[Confessions from a Moleskine - The notebook Dedication ]

- DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU PLAN ON COMMENTING-1

[Confessions from a Moleskine - The notebook Dedication ]2

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I decided as a first page to write my intentions for my notebook.4

I am inspired, even late at night and there is so many words of wisdom spoken and rubbing through my mind at present. 5

I watched a movie and while it was hard to contain my anger, I learned a lot from simply just absorbing everything that the movie had to offer.6

This is my aim, to absorb and to observe all that I can in the lines of my notebook.7

Do I dare use the secret to complete this? What have I got to loose by not using this notebook to its pull advantage? Another half-filled notebook? 8

That is not my intention. 9

My intention is this: To complete every page in this notebook by the 31st of December.10

I know in myself I can be imperfect. 11

I can write because it is my love to see words written on the page.12

It is okay to write anything from: speech, sayings, entries, poems, lyrics,plots, plays. Scenery, people, characters and even simple things that life has to offer me. Everything that life has to throw in my direction.13

It is for this reason that I will write. 14

I may not even show people, then again I may. For some things are written for my eyes only and yet I fear not for judgment but for admiration.15

This is my chance to write: to seek, to find, to move.16

The only rules are that the notebook must be kept with me at all times and that only the areas where damage may occur can be ruled our.17

At all other times it must be kept with me. By my bed, my desk, my chair, on a bus, in my bag. So if I feel the need, I can write without questioning it.18

Second rule is most of it will be first draft and they are allowed to be full of shit.19

As I have learned from watching 'Finding Forrester,' - “You write your first draft with your heart and not with your head.”20

So there is no rules on quality or quantity and there is no rule where to start and where to end.21

As long as the notebook is completed by the 31st of December 2008.22

I ask to meet this deadline. I believe that I can and I will, by the 31st of December 2008.23

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[October ]25

(What to feel?)26

It is hard to write my feelings down in such a manner.27

A method I used to use all the time. A method I was thoroughly addicted to and now it seems like my morning pages are hard to write and that it is extremely difficult to write about how I feel.28

My goal is to fill up a notebook and I set that goal for a reason. A challenge I intended to see through. Right till the end of the last page in my notebook.29

Not only is my notebook my journal, but it is a tool for self-expression.30

So today I write planning on expressing myself. Indeed for my eyes only.31

I guess that if anyone is or was going to read it then then best be aware of that first. It is all about me.32

I don't want any restrictions at all, none whatsoever.33

I want to be free to write as I want to write and not in fear of others opinions.34

Every page counts. 35

Every notebook finished is an achievement in itself. It is a beauty. A prized possession and all notebooks that are half full or empty should be worshiped, taken care of and completed. 36

They should be respected. They are the seed of ideas and something a writer can call their muse.37

It is the act of passion and pleasure and the vision of filled pages that inspires the writer in me to great lengths.38

A writer who has written a lot of pieces: novels, novellas, plays, lists, lyrics, poems, prose, truth and fiction should know the beauty of inspiration a notebook can bring.39

Notebooks are a gift and a blessing for helping writers find their muse.40

So it is a blessing that with every page I write, that I am growing not only as a person, but as a writer as well and that I have something to look back upon in years too come and to really see how much I have grown.41

Writing has made me feel a lot better. It releases a lot of pent up fear I have and I am sure it will in the coming future.42

So cheers to writing. A freedom needed and longed to be expressed. 43

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[November ]45

It is hard to express what I am feeling right now, on paper and in words.46

It is the major block. The horrific stump. The valiant lack of motivation.47

It is the tears that fall in the memories of a passionate, persistent and prolific writer who fell and lost touch with the only thing that fueled her like no other.48

It has been months since I knew who that person was and I want to find her again. 49

For she creeps out every so often when she is not denying herself the right to write and when she is not pushing away her muse, procrastinating and avoiding the words she knows will be both judged and admired.50

Every so often I find that piece of me and I write. It is the most freeing experience. Even when I dislike writing about myself or my feelings.51

I want to remember and feel those pages between my fingertips like an affirmation of my talent and love.52

I never want to be the one who gave up, who held back, who never finished. I know I can. I have proof, proof in my mind, in my heart, on paper and the screen that what I love bleeds fro me in the most challenging ways.53

I may just need to find that place in enforcement. The type of hard love. 54

Though I seem to be forgetting the rule, the one rule most story writers use. ' Even if the writing is shit, the worst thing written is still the better than the best thing not written,'55

So there you have it. Another rambling of determination, another attempt at defining my writing efforts.56

Writing is for my soul and when writing without a soul, I am nothing.57

It is more than ever now that I want to go on a writer's retreat. Inside my own home of course.58

I would start at the top of my house and work my way right down to the end. I know that something would be bound to spark my creative juices.59

I want to work on a new baby or an old. I want to write something that isn't nothing and time and place is not even an issue.60

It is an issue of fear, fear and procrastination.61

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[December ]63

I couldn't imagine a world where I could not for the life of me write another word.64

I guess I was lucking having two parents who supported my aspirations and still do and in a away I often wonder, had I had more structure in my life, had I been brought up in s different way, would I have been able to finish things, complete them? 65

Would I have a job? Or be doing a course right now? Would I be in school? Would I have graduated and went onto university to purse my dreams as a writer: a journalist.?66

I will admit that I made it further than my mother did in her education, but I do tend to feel ashamed when it comes to thinking about and knowing who I am.67

I want to be a writer. I have for as long as I have known.68

I repeat myself, my explaining somehow, something happened to tale my prolific passion away and how I am left with these pages of bullshit. Pages full of emotional turmoil.69

Maybe I am terrified of someone coming across my notebook and reading my most inner thoughts. Then again why am I worried about someone reading them? 70

Should I not just write like I used to, when the passion oozed from my fingertips? I think so.71

I am not even near my goal, not even half way through my notebook. I have nothing written at all.72

Okay maybe I tell a lie, but no more than 20 pages have been filled and that disturbs me.73

So again I make a vow, to bring my notebook everywhere I go(in great hopes) that maybe I will exceed the half way limit.74

I will write my daily pages. This is a must, a great must and I will write anything that comes to mind, day or night. Or so I continue to tell myself.75

Even if it is a snippet. I will slip it into my notebook so that upon waking I can sort my writing out.76

Nether the less I have gone another day without starting something. Another day without finishing something.77

That has to change. My writing habits have to change.78

I cannot keep doing this to myself.79