Two-way Monologues.

(I don't have a split personality, but I talk to myself as if I were different characters. These are real discussions >_> Don't judge me.)1

Damien speaking:  
Why, what was that Mr. Johnson? You say you want me to let you go? I couldn't go and do that..it would be such a mess on my hands to have you run and babble to the cops. Quite frankly, there's only one solution to this predicament. Oh now, don't fret. The sobbing does make you look absolutely dreadful..pathetic for a man of your stature. Is that a problem, Mr. Johnson? You're not afraid of me, you say? Why..that's quite a pity. We'll have to fix that, won't we? You see, fear is not about scary men in costumes jumping at you with rubber knifes. No, it's much more..deeper than that. Men either are brave, or they are cowards. It's your choice, really. And right now I see you're leaning towards the 'I'm so scared I could piss my pants' type. Strange, though. You aren't begging me like I had hoped. I mean, dahling really. I would have thought your eyes would be all wide and your face would go pale, and you'd be like, "Oh no. Please don't hurt me! Why are you doing this?! Oh woe is me, I'll do anything you want!" Blah blah blah, yatta yatta yatta, in that little whiny voice of yours. I mean seriously, who stuck a stick up your ass? Grow some balls. 2

Hannah:
Won't you join me for some coffee? Oh, you say you don't like coffee? Well..how about tea then? No, you only drink water? How..healthy that must be. You know I read an article about water and how the government actually contaminates the purified water so that we'll all turn into mindless zombies who follow a dictatorship of prada and bulimic models who wear quite ugly clothes to begin with. And don't get me started on their hair, oh god. And the makeup. Now, some people can pull off that wild look but hunny, for god's sake you look like a clown! And I mean, you've seen Queen Latifah. Now there's a beauty. She's all natural too. None of that 'starve yourself diet' shit. She knows how to work it. I just think men can't handle a woman's curves. You know how it is these days, all they want is a teeny stick that resembles the size of their manhood. Oh, you say you have to go somewhere? A business meeting? Oh, well I'll come with you. I'm free for the rest of the day anyways. Besides, I've always felt that I'm a strong and independent woman. I'm sure I could even help you. What's your field? Oh...fashion, ofcourse. Don't call me, I'll call you...not. Hypocrit.3

Tara:
So I was out with Jessica the other day and she ended up telling me about how she slept with Jacob, and I was like "No way!" And so I liked jumped on her and beat the crap out of her, you know pulling the hair and throwing the shoes and the whole nine yards. Like seriously, how could she do that to me? We're best friends and then she goes after my ex? Well I mean, he's technically not my ex anymore. I got drunk one time at this party so we fooled around and he told me how much he loved me and wanted me back. I mean, I haven't heard from him since. But that could just be because his phone died or something. Or maybe, there was a family emergency, you never know. I heard his mother has like..kidney stones or something. They're supposed to be like really deadly. Anyways, she's such a total skank. It's so over between us, I threw her friendship ring at her face while security was dragging me away. Oh yeah, I only got a $400 fine this time. My parents weren't too happy, they like yelled at me and stuff and I'm grounded for a week. It sucks majorly; so unfair. Oh wait, it's my bff Jessica on the other line, ttyl.4

Lola: *Singing*
I'm a-swinging in the garden, oh la la. Gonna get me some jalapenos, oh la la. Never liked jalapenos, just throw 'em at the cars 'till one of the windshields breaks, oh la la. Then I'm gonna run to my daddy and say, "Papa, won't you buy me a mockingbird?" Oh la la. Ain't never had a bird before, ain't never gonna, oh la la. Drank my daddy's wine and get happy, go down to the river and float on his boat and kiss the riverboat man on the cheek, oh la la. Got my sticks and stones and I'll play my games alone, oh la la. Never gonna buy me a mockingbird, never gonna get me a diamond ring, never gonna do a god damn thing. Oh la la.5