Beauty overwhelming2
yet i cannot see3
how you may appear in the light4
but only in the darkness of my mind5
how brightly your mind is truly lit6
I know you little7
yet i cannot help8
but think that i have known you9
for all that you are10
and all that you do11
You see me not12
but i wish that you had13
so you could know how hardly14
my heart falters15
when i hear you16
Beauty overwhelming17
yet i cannot see18
how you may appear in the light19
but only in the darkness of my mind20
how brightly your mind is truly lit21
My vision is a bore22
my mind is lonesome 23
my heart is a footstep24
pacing steadily along25
my limbs, unmoving 26
Then I think of you27
of all that you are28
and of all that you do29
how you make me feel30
and how i wish it could be31
And my vision is a blur32
my mind is a race33
my heart is a drum34
beating faster than possible35
my limbs, shaking 36
Yet i see now 37
that none of this matters38
for i see you as i wish39
i portray you as i will40
i think of you as everything41
that SHE could never be42
You are what you are43
You will be who you will be44
I see you as i wish45
I portray you as i will46
i think of you as everything47
but i know that you see differently48
The time has come49
for me to let go50
of the bright shadow of beauty51
of what i need52
for you are53
and will be54
only you55
Beauty overwhelming56
yet i cannot see57
how you may appear in the light58
but only in the darkness of my mind59
how brightly your mind is truly lit60
Author notes
I really need comments on how I can improve this, not just what you think about the poem (although that's great too). I wrote it in the space of... I don't know... 15 minutes and I have to give it to someone. I haven't edited it or anything because I need another person's view on it. If you don't like it, tell me how I can improve it and if you did like it... same thing but thanks =).
How can I improve this?
Comments
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umm, is this about elizabeth? really cuz it seems like it is...
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I guess some punctuation could be improved...capital letters and so forth. But really, it does not matter. It's a great piece and the emotion comes through strongly. Good job!
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andrew... great poem but really? hahah i know who ur tlking about. good job... :-P ryan



