Loanda Come Back

Loanda sate on her porch swing rocking back and forth staring off into the distance… Thinking, thinking of things a thirteen year old should never have to think about… She was thinking about how it would feel if she lost her mind. Had she already? Was she already crazy? No she could still feel herself, but she felt herself differently. She was no longer happy, she was sad and stressed fighting the urge to scream, to jump up in the middle of class and flip out… That she considered losing her mind, and she was losing her ability to fight that urge. 1

The door creaked, her older brother Justin came out. Loanda realized exactly what she had missed. “She yelled at you again didn’t she,” Loanda asked sounding far off; she continued to stare off in to nowhere… Off into what she called “crazy land”. 2

“Yeah, you know she did… Wait, didn’t you hear her?”3

“I wasn’t paying attention,” Loanda whispered.4

“Loanda, are you ok? You seem kind of far off lately?”5

“How come you care how I am, but you don’t care that you’re ruining mom and dad’s love for you?”6

“I don’t love them like I love you Lon,” Justin said quietly sitting down next to Loanda. 7

“I love when you call me that you know.”8

“I figured,” Justin smiled. “Come here.” Justin pulled Loanda over by him she rested her head on his shoulder.9

“Justin?”10

“Yeah, Lon?”11

“When people go crazy… Where do they go crazy?”12

“I don’t know Lon; I guess they go to a far off land. It’s far away from sane people. Maybe it’s so beautiful that it captures in people and makes them one of its own. They could I suppose fight to get out but, they may not want to when there in…”13

“Or maybe they just get tired of fighting,” Loanda whispered.14

“Why, do you think someone here’s loosing there mind?”15

“I do Justin, and I’m so afraid… I don’t want to go crazy,” Loanda whipped the tears quickly away. The loose disobedient tears taking a quick stroll down her cheek. 16

“Oh Loanda, you’re not going crazy, how about this I won’t let you go crazy. I promise with all my heart,” Justin declared placing his hand on his heart.17

“I don’t think you could stop me Justin… I really don’t and that’s what scares me most. You’ve always been there to help, but Justin this I have to fight on my own… And I think I’m losing…” Justin sighed pulling Loanda even closer to his side.18

“Just hold on a little longer Lon…”19

“Loanda are you up already,” her mother’s crackly voice called through the door. Loanda sate in a chair, staring out the window at the sun playing peek-a-boo behind some clouds shaped like elephants. “Loanda, hey Loanda, hello! Earth to Loanda. Are you losing your mind or something?” Loanda’s mother strolled up to Loanda and placed her hand on Loanda’s forehead. “Not running a fever…” 20

“Where’s Justin,” she asked mindlessly. She supposed she had to get use to not using her mind. She wouldn’t have it for much longer.21

“Oh, I don’t know. He must have left this morning… Damn boy never can seem to stay out of trouble… Well I just came in to tell you to make sure all the windows are closed if it rains… I’ll be back later bye Loanda.” Loanda continued to stare contently out the window ignoring her mother’s exit as much as her entrance22

“I’m losing my mind,” Loanda whispered.23