It was a hard decision, but I finally agreed to embark on a camping trip with my family, albeit I don't exactly adore 'roughing it.'1
My mother had said that it was going to be a wonderful outing for the whole brood - including my father and three siblings, who were all rowdy in their own special way. 2
I’d reluctantly agreed – we’d just moved to Tribeca Springs, and I wanted to spend the week getting to know the locals that were around my age. Eventually, Mom twisted my arm and I started packing.3
We were on our way to the campgrounds in our voluminous RV, my siblings all chattering with each other. Nick was playing with his video games, and Hope and Brigitte were watching The Lion King together.4
From the front seat, my mother called over the soft-rock radio station, “Alexa! You’ve been so quiet this whole time! Are you all right?”5
I took my headphones out of my ears and replied, “I’m fine. How soon will we be there?”6
“In just a few minutes, actually. Are you excited?” asked my dad.7
I sighed and glared out the window. “I’m not sure.” I continued to listen to my playlist, thinking about the upcoming trip. Everything in my life seemed so mundane and repetitive. I only had two best friends – Monica and Jenna – who didn’t even live near me anymore, and was a plain Jane type.8
Suddenly my red LG Shine buzzed with a text message from Jenna. “Hey Lexi! We heard u were going camping! Tell us how it goez! Luv, Jen!” I frowned and replied back, “Hi Jen. I probably won’t have 2 much fun. When have I evr? Lol. Luv, Alexa.”9
Abruptly, the RV bounced and bumped into the campsite. There were lavish deciduous forests at every turn. There were pines, spruces, firs, and hemlocks. The emerald grass was lush and fluffy. There was a dirt patch to set up a grill and picnic table for meals. In the distance, I could see a crystalline cerulean lake. As far as I knew, we were the only patrons around.10
“Hooray!” My siblings cheered. As five-year-old triplets, they were reasonably predictable. I was unhappy when I discovered I was going to be an older sister. At that time, I was in 6th grade, and I was in that rebellious, ‘the-world-revolves-around-me’ stage. But when they actually came, I was thrilled to help out. Now I regret it – they turned out so terrible because I’d volunteered to assist.11
We all piled out of the RV and aided Dad with the grill and table. After a few hours, we had our campsite set up, along with our own ‘spots’ of the RV (our bed and shelves). 12
Reeking of hard-work sweat, Dad managed to wheeze out, “You kids go do your own thing. You deserve it.” He was going to cook hot dogs and hamburgers for our first meal.13
Mom liked that idea. She was going to take the triplets swimming at the lake and offered me an invitation to come along.14
“No thanks,” I shook my head. Just as I was going to suggest a nap, I noticed how inviting the woods were. They intrigued me; whispered, ‘Come visit.’ “Hey, um, Mom?”15
“Yes?” She responded, eyebrows raised.16
“Can I go for a hike?”17
Mom frowned. “I’m not sure, Alexa. It’s dangerous out there! There’s…” she lowered her voice as though she didn’t want the triplets to hear, “bears and wolves out there! And you don’t have a hiking buddy!”18
“Oh, please, Mom! Come on!”19
Suffice to say, I eventually wheedled it out of Mom to let me go on a hike. I trotted back up the steps of the RV and changed into boot-cut jeans, a purple tank top, and my black hiking boots.20
As I entered the forest, something fazed me – there was no designated trail for trekkers. I’d just assumed that you were allowed to hike there. I considered turning back and going swimming for a second, but then I held my head up high and continued to explore. Anything this wood had to serve up on a silver platter, I would gobble down happily. I loved challenges, which everyone back home in Buffalo snickered upon, especially the trendy popular girls.21
After I’d walked about two miles, I sat down for a rest, when I realized I hadn’t brought a water bottle. I shrugged it off and strolled a few more miles.22
When I was becoming a bit dehydrated, I sat down on a rotting mossy log and took in the scenery. It was portrait-worthy, but then I’d realized that I’d forgotten my camera also. I felt like slapping my forehead, but I sensed a pressing headache coming on and decided against it.23
Unexpectedly, I heard a rustling noise in the underbrush. With a chill snaking down my spine, I recalled what Mom had said, “…bears…wolves….” But I shook my head in pride and smiled. She was probably joking so I would come to the lake with her.24
But after a few other brisk murmurs, I was a little flipped out. I’d never been on a hike alone before, and I was quite frightened at miniscule things.25
Then, just as my heart stopped beating ten times as fast, a creature pounced on the tree stump next to me. At first, I thought it was a panther or leopard. I tried to scream, but my voice was raspy and breathy – I made no sound. I was so scared I felt like I was going to puke.26
And then I realized – it was a man.27
He was the most gorgeous man I had ever laid eyes on. I felt like a sinner for looking at something so beautiful; so pure. His skin was so pale, it had a metallic glow to it. His dark chocolate hair stood up straight, as if it had pomade greased in it. His eyes were golden red, with a deep hint of aquamarine. It was like looking into a pool of rainbows. He had a wonderfully sculpted nose, as if da Vinci himself had made him as a graceful statue, but he was in the flesh. His lips were as red as a rose in the rain. He wore dark gray slacks and a long-sleeved black tee shirt. He had infinite grace; and a dazzling smile. He was so impeccable, I was afraid he would melt away.28
It was official: this man was flawless.29
After what seemed like decades, I finally pulled my gaze away from his immaculate presence and flushed a deep shade of ruby.30
“I’m sorry,” I whispered in the softest voice I could manage.31
“It’s quite all right. Are you…okay?” He said. I almost choked. His voice was a dainty, velvety purr. It was superlative to my needs.32
I shook my head.33
“That’s all right. You’ll get over me in a few seconds.” I was shocked. Yes, he was indeed charming; but was he really this cocky?34
“Okay. Um, I’m Alexa. Alexa Barnes.” I managed to squeak out.35
He chuckled. “I know.”36
My amber eyes widened. “Excuse me?”37
“Ignore it. It’s a habit of mine.”38
“To?”39
“Just…”40
I shook my head. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. But—”41
“My name is Leo Anders.”42
“I was just wondering that, actually.”43
“Now you know.” He winked.44
I then glanced at my watch and gasped. “Oh my gosh! I’d better – I have to go.”45
“That’s okay. Would you like to meet me here tomorrow?”46
“I’d, uh, love that.” I stuttered.47
“Spectacular.” He flashed a grin at me. But just as I was going to turn to go, I noticed something odd.48
He had fangs.49
Author notes
Please don't say this is a lot like Twilight, because I'm REALLY trying to make it different! Please tell me what you liked about it; what you didn't. Please don't say it sucked - if you honestly think that, please say it in a constructive way. Wow, that's a lot of 'pleases.' Okay, thanks for reading! Kitty <3
A contest entry
- Vampires and Lycanthropes: Quickie by Friesian.
175 points, ended December 30, 2008, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
GIMMEH SOME FEEDBACK, Y'ALL :)
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Oooh, loved the description of Leo btw, he sounds nice ... and other than the hotness the words you used were really good for showing just how perfect he is. And it's hard to do a vampire romance story that's not like Twilight, but I think that this is different and I'd like to read some more. Well done (:
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Your writing style is nice!
I'm glad the vampire has fangs, at least... but I hope he doesn't start sparkling lol.
I would like to read more of this though, at least to see where it's going!
~Sparrow -
wub it!
Hey Mimi here. I can tell that you were trying and very hard to stay away from twilight. But you must have lost to the dazzle factor. ^.^ I understand it is hard not to include Twilight in a vampire story (this is from one fan to another). I would love to read more! I like your writing and I for one see nothing wrong in it. I have an A in English 1 it has to mean something. >.>
Who really knows? Well I really liked it and its what counts. I'm alsi writing a vampire story to. Its called 'Chills -n- Spills (a weird vampire romance)' if you ever get the time please see it. I already poasted chapters 1-3 and plan on getting #4 out. I would love to be a friend! If its ok?! +_o
"May weirdos rule the world after commercials"
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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WOOT for weirdos!
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Wow, this is one of your best yet, dahling! I enjoyed it, everything seemed to flow together. Too bad Leo isn't for real... *swoon*
Haha, keep it up!
-Katiee
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Thanxxxxx hun<3
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AWESOMNESS!
i read the first chapter before i read the preface, but i still kinda knew what was going on. telepathy @_@... i'm up to eclipse in the twilight series, ande lemme tell you, this is nothing like it. KEEP THE GOOD WORDS ROLLIN' i wanna be fangirl too!
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Thanks! Awesome! Cool, great! You're the sixth, I think! Something like that!!
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Wow! This is nothing like Twilight, in my opinion. Your description of Leo melted ME, I didn't want to stop reading about him. I love this part:
"His lips were as red as a rose in the rain."
I could picture how the crimson color of a roses petals would stand out in a dull day. It actually took my breath away! Your vocabulary is vast, too, and it made your story seem so much more eccentric. Keep up the good work! It definitely has potential.
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thanks!
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Wow, its gd so far. How old is she though? I dont understand the American grading system of schools, grr. The vampire sounds lovely though, and as she says, cocky too. This isnt like Twilight, don't worry. The description is good, but I certainly wouldn't go hiking on my own in a strange place, lol. But overall, this is awesome, and would like to read more!! Well done!! Kais x x
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She is 17. Thanks!
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Your main character has a very distinct and unique personality to say the least! I have to say if some dude just popped up beside me, I would not be so eager to greet him. That part somehow seemed artificial to me, even though the story obviously takes place in a fantasy world. haha.
I would like to know more about the main character. What does she look like? Why did her family move? I would also like to see a conflict introduced. A story with no conflict is a big let-down for an audience. Very great start, though! Write On!beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 1, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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thanks!
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good
i liked it. not twilight at all. it was good and fresh, different. cool!beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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thank you! are you a fangirl now?
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totally
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yayy
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I liked the plot a lot, it was fun. And I liked their witty banter, but some of it didn't make the most sense. Thanks for the fun read! (:
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That's part of the mystery, Bee.
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That was cool!I have a silver LG shine!LOL
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Thank you LUCKY! I fell in love with them when they first came out!
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I really like this
This story is so good, and I wish I could think of ideas like that. Did you use my freewriting tip to think of an idea? Great job on this, and please continue! -
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Thanks, CF
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This indeed is a lot different from Twilight love.
1. Alexa had three siblings, Bella has none.
2.Leo is very cocky and seems to flaunt his smecksii-ness.
3.They met in the woods.
4.Alexa seems a bit more of a tomboy then Bella, and plus both her parents are still together.
5. Stephanie Meyers vampire adn your vampire are very different besides the pale skin part, yours have different eyes and yours show fangs.
6.PLus Leo seemed perfectly comfortable around Alexa compared to the way Edward behaved when around Bella.
But all in all this was very good. I liked it, I thought it went to fast at teh end but then I realized it seemed perfect. He's rushing into asking her to meet him tomorrow even though he had only just given a name and nothing else. Through all the rush of it Alexa agreed.
Just like my friend Shelbi and her Ex Nick.
EXCELLENT JOB! ^_^-b
Can't wait for more!
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Behe, thank you Osa! Great comment. Would you like to be the second offical fan-girl?
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hecks yes I would!
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Hehe! This will somehow start a revolution...I already have three!
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OMG!!! XD
I absolutely adore this line! :Anything this wood had to serve up on a silver platter, I would gobble down happily - Amazing! I LOVE the description of the setting, the woods, the ground, the scenery. I really was NOT expecting a man to appear! I was expecting a wolf and I was so ready to say, "I told you so." LOL! It's really cute that you have triplets in it! XD Cuz I'm a triplet and it makes me feel kind special and happy. Leo is officially MINE!! 
First fan-girl, yes!!! He is sooooooooooooooooo hawt! 
WAY better than Edward Cullen and Bill Compton. LOve the end, too! CLIFFHANGER, ARG!!! Must read more!!!!! Reading your gorgeous writing is inspiring me to start up mine again. I didn't see any errors whatsoever, and this story-please tell meh u'll continue?- is dazzling!!! PWEASE comintue! hehe! TY!
-Lissy
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Yay, I have a fan! I was actually up until like 2 am writing this, so I'm guessing my best writing comes at that time. Of COURSE I'll continue! This is like, my best story to date! I gotta say, Edward is nothing compared to Leo. Oh well! Off to write first chapter! Thanks Lissy!
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