A Fleeting Moment Captured On Paper

There she sits
With a book on her lap,
A hand on her slightly curved belly.1

Her brown hair falls
Down to her shoulders
In fascinating swirls and curls.2

The light from the open window
Illuminates her beauty
And I gaze at her innocent face
And feel fulfilled.3

Her eyes look up
Meet mine, and she smiles softly
In that little moment,
Where two lovers acknowledge each other
Without words.4

Her lips curve,
Lending a dimple to her cheek.
Her dark eyes shot through with flecks of grey
Dance merrily above her aquiline nose.5

How lucky am I,
I wonder as I smile at her
As the very essence of love
Permeates the room
And lights up our hearts.

Author notes

A true-to-life sentiment.

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 20 of 20
  • Marta gold member
    May 26
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    That was sweet and touching,truly.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • paperparadox
    March 6

    Edit | Reply

    Awww...how sweet!

    Good on you for penning such an endearing and honestly sweet poem about your wife. I hope you gave it to her!

    That's really lovely, and will make a beautiful keepsake for her ~ and for your children to treasure in years to come.

  • lovetoloveyou
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    That's so beautiful! Romantic and sweet- I really did like it, even though I'm not one for poems. Good job!

    >.< S-S


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    January 9

    Edit | Reply
    Almost forgot to mention - you, my friend, have been viciously and violently hO.Odwinked! Muahahahahahaha... *snickers evilly and runs away*


    • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ
      January 9
      Edit | Reply
      - Huh, lol -- thanks for the read and applause anywho.

      *throws a random firecracker after Irish's fleeing heels ...*

  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    January 9
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is sweeter than an Olympic size pool filled with honey! It's so warm and fuzzy and lovey - I'll bet Sera loved it. I like that the language is simple and still poetic, that you don't try to cloak this kind of vibrant love in unnecessary metaphors. It speaks for itself, loudly and clearly, and is poetry without the need for poetics.


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    January 7

    Edit | Reply

    *claps*

    I feel as if I've lost the "skill" to write poems, but reading ones like this - I'm happy at there's at least one person who can write and have emotions jump out from words on the screen.

    I don't know why, but when I read this (twice over, before writing this comment), I imagined a man lovingly watching his beloved, a pregnant woman, even as she does something as simple as reading a book. While I've never been pregnant, I do know and I AM fascinated by their presence, especially since I know most of the time, it's a union of love and flesh that made the baby in her womb come alive...

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us and congrats to the silver ^_^ well deserved


  • Vampiric souls
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    aawwww that is really really cute piece. Thanks for entering it.... its very sweet... Great Job....


  • LittleMissChrissie
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    awwwww,,

    my brother's in LURVE. **insert childish poem about trees and k-i-s-s-i-n-g here**

    ahahaahahah.

    C


  • welshsparky77
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent, well visualised and nicely written

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    DAWWWWWWWWW.
    I have nothing else that might be helpful to say.
    But DAWWWWWWW!


  • Lady Eventide Greeters member
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    In that little moment,
    Where two lovers acknowledge each other
    Without words.

    I really liked this part! It really is a beautiful piece of poetry. It's good to read some on SW every now and then. Congrats on silver.

    Makes me sigh with pleasure, it does.


  • tree4yew
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    stanzas 1, 2, 3, and five are great because they show and don't tell. 4 and 5 could be rewritten to show more.
    I like the poem. I also feel there could be added a more unique quality to it. More detailed unique description would be a fitting addition/revision to this poem. What is unique about these two characters? How is their love different/special?
    I enjoyed what you had to say here. Definitely keep writing!


  • Hatshepsut gold member
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful piece of poetry. Beautiful language that evokes powerful images and feelings. It's really amazing to read the heart-felt emotion expressed in the poem. Great work!


  • Valkyrie silver member
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    Pregnant women are hot! No really, all that extra blood volume...turn on that fan! I've seen my husband staring at me for no apparent reason when I was carrying one of his children...it's a mysterious effect, and I think it's magically wonderful. I enjoyed reading that moment from your perspective; it gives me an insight that I didn't have before, and I really felt the emotion and strength of that one moment, here in your poem. Thank you for sharing; I'm glad to hear you have experienced this great moment in your life.


  • dancindream
    January 4
    Edit | Reply
    awwww this is an extremely sweet poem, and i can tell it comes from the heart.
    i loved the rhythm you had going with this poem, i mean im no fantastic judge on poetry, but i thought it was lovely. i could picture the scene clearly, and ecause you had portayed the emotions so well, i could almost relate. great job!
    xoxo


  • Xx-Yolanda-xX
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    love is in the air!!!
    i can really feel how you love her.
    this is really nice.
    thanks for sharing!!


  • trekkergirl
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    I love this one because you are describing how you feel towards the person that you love. A romantic love true. Thanks for sharing this one and thanks for entering it into this contest.

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