It started out as any other day--- wake up, brush my teeth, head downstairs for breakfast. That last one was my biggest mistake. 2
My parents bickered all the time. They were on the verge of divorcing and sometimes I just wished they would do it and get it over with.3
I knew they were only staying together because of me. I didn’t really know how to feel about that. I loved both of them equally and I wanted both of them in my life, but sometimes mine was thrown upside down when they argued.4
This particular day in December I had had enough. I ran out the back door, the screen door slamming loudly behind me as I ran off into the forest. I need time to think.5
I could see my return now.6
“Look Shawn, we’re sorry,” my mother would start. They would both be sitting monotonously at our kitchen table facing each other.7
“It’s fine, mom,” I would say, trying to comfort them. It really wasn’t fine. I hated them arguing, but I would never tell them that. I’m pretty sure they had a good idea of how I felt about there ‘outings’ as they called them.8
“No, it’s not,” my father would continue, “what me and you mother did was immature and selfish. Selfish to each other and selfish to you.”9
“Whatever.” I head up the stairs to my room. I can’t handle anymore tonight.10
“Shawn Revers, get back down here. This conversation isn’t over.” I continue up the stairs.11
“Yes, it is,” I say casually. Neither one of them comes up the stairs after me. They realize what I have been put through tonight.12
I walked through the forest pondering all of this. I abruptly stopped. Which way had I just come from? I was lost in a labyrinth of forest. 13
Panic overtook me and I began running wildly in all directions like a crazy madman. 14
I didn’t know how long I had been lost, but I was beginning to feel fatigued. The sun must have started making its descent into the hillside, because light was beginning the become a scarce resource.15
I slowly found my way over to a tree and slumped down. I was utterly exhausted and had no idea where I was. I curled my legs up into my chest and wrapped my arms around them.
I wondered if my parents even cared if I was missing. They probably wouldn’t. They’d figured he come back before dark, but tonight it didn’t look like that was happening. I began to cry sheepishly. I suddenly had to remind myself that fourteen years olds shouldn’t cry like this. I wiped my tears away using my sleeve.16
That’s when I noticed it.17
The book.18
It was purple and seemed to carry a burden not yet dispensed. I pulled myself up so I could get a better look of the book. I walked toward it slowly, for it seemed to have an ominous heir. This created dread within me as I walked closer and closer to the book.19
I reached down to pick it up, but the book pulled itself to the earth, like it was magnetized to the ground.20
It was filthy and half-covered in grime and dirt.
Suddenly, the book burst open send a wave of blue light into the sky. I looked closer. Were those faces? 21
Faces soared out of the book’s binding, screaming in agony. One of them soared right through my body throwing me to the ground.22
The next time I looked up there was a soul’s face floating if front of me as if on a cloud. 23
The face was that of a woman in her early twenties. She had long, flowing hair and beautiful eyes. She stared at me blankly for a moment before speaking.24
“Why?” the face asked, almost mournfully. Her voice was unusually high-pitched and her face held a look of strain and stress. I looked at her face inquisitively, pondering my next move.25
“Why release us?” she whispered. Her voice was soft and pleasant, yet harshness was banging at the door. It never skipped a beat.26
“Wh-wh-where did you come from?” I asked cautiously following her every move as she swept around me.27
“I am from the land of the dead,” she replied. “You must have found the book.”28
“Wait, so you are saying that that book is a way into the Land of the Dead,” I said a little anxiously. I will be able to my great great grandparents, I thought.29
“Yes, and you have just released them.”30
“Released who?”31
“The dead.” The words bounced off the walls of my brain. The dead. The dead. 32
“I plan to return to my hometown and live peacefully in Norwich, but others will not be so friendly.” More souls rushed past us.33
“What do you mean?”34
“Some of these people were tortured, others brutally murdered. Would you just stand around if you had the chance to avenge your death?”35
I finally began to understand. The book was a portal, a portal into the Land of the Dead. It was where souls were collected and lived after their life on Earth, and I ad just released them into our world.36
“Can you tell me more about this book? I mean where did it come from. I thought all souls were sent to heaven or hell?” I asked.37
“Well, they were. At one time,” the female soul started. “But that all changed about five thousand years ago.” 38
“The Book of the Past is the very first book that was ever made. It wasn’t long after that that the book fell into the wrong hands- the hands of a falcteaser.”39
“What is a falcteaser?” I asked.40
“The falcteaser is a creature that has a falcon’s head and a horse’s body. They are very nasty creatures, easily angered. The falcteaser placed a curse upon the it, which called all souls into the book.”41
“The book remained hidden until the 1900s when its second owner came along- Evangeline. Evangeline was a nice, country girl. She kept the book secret from her family and cherished it with her life. The book in returned loved her and allowed her to use the book as a diary. However, as the girl came of age, her interest in the book diminished, and the girl discarded of the book near a forest.”42
“The books next owner was more boisterous. Tom was out searching for treasure one day when he came upon the book. Tom was an evil boy and one day when the book would not cooperate he tried to tear it apart. The Book of the Past became enrage and engulfed Tom.”43
“You found the diary where Tom was once engulfed.”44
“You mean I am standing right where Tom . . .”45
“Yes.” 46
“What can I do to stop them?” I asked quickly. I looked at the sky nervously as it filled with souls.47
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The book has been locked for centuries. The key is lost for ever.”48
Suddenly, everything faded to me standing alone in my grandparent’s room. Everything was strangely black as if I was looking at an old fashioned television set.49
“I think it is time you have this,” my grandmother said. She was sitting on the edge of her bed with my mother sitting curiously beside her.50
“What is it?” my mother asked.51
“It is a family heirloom. It has been passed down from generation to generation, and now I think it is time you had it.”52
“Wow,” my mother said softly examining the heirloom.53
It was a golden, rusty key that looked centuries old. It looked nothing like keys from the twenty first century. It had the mysterious, old fashioned feel. The kind you saw in the movies.54
Just as fast as the vision had come on, it was gone. That was the answer. That key. I had to find that key. 55
“I think I know what I must get,” I told the face. I didn’t really know why. She couldn’t help me, or could she?56
“Can you get me out of this forest?”57
“Only if you promise to return the soul’s home,” she said strictly. 58
“I know what I must do.” I repeated it with a little more emphasis. “Can you return me to my home? What I am looking for I believe is in my mother’s jewelry box.”59
“Ok, but once you have found it snap twice to return to this place in the forest. I shall be awaiting your return, destined one.” That last part struck me as kind of odd. Destined one. I shrugged it off.60
The soul breathed a doorway into a nearby tree. I looked at it awed for a moment, before walking through the archway into my backyard. 61
I took off running at top speed, busting through the screen door, leaving my parents in utter bewilderment. I rushed upstairs to my mother’s jewelry box. 62
Her jewelry box was red and had a mirror on top. 63
I opened the top open, but there was no key. I stared at the bottom of the box in awe. It wasn’t there. Where else would my mother hide a family heirloom? 64
I had to talk to the female soul. Maybe she would know. She seemed to be holding back something.65
I snapped my fingers twice. Nothing happened. I snapped them twice again. Nothing happened. I began snapping wildly. It was no use. The face had betrayed me. Or had I all been a dream?66
Would I ever know? That night I crawled into bed and pulled the comforter up around my face. I was exhausted, therefore I fell asleep pretty quickly. I awoke the next morning at 7:06 in the morning to sounds of people screaming, screaming in agony. I knew it wasn’t a dream! The book was real!67
Author notes
I am currently working on Chapter II. The Heirloom, where Shawn Revers discovers another dark secret about the Book of the Past that could shake the foundations of his family forever. . .
A contest entry
- The Anything Contest! by LucidLakes.
170 points, ended February 17, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Would you be interested in reading chapter 2?
Comments
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This is a pretty good and inventive story. BUt i wonder what happens next.
Good luck in my contest. (: -
Good plot but needs more description
Very very good ideas you have but you need to add more description why where souls stopped going to heaven and hell, why does Shawn have visions. Also like a few other people said Shawn took the idea of the book a bit to easy, it was unrealistic. You didn't tell us what his thoughts or feeling where. With hard work put into this it could be something amazing. Good luck
beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 5, ending: 4, characters: 2.
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um its a really cool idea. I'll have to agree with some some of the people commenting that it was a bit rushed. The character acted a bit unrealistic toward the situation of a "magical" book and evil souls. anyways, I'll read the second part.
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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I feel that the story was rushed. He grasped everything that was happening around him way to quickly for it to be real. There was no sympathizing with the character aside from the parents' fighting. After that it was just a straight line from point A to point B.
Why would souls be sent to hell until 42 million years ago? Humans have been around for five thousand. You might want to explain perhaps what souls there were before human's reign.
The largest detriment was the rushed story. I believe you have a good story on your hands and if you work hard you can make it into something. Just work on development, of both characters and plot.
I noticed a few grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors, but that's to be expected.
I'd like to see the go somewhere. Good Luck.beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 1, dialog: 1, characters: 2.
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I was scared off by the massive amount of words. read the first part, tho. Once I finish reading it I think I would like chapter two. It sounded really cool and all, but I'm feeling too dizzy to read. I'll read it 2maro, k?
And the part I did read was really cool, so definitely keep writing!
ps i would suggest connecting with the character more -
It went too fast for me. It was kind of "WABAWABAWABA THE END." Although, that could be just me. Plus I didn't actually feel the character's feeling. Wow. He found a book. Fascinating. Try to make the character's feelings real also. What would a real person have done if suddenly a soul was talking to them? I also want to know the character more; what does he look like, where does he live(like out in the country), how bad was the arguement that made him run away, etc. etc. you get the point.
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This was a good write on your part, and a good read on my part. I thought the story was fairly original and captivating; however, I feel like it lacked...transitions. Perhaps a bit more suspense would make this good piece great. I'm tuned in for the second part.

beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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I did enjoy this story, it was very well written. Welcome to Story Write as well. One thing you could do is add some space between dialog and paragraphs for easier reading. Just a suggestion

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Thanks!
Thanks for your review of my item! I will try to remember that for next time. I tried to do it this time, but I couldn't figure it out! haha
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