Confessions From A Moleskin - Taboo to far

[DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY EXTREME TABOO ]1

Confessions from a moleskine – Taboo to much2

I did something I should not have done.3

I do regret it, in fact it disgust me, while at the same time it made me feel things I am not sure I am meant to feel.4

I asked someone about it and they said I can't deny how I feel or who I am.5

I try not to, but I am confused.6

I like different taboo. Weird things like incest & bestiality. Things that are not  exactly socially acceptable and so embarking on the hunt to find something worthy of release motivation by professional porn.7

I stumbled upon that can only be called pedophilia in the form of mothers and daughters.8

Now before I go to further I will add that the idea of fucking my own mother makes me sick, yet the idea of others turns me on greatly and I have no disgust in watching the videos or venturing on the idea.9

I did expect something different: adults, teenagers, not the child that I saw in the short video clip.10

First time watching it confused me. The second time it disgusted me, but the more I watched it the more I began to feel the heat between my thighs and the molten liquid of arousal straining my breath.11

I had no choice, but to take away the feeling that was starting to cause me to ache between my thighs and when I had finished I no longer held any disgust towards what I had felt.12

Since then I have repeated to watch it. With interest, with fascination, curiosity and stimulation to the point where I wanted to be that child experiencing what was practically molestation.13

How wrong is it to feel like that? How disturbing is it to think that I could feel that way towards something that frightens me?14

It was more than a challenge, I found, to delete it. Only to know that I would go hunting for it again. In fact I went hunting for more.15

Unsure of what to do and unable to sleep, already soaked with the idea of it happening. I had to confess that I was at the point where I was unsure of where my motives lay towards the clip and why every time it sprung into my mind I was begging to touch myself, to bring myself to that heightened place of satisfaction.16

I wanted to understand why the look of a woman licking and fondling an innocent child would stir something almost erotic in me.17

I did not understand it at all and I still try.18

I can only hope by marking this down, by marking my expression that I might one day be able to understand why I took this taboo to far.