The next morning, Mikayla awoke to the sound of her alarm clock. Groaning, she rolled over in her bed and looked at the time. It was seven a.m.1
Slowly, she got out of bed and got dressed. Then she ran downstairs to have breakfast. Her mother was already in the kitchen making eggs and bacon. Her father was sitting in a chair looking down at the newspaper that was on the table.2
"Hey," Mikayla said as she sat down at the table.3
"Here you go," her mother said as she put a plate of two eggs and two pieces of bacon in front of Mikayla.4
Mikayla cut the egg into little pieces and took a bite.5
"Mmmmmmmm!" she grunted as she chewed. It was nice to finally have REAL food and not FAST food.6
"Where's your brother?" asked Mikayla's father. She shrugged with her mouth full of eggs and bacon.7
"Joseph, get down here!" her father yelled, "You're going to miss breakfast!"8
There was a shout and loud thud from above and a minute later, Joe groggily walked into the room.9
Mikayla swallowed her mouthful of food and said, "Wow, what happened to you? You look like you just rolled out of bed."10
"That's because I did," he said turning to his father, "Do you mind being a little quieter next time? Ow." He rubbed his arm as his mother put a plate in front of him.11
"Now hurry up and eat," their mother said, "It's your first day at this new school and I don't want you two to be late."12
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"Bye, kids!" called their mother as Mikayla and Joe walked toward their new school.14
"Well, good luck, little sis," Joe said as he headed off to his section of the school.15
"Good luck," she replied looking around at all of the students. They were all strangers to her, and she knew they felt the same way about her. She just hoped that some of them would accept her as a friend.16
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Mikayla went through her morning classes without too much trouble. A few kids stared at her like she was crazy or something. Other than that, though, she wasn't bothered much.18
Now it was time for lunch and as Mikayla sat down at an empty table, a girl sitting at another table filled with kids called her over. They were all smiling at her nicely.19
Relieved, she walked over and sat next to them.20
By the end of lunch, Mikayla had six new friends and a great new first-day-of-school-went-terrific story to tell Adrian.21
After that, the rest of the day went by in a blur. Before she knew it, Mikayla and Joe were picked up by their mother and were soon at home.22
Mikayla ran inside and put her backpack on the living room couch. As Joe and their mother walked in, Mikayla said, "I'm going outside."23
"Okay, honey," her mother replied.24
Mikayla hurried down the sidewalk and rushed over to Adrian's house. As she approached, she saw Dan, who was sleeping by the fence. Adrian came out of the house and greeted Mikayla.25
"Hey," they said in unison. Immediately, Mikayla told Adrian about how great her first day of school went.26
"Wow, that's amazing," he said as she finished. "I don't know anybody that would make friends as easily as you do."27
Mikayla smiled, "I guess I'm just a natural."28
They sat in the grass and talked for a long time after that until Mikayla looked at her wris*bunny*ch and said, "Oh, wow. I have to go. It's dinnertime."29
"Okay."30
Mikayla waved goodbye as she rushed inside her house. She was just in time for dinner.31
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Lying in her bed, Mikayla stared up at the ceiling. For once, the dog was not barking, but Mikayla could not get to sleep. It was an hour later when she finally managed to.33
Somewhere in the middle of the night, very loud barking woke her up. Angrily, Mikayla rolled out of bed and went to the window. She was shocked to see that it was closed.34
Confused, she just crawled back into her bed. But she did not sleep, at all that night. The barking continued without silence.35
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The next morning, Mikayla was so exhausted that she could barely get up when her alarm went off. When she finally did get up, get dressed, and go downstairs, she saw her mother and father in the kitchen.37
"Jeez, you look terrible," her father said, "What, you couldn't sleep?"38
"No, I couldn't," she replied, "The neighbors' dog kept me up."39
"Neighbors?" her father said with a weird look on his face, "We don't have any neighbors, honey. That house has been empty for years."
Freaky, huh?
Comments
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This definitely has potential, but there are a few things that kind of bugged me. For instance, the story seems like a list of activities ("Then she woke up! Then she went to school! Then she ate some food. Then she talked to her friends. After that, she went home.." etc).
You should add more of the main character's thoughts to help develope her personality and make the story more interesting. A great way to do this, as I've seen, is to have your character do basically nothing for a chapter or two and just have them think (such as waiting for a bus, having a hard time falling asleep, or observing the other kids at school).
You should also try to be a little more descriptive to help establish a setting (what does her room look like? Is it cold outside? Does she like the way she looks? What are her classmates/teachers/classrooms like? What other sights/sounds/smells can she observe?). That, again, goes along with the "list of activities" thing. If there's more description in a story, it paints a picture the reader can imagine rather than telling the reader what happened (My English teacher always used to say, "Show me, don't tell me"). However, if you go over the top on description, the story becomes very hard to read and a littel boring, so try not to do that.
So, basically, I can see that this is a very creative and rather creepy story that's been through a lot more thought than most stories I've read on this site. However, there are a few flaws, which can be easily fixed.
Also, I liked how you actually understood how to use correct grammar and punctuation! Good Job!
!!!!!
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Definitely freaky and it looks like you have the beginnings of a really good ghost story if you wanted to expand it. It would be interesting to see the origin of the barking ghost, and why it stays.
It is good as it is though. I kinda fell off the cliffhanger, but loved it very much. It definitely kept me curious all the way through.

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FREAKY!!!
uhh. COOLIO

