It's just a ring, isn't it?1
Besides memories nobody sees, and pictures from the past. For me up here, on a second by second basis, it's just a ring.2
I'm not talking about my family, or the kids, or love. I'm talking about the solid, indefinite remnant of my marriage. Our marriage.3
It's a ring on my finger.4
I think JRR Tolkien was cleverer than he let on, maybe Stephen Donaldson too, although both deny allegory, I think some element of reality seeps in. Donaldson spoke of rings, specifically a wedding ring, being both a power and a curse, necessary but untrustworthy. Tolkien aimed deeper, I believe his Dad died first when he was young, his Mum must have grieved, probably kept her wedding ring on a chain round her neck, afraid to put it on in fear that once again she may become invisible.5
'Cause that's what it does when the reason you wear it is gone. It makes you invisible. And yet I can't take it off. And when I do I hate it, like the ghost of a missing limb. Yet it is also my defiance. I am still married. Honest. And yet it grows heavy from time to time. Why do I wear it? She's clearly left. Why bear this burden?6
It's just a ring.7
As I write this, it's actually sitting in front of me on my desk, laughing at my pathetic scrutiny, and yet it calls, and because I hate not wearing it so much, I will probably put it on again before I go to bed. A testament of durability to something that no longer is.8
Damn, maybe I'm just going insane. It is, after all, just a ring.9
May I remind myself that I started out uncomfortable in wearing it. It was too loose to begin with, almost lost it a couple of times, due to my knuckles being wider than my actual fingers. I hated the fact that tradition stated it should be on the left hand, which to this day, being cack-handed, means it bothers with my writing and typing.10
'Is it worth it?' My Mum once said when I told her I was giving my then-fiance an engagement ring 'It's just a symbol. It doesn't mean anything.' Faint bitterness etching her tone. I think she perfectly understood what it meant. The power inherent in rings because of how we use them as symbols, how we see them, how they affect our lives.11
Tolkien had rings turn men into wraiths, innocents into ghouls. The wisest would not touch them because of the knowledge of where that sort of power leads. Donaldson believed rings had power but it was uncontrollable and unusable, capable of breaking the very boundaries of the world of men.12
We are blessed with them, bound by them, tortured by them, and yet we can so willingly throw them aside and forget about them.13
Except for lingering hope and the unfortunately unavoidable wish every time I turn down my street, or pick up a ringing phone, it is the one remnant of the marriage of two people. 14
Not the birth of a family mind, for that I still have my children and my memories and my pictures.15
Just the marriage. Just the two of us and the promises made and lost.16
But then, at the end of the day, it is just a ring. One ring. A ring. It holds no magic. No secrets. It's just a piece of gold in a simple hoop. 17
Then why don't I leave it aside? Keep it in a drawer? 18
For now I can't. It maybe just a ring, but Mum was right, it is a symbol. It's a symbol of my defiance, my hope and my love.19
And that kind of fits. 20
The insanity and illogicality (had to check that was actually a word!) of that above statement is the same as the reason to why I still wear my ring.21
And do you know what? Sod it!22
It may be insane and it may be illogical, but while there is still love in my heart, regardless how stupid and fleeting it may be, I will continue to wear my ring.23
It is my ring.24
My own.25
My....26
.....and you really thought I'd say it, didn't you?27
28
(And yes, it is back on my finger. Back to being invisible again.)
Author notes
This was written a couple of months after my marriage fell apart in 2007. Two years later, I no longer wear my wedding ring, although I still have it safe in a drawer and sometimes it still calls to me.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is a very poignant piece. I do see rings as incredibly strong symbols of a relationship. An unending circle not meant to be broken. However, when a relationship ends or fails the ring takes on new symbolic meanings whether it be happy or sad. Giving back of a ring definately symbolizes an ending not wanted to be remembered. My heart goes out to you. After all this time and it still calls to you from it's resting place. There are some relationships in our lives that we will never get over. My heart also has a gapeing hole that I do not believe with ever heal. We just keep a bandaid over it so we won't bleed to death. My wish for you is a new ring, new beginning, new circle of dreams.
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This was pretty powerful writing. I'm sorry that this actually happened to you. I've always viewed rings in this manner, though not as deep and well described. This was a great read. Can't wait to see more of your work.
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wow dude that sux. I'm too young to marry but i have this weird notion that i can relate to how you feel. You know sometime when girls break up with their bfs, they'll have little trinkets from the relationship and then there's the temptation to throw the stuff away or burn it, but at the same time you want to remember the good times. You just feel trapped. Again i've never been married or engaged so i wouldn't know. But I'm really sorry for your loss. I hope you find someone who deserves you!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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My, this is truly deep in its musing. I hadn't seen the rings this way (since I can't wear mine anymore due to finger issues, and haven't since before the LOTR movies came out), but I feel the power of that which you speak, and I am moved by your eloquence. Good luck in your future, whether it involves another ring or not.
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I'm never getting a ring now
I found the story quite spooky. Of course nobody would ever wear a ring given by myself and nobody on earth would ever give me a ring...BUT i've often thought about buying one for myself. After reading your sad, eloquent and thoughtful musings i don't think i'll bother.
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Thanks
Thanks for the comment. Don't think it really counts if you're buying a ring for yourself though
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Wow, what a deep write. Never viewed the concept of what you laid out there, mainly with the references to how those authors viewed the rings and the symbolism behind it all. Just amazing. Makes me think in a whole new light.
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Ah, the power of rings of power...
...ringing in the minds and hearts of the disillusioned, the (seemingly) no longer necessary.
Very well written, and in a Welsh accent, mind. (I'm a Scot, so a nod from one of the other Celtic fringes of the UK.) I think anyone who has been through divorce, painful or otherwise, will recognise at least some of this. Hope, defiance, despair, and something of the almost calculated murder of a precious emotion, it's all there, and it's fairly raw, certainly not how you would write it now. I can only thank you for sharing this, since this kind of cathartic write can be of immeasureable help to those who don't have the skill to verbalise their emotions.
But I trust there is more to your writings than this, so I will be checking as time permits..... -
That's kind of sad... I feel bad for you. Some things need editing here, though. You could say at the beginning about times with her(or him, not sure what gender you are) so the reader can connect. I like your idea, and I'm sorry about the event that inspired it. one thing here:
The insanity and illogicality (had to check that was actually a word!) of that above statement is the same as the reason to why I still wear my ring.
You should take our the part about checking if it is a word. even though it does give a sense of insecurity and unsureness, it disrupts the flow of the piece.
Also (you can decide if you want to or not) you could write a STORY about it. You know, nonfiction. Stuff like that.
Anyways it was fun to read and I'm really sorry that happened to you.
Keep writing
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