Cupcake Originals

Chapter I1

The air conditioning system turned on and began to hum and rattle. Clocks ticked and time went slowly with them.2

“Julia, I really think that we should consider an increase of the medication,” he pushed his glasses up, “For the past six months I haven’t seen any major improvement and your blood tests show that the Clomipramine levels are below what we would consider to be of a ‘therapeutic’ value.”3

“I have told you before that I am not going any higher on any dosages of anything. I do eventually want to get off of all of these pills, and I hope that you, as my doctor, can respect my decision.” Julia wanted the session to end. ‘Possible medication increases’ were generally one of the final things that they would talk about. Dr. Herman put down the folder and clipped his pen onto it.4

“I understand your resistance to going onto a higher level of the medications in relation to your desire to someday be able to ‘function’ without reliance on them. The fact of the matter is that you are always going to have these problems. The medications may help to ease the symptoms and will provide some lasting help even after discontinuation, but, from what I have seen, long term medication seems to be the best answer for helping you. I also want to warn you of the possibility that once you are off the meds you may revert back to how you used to be.” Dr. Herman had moved his glasses off of his head and was now loosely waving them in his hand as he talked. Julia was staring back with a solid expression, trying to maintain an air of being nearly indifferent. However, deep inside, she was realizing her secret fear of depending on psychiatric drugs for the rest of her life to be fact. She threw it out of her head and checked her watch.5

“Actually things are going pretty well for me. I still have my close friend Marissa Rice, who you know about, and there is a new man who just moved in next door to me, plus I have a job, which reminds me that I ought to go to work now,” she said standing up. He stood up also and handed her a paper out of his folder. It was a doctor’s note and an appointment reminder.6

“Alright, so I’ll see you next month,” he said and opened the door into the hallway for Julia. She passed through it and responded quietly to his valediction of “Bye-bye.” She held her purse close to the front of her for comfort while she rode the elevator down to the parking garage. 7

Her car was an older Toyota Corolla, back from the mid-nineties. It was painted a slate color and the doors were slightly banged up. She had owned it for a long time and she had become very attached to it over time. So much so that now that despite its mechanical problems she didn’t want to get a new one.8

Julia unlocked it and got inside, putting her purse on the seat beside her. She turned on the music and drove out of the parking complex back into the bright of the early morning sunshine. She turned onto the road as her cell phone started to ring.9

“Yeah? Hello?” She had flipped open her cell phone and turned the music volume down, “Marissa, yeah hi! I’ll be in to work in just a few minutes ok? So, what are you calling about?” 10

Marissa was standing in a line at the Starbucks beside the mall. There were about three people before her and five more already sitting down in the shop with their coffees. The people’s taste for caffeine certainly seemed to be doing the place a lot of good. She held the phone against her curled dark brown hair.11

“I’m just stopping by the Starbucks on my way to work and wanted to see if I could pick you up anything. So what do you want?” she said this loudly to be heard through the chatter of the coffeehouse. 12

“Yeah, sure that would be great. And don’t worry; I’ll pay you back for it.” Julia said. She could not quite tell with all of the background noise but it sounded like her friend laughed.13

“You totally would pay me back; I have no doubt of that at all. No, here, how about you just buy the coffee next time. That way we’ll be even and not have to worry about who owes what or anything like that.” The line in front of Marissa was getting shorter and now there was only one person left to order before her, “Quickly, tell me what it is that you want.”14

“Ummm….” Julia tapped her fingers on the steering wheel and bit her lips, “I think I’ll have the grande caramel Frappuccino.”15

“Ok, good. I’ve got to order now so see to you in fifteen minutes. Bye.” Marissa hung up the phone and moved up in line.16

“What can I get for you today?” The man behind the counter asked Marissa, who was looking up at the menu above the counter. She looked down and then did a slight double take. He was quite good looking for some unknown guy working behind the Starbucks counter. Not unusually attractive but he did have an appearance that was certainly more handsome than the average guy. He had dark blondish hair that spattered off into small thin spikes on occasion and a little bit of stubble on his chin and cheeks, but not so much as to make him look dirty. His white shirt was rolled back to his elbows and the uniform apron fit him loosely. Marissa opened a wide, minty smile at him.17

“Hi,” she said. She shot glanced at his nametag to remember for later, “Shawn. I’ll have a tall vanilla latte and a grande caramel Frappuccino.” He told her the total and she handed him the money and took back the change by curling it into the receipt. She went over to one of the arm chairs in the corner and laid back to listen to the music that was playing. She never really liked the Starbucks music, in fact most of it was to her annoyance, but she would just have to put up with it. 18

“I’ve got a grande caramel Frappuccino and a tall vanilla latte!” Shawn called over the counter. Marissa got back up and took the coffees.19

“Thank you,” she said. She was smiling that smile again.20

“You have a nice day,” Shawn replied retying his green apron behind his back. Marissa walked out into the parking lot gripping the cardboard drink holder, still smiling. It was a new discovery to her that there was such a good looking guy working at a store so close to where she worked. It was a great coincidence that they had met today and she was very glad to have something new to talk about with Julia during the day at work. Lately the possible topics for discussion have been little more than obscure relatives, new happenings in the mall, sales in the store, and Julia's depressing new neighbor. Anything, anyone would liven the conversation and the last thing that Marissa felt like going through today was another boring discussion while sorting out socks from the dressing room.21

Chapter II22

“Thanks again for the coffee,” Julia said taking a sip from behind the stack of sweaters and standing back up again. 23

“It was no problem at all. I was going there anyway.” Marissa said as she lifted a new pile of flattened red sweaters out of the box. She passed one over to Julia, “Besides, I also have something new for us to talk about.”24

“Really?” said Julia in teasing disbelief, “Something new to talk about. I was beginning to think that we had a set list of incredibly boring topics which we were forced to choose from daily. What is this possible new topic?”25

“Well,” began Marissa taking a sip off coffee and hiding it back behind the sweaters,” As you know I was at the Starbucks earlier today to order our coffees. Then I saw this guy who worked there behind the counter, right, and he was so cute I couldn’t believe it at first. And he was all like ‘What can I get for you’, and I wrote down his name on the receipt once I got into my car.” Julia was smiling at her friend’s excitement in recounting the story. Marissa dug around in her pockets for a moment and pulled out the receipt which was rolled up with the change inside of it.26

“Ah, here it is!” Marissa exclaimed and pulled it out triumphantly. Unfortunately, it must have been stuck on something because once she had pulled it out the change went everywhere. She handed the receipt to Julia.27

“Here, just hold this while I pick up my change,” Marissa kneeled down as her kneecaps popped to look around for the dropped money. Julia in the mean time was looking at the receipt. She flipped it over to the back. The whole paper was crinkled and the ink was a little smeared. “SHAWN” was written out in large hurried letters on the back of the receipt. 28

“Shawn?” asked Julia not all that enchanted with her idea of what a guy named ‘Shawn’ would look like. Marissa got up with all of her recovered change in hand. She took back the receipt to check to see if she had recovered it all.29

“Yes, his name was Shawn. Anyway, so back to my story… Oh, wait a second. I think he gave me the wrong change.” Marissa had a slight frown, “He gave me a ten dollar bill instead of a one dollar bill.”30

“Are you going to return it?” Julia asked. It was only nine dollars difference, but it would probably be right to return it anyway.31

“Of course I will!” Marissa replied with exaggerated indignation, “Plus, It’ll give me another excuse to see Shawn again.” She added on with a giggle. Both Julia and Marissa began folding shirts again and actually got some progress made towards emptying the box of them, “Oh, wait a second. I can’t return it to him tonight. I have to go to my nephew’s school play right after work and don’t have any time. I can’t miss it because I promised him that I would go see it and he would be crushed if I didn’t come.”32

“I can take it over for you. I’m not doing anything tonight.” Julia offered. 33

“That would be so great of you.” Marissa said thankfully. She handed over the ten dollar bill to Julia.34

“I’ll stop by the Starbucks after work tonight. Should I ask for one dollar back in exchange or anything like that?” Julia asked while folding the bill in her pocket.35

“I usually would say no, but with the price of gas as high as it is right now I don’t see how I could possibly risk wasting any money. Just mention it but don’t make a big deal out of it if for whatever reason you can’t get my dollar back. I’ll be ok.” Marissa took a final gulp of her vanilla latte, took off the top, and began filling the cup with the thin plastic bags that the sweaters had come in. 36

“And don’t worry Marissa.” Julia added, “I won’t try to steal your ‘Shawn from the coffee shop’.” They laughed a little bit and finished up the box of sweaters. They both threw their empty coffee cups into the box and folded it shut. Directly after they did this the Manager of the store walked over to check on their work. 37

The Manager, Carly Mahler, was a large woman with a deep, hollow, breathy voice. Mahler rarely drank, but when she did she would consume a substantial amount. According to the cleaning staff, she even had a bottle of whiskey which she kept in the lower drawer of her tiny office’s filing cabinet. She was not very well liked by the staff, mainly due to her frequent insults and unfair criticisms. 38

Another one of the reasons Mahler was so disliked was because of her extensive list of rules and her strict adherence to them. One new addition to these rules was one that stated that ‘No employees may have food or drink of any kind while working out on the floor or in the back while handling new shipments of clothing’. This rule was put into action after Jimmy who was working in the accessories accidently spilled a nearly full bottle of Cran-Raspberry juice on several Coach and Burberry purses. About three thousand dollars worth of goods were completely stained and ruined by a one dollar bottle of juice. Jimmy no longer worked at the store.39

It was extremely lucky that Julia and Marissa had just thrown their empty coffees into the box. Ms. Mahler stopped in front of them and scrutinized their freshly folded display of plus size sweaters. She was carrying a clipboard which she had angled so that no one else but her could see it. Julia doubted that it had anything at all written on it. It seemed likely to her that it was probably just a scare tactic to make her fellow employees work more diligently.40

“Good,” Carly muttered and made a dramatic check mark motion on her clipboard. Julia couldn’t help but notice that Carly hadn’t clicked her pen open and that the tip was still inside. Carly pretended to write something down with her closed pen and then walked away. Julia and Marissa had been standing on either side of the display table waiting for some act of condemnation, but it never came. They exchanged a brief glance of mutual confusion. 41

“Wow,” said Julia, “I guess these are some really neat sweaters.”42

“That was really weird,” agreed Marissa. A muttered ‘good’ was the best complement that anyone ever received from Carly. Julia went into the back and brought out another box of clothes. Both she and Marissa worked on the plus sizes floor of the store. The reasoning behind this particular placement was not particularly clear. Neither of them was overweight, much less plus-sized, and they looked quite out of place surrounded by these huge articles of clothing. The only possible theory that the two had developed was that possibly this was some vindictive move on Carly’s part to mock the obese people with the two women who are much smaller by having them working on the floor of the huge clothes. Whatever the case may be, it resulted in Julia struggling to pull out a very large box full of plus size jackets. She managed to get it out onto the floor and over to the rack where she would hang them, but once she got the box to where she was dragging it she left it there to take a short break and prepare her arms for lifting the many jackets inside and putting them on the hangers. To someone who hasn’t spent countless hours performing this almost menial task it might seem ridiculous to take a brief break in preparation to hanging clothing. However, anyone who has spent even an afternoon hanging plus-sized women’s fall and winter jackets knows that your arms get tired and sore soon after about at least the first thirty.43

Marissa joined Julia and they began to hang the jackets. They were actually rather unfortunate looking things really. They were a tan brown sort of color and almost totally shapeless. The sleeves were a bit puffy and there was a collar that surrounded the neck in a complete circle. 44

“I don’t get why anyone would ever wear something like this. I mean, yeah, I know it’s the plus size section, but does that mean that everything has to be really ugly.” Marissa held out one of the jackets on her arm and used it as an example. It was something that Julia had also noticed while working in the store. The plus sized clothes were almost always much less appealing than everything else. 45

“I think that if I were the designers who make these clothes I would just scale up the clothing of the regular sizes. That way the obese people would also have clothes that look,” Julia paused in the middle of her not at all thought out answer, “normal.” 46

This was generally how there conversations went. Neither of them was putting much thought into the topic that they were discussing and neither of them really seemed to care whatever the other one said in response. It was really not anything more than mindless chatter to keep them occupied. They spent the rest of the day making comments about the poor fashion designs and occasionally they would talk about Julia’s new neighbor Louie. 47

Louie had moved into the townhome next to Julia’s about a month or so back. He was in the middle of a divorce and had effectively been kicked out of his house. Louie was about forty-five years old from what Julia could guess and was beginning to bald on the top of his head. Julia had made some attempts to be neighborly to him, but he was unwilling to accept any kindness or gifts, probably because he saw it as a form of charity that most men who find themselves in difficult situations oppose.48

The evening was largely spent in the company of the employees of other floors. Julia and Marissa were the only two attendants on the women’s side of the plus-size level and when it was late they would usually head down to the lower level of the store, which included the departments of child wear, accessories, perfumes, and colognes. 49

Gary, the perfume and cologne shopping attendant, was funny to listen to especially at the end of the day. It was not so much of what he said, but rather the high nasally voice in which he said it in that made talking with him fun. John of the men’s sportswear was too preoccupied with whatever had happened at the last football match to talk about much of anything else. Unless you had been watching and studying football or basketball, with great devotion for the past several years you would not have an idea who half of the people he was talking about were, let alone their personal score from the past season. Lisa and Claude from shoes were always too involved in their inside jokes, and mainly uninterested in anyone else in the store. Michaela, who worked to clean out the women’s changing rooms, was just too busy reorganizing the tried on clothes to have time to joke around or talk. Julia wandered around for a while to hear if anyone was having any interesting conversations, but today everyone was burnt out and ready to go home. It was the middle of the week, Thursday to be specific, and they were all stranded there. It was too early to look forward for the coming weekend but it also had been too long to enjoy the past one.50

Chapter III51

The day finally ended and the piano music that had been playing over the speakers throughout the day stopped. The lights were shut off and the cleaning crew emerged from the darkness they seemed to hide in during the day. Julia got her bag and left the store. The store was heavily air conditioned and as she walked through the final pair of doors she experienced the wind tunnel effect that was all too familiar to her and her fellow staff.52

The Starbucks which was addressed on the receipt was across the parking lot, but it was a large parking lot. Julia would have to drive over there in a moment anyway so she got into her car and drove to avoid wasting the time of walking to it and back again to her car which was parked in front of the Nordstrom Department Store.53

She parked her car up at the curb of the sidewalk in front of the Starbucks and yawned as she stepped out into the dim flickering of the parking lot lights. The Starbucks sign emitted a slight green glow which attracted moths but didn’t affect much of the way anything appeared. Inside the Starbucks, however, there was a warm yellow glow of at least semi-decent quality lights. Julia had stopped out front of the shop momentarily to observe the strange difference between the lights. The sort of lights that were scattered through the parking lot always made her feel nervous and uneasy. She turned away form them and walked gratefully towards the comfort inside. 54

The moment she opened the doors she was surrounded with the warmth of the strong odor of ground coffee. Across the room from Julia there was a man standing behind the counter wiping away crumbs with a blue edged white cloth. She suspected him to be Shawn from what she had heard of him. He wiped his face with his arm that was holding the cloth and turned to see Julia.55

“Oh, hi,” he said and put down his wash cloth, “I didn’t see you come in.”56

“It’s ok,” Julia smiled, “I was looking around.”57

“So, what can I get you?” the man behind the counter asked and leaned down on the counter looking up at her. Julia reached into her purse and looking, guilty, held out the ten dollar bill. He stared at it a little bit surprised.58

“My friend, Marissa, was in here earlier today and I guy named Shawn accidently gave her the wrong change. She should have only gotten one dollar back, but instead he gave here a ten.” Julia told in explanation. Shawn picked it up and Julia gave him the receipt to prove what she was talking about.59

“Well, I’m Shawn- Shawn Taylor- so I guess that this was my fault. I’m surprised that you brought it back. Most people would just have pocketed it and that would have been it. Thanks.”60

“Oh, it was no problem. My friend just felt guilty and couldn’t return it herself because she had to go to her nephew’s school play. So, there are at least two people who would have returned it,” She ended this with a friendly laugh, “If you don’t mind though my friend is really pretty cheap and she would like her one dollar if it wouldn’t be too much of a problem.”61

“No problem,” he said and popped open the cash register, “Is there anything that I could get for you while your here?”62

“Yeah, I’ll have a grande Caramel Macchiato and…,” she paused as she looked at the pastries, “a slice of the marble pound cake.” 63

Shawn paused above the register’s open drawer for a moment. He had the ten dollar bill held up in one hand and was looking down. 64

“Tell you what,” he said putting down the money, “How about I give you your coffee and cake in exchange for the dollar. We have to throw away these pastries every night if they don’t get eaten anyway.”65

“Yeah sure,” said Julia, “that works fine for me.”66

Shawn began to make the coffee. He picked up a sharpie and was about to write on the cup.67

“What was your name again?” He asked and then added in explanation, “We are supposed to write it on the cup to make it seem more personal or something like that.”68

“Julia,” she responded. He wrote it down and nodded and continued. Julia walked over to the stand of CD’s. She flipped through them but not because she had any real interest in buying any of them. She was just trying to distract herself from the awkwardness she felt from being alone in a room with a person she had just met and found to be quite attractive.69

Slowly she stepped away from the stand and sat down at one of the small wooden tables that were scattered throughout the room. This particular table was against the window and looked out into the parking lot. The view was not very pretty or interesting. Instead it was grey, disappointing, and cold. Julia found this view to be very fitting to her current situation in, and outlook, on life. She slipped her jacket off and put it over the back of the chair. Julia intended to use this time as a break and a way to just put everything off at least for an hour. She figured that she might as well make herself comfortable.70

“Here you go,” said Shawn who had delivered the coffee and pastry to the table where Julia was sitting. He had two more small bags in his hand. He stood beside the table smiling and looking at Julia who looked plainly up at him.71

“Would you like to sit down?” Julia asked him slowly, putting a space between every word and taking brief glances around.72

“Yes, thank you. There aren’t too many people who come in here after the mall closes.” he said and took the seat opposite Julia. He sat the other too bags on the table as well. These bags were sealed shut with a round pink sticker.73

“What’s in those?” Julia asked.74

“These are cupcakes,” Shawn replied and left his explanation at that. Julia had expected him to have said more but he did not. She was trying to work up some sort of conversation, but it was like he was pouring buckets of water over the small flames she was struggling to kindle. She ground her teeth and looked around.75

“So, you work here.” She said.76

“Yes, but I don’t really want to, you know, work at a Starbucks my whole life. That would be sort of pathetic and disappointing. I’m actually earning my bachelor’s degree in finance. I know this is going to sound nerdy as all hell, but I want to work as an accountant.” Shawn said this looking a little bit embarrassed.77

“That is not so nerdy. I work at the Nordstrom department store across the parking lot by the way. What I really want to do though is paint.” She looked out the window at the Nordstrom store. 78

“So, you’re an artist?” Shawn was opening one of the bags. He pealed the sticker back carefully and attached it gently on the side of the table so it could be removed easily later.79

“Well, I used to be,” said Julia watching what he did with the sticker, “I stopped painting about two years ago.” By now Shawn had opened the bag and had a chocolate cupcake sitting on top of it.80

“Why?” he asked bluntly and took a bite of the cupcake.81

“It was a hard time for me. My father had just died. I almost did something that I shouldn’t have. I lost a lot of friends. I don’t really like to talk about it.” Julia was now looking down at her slab of cake and closing her eyes to keep from crying.82

“I’m so sorry,” Shawn reached across to her hand and took hold of it in a small attempt at providing comfort. Julia used her free hand to wipe her hair behind her ears.83

“No, it’s my fault for being so emotional. It’s just that I was very close to my father and he was pretty much my whole world, and when he died so did that world. I just miss him so much. But why am I telling this to you? We barely have even met and yet I am telling you the sob story of my life!” Julia laughed herself to try to get regain her composure. She drank some of her coffee and took a bite of cake.84

“I don’t mind at all. A lot of people come through here everyday and then I never see them again. Sometimes I really do wonder who they are. To just think about the fact that each and every one of them has a story to tell, and each one is different, just amazes me.” Shawn had such an earnest expression on his face Julia doubted that what he had just said was an attempt at appearing sensitive and deep. Julia had never thought about people this way but found it to be an interesting way to think about all of the people who she had formerly considered to be nothing more than extras in her life.85

They both sat in a moment of silence and reflection over this thought. However, from that point on the conversation ran quite smoothly. They talked about restaurants, movies, friends, and other minor subjects that are involved in average daily life. They exchanged opinions and told brief stories about past experiences. The cakes were consumed and coffees drained. Then Julia looked down at her watch to discover with shock that it was past eleven.86

“Listen, I had a really great time with you tonight, but I’ve got to go.” Julia stood up and put on her jacket87

“Wait a second,” Shawn said. He stood up and held up a hand. He reached down to the table and removed the sticker, “Here, I want you to have this.” Shawn held out the cupcake sticker from earlier. Julia took it from him.88

“Thanks?” she was not sure exactly why he had given her the sticker and replied with slight sarcasm, “I’ll treasure it forever.” She put the sticker in her purse and stuck it on to her compact. Shawn was finishing closing up the shop now from behind the counter. He pointed back to her with his face creased by a playful smile and falsely serious raised eyebrows.89

“You better treasure it. Those stickers are known to bring good luck.” Shawn took off his apron and hung it up on the hook. Julia opened the door and Shawn ran over to hold it open. She turned around and faced him.90

“Come back sometime, I’ll probably be working, and I think it would be nice to see you again.” Julia was taken aback. She was surprised at, what she considered to be, a very bold move for him towards her. She was actually also absolutely elated, but she contained herself.91

“I will,” she eventually said and nodded lightly. Julia walked a few steps out of the building and waved to Shawn before splitting up to go their separate ways. Shawn returned to the store to finish cleaning up. Inside her car, Julia smiled and slowly inhaled the excitement that both of them felt. 92

Chapter IV93

Julia walked up the sidewalk to her townhouse. Hers was the second one down the row and so her garage couldn’t open into her house directly. She was humming the melody of a song she couldn’t remember the name of and would improvise whenever she forgot how it went. She practically skipped up the steep steps to her door. Just as she opened the screen door and was getting out her keys she heard her neighbor opening his door.94

Louie was carrying two bottles of trash out to the curb. One of them was black but the other was white and its plastic was stretched so thin that Julia could see what was inside. It was full mainly of beer cans, bottles, paper towels, and an assortment of carry-out and take-away boxes. He was not a large or strong man and his arms were bent up and trembling with the sheer weight of his trash. The bags themselves knocked against him with each step, causing him to sway.95

“Do you need some help?” Julia asked him from her doorway. He partially turned his head towards her. Small amounts of sweat were building above his eyebrows and his glasses were slightly tilted to the right.96

“No, no,” he said, “I’m fine.” He stumbled along the rest of the way down to the street and threw the bags into the dumpster.97

“I’m going to order a pizza and if you haven’t had dinner yet you could come over and have some of it.” Julia offered, pointing over her shoulder. Louie straightened his glasses.98

“That’s ok, I actually already made dinner. I made lasagna with Caesar salad and garlic cheese bread. Thanks though.”99

“Have a good night.” Julia waved and unlocked her front door.100

“You too,” Louie murmured wearily. He opened his door while holding the screen door back with his foot. His home smelt slightly bitter and was dark. The only working light bulb in the kitchen was from the ceiling fan. It was the only one of four that hadn’t gone out the day he moved in. He slouched into a chair and threw an arm onto the bare table. ‘Dinner, a nice lasagna dinner’ he thought to him self, ‘Ha!’ He got up and opened his refrigerator.101

There was not much inside of it. Just a half stick of butter, sour milk, few cans of beer, and Chinese carry-out boxes from two nights ago. He grabbed the take-out boxes and a can of beer and sat them on the table. He opened the boxes and discovered that he had only an eggroll, some chicken he didn’t remember having ordered, and fried rice that appeared to have too much egg in it. He slapped it all onto a plate and pressed the crusty minute button on the microwave. He snapped open his beer and took a swig. 102

The drink felt sharp in his mouth. The bubbles were like tiny pinches and it was difficult for Louie to drink. He really didn’t enjoy beer; not the flavor, not the appearance, not the sharp feeling, and not the smell. He was only drinking to get drunk.103

The microwave beeped and he took his plate over into his living room. He stared at his television but never bothered to turn it or the lights in the room on. He barely felt like eating. Lethargically he moved fork to mouth to plate repetitively. Eventually all that remained on the plate were a few spare pieces of rice and smears of the orange chicken sauce. He reflected on how much he hated it that eggrolls always get soft and moist after being reheated and picked up a fortune cookie that had been left on his coffee table. He replaced the cookie with his plate and leaned back on the sofa.104

‘Someone is thinking fondly of you,’ the fortune cookie read. Louie laughed. “Not fucking likely” he spat into the dark and threw the fortune and broken pieces of cookie on the floor.105

Chapter V106

Julia played with the pink sticker. ‘Cupcake Originals’ was embossed in silver with a sketch styled drawing of a cupcake on the light pink sticker. The sticker was rather thick and sturdy, as far as stickers can be anyway. She had been spinning it in circles like a coin and thinking about Shawn. 107

The pizza box was almost empty. She had a plate beside her with a few crusts and a little bit of sauce left behind. Through her window the chirps of tree frogs could be heard. They would not be around much longer with the weather getting colder.108

She picked up the phone and dialed Marissa’s number. Julia planned to tell her about Shawn and what had happened. She was curling the cord around her fingers and tapping with anticipation and excitement as the phone rang. Unfortunately she got the answering machine and hung up without leaving a message, she never left messages. She put the phone back in its cradle.109

‘Perhaps it would be better to not tell her considering what she said about her seeing him first or whatever. No, I’ll wait for tomorrow and then consider telling her.’ Julia walked over to her fridge and stuck her sticker right on the black door. The red lines of the clock flashed at her that it was already one in the morning. She was too excited feeling to go to sleep yet though. Instead she grabbed a small container of cookie dough ice cream out of the freezer and headed downstairs.110

Most of the downstairs of the townhouse was a large entertainment room. She possessed a most extensive collection of movies. She had all genres, of all ages, from all over the world. She never threw any of them away and had been collecting movies most of her life. There must have been at least several thousand of them and they were all alphabetized and relatively neat. All of them had been watched at least once and some of them had been watched over forty times. 111

Julia put the ice cream down on a coaster. She chose a romantic comedy and put it in the player. There were two luxurious chairs for watching movies down here. They could recline and were covered in soft leather. She sat on the right as usual and snuggled into an old blanket with her ice cream in her hands. She laughed along with the movie and enjoyed her ice cream. It was such an impossibly happy situation she doubted its reality. 112

It was two. The movie was about half way over now and it was late. Julia had turned over and her back had been to the other chair at some point during the movie and now she was scared to breathe. She sensed that someone else was downstairs, that someone was in the other chair. She was paralyzed with hot fear and could not turn back around to check and see if anyone at all was there. The movie continued to play but she was no longer listening or watching it. Her eyes looked straight in front of her to the left wall and all she heard was her hushed breathing and the beating of her heart. 113

The longer she didn’t move the more certain she was that someone was behind her, just waiting. She held her breath and shut her eyes. With muscles clenched and heart pounding her blood through her veins she spun around prepared to fight. The chair was totally empty. The presence had moved. 114

She walked cautiously up the stairs, still feeling that someone was there. Against the wall, she flipped the stairway’s lights off. Now she was on the ground level and that meant she was exposed. There were windows on most every wall, blinds were up, and she would be about level with anyone who might look in front the outside. 115

Now she had dropped down to her knees and began to stumble awkwardly down the hall. She rushed to the next set of stairs. Her breathing was hurried and now the blood was pumping by her ears. With each pulse her reality shifted in and out of focus. She reached the stairs and held onto the railing for balance. 116

The stairs up to the top floor had never been so loud as they were that night. With every tentative step a crack shattered the stillness of night. At the top she stood in the dark. The only thing that was not black was the swirling brown bubbling mass that was covering her view. She tried to blink through it but the only thing that happened was that she lost track of whether her eyes were open or closed. 117

Her head ached but she had to make it to safety, to her asylum. She pushed open her bedroom door and locked it immediately behind her. Across the room she checked the locks on the windows and then put down the blinds and pulled the curtains shut. She was not going to risk anything. She grabbed a pillow off the bed and hurried into her bathroom where she proceeded to lock the door, check behind the shower curtains repeatedly to make sure there was no one and nothing back there. She searched the cabinets and looked behind the toilet. Several towels were stuffed around the space at the bottom of the door.118

Julia jumped up onto her counter and leaned against the wall with her feet in the dry sink. She hugged her knees and closed her eyes. There was one dim light she had turned on and she planned to sleep with it on if she slept at all. Her mind was slipping behind lies and dodging logic. She felt sick and could recognize that something was wrong and it probably was just in her mind, but she didn’t want to risk anything just incase it wasn’t.119

Then she remembered. The very drug she had started the day talking about. She saw it across the sink in its small orange container. She turned the top and it snapped open. Inside were about fifty yellow capsules. They were smooth and each had a little black number imprinted on its side. She grabbed three and tossed them back. She no longer used water to swallow pills, at least not these ones anyway. They went down easy enough without it. 120

Already the haze was becoming clear and things slowed down. Julia got off the counter and curled up with a few of the remaining towels in here empty bathtub. She had to keep her head above level with her body for at least a few hours though. Otherwise, as she knew from experience, the medicine could come back up her throat in the form of a burning, acrid gas. She shivered against the tub’s walls. What was it that bathtubs were made of? It didn’t seem to be a metal; it wasn’t grey or sharp. It didn’t seem to be plastic either. It was smooth and white and had a slippery sheen, but it was sturdy. Like marble, polished marble, only with out the resistance that marble had if you pushed your hand across it. Yes, it seemed to have the structural security of marble or concrete white the texture and appearance of plastic. Or maybe it was just a very murky sort of glass. So murky that it appeared as milk when heated and was white and solid looking when it hardened. Or fiberglass. Could it be fiberglass? Julia wasn’t sure what fiberglass was. She didn’t really know anything about it other than that people put it in their attics as a pink fluff that physical contact with it ought to be avoided. But people were always talking about fiberglass being involved with other things, possibly it being used to make cars? Julia had no idea. She covered her head with a soft grey towel. No more thinking.121

NoChapter I122

The air conditioning system turned on and began to hum and rattle. Clocks ticked and time went slowly with them.123

“Julia, I really think that we should consider an increase of the medication,” he pushed his glasses up, “For the past six months I haven’t seen any major improvement and your blood tests show that the Clomipramine levels are below what we would consider to be of a ‘therapeutic’ value.”124

“I have told you before that I am not going any higher on any dosages of anything. I do eventually want to get off of all of these pills, and I hope that you, as my doctor, can respect my decision.” Julia wanted the session to end. ‘Possible medication increases’ were generally one of the final things that they would talk about. Dr. Herman put down the folder and clipped his pen onto it.125

“I understand your resistance to going onto a higher level of the medications in relation to your desire to someday be able to ‘function’ without reliance on them. The fact of the matter is that you are always going to have these problems. The medications may help to ease the symptoms and will provide some lasting help even after discontinuation, but, from what I have seen, long term medication seems to be the best answer for helping you. I also want to warn you of the possibility that once you are off the meds you may revert back to how you used to be.” Dr. Herman had moved his glasses off of his head and was now loosely waving them in his hand as he talked. Julia was staring back with a solid expression, trying to maintain an air of being nearly indifferent. However, deep inside, she was realizing her secret fear of depending on psychiatric drugs for the rest of her life to be fact. She threw it out of her head and checked her watch.126

“Actually things are going pretty well for me. I still have my close friend Marissa Rice, who you know about, and there is a new man who just moved in next door to me, plus I have a job, which reminds me that I ought to go to work now,” she said standing up. He stood up also and handed her a paper out of his folder. It was a doctor’s note and an appointment reminder.127

“Alright, so I’ll see you next month,” he said and opened the door into the hallway for Julia. She passed through it and responded quietly to his valediction of “Bye-bye.” She held her purse close to the front of her for comfort while she rode the elevator down to the parking garage. 128

Her car was an older Toyota Corolla, back from the mid-nineties. It was painted a slate color and the doors were slightly banged up. She had owned it for a long time and she had become very attached to it over time. So much so that now that despite its mechanical problems she didn’t want to get a new one.129

Julia unlocked it and got inside, putting her purse on the seat beside her. She turned on the music and drove out of the parking complex back into the bright of the early morning sunshine. She turned onto the road as her cell phone started to ring.130

“Yeah? Hello?” She had flipped open her cell phone and turned the music volume down, “Marissa, yeah hi! I’ll be in to work in just a few minutes ok? So, what are you calling about?” 131

Marissa was standing in a line at the Starbucks beside the mall. There were about three people before her and five more already sitting down in the shop with their coffees. The people’s taste for caffeine certainly seemed to be doing the place a lot of good. She held the phone against her curled dark brown hair.132

“I’m just stopping by the Starbucks on my way to work and wanted to see if I could pick you up anything. So what do you want?” she said this loudly to be heard through the chatter of the coffeehouse. 133

“Yeah, sure that would be great. And don’t worry; I’ll pay you back for it.” Julia said. She could not quite tell with all of the background noise but it sounded like her friend laughed.134

“You totally would pay me back; I have no doubt of that at all. No, here, how about you just buy the coffee next time. That way we’ll be even and not have to worry about who owes what or anything like that.” The line in front of Marissa was getting shorter and now there was only one person left to order before her, “Quickly, tell me what it is that you want.”135

“Ummm….” Julia tapped her fingers on the steering wheel and bit her lips, “I think I’ll have the grande caramel Frappuccino.”136

“Ok, good. I’ve got to order now so see to you in fifteen minutes. Bye.” Marissa hung up the phone and moved up in line.137

“What can I get for you today?” The man behind the counter asked Marissa, who was looking up at the menu above the counter. She looked down and then did a slight double take. He was quite good looking for some unknown guy working behind the Starbucks counter. Not unusually attractive but he did have an appearance that was certainly more handsome than the average guy. He had dark blondish hair that spattered off into small thin spikes on occasion and a little bit of stubble on his chin and cheeks, but not so much as to make him look dirty. His white shirt was rolled back to his elbows and the uniform apron fit him loosely. Marissa opened a wide, minty smile at him.138

“Hi,” she said. She shot glanced at his nametag to remember for later, “Shawn. I’ll have a tall vanilla latte and a grande caramel Frappuccino.” He told her the total and she handed him the money and took back the change by curling it into the receipt. She went over to one of the arm chairs in the corner and laid back to listen to the music that was playing. She never really liked the Starbucks music, in fact most of it was to her annoyance, but she would just have to put up with it. 139

“I’ve got a grande caramel Frappuccino and a tall vanilla latte!” Shawn called over the counter. Marissa got back up and took the coffees.140

“Thank you,” she said. She was smiling that smile again.141

“You have a nice day,” Shawn replied retying his green apron behind his back. Marissa walked out into the parking lot gripping the cardboard drink holder, still smiling. It was a new discovery to her that there was such a good looking guy working at a store so close to where she worked. It was a great coincidence that they had met today and she was very glad to have something new to talk about with Julia during the day at work. Lately the possible topics for discussion have been little more than obscure relatives, new happenings in the mall, sales in the store, and Julia's depressing new neighbor. Anything, anyone would liven the conversation and the last thing that Marissa felt like going through today was another boring discussion while sorting out socks from the dressing room.142

Chapter II143

“Thanks again for the coffee,” Julia said taking a sip from behind the stack of sweaters and standing back up again. 144

“It was no problem at all. I was going there anyway.” Marissa said as she lifted a new pile of flattened red sweaters out of the box. She passed one over to Julia, “Besides, I also have something new for us to talk about.”145

“Really?” said Julia in teasing disbelief, “Something new to talk about. I was beginning to think that we had a set list of incredibly boring topics which we were forced to choose from daily. What is this possible new topic?”146

“Well,” began Marissa taking a sip off coffee and hiding it back behind the sweaters,” As you know I was at the Starbucks earlier today to order our coffees. Then I saw this guy who worked there behind the counter, right, and he was so cute I couldn’t believe it at first. And he was all like ‘What can I get for you’, and I wrote down his name on the receipt once I got into my car.” Julia was smiling at her friend’s excitement in recounting the story. Marissa dug around in her pockets for a moment and pulled out the receipt which was rolled up with the change inside of it.147

“Ah, here it is!” Marissa exclaimed and pulled it out triumphantly. Unfortunately, it must have been stuck on something because once she had pulled it out the change went everywhere. She handed the receipt to Julia.148

“Here, just hold this while I pick up my change,” Marissa kneeled down as her kneecaps popped to look around for the dropped money. Julia in the mean time was looking at the receipt. She flipped it over to the back. The whole paper was crinkled and the ink was a little smeared. “SHAWN” was written out in large hurried letters on the back of the receipt. 149

“Shawn?” asked Julia not all that enchanted with her idea of what a guy named ‘Shawn’ would look like. Marissa got up with all of her recovered change in hand. She took back the receipt to check to see if she had recovered it all.150

“Yes, his name was Shawn. Anyway, so back to my story… Oh, wait a second. I think he gave me the wrong change.” Marissa had a slight frown, “He gave me a ten dollar bill instead of a one dollar bill.”151

“Are you going to return it?” Julia asked. It was only nine dollars difference, but it would probably be right to return it anyway.152

“Of course I will!” Marissa replied with exaggerated indignation, “Plus, It’ll give me another excuse to see Shawn again.” She added on with a giggle. Both Julia and Marissa began folding shirts again and actually got some progress made towards emptying the box of them, “Oh, wait a second. I can’t return it to him tonight. I have to go to my nephew’s school play right after work and don’t have any time. I can’t miss it because I promised him that I would go see it and he would be crushed if I didn’t come.”153

“I can take it over for you. I’m not doing anything tonight.” Julia offered. 154

“That would be so great of you.” Marissa said thankfully. She handed over the ten dollar bill to Julia.155

“I’ll stop by the Starbucks after work tonight. Should I ask for one dollar back in exchange or anything like that?” Julia asked while folding the bill in her pocket.156

“I usually would say no, but with the price of gas as high as it is right now I don’t see how I could possibly risk wasting any money. Just mention it but don’t make a big deal out of it if for whatever reason you can’t get my dollar back. I’ll be ok.” Marissa took a final gulp of her vanilla latte, took off the top, and began filling the cup with the thin plastic bags that the sweaters had come in. 157

“And don’t worry Marissa.” Julia added, “I won’t try to steal your ‘Shawn from the coffee shop’.” They laughed a little bit and finished up the box of sweaters. They both threw their empty coffee cups into the box and folded it shut. Directly after they did this the Manager of the store walked over to check on their work. 158

The Manager, Carly Mahler, was a large woman with a deep, hollow, breathy voice. Mahler rarely drank, but when she did she would consume a substantial amount. According to the cleaning staff, she even had a bottle of whiskey which she kept in the lower drawer of her tiny office’s filing cabinet. She was not very well liked by the staff, mainly due to her frequent insults and unfair criticisms. 159

Another one of the reasons Mahler was so disliked was because of her extensive list of rules and her strict adherence to them. One new addition to these rules was one that stated that ‘No employees may have food or drink of any kind while working out on the floor or in the back while handling new shipments of clothing’. This rule was put into action after Jimmy who was working in the accessories accidently spilled a nearly full bottle of Cran-Raspberry juice on several Coach and Burberry purses. About three thousand dollars worth of goods were completely stained and ruined by a one dollar bottle of juice. Jimmy no longer worked at the store.160

It was extremely lucky that Julia and Marissa had just thrown their empty coffees into the box. Ms. Mahler stopped in front of them and scrutinized their freshly folded display of plus size sweaters. She was carrying a clipboard which she had angled so that no one else but her could see it. Julia doubted that it had anything at all written on it. It seemed likely to her that it was probably just a scare tactic to make her fellow employees work more diligently.161

“Good,” Carly muttered and made a dramatic check mark motion on her clipboard. Julia couldn’t help but notice that Carly hadn’t clicked her pen open and that the tip was still inside. Carly pretended to write something down with her closed pen and then walked away. Julia and Marissa had been standing on either side of the display table waiting for some act of condemnation, but it never came. They exchanged a brief glance of mutual confusion. 162

“Wow,” said Julia, “I guess these are some really neat sweaters.”163

“That was really weird,” agreed Marissa. A muttered ‘good’ was the best complement that anyone ever received from Carly. Julia went into the back and brought out another box of clothes. Both she and Marissa worked on the plus sizes floor of the store. The reasoning behind this particular placement was not particularly clear. Neither of them was overweight, much less plus-sized, and they looked quite out of place surrounded by these huge articles of clothing. The only possible theory that the two had developed was that possibly this was some vindictive move on Carly’s part to mock the obese people with the two women who are much smaller by having them working on the floor of the huge clothes. Whatever the case may be, it resulted in Julia struggling to pull out a very large box full of plus size jackets. She managed to get it out onto the floor and over to the rack where she would hang them, but once she got the box to where she was dragging it she left it there to take a short break and prepare her arms for lifting the many jackets inside and putting them on the hangers. To someone who hasn’t spent countless hours performing this almost menial task it might seem ridiculous to take a brief break in preparation to hanging clothing. However, anyone who has spent even an afternoon hanging plus-sized women’s fall and winter jackets knows that your arms get tired and sore soon after about at least the first thirty.164

Marissa joined Julia and they began to hang the jackets. They were actually rather unfortunate looking things really. They were a tan brown sort of color and almost totally shapeless. The sleeves were a bit puffy and there was a collar that surrounded the neck in a complete circle. 165

“I don’t get why anyone would ever wear something like this. I mean, yeah, I know it’s the plus size section, but does that mean that everything has to be really ugly.” Marissa held out one of the jackets on her arm and used it as an example. It was something that Julia had also noticed while working in the store. The plus sized clothes were almost always much less appealing than everything else. 166

“I think that if I were the designers who make these clothes I would just scale up the clothing of the regular sizes. That way the obese people would also have clothes that look,” Julia paused in the middle of her not at all thought out answer, “normal.” 167

This was generally how there conversations went. Neither of them was putting much thought into the topic that they were discussing and neither of them really seemed to care whatever the other one said in response. It was really not anything more than mindless chatter to keep them occupied. They spent the rest of the day making comments about the poor fashion designs and occasionally they would talk about Julia’s new neighbor Louie. 168

Louie had moved into the townhome next to Julia’s about a month or so back. He was in the middle of a divorce and had effectively been kicked out of his house. Louie was about forty-five years old from what Julia could guess and was beginning to bald on the top of his head. Julia had made some attempts to be neighborly to him, but he was unwilling to accept any kindness or gifts, probably because he saw it as a form of charity that most men who find themselves in difficult situations oppose.169

The evening was largely spent in the company of the employees of other floors. Julia and Marissa were the only two attendants on the women’s side of the plus-size level and when it was late they would usually head down to the lower level of the store, which included the departments of child wear, accessories, perfumes, and colognes. 170

Gary, the perfume and cologne shopping attendant, was funny to listen to especially at the end of the day. It was not so much of what he said, but rather the high nasally voice in which he said it in that made talking with him fun. John of the men’s sportswear was too preoccupied with whatever had happened at the last football match to talk about much of anything else. Unless you had been watching and studying football or basketball, with great devotion for the past several years you would not have an idea who half of the people he was talking about were, let alone their personal score from the past season. Lisa and Claude from shoes were always too involved in their inside jokes, and mainly uninterested in anyone else in the store. Michaela, who worked to clean out the women’s changing rooms, was just too busy reorganizing the tried on clothes to have time to joke around or talk. Julia wandered around for a while to hear if anyone was having any interesting conversations, but today everyone was burnt out and ready to go home. It was the middle of the week, Thursday to be specific, and they were all stranded there. It was too early to look forward for the coming weekend but it also had been too long to enjoy the past one.171

Chapter III172

The day finally ended and the piano music that had been playing over the speakers throughout the day stopped. The lights were shut off and the cleaning crew emerged from the darkness they seemed to hide in during the day. Julia got her bag and left the store. The store was heavily air conditioned and as she walked through the final pair of doors she experienced the wind tunnel effect that was all too familiar to her and her fellow staff.173

The Starbucks which was addressed on the receipt was across the parking lot, but it was a large parking lot. Julia would have to drive over there in a moment anyway so she got into her car and drove to avoid wasting the time of walking to it and back again to her car which was parked in front of the Nordstrom Department Store.174

She parked her car up at the curb of the sidewalk in front of the Starbucks and yawned as she stepped out into the dim flickering of the parking lot lights. The Starbucks sign emitted a slight green glow which attracted moths but didn’t affect much of the way anything appeared. Inside the Starbucks, however, there was a warm yellow glow of at least semi-decent quality lights. Julia had stopped out front of the shop momentarily to observe the strange difference between the lights. The sort of lights that were scattered through the parking lot always made her feel nervous and uneasy. She turned away form them and walked gratefully towards the comfort inside. 175

The moment she opened the doors she was surrounded with the warmth of the strong odor of ground coffee. Across the room from Julia there was a man standing behind the counter wiping away crumbs with a blue edged white cloth. She suspected him to be Shawn from what she had heard of him. He wiped his face with his arm that was holding the cloth and turned to see Julia.176

“Oh, hi,” he said and put down his wash cloth, “I didn’t see you come in.”177

“It’s ok,” Julia smiled, “I was looking around.”178

“So, what can I get you?” the man behind the counter asked and leaned down on the counter looking up at her. Julia reached into her purse and looking, guilty, held out the ten dollar bill. He stared at it a little bit surprised.179

“My friend, Marissa, was in here earlier today and I guy named Shawn accidently gave her the wrong change. She should have only gotten one dollar back, but instead he gave here a ten.” Julia told in explanation. Shawn picked it up and Julia gave him the receipt to prove what she was talking about.180

“Well, I’m Shawn- Shawn Taylor- so I guess that this was my fault. I’m surprised that you brought it back. Most people would just have pocketed it and that would have been it. Thanks.”181

“Oh, it was no problem. My friend just felt guilty and couldn’t return it herself because she had to go to her nephew’s school play. So, there are at least two people who would have returned it,” She ended this with a friendly laugh, “If you don’t mind though my friend is really pretty cheap and she would like her one dollar if it wouldn’t be too much of a problem.”182

“No problem,” he said and popped open the cash register, “Is there anything that I could get for you while your here?”183

“Yeah, I’ll have a grande Caramel Macchiato and…,” she paused as she looked at the pastries, “a slice of the marble pound cake.” 184

Shawn paused above the register’s open drawer for a moment. He had the ten dollar bill held up in one hand and was looking down. 185

“Tell you what,” he said putting down the money, “How about I give you your coffee and cake in exchange for the dollar. We have to throw away these pastries every night if they don’t get eaten anyway.”186

“Yeah sure,” said Julia, “that works fine for me.”187

Shawn began to make the coffee. He picked up a sharpie and was about to write on the cup.188

“What was your name again?” He asked and then added in explanation, “We are supposed to write it on the cup to make it seem more personal or something like that.”189

“Julia,” she responded. He wrote it down and nodded and continued. Julia walked over to the stand of CD’s. She flipped through them but not because she had any real interest in buying any of them. She was just trying to distract herself from the awkwardness she felt from being alone in a room with a person she had just met and found to be quite attractive.190

Slowly she stepped away from the stand and sat down at one of the small wooden tables that were scattered throughout the room. This particular table was against the window and looked out into the parking lot. The view was not very pretty or interesting. Instead it was grey, disappointing, and cold. Julia found this view to be very fitting to her current situation in, and outlook, on life. She slipped her jacket off and put it over the back of the chair. Julia intended to use this time as a break and a way to just put everything off at least for an hour. She figured that she might as well make herself comfortable.191

“Here you go,” said Shawn who had delivered the coffee and pastry to the table where Julia was sitting. He had two more small bags in his hand. He stood beside the table smiling and looking at Julia who looked plainly up at him.192

“Would you like to sit down?” Julia asked him slowly, putting a space between every word and taking brief glances around.193

“Yes, thank you. There aren’t too many people who come in here after the mall closes.” he said and took the seat opposite Julia. He sat the other too bags on the table as well. These bags were sealed shut with a round pink sticker.194

“What’s in those?” Julia asked.195

“These are cupcakes,” Shawn replied and left his explanation at that. Julia had expected him to have said more but he did not. She was trying to work up some sort of conversation, but it was like he was pouring buckets of water over the small flames she was struggling to kindle. She ground her teeth and looked around.196

“So, you work here.” She said.197

“Yes, but I don’t really want to, you know, work at a Starbucks my whole life. That would be sort of pathetic and disappointing. I’m actually earning my bachelor’s degree in finance. I know this is going to sound nerdy as all hell, but I want to work as an accountant.” Shawn said this looking a little bit embarrassed.198

“That is not so nerdy. I work at the Nordstrom department store across the parking lot by the way. What I really want to do though is paint.” She looked out the window at the Nordstrom store. 199

“So, you’re an artist?” Shawn was opening one of the bags. He pealed the sticker back carefully and attached it gently on the side of the table so it could be removed easily later.200

“Well, I used to be,” said Julia watching what he did with the sticker, “I stopped painting about two years ago.” By now Shawn had opened the bag and had a chocolate cupcake sitting on top of it.201

“Why?” he asked bluntly and took a bite of the cupcake.202

“It was a hard time for me. My father had just died. I almost did something that I shouldn’t have. I lost a lot of friends. I don’t really like to talk about it.” Julia was now looking down at her slab of cake and closing her eyes to keep from crying.203

“I’m so sorry,” Shawn reached across to her hand and took hold of it in a small attempt at providing comfort. Julia used her free hand to wipe her hair behind her ears.204

“No, it’s my fault for being so emotional. It’s just that I was very close to my father and he was pretty much my whole world, and when he died so did that world. I just miss him so much. But why am I telling this to you? We barely have even met and yet I am telling you the sob story of my life!” Julia laughed herself to try to get regain her composure. She drank some of her coffee and took a bite of cake.205

“I don’t mind at all. A lot of people come through here everyday and then I never see them again. Sometimes I really do wonder who they are. To just think about the fact that each and every one of them has a story to tell, and each one is different, just amazes me.” Shawn had such an earnest expression on his face Julia doubted that what he had just said was an attempt at appearing sensitive and deep. Julia had never thought about people this way but found it to be an interesting way to think about all of the people who she had formerly considered to be nothing more than extras in her life.206

They both sat in a moment of silence and reflection over this thought. However, from that point on the conversation ran quite smoothly. They talked about restaurants, movies, friends, and other minor subjects that are involved in average daily life. They exchanged opinions and told brief stories about past experiences. The cakes were consumed and coffees drained. Then Julia looked down at her watch to discover with shock that it was past eleven.207

“Listen, I had a really great time with you tonight, but I’ve got to go.” Julia stood up and put on her jacket208

“Wait a second,” Shawn said. He stood up and held up a hand. He reached down to the table and removed the sticker, “Here, I want you to have this.” Shawn held out the cupcake sticker from earlier. Julia took it from him.209

“Thanks?” she was not sure exactly why he had given her the sticker and replied with slight sarcasm, “I’ll treasure it forever.” She put the sticker in her purse and stuck it on to her compact. Shawn was finishing closing up the shop now from behind the counter. He pointed back to her with his face creased by a playful smile and falsely serious raised eyebrows.210

“You better treasure it. Those stickers are known to bring good luck.” Shawn took off his apron and hung it up on the hook. Julia opened the door and Shawn ran over to hold it open. She turned around and faced him.211

“Come back sometime, I’ll probably be working, and I think it would be nice to see you again.” Julia was taken aback. She was surprised at, what she considered to be, a very bold move for him towards her. She was actually also absolutely elated, but she contained herself.212

“I will,” she eventually said and nodded lightly. Julia walked a few steps out of the building and waved to Shawn before splitting up to go their separate ways. Shawn returned to the store to finish cleaning up. Inside her car, Julia smiled and slowly inhaled the excitement that both of them felt. 213

Chapter IV214

Julia walked up the sidewalk to her townhouse. Hers was the second one down the row and so her garage couldn’t open into her house directly. She was humming the melody of a song she couldn’t remember the name of and would improvise whenever she forgot how it went. She practically skipped up the steep steps to her door. Just as she opened the screen door and was getting out her keys she heard her neighbor opening his door.215

Louie was carrying two bottles of trash out to the curb. One of them was black but the other was white and its plastic was stretched so thin that Julia could see what was inside. It was full mainly of beer cans, bottles, paper towels, and an assortment of carry-out and take-away boxes. He was not a large or strong man and his arms were bent up and trembling with the sheer weight of his trash. The bags themselves knocked against him with each step, causing him to sway.216

“Do you need some help?” Julia asked him from her doorway. He partially turned his head towards her. Small amounts of sweat were building above his eyebrows and his glasses were slightly tilted to the right.217

“No, no,” he said, “I’m fine.” He stumbled along the rest of the way down to the street and threw the bags into the dumpster.218

“I’m going to order a pizza and if you haven’t had dinner yet you could come over and have some of it.” Julia offered, pointing over her shoulder. Louie straightened his glasses.219

“That’s ok, I actually already made dinner. I made lasagna with Caesar salad and garlic cheese bread. Thanks though.”220

“Have a good night.” Julia waved and unlocked her front door.221

“You too,” Louie murmured wearily. He opened his door while holding the screen door back with his foot. His home smelt slightly bitter and was dark. The only working light bulb in the kitchen was from the ceiling fan. It was the only one of four that hadn’t gone out the day he moved in. He slouched into a chair and threw an arm onto the bare table. ‘Dinner, a nice lasagna dinner’ he thought to him self, ‘Ha!’ He got up and opened his refrigerator.222

There was not much inside of it. Just a half stick of butter, sour milk, few cans of beer, and Chinese carry-out boxes from two nights ago. He grabbed the take-out boxes and a can of beer and sat them on the table. He opened the boxes and discovered that he had only an eggroll, some chicken he didn’t remember having ordered, and fried rice that appeared to have too much egg in it. He slapped it all onto a plate and pressed the crusty minute button on the microwave. He snapped open his beer and took a swig. 223

The drink felt sharp in his mouth. The bubbles were like tiny pinches and it was difficult for Louie to drink. He really didn’t enjoy beer; not the flavor, not the appearance, not the sharp feeling, and not the smell. He was only drinking to get drunk.224

The microwave beeped and he took his plate over into his living room. He stared at his television but never bothered to turn it or the lights in the room on. He barely felt like eating. Lethargically he moved fork to mouth to plate repetitively. Eventually all that remained on the plate were a few spare pieces of rice and smears of the orange chicken sauce. He reflected on how much he hated it that eggrolls always get soft and moist after being reheated and picked up a fortune cookie that had been left on his coffee table. He replaced the cookie with his plate and leaned back on the sofa.225

‘Someone is thinking fondly of you,’ the fortune cookie read. Louie laughed. “Not fucking likely” he spat into the dark and threw the fortune and broken pieces of cookie on the floor.226

Chapter V227

Julia played with the pink sticker. ‘Cupcake Originals’ was embossed in silver with a sketch styled drawing of a cupcake on the light pink sticker. The sticker was rather thick and sturdy, as far as stickers can be anyway. She had been spinning it in circles like a coin and thinking about Shawn. 228

The pizza box was almost empty. She had a plate beside her with a few crusts and a little bit of sauce left behind. Through her window the chirps of tree frogs could be heard. They would not be around much longer with the weather getting colder.229

She picked up the phone and dialed Marissa’s number. Julia planned to tell her about Shawn and what had happened. She was curling the cord around her fingers and tapping with anticipation and excitement as the phone rang. Unfortunately she got the answering machine and hung up without leaving a message, she never left messages. She put the phone back in its cradle.230

‘Perhaps it would be better to not tell her considering what she said about her seeing him first or whatever. No, I’ll wait for tomorrow and then consider telling her.’ Julia walked over to her fridge and stuck her sticker right on the black door. The red lines of the clock flashed at her that it was already one in the morning. She was too excited feeling to go to sleep yet though. Instead she grabbed a small container of cookie dough ice cream out of the freezer and headed downstairs.231

Most of the downstairs of the townhouse was a large entertainment room. She possessed a most extensive collection of movies. She had all genres, of all ages, from all over the world. She never threw any of them away and had been collecting movies most of her life. There must have been at least several thousand of them and they were all alphabetized and relatively neat. All of them had been watched at least once and some of them had been watched over forty times. 232

Julia put the ice cream down on a coaster. She chose a romantic comedy and put it in the player. There were two luxurious chairs for watching movies down here. They could recline and were covered in soft leather. She sat on the right as usual and snuggled into an old blanket with her ice cream in her hands. She laughed along with the movie and enjoyed her ice cream. It was such an impossibly happy situation she doubted its reality. 233

It was two. The movie was about half way over now and it was late. Julia had turned over and her back had been to the other chair at some point during the movie and now she was scared to breathe. She sensed that someone else was downstairs, that someone was in the other chair. She was paralyzed with hot fear and could not turn back around to check and see if anyone at all was there. The movie continued to play but she was no longer listening or watching it. Her eyes looked straight in front of her to the left wall and all she heard was her hushed breathing and the beating of her heart. 234

The longer she didn’t move the more certain she was that someone was behind her, just waiting. She held her breath and shut her eyes. With muscles clenched and heart pounding her blood through her veins she spun around prepared to fight. The chair was totally empty. The presence had moved. 235

She walked cautiously up the stairs, still feeling that someone was there. Against the wall, she flipped the stairway’s lights off. Now she was on the ground level and that meant she was exposed. There were windows on most every wall, blinds were up, and she would be about level with anyone who might look in front the outside. 236

Now she had dropped down to her knees and began to stumble awkwardly down the hall. She rushed to the next set of stairs. Her breathing was hurried and now the blood was pumping by her ears. With each pulse her reality shifted in and out of focus. She reached the stairs and held onto the railing for balance. 237

The stairs up to the top floor had never been so loud as they were that night. With every tentative step a crack shattered the stillness of night. At the top she stood in the dark. The only thing that was not black was the swirling brown bubbling mass that was covering her view. She tried to blink through it but the only thing that happened was that she lost track of whether her eyes were open or closed. 238

Her head ached but she had to make it to safety, to her asylum. She pushed open her bedroom door and locked it immediately behind her. Across the room she checked the locks on the windows and then put down the blinds and pulled the curtains shut. She was not going to risk anything. She grabbed a pillow off the bed and hurried into her bathroom where she proceeded to lock the door, check behind the shower curtains repeatedly to make sure there was no one and nothing back there. She searched the cabinets and looked behind the toilet. Several towels were stuffed around the space at the bottom of the door.239

Julia jumped up onto her counter and leaned against the wall with her feet in the dry sink. She hugged her knees and closed her eyes. There was one dim light she had turned on and she planned to sleep with it on if she slept at all. Her mind was slipping behind lies and dodging logic. She felt sick and could recognize that something was wrong and it probably was just in her mind, but she didn’t want to risk anything just incase it wasn’t.240

Then she remembered. The very drug she had started the day talking about. She saw it across the sink in its small orange container. She turned the top and it snapped open. Inside were about fifty yellow capsules. They were smooth and each had a little black number imprinted on its side. She grabbed three and tossed them back. She no longer used water to swallow pills, at least not these ones anyway. They went down easy enough without it. 241

Already the haze was becoming clear and things slowed down. Julia got off the counter and curled up with a few of the remaining towels in here empty bathtub. She had to keep her head above level with her body for at least a few hours though. Otherwise, as she knew from experience, the medicine could come back up her throat in the form of a burning, acrid gas. She shivered against the tub’s walls. What was it that bathtubs were made of? It didn’t seem to be a metal; it wasn’t grey or sharp. It didn’t seem to be plastic either. It was smooth and white and had a slippery sheen, but it was sturdy. Like marble, polished marble, only with out the resistance that marble had if you pushed your hand across it. Yes, it seemed to have the structural security of marble or concrete white the texture and appearance of plastic. Or maybe it was just a very murky sort of glass. So murky that it appeared as milk when heated and was white and solid looking when it hardened. Or fiberglass. Could it be fiberglass? Julia wasn’t sure what fiberglass was. She didn’t really know anything about it other than that people put it in their attics as a pink fluff that physical contact with it ought to be avoided. But people were always talking about fiberglass being involved with other things, possibly it being used to make cars? Julia had no idea. She covered her head with a soft grey towel. No more thinking.242

NOT DONE