The Deals We Made (Chapter 5)

I saw him standing in the doorway and I sort of just stood there. There was a lump in my throat because I wanted to cry, but held back my tears. He had such an innocent look on his face. “I’m sorry,” He said sincerely. I could see it in his eyes he meant it. “Really Erica. I didn’t mean to lose my temper. I love you baby,” He said walking towards me. “You know that.” I fell into his arms and he held me. I rested my head on his chest and I started to cry. “Babe, you know you mean the world to me.” He lifted my head up and looked into my eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you tonight. It’s just that the thought of you with someone else kills me. If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t have done it you know.”1

“Mike, I swear to you. I didn’t ask him to come over.” I said. He didn’t say anything. He just put my head back on his chest and held me in his arms for a few minutes. 2

“C’mon. Let’s go to bed. We’ll talk more in the morning.” He said and we walked down to his room. We layed together in his bed and he held me secure. I felt so safe in his arms now. It was weird knowing that just a little while ago I feared being just 3 feet away from him. 3

I looked at the digital clock on the night stand next to his bed and the red glowing numbers said it was 3:30am. I couldn’t sleep. I just had a lot on my mind. I didn’t know who or what Mike believed. And I still didn’t understand exactly what we were even going to be doing for the weekend at his father’s place. I actually started getting scared again, but then I remember the look in his eyes earlier before we went to bed, and suddenly, I calmed down. I said it a million times before, and I’ll say it again. I loved Mike. And he loved me. The only reason we fought earlier was because he loved me, right? Right. And honestly, the whole thing really was my fault. If I never lied to Mike in the first place, I wouldn’t be in this predicament. I felt like I really let him down. I knew I hurt him. I was so stupid to have lied to him. I don’t know what I was thinking. At that point, with those thoughts in my mind, I started to cry. I tried to be quiet because I didn’t want to wake Mike up. But I guess he couldn’t sleep either because as soon as I sniffled, he rolled over and turned the light on.4

“What’s wrong?” he asked. I tried to dry my eyes, but the tears just kept flowing. I sat up and he hugged me. “Baby, don’t cry. Talk to me.” he said. “If it’s about what happened earlier, I told you I’m sorry. I love you hun.  It’s just, when I found out you lied to me, I went crazy. I just don’t understand why you would lie to me. I thought you loved me.” He said. I felt so horribly bad. I cried even harder.5

“I do love you.” I managed to say. “With all my heart. I didn’t mean to lie to you.” I couldn’t stop crying. “I just didn’t want you to get mad and I knew you didn’t like Shayna. I’m sorry...I really am. Do you still love me?” I couldn’t help what I was saying to him. I felt like I was in a soap opera to tell you the truth. But that’s how I felt, as though he was just going to hate me forever and leave. I didn’t know what I would do without him.6

“Erica,” he said as he tried to soothe me so I’d stop crying, “look at me.” I looked up at him. “I could never, ever, in a million years stop loving you. I just need you to be honest with me from now on. I can’t trust you if you’re not. And if I can’t trust you, even though it may hurt me, I won’t be able to be with you anymore.” He said, and I just held his body close to mine, never wanting to let go. “It doesn’t mean I won’t love you though.” He said.7

“Please don’t leave me. I’m sorry. I love you. Please.” I begged. 8

“Not this time Erica. But if you EVER lie to me again...” he said firmly, and stopped. I knew what he was thinking, so he didn’t have to finish. “Now stop crying.” He held me in his arms once more. His embrace was so comforting. I stopped crying.“We still got some shit to talk about,” He said. “But I gotta get to sleep babe. I love you.” He kissed me and we fell asleep in each other’s arms.9