The Colonial Kid--Chapter 1

William Travers looked up at the sky, and he realized that he would most likely be late for dinner, again. Luckily, he was on his last delivery, so he wouldn't be out much longer. As he trotted along the dirt country road, avoiding piles of horse droppings here and there, he opened up the delivery information one more time. 1

Deliveries for the date of the Eleventh of September, Seventeen Seventy Four:2

Mr. George Hearthwell3

Mr. Herbert Granger4

Mr. Samuel Brown5

William looked up and smiled, relieved that for once, he had actually come to the right house. Essex County was a large and very complicated place. Luckily, the Browns' cottage was easily recognizable. It was much smaller than the other houses around, but had much more character to it.
William approached the front door step and called out, "Mr. Brown? I have a delivery for Mr. Brown?" Mr. Brown himself opened up the door for William, and smiled as he saw what he was holding. 6

"Dear boy you are my savior. This door is about to fall off without those hinges, and dear old Butternut's feet are all chopped up without those horseshoes. You came at the right time." William grinned and handed Mr. Brown a sheet to sign. 7

"You know boy, you'll learn a lot with Mr. Smith. He's a good man, a good friend, and an even better teacher. I wouldn't be surprised if one day you're running the shop; you seem to have what it takes to be a good blacksmith like him. Ah, here you are." He handed William back the parchment and took the bag from William's hands. 8

"Good day, lad. You best get home now. 'Tis getting darker and you're Missus will be getting worried." 9

"Thank you sir." William said, nodding at the man. Then he waved and ran off. He defiantly needed to get home, and fast. He had been late to supper too many times this week, and Ma was getting edgy. 10

Suddenly, he realized while sprinting down the road, that he could get home twice as fast if he cut through the woods. Yes, there was a loop in the road, which would mean he could get home with a straight shot. He ducked through a low hanging tree and began battling the forest.11

But an hour later, William realized that his plan was not as great as he originally thought. The bushes, pricker plants, and trees were getting denser and denser, and the sky wasn't exactly getting lighter. 12

He began to walk slower, afraid he would trip. He tried to guide himself using the trees. Suddenly, a rustle in the bushes sparked his reflexes. He began to run, stumbling over roots. It wasn't until he came to a small hill that he fell forward on his face. He wiped dirt off his skinned elbows and knelt up on the path. 13

That's when he heard the snap of a stick and a short growl behind him. He scrambled off the ground and tried to run away, but he was knocked down by something heavy. Sharp claws dug into William's chest and right thigh. He screamed and kicked at the animal, but it just got angrier. William desperately tried to get up and run, but the animal struck at his chest again. Suddenly, the pain was so great, that all he could do was crumple to the ground as the animal lashed and thrashed at him, over and over. This had to be worse then burning himself on the hot metal in the shop twenty times in a row. He felt his upper leg crack, as the animal stepped on it, and felt the surging pain ripple through all his nerves. He screamed and screamed, but it did nothing to ease the pain.14

Then suddenly, the pain and screaming stopped.15

-------------------------------------------------------- Exactly 234 years later, the sun was just setting in Essex County, New York. Purple and orange were streaked across the sky like paints. Brooke Rivers and Taylor Wilson were walking home together from their school baseball tryouts, their shadows progressively getting longer as they walked. 16

The two had been playing baseball at school together for two years. In fact, that was how they met. It was an all boys team, but Brooke was so fast and so good, the coach couldn't turn down her skills. 17

This was the start of a third season, and Taylor was almost sure he was going to get to be pitcher, the position he had always wanted. Brooke wasn't so sure, but didn't let Taylor know that she thought that.18

The two were in deep conversation, when Taylor suddenly noticed that he couldn't see the bend fifty feet down the road.

"Uh, Brooke," he interrupted, "what time did we leave practice?"

Brooke, only momentarily annoyed, suddenly realized that it was dark, too dark. "Um, probably at 5. That's weird, it seems that it should be lighter."

"Wow, well we did leave later than normal. What should we do? My mom will kill me if I don't start dinner in time again. She's always in a cruddy mood when she gets home from work."

"We could cut through those woods," Brooke suggested, "it leads right into your backyard."

"Dude, have you seen those five foot tall pricker bushes? We won't make it out alive," but Taylor was considering a plan as he felt his bat bag jab into his leg.

"Taylor, we are baseball players. We hit hard things with metal."

"Fine," Taylor agreed, grinning as he got out his old bat. He knew he was getting a new one for his birthday, which was soon, so he didn't mind scratching this one up a bit.

So the two friends were smashing and swinging and batting until they had created a small opening that they could squeeze through with no cuts.

Then, they began to sprint through the woods, dodging trees and rocks. Brooke, being the faster one, raced ahead of Taylor, laughing the whole time.
Brooke was nearly out of Taylor's sight when she stopped abruptly in her tracks.19

"Taylor," she called, "get over here."20

Taylor sped up a bit. "What is it?" He ran to Brooke's side, and skidded to a stop after seeing what Brooke was looking at. 21

There was a boy. Not creepy, right? Wrong. He was dressed in colonial clothes that were torn, dirty, and caked with blood. His skin was as pale as clouds. He lay completely motionless in the ferns. 22

 23

"Is he dead?" asked Taylor.24

 25

"No," Brooke answered, but she didn't know herself. She walked over to the boy and nudged his back with her foot. 26

 27

She screamed as his body turned and his arm flew threw the air. He let out a loud snore and fell back down. Brooke turned towards Taylor. Shaking, and still quite frightened she said, "Told ya." Taylor knelt down next to the body and shook the boy. "Hey, kid, wake up," he said. The boy's eyelids slowly inched open. "Ugh," he moaned. "Who are you," asked Taylor, "and whats up with your old fashioned clothes?" The kid's eyes squinted, looking straight at the setting sun. He swallowed, then spoke in a tired, groggy voice, "Will Travers."

Author notes

Yeah AJ and I wrote this amazing story, that isn't done yet for now. But he's going to fix it, and we'll keep writing it, don't worry. Sorry if the death scene was too gory for y'all.

Okay so apparently, our story is wicked confusing. Here's what happened. Okay so this kid in 1774 is making a delivery because he is a blacksmith's apprentice. He takes a shortcut to get home, but then he gets mauled by a bear.

Many multiple hundreds of years later in this present setting, two kids are coming home from school and they take the same route. Then they stumble on a VERY PALE *hint hint* sleeping colonial boy. So that's all you know about it so far. But I guess it is kind of confusing.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • checkmate-
    January 26

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    Oooh, good job! This has definetely caught my interest, and it seemed like it's been proofread well.

    Off to read the next chapter

    -Paradox


  • stardust3492
    January 23

    Edit | Reply
    This is a good start. I didn't know AJ wrote! Or had an account on here! Anyway, I enjoyed reading this. Some suggustions:

    Paragraph 1: "As he trotted along the dirt country road, avoid piles of horse droppings here and there, he opened up the delivery information one more time." Avoid should be avoiding.

    Paragraph 10: "He definatly needed to get home, and fast." Definatly should be definitely.
    "He had been late to dinner too many times this week, and Ma was getting edgy." In this time, I believe dinner was called supper.

    Paragraph 11: "Suddenly, he realzed while sprinting down the raod, that he could get home twice as fast if he cut through the woods." Realzed should be realized and raod should be road.

    Paragraph 16: "Brooke Rivers and Taylor Wilson were walking home together from their school baseball tryouts, their shadows progressivly getting longer as they walked." Progressivly should be progressively.

    Also, I feel like I couldn't get that into the story because it wasn't that believable. The olden time part was pretty good at bein historically accurate but not quite perfect. Also, how could he still be alive after all that time? And wouldn't his clothes have decayed? And wouldn't animals eaten him? The only way he might have lasted is being in a coma but then he wouldn't come out of the coma just because some kids were standing near him. And wouldn't someone have found him before? Would no one have walked there for over 200 years? Anyway, its not a bad story at all, but these are some of the questions that are running through the readers mind and should be taken into consideration when revising this piece.

    Good job and good collaborative effort between you and AJ and I am looking forward to reading more of this when I get the chance.

    Carray


    • StarIlluminated
      January 24
      Edit | Reply
      Well, first off, thanks so much for this long comment. You're like our spell checker. Haha. I/We will go back and fix the errors ASAP.

      Second, many people are confuddled about why Will is still alive. Just keep reading and remember he was VERY PALE when they found him. HINT HINT.

      And third, you have some points that I've been meaning to discuss with AJ, and we will try to work them into the story. But keep in mind a lot of your questions will be answered, eventually.

      *KT*

  • luci.in.the.sky
    January 9

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    very, very good

    Really good start. I LOVE the plot you got going on here. I've always been interested in time travel. It's on my to do list for my next stories.

    I really like your writing style and I didn't think it was confusing at all. I'm curious about the animal that attacked Will in the woods. Was it a wolf? A werewolf maybe? My guess is that the animal had something to do with Will travelling 234 years in time.

    Anyway, great job! I can't wait to read more!

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.

    • StarIlluminated
      January 9
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much! This story is actually a collaboration, I wrote it with my friend AJ, so I can't take all the credit But we really appreciate your comment.


  • Amaylisse
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    This story is quite confusing. The story was set at 1774 at the start, is it? Now, if the boy was dead, it shouldn't be talking. Try to plot it out. The language style from old to informal was interesting but confusing again. I see some plot forming behind the story. Receipts didn't exist in 1774.
    If I was all wrong, 1774 could be the address, I apologise, but that was really confusing. Be specific what the numbers mean. The boy, Will lives in the country, but should the two baseball players enter the forest in a different direction but come across to the boy?

    beginning: 3, language: 1, plot: 3, ending: 1, dialog: 3, characters: 4.

    • StarIlluminated
      January 7
      Edit | Reply
      sorry the story was so confusing to you. I put an explanation in the author's notes if you want some clarification.

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