and when he got his prey the female screamed out rape and it got the attention of the local police. The police shot him, in the legs and the arms, but they couldn't understand why he didn't die but they knew that his muscles would be useless. The police called for a van to pick the youngster up and take him away. When the human scientists found out about him they decided to arrange for him to be moved to one of there labs to be studied. To find out what he is and how come he wasn't killed by the gun fire that he took. When they got him to the lab they chained him to a table in case some how the young vampire got away, when they had chained the youngster down they took x-rays of the youngster to see if the bone structure was the same which they saw no difference. When it came to the structure of the jaw though they saw that the jaw was larger, more powerful and that it could open wider than a humans. It was when they saw the teeth that they knew what he were that he was a vampire. They thought we were only stories that were made to frighten them but they were wrong we existed and they were scared of us and what do you do with things that scare you? You kill them so that is what they did.3

When the young vampire finished reading he stood there frozen in shock at how stupid one of his race was, and how they nearly got the whole of his race killed. The young vampire then folded up the piece of parchment and put it in his trousers, and then started towards the exit of the house until he heard noises coming towards him. He quickly ran to the back of the room where there was a balcony. The balcony was his only escape so he started to climb down the wall. 4

When he was half the way down a human came to the balcony and looked around he started to walk away when he heard a noise from below him. He looked down from the balcony and saw the young vampire climbing down. The human pulled out a radio from his clothing and shouted in to it, "We have one he's climbing down the wall all units come to the top floor balcony now." As soon as that order was given human after human came to the balcony. Each human carried a gun and aimed for the young vampire as soon as they got the young vampire, in there sites they fired. When the humans started firing at him he pushed him self off the wall, and he fell to the floor where they couldn't see him in the tall grass. The human who gave the order for all units to come to the balcony shouted, "Get down there and find that vampire on the double. If he was hit there should be a trail of blood from where the bullets hit him so go get him now." The soldiers all disappeared from the balcony.5

When the young vampire saw all of the soldiers leave the balcony he made a break for it. He ran in to the shadows ignoring the warm trickle that was running down his leg. When the young vampire reached a bunch of large trees he looked at his leg, and saw that a few bullets made deep cuts as they went past his leg. He pulled out three handkerchiefs and tied them round his leg to stop the bleeding. The young vampire continued on not wanting to be caught he headed forward to where the trees were thickening. He ran in between the trees heading for the smaller gaps in between each where it would make it difficult for anyone following him to get through. 6

The young vampire kept going for about an hour when he came to clearing and a voice shouted “halt you are surrounded stop and bare your teeth." The young vampire stopped and bared his teeth revealing his fangs and hissed "are you human or are you vampire.” Out of the shadows came a voice that was filled with pain, grief and hatred and it said “we are vampires what clan do you belong to.” The young vampire stood still thinking after a few minuets he responds “I belong to no clan and wish to belong to none till a time when all the clans become one, putting all of there differences a side and uniting to save our race.” There was a sudden movement in the darkness and beside him stood a male vampire and he said “you shall come with me to the clan house Drakkoden to see Lord Drakkoden.” Suddenly with the same swift movement as he appeared he knocked the young vampire out and then disappeared in to the darkness. 7

When the young vampire awoke he found himself in a dark room furnished in blood red material and dark wood that almost looked black, the walls were black with red designs on them. He got up and saw that he was on a bed that also furnished with the blood red material. The young vampire got off the bed and looked around looking for a door but couldn’t see one he went to that had a fire place built in to it and looked up the chimney looking for an escape, when suddenly a door way appeared on the wall across from where he was standing and the man who was in the clearing walked in. The young vampire bared his fangs in anger and hissed “why did you knock me out I would have came quietly.” The man walked through the door way and to the side and a girl walked in and said “I am Raven the daughter of Lord Drakkoden and I am sorry I gave him the order to bring you like that, we had to protect the where about of this clan house please forgive me.” The young vampire went down on one knee and bowed his head in respect and said “You need not apologise my Lady I understand.” Raven looked at the young vampire and giggled and said “why are you calling me your Lady? I do have a name you know and you are not one of this clan so you do not have to use the same formalities.” The young vampire got up feeling very embarrassed about his mistake and said “I am sorry my L....Raven I am not accustom to how the clans behave, I have been on my own for as long as I can remember and I usually only go to a clan when I have goods to trade and sell.” Raven looked at him and Replied “Yes I know there are a lot of vampires now that believe that they are safer on there own but that is not the way any more, I heard from Creel, while pointing to her side, that in the clearing where they found you that you said you will belong to no clan till they are united as one to save our race.” The young vampire looked first at raven then to the man named Creel and then back to Raven and said “Yes yes I did say that.” Then Raven turned round and started towards the door and then turned and looked at the young vampire and said “one more thing what is your name?” The young vampire tipped his face to the ground and said “my name is..... Varel Drakkoli” the young vampire turned around and walked back to the bed and laid down. Raven and Creel left the room closing the Door and leaving Varel on his own.8

Varel feel in to an uneasy sleep tossing and turning as flash backs of things that happened before his time that where passed to him through his bloodline. One memory that was always vivid when he was reminded of his blood line is that of the first attack made by the humans. The attack was made before he was alive but he remembers it as if he was there the sounds of the screams from human and vampire alike, the sound of gun fire and the smell, the smell of blood it filled every hall every path as human and vampires died the whole of the Drakkoli line except his mother and father the Lord and Lady survived but rather than go to another clan house they decided it would be safer to live out where they could keep moving keep ahead of the humans until one fateful night when Varel was younger his parents were killed when they went scavenging in there clan house.9

Varel jolted awake rubbed his eyes to rid him self of sleep but he also felt tears as well. Raven entered the room and said “Varel come with me I have a meal prepared for you please follow” Varel rubbed away the tears and got up and started towards the door and said “lead the way Raven” filled with sadness. Raven turned and headed out of the door and Varel followed Raven lead the way to a room that was decorated in the same style and colours as the one he was in. The room contained a large table that had chairs all along it on the table next to each other where 2 bowls with a spoon beside it. Raven walked up to on and sat in front of one bowls and picked up the spoon and dipped it in to the bowl and brought it up to her lips. She drank the contents of the spoon she turned her head and said “come on Varel come sit down you must be hungry come and enjoy.” Varel walked over to the chair and sat down and looked at the contents of the bowl. The bowl was filled to the brim with blood his tongue came out from in between his lips and wetted his lips. He picked up the spoon dipped it in the blood and brought it up to his lips he brought the blood in to his mouth but as soon as the blood touched his tongue he felt sick he spat it out. Raven was watching his reaction and was shocked when he spat out the blood and she said “what is wrong don’t you drink blood?” Varel got up out of his seat and said “yes I do but like all Drakkoli I can’t consume human blood, only the blood of animals because it is the only way we will ever come to live in peace with the humans.” He turned round and walked away and walked back to the room where he was staying.10

When Varel got back to his room he went and sat down in one of the chairs that the room contained. The chair was a Georgian style chair which like the rest of the room was made from a dark wood and the fabric on it was blood red. Varel sat down and started to think of why he was brought here and for what reasons because he no longer had any power among the vampire world. Varel started to get out of the chair when the door opened and a tall pale man with picth black hair and sharpe features walked in. Varel stood in front of the chair that he had just got out of and said " who are you and what do you want?" The man walked forward and approached Varel and got down on one knee and said "I am Lord Drakkoden welcome to my house everything that is mine is your's Varel head of clan Drakkoli." Varel stepped back in shock and sadness and said "there is no clan Drakkoli any longer they were all killed and a clan is made up of many not one so dont kneel before me i should be the one kneeling before you." With that comment Varel got down on one knee and bowing his head. Lord Drakkoden got up but at the same time got hold of Varels arm and said "this proves it that you are Varel of clan Drakkoli I have had people looking out for you parents, and you since that fateful night."11

Varel turned away and said "Your people would never have found me because i didn't want to be found the clan Drakkoli will not live on till there is peace between us and the humans." Lord Drakkoden turned and hid his face from Varel and said "it isn't just you not wanting us to find you it is also that when ever we send out a party to look for you " lord Drakkoden paused and took a deep breath as if what he has to say shouldn't be said "they were all intercepted by human hunting parties as if they knew exactly where to find them." Varel's face suddenly grabbed the shoulder of Lord Drakkoden and spun him round and said "are you saying that another clan is betraying our race." Lord Drakkoden wore a face of sadness when he replied " yes that is exactly what i am saying. This also has something to do with the attack on your clan too. We found evidence that suggests that the clan was not discovered by the humans but instead they were told the exact location." Varel stepped back his face tarnished with anger and saddness. Varel stood there silent for ten minuets when he said "how do you know this what evidence do you have" his voice filled with anger as he spoke. Lord Drakkoden replied "we found tracks after the humans left that lead straight too your clans house there were no other tracks that would be left if they were searching for your clan so we came to the conclusion that the clans location was given away by someone else." 12

Varel spun on his heels and walked away and said "where is your sparring ring" Lord Drakkoden turned around to face Varel's direction and said "Raven will take you there" Raven came round the corner and said "follow me Varel i will take you to the sparring ring maybe we could spar together" she grins at Varel and then walks onward. Varel follows here till they come to a large opened out room with a large ring in the middle. Varel wals in to the middle of the ring and throughs his jacket on to the floor and reveals to long slits along the side of each wrist. Varel closes his eyes and slowly a blade sides from each wrist. Raven stares at Varel her grin suddenly changes to a smile that reaches from ear to ear. she walks in to the ring holing two short swords and says "this will be fun and good practise too" Raven leaps in to the air and slashed downward at Varel. Varel blocks the slash and steps back preparing for another incomming attack. Raven launches forward stabing with one sword and then slashing at Varels midsection with the second one. Varel saw his chance and guided the swords to the side and then rushed forward bringing his blade and inch away from her throat. Raven looks at Varel winks and then pouts and says " over so quickly good thing i was just going easy on you, lets go again." Raven leaps back and takes on a fighting stance and the rushes Varel slahing at him her blades just a blur. Varel uses his blades to block Ravens attacks. Raven jumps back and rushes in with an attack and while she attacks Varel she quickly plants a kiss on to his lips and Varel hesitates and Raven use this and puts a short sword to his throat and then one over his heart. Raven grins and says "never get distracted or things could go wrong." Raven removes her blades and she walks to the edge of the ring and looks back at Varel standing in the middle of the ring.Varel lifts his head and says "do you remember what was planned for us when we were younger." Raven walks up to him and looks at him and says " yes i remember that we were going to be wed on this exact year and i wanted it and i know you did too." Raven places her hand on his face and looks him in his eyes and she says " my feelings for you have never changed and will never change." Raven leans in and kiss him again and then walks back to the edge and then looks over her shoulder and says " i will tell my father that the marriage is still on but we will wait till we have united humans and vampires."

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Pdstephens gold member
    August 27

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    I agree with the other comments about grammar and editing. And I did like the story but I would have preferred more internal character development, but that is just my personal preference.


  • iCats gold member
    August 27

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    Hey Roddy

    Paragraph one you used the word youngester alot which confed me and made me think i was reading the same line over.

    youngster got away, when they had chained the youngster down they took x-rays of the youngster '

    With another read through and a few changes i think this could be really good.

    Staci x


  • dark-fantasies
    August 25
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    Oops, forgot to applaud

    beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 4.

  • dark-fantasies
    August 25

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    One advice for you... EDIT your stories!!! Because aside from the grammar mistakes this was really good. I know, I'm a total grammar Nazi and I can't stand stories that haven't been edited almost to perfection...

    Your characters were interesting, and your main character Varel comes across very believably and was portrayed very well. I like the whole vampire vs humans war and love the fact that this seems to be set in the very distant future and the vampires are using radios and technology; it reminds me of the movie Underworld (my favourite by the way ). Also, I love the bit about the spoon in the bowls of blood - very effective imagery there.

    All in all, this was a good piece of writing. Just remember to use better grammar and EDIT your stories in the future please

    beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 4.


  • ToxicBlood
    February 11

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    Pretty cool. Fair description, which is good. There were some places that need more punctuation, like commas or period, but all in all it was fairly good.


  • Renoshia
    January 30

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    I usually only got to a clan when I have goods to trade and sell.”

    got should be go,

    Varel feel in to an uneasy sleep tossing and turning

    feel should be fell,

    the sound of gun fire and the smell the smell of blood it

    one of the two "the smell" should be deleted,

    Raven lead the way to a room

    lead should be leading and possibly a comma after Raven

    decorated in the same style and colours as the one he was in

    Colours should be colors,

    Varel of clan Drakkoli I have had people looking out for you parents, and you since tht fateful night."

    the first you should be your and tht should be that

    other that those simple spelling mistakes this story is realy good ... I like it and would love to read more on it... well good luck on your story ^_^

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