The Beach

I slowly walked across the beach, remembering her pretty face, almost as pretty as the sunset.1

Her dark chocolate eyes and honey blonde hair seemed perfect to me.2

The sand contoured to my feet as I walked, some getting caught between my toes.3

The last rays of the sun shone on my already tanned body, and the salt smelled in the air. I was beginning to feel nausious.4

Palm trees lined the coast, full of their huge leaves that reminded me of ancient Kings and Queens. I thought about taking one down and waving it at myself as a slave would have done for his master, but I decided against it.5

The last light penetrated above the horizon, and then the darkness fell rapidly. It was as if a blanket had just been thrown over Earth. 6

The breeze made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, and it shivered down my spine and through my whole body.7

I decided it was time to go in. The weather would decline soon, and the beach would get unbelievably cold.

Author notes

I wrote this for a contest!

A contest entry

Does it make you feel like you are on the beach?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • CallMeWhenUrRich
    November 18
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    An interesting write on describing the beach. I especially liked the lines on P6, especially the part about the blanket being thrown over earth. I thought it was a rather creative description. However, I simply couldn't get the beach.
    It felt like you were only touching on the surface of what you're trying to describe, and I think you could do better. Here are some errors and suggestions:

    P4-nauseous, not nausious

    P6-I don't think it's very neccesary to put 'the' darkness. Maybe you could minus 'the'

    Other than that, it was a fine try. You could add to the descriptions, but overall it was enjoyable.


  • Mary O
    November 11
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Picturesque. I lived on the beach for 40 years. You've only brushed upon the total experience leaving wanting more. Yet, I have to say well done even at a glimps.


  • The Tmnts Sister
    January 4
    Edit | Reply
    This was so discripted, i could almost see her!


  • flowerbee1234
    January 4

    Edit | Reply

    Yeah!

    It does make me feel like I am on the beach, staring at someone else as I pass them. Great job on this, and good luck in the contest!