Water

"Mummy, where are we going?" I trail after my mum asking her questions. Why does she always brush them away like the annoying flies that always hang around us? She never listens to me, sometimes I just want her to hold me on my knee, like Daddy used to do, and listen to everything I have to say. I only want to tell her how I feel, the gnawing sensation in my tummy like a wolf grabbing meat, the darkness I sometimes feel when I stand up. I want her to make it all better.1

I try to hold her hand as it swings past but she snatches it out, telling me I'm too old to hold hands. I'm only seven; I don't want to grow up. Behind us my baby brother bursts into tears, mewling like a kitten that needs milk. "Go help him, Tae."2

"But Mummy..."3

"Now!" I walk over to him and hold him gently across my chest. He's so small, so thin. I can feel his bones through his skin, like they've shrunk in on him. 4

"Mummy, why are we leaving?" I gently rock my brother, trying to lull him back to sleep. "Shhh, we'll get food soon. Mummy has an idea." I sing to him softly. His cries slowly fade as he falls into a restless sleep. I look up to see Mummy staring at me. I gaze back, wondering what I did wrong this time. She puts down what she's holding and I cringe, running through a mental list of things I could have done wrong. She smiles sadly, her black skin crinkling at the corners.5

"Come here Tae, you did nothing wrong." Slowly I move across our tiny hut in Africa, still cradling Malachi. She reaches for me and pulls me into a hug. Pain spurts across me as she touches my tummy, her skirt digging in sharply. I ignore the pain, she hasn't hugged me for years. Sadly I note that I can feel her spine, she's thinner than us.6

"Tae, we're leaving the village. Water is just across the desert, if we get there I can get a job and we'll get food again." I recoil. Leaving the village? My friends? But, then we'll have food. I won't have a sore tummy; Malachi would be able to eat. I smile trustingly up at Mummy.7

"I believe in what you do Mummy."8

"Thank you Tae. I ... I love you." I gaze up at her in shock, and then I cuddle closer.9

"I love you too Mummy." That afternoon we left. Our small one-room hut was abandoned, we were one of the fortunate home owners though. Some had to fit eight children in their hut, but they had more food.10

It was just four shoddily put up walls, connected to the grass roof by mud and dung. Inside, the wind whistles through the cracks at night, freezing us. Once I tried to put up my sleeping mat against the wall nearest Malachi, so he wouldn't get cold. That night my body went blue.11

Slowly the village disappeared behind us, fading into a heatwave. The only thing to do now was to go forward, to walk into the desert stretching in front of us. The hot sand sifts through my toes and I yelp in pain, Mummy gives me one look and after that I suffer quietly. The blue, cloudless sky stretches above us, peaceful and aloof and cool. I wish I was up there, so I could be peaceful and cool too.12

We walk on and on, red, gold and brown the only thing in our sights. Suddenly Mummy lets out a cry of triumph. "Look Tae! Shade!"13

I squint my eyes cautiously, ignoring the faint breeze that brushes yet more sand into my eyes. "Mummy I see it!" 14

A small tree in the distance, just enough to shelter three tired and very thin people. Time is against us though, I notice the sand fading into a kind of blue, the sun is setting! As it sinks below the horizon, I look up and feel the wonder of the plethora of colours spreading across the sky. I spin around happily, my cares forgotton.15

I had never seen the sunset properly before, I worked well into the night at home. Purple, pink, orange, blue, I count them in joy. Up ahead Mummy calls me impatiently. "Tae! What are you doing, next you'll be spurting nonsense of rain like the village elder, his brain's fuddled with age if you ask me."16

I run over to her, but part of my mind is elsewhere. I remember the tales he used to tell, when I was very young and allowed free time. He talked loudly for a while, then he bent in as if to tell a secret. His eyes would glint suspiciously, then he would tell of the old times, the times of rain.17

I imagined the feel of water falling from the sky, clouds rolling across the sun so the heat was gone. The feeling of coolness hitting your skin, over and over again. Soothing your burns and injuries, caressing your body and quenching your thirst. Sand melting into mud, then from the mud emerging green shoots, grass. 18

It was told as a fable though, the only grass I had ever seen was yellow and dead. But he told of emerald green, gleaming softly like the gem- "Tae!"19

I woke up sadly from my daydream. Slowly night was creeping across the sky, pushing all the colour away to follow the sun. We walked and walked, but finally we reached the tree. Mummy wrapped Malachi in a bundle of sticks, I didn't know why and I was afraid to ask. We all lay down together, huddled up with Malachi in the middle, to preserve body warmth.20

Slowly my eyes drift up to the star-speckled sky, so white against the blackness. I blink but my eyes won't open. Sleep flies towards me on midnight wings.21

I wake the next morning to find Mummy crying. Malachi had died last night, his spirit flown up to the sky. I don't believe in God, but I said a prayer for his good soul anyway. Now he would be happy. "Mummy? We have to go now." I couldn't move my legs without enormous pain, but I tried for her sake.22

She nodded quietly and stood, sobs stills wrenching themselves from her lips. I gently try to prise Malachi away from her, but she snarls and moves away. I turn, my hand accidently touching my tummy lightly. Pain wracks my body, almost as much that I black-out. I look down in horror. My stomach seems to go backwards instead of forwards.23

I turned away, my mind trying to focus on something other than the incredible hunger and pain. Slowly Mummy and I make our way into the never-ending desert. I walk in a kind of dream, so I was surprised when Mummy said we could rest now. The sun had already set and night had its silent hold on the world. Time to sleep.24

We lay together in the middle of the desert, nothing to cover us. I close my eyes and try to wrap the darkness around me like a blanket to keep us warm, but it's just darkness. Pain and hunger fight deathly exhaustion, tiredness won. Slowly I slip into dreams once again.25

The sun rose with even more beautiful colours. The sudden light shocks me into awareness. Slowly I work my limbs, trying to get feeling back into them. Blood rushes with sharp pain, like needles. I feel something cold resting against my back and turn, to find Mummy's sightless eyes staring at the sunrise.26

"Mummy? Please wake now, we got to go." I shake her desperately, refusing to believe she was with Malachi. Eventually logic invaded me, and I stumbled to my feet. Maybe I could reach water, cross the desert. Maybe I could help Mummy and Malachi. My mind came up with dozens of ideas, trying to motivate me. Slowly I take my first step forward.27

The sun beats down on me harshly, delving deep within my frail frame. I wander for hours, my feet an inferno of heat and pain. I trip on a rock and sprawl on the sand. A vulture lands near me, watching me eagerly with beady eyes. 'Shoo, shoo!' I want to yell at it, 'I'm not dead yet!' But my mouth won't operate without water.28

I try to pick myself up, to escape yet more burns. My legs can't lift me anymore, yet I have to try. I manage to todder precariously to my feet, and stumble towards the carrion bird. Suddenly I trip once again, but this time I can't help myself. 29

Finally my eyes close, never to open again. I fly towards the sky on luminescent wings, free and peaceful and cool. Mummy and Malachi wave and we all rise together. 30

Down below a raindrop lands on a small, black body, the first of many.

Author notes

Sad.

Username: Savage

http://storywrite.com/story/245070

A contest entry

Ok?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 32 of 32

  • Lies4Truth
    May 9
    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. that was amazing both sad and yet hopefull IT makes me want to cry


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    April 12

    Edit | Reply

    Hi Savage!

    This is a very good story and well written, too. It's sad, but well told and descriptive. In search of a better life with only hope to guide them, only to find no future ahead. At least they were joined together in heaven.

    Thanks for enter For writers Elven Or Under.

    Andy


  • Chanel xxxx
    March 22
    Edit | Reply
    you should make a 2nd chapter cuz this is quite long


  • Vampiric souls
    March 20

    Edit | Reply
    This is really amazing!! the story is just sad!! So many emotions and an amazing idea!!
    Thank you so much for entering!!
    Souls!1

  • catacombkittenz
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    Very sad...very solid; lots of good descriptions. "...try to wrap the darkness around me like a blanket to keep us warm, but it's just darkness" is definitely my favorite.


  • citcat
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    omg WOW. that was really really good.I have never read a story like this before which was good as it was something different. It was really sad aswell.

    I loved this heaps and i think it has heaps of potential.

    I could not see any spelling or grammmer errors which was great! It i did not get sidetracked while i was reading it which is good!


    Anyway, it was an excelllent write and i loved it! Excellent Job


    Citcat


  • Maggie Kay
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    very ok!
    a very well written story different style and theme to the other stories i have read in this competition so far.
    I didnt expect a story quite like this one.
    This is a very sad but real story. there are so many people out there starving to death and theres nothing i can do by myself.
    This story is very well thought out and had a good pace. It was very believeable and a good read
    I cant even start to explain my emotions the story arose within me while reading it
    thank you for entering!


  • LadyLionnir
    January 18

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you again for adding the second part because I wouldn't want to count out such a great story.
    Your comment on "Unintended Consequences" really felt sincere and thought out. It included corrections, advice, and praise. Great work!

  • LadyLionnir
    January 18
    Edit | Reply
    Whoa. Lots of imagery and strong emotions. I felt sad for the starving of our world, but I never saw it this way...with such pain. How some people must be right next to their relatives as they die. Great work!
    However; I need the second part to my contest. Could you contact me as soon as you add it? I don't want to disqualify this story.


    • Savage
      January 18
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, we have to do both... where do I put it when I do?

  • funkychica
    January 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is kind of a depressing story. It was very well written. Are you sure your the age you say you are???? Thank you for sharing this story!!!!

    • Savage
      January 9
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, quite sure . 1997, January, yeah positive. Thank you for commenting, I'm glad you think it's depressing.

      Thanks!


  • Rose Hathaway
    January 2

    Edit | Reply

    Kewl

    Great story but sad. =(. Hey I won 2 honouraqble mention terophies in that contest as well.
    (Things I look 4 in a good write)


    • Savage
      January 5

      Edit | Reply
      Oh, so that's what u meant by 2 trophies (I just looked) I thought it was one entry per person. Oh well,


  • Rorshach gold member
    January 1

    Edit | Reply

    full of empathy

    very poetic ending, melancholic rather than sad.
    Well written and almost dreamy in style. This reflects hunger very well as you drift in and out of consciousness.
    If you really are only 11 then it is brilliant stuff


    • Savage
      January 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, yeah I am only 11, but I read a book called Dust that really got to me. Thank you very much.


  • beezy92
    December 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    PS did you write this story for the contest? Based off the picture?


    • Savage
      January 5
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, I did.


      • beezy92
        January 5
        Edit | Reply
        Wow, that's sweet. That's what I thought. That's why you got HM (: Thanks a lot!!


        • Savage
          January 6
          Edit | Reply
          Thanks, there were HEAPS of hms, u have a big heart.


          • beezy92
            January 6
            Edit | Reply
            Aw, not really. But thanks (: There were heaps of great stories, what could I do?

            • Savage
              January 6
              Edit | Reply
              Exactly what you did, make everyone feel special. I sound corny, lmao.

              I thought u could only to 5, but I miss alot. lol. Thank you very much for placing me.

              • beezy92
                January 6
                Edit | Reply
                You're welcome, thanks for writing your entry especially for my contest. It made me feel really special. (: And thanks for souping up my ego!


                • Savage
                  January 6
                  Edit | Reply
                  Ur thanking me?! Ur the one who gave me the trophy! Thank YOU!

  • beezy92
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Just curious...are you African? This didn't seem very authentic to me. Other than that, it was well-written and definitely heart-rending.

    This line got me: I try to hold her hand as it swings past but she snatches it out, telling me I'm too old to hold hands.

    I had a similar experience when I was twelve...my mom was afraid people would think we were a couple.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!

    • Savage
      January 3
      Edit | Reply
      Na, I'm Australian. I think that this situation would have arisen some time or another, like 40 hour Famine people bringing food and water to another village away from them, so some had to venture across something to get to it.

      Thanks though.


  • Sput-Nik
    December 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    very sad

    lots of people die in your stories


    • Savage
      January 3
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, I like killing people off. , no I'm kidding.


  • Lonesome Dove
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an amazingly sad story. Unfortunately it is probably true of many villages in Africa. Your descriptions are very good and your story had a good flow. Good luck in the contest.

    • Savage
      December 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I took it from the picture on the cover of 'Things I Look For In A Good Write'. It's a horrible picture.

1 - 32 of 32