Rubbish

Why? You ask yourself why all the time don’t you? Why don’t they like me, accept me, love me? People come up with coping mechanisms as do animals. They do some from of mechanism to cover up a feeling they can’t deal with. Feelings, love, unwanted, cutting, drinking, friends. What happens when you can’t find anymore answers? Reasons? Do you think of death? When you are thrown into an eternal waste land what is there to do. Cutting. Do you want attention? Is that why I cut. No. I cut to cover up feelings. Feelings of sadness because then I can cover up sadness with pain. I think I can bear with pain rather than sadness. Drinking. Drinking feels good. You can forget all of your problems but only for a moment. You can get wasted, you can throw up, you can die. You can feel so happy and do whatever you want when you drink. Heh.. I think why do people write? I can come up with some answers, some logical answers an lots of reasons. I wrote to express how I feel, I’m not really a social person. And mostly when you talk. No-one listens. People write cause they can make their fantasies come true. They can make people happy with their writings, maybe they just like to write. Sometimes do you just feel like throwing it away. Are you truly trash. People talk. Do you listen. Music it’s a funny thing dontcha think? It can make you feel happy, sexual, sad, unloved. Depends on what you listen to. Everything seems to be about sex, violence, love, friends. Relationships, places and the this that. What else is there? The computer is bad for your health? This and that are bad then what is good. If I can no longer cut or drink. What can my new mechanism be? Sleep, death. Some choices I’ve thought of. I feel abandoned. People giving me sour looks of hate. Teasing. What else is there? When your sad and want to die. Its awful to think like this I know. People would do anything for a new heart a liver anything to let them survive. And here I am, wanting to die. But you see the thing is I can’t die. I would hurt my parents, my siblings, my haters ,my rivals. Everything would crash down upon them. I would sacrifice my dreams. And for what? To escape these feelings. You know. How some people can’t feel? I wish I couldn’t feel. There I go wishing something bad while someone would want to feel. Things always seem to have a price. Things always seem to be compared between darkness and light. Doesn’t it seem that way? Some people care some don’t. Why should I care what others think? I should, I shouldn’t. I just want to lie in the darkness for a bit more. See if anything changes, if anything dies or survives. The seven deadly sins. If only people didn't have them so much. Everyone has one and is using it.1