Alone Again

I sit by my bed, my arms hugging my knees close to my chest. I clamp my mouth shut to keep my teeth from chattering; the heating cut out about a week ago, and no one fixed it. I never asked them to. I can feel my ribs through the thick leather of my jacket. There hasn't been any food in the house for a couple of days.1

My mom's gone out, as always. I don't know where; she can't go drinking or shopping. My dad does it, but he doesn't like my mom to do that sort of thing. I think she's gone to see her friend. My dad doesn't really like her to have friends, either, but he's out most of the time too, so he doesn't always know what she does. He likes to think he knows.2

The phone's cut out too. I know it is, because if it wasn't, there would have been calls from school. I haven't been in for a few days. My dad wanted me to stay home for a while, just so he could "look after me". Not that he's been doing much of that. He's out at some bar. He works all day, then comes home drunk, usually after midnight. But today, it's Saturday, so he's been at the bar all day. Which means it will be worse. I hate the weekends.3

I hear the wind outside; it's loud and whining, and I hug my knees tighter to my stomach. My hair falls in my eyes; it hasn't been cut or washed for a while. I don't move it. I'd rather stay hidden. Hopefully, if I stay like this long enough, I'll just fade away.4

My stomach rumbles, and it hurts. I grit my teeth, but stop when I accidentally bite my sore lip. It's bruised and swollen. I look down at my hands. They are covered in cuts, though most of them, I did myself. I think that if I hurt myself enough, he will stop. He's got me beaten. Beaten bad.5

For about the tenth time today, tears come to my eyes. I don't blink them away, so they begin to fall quickly down my face. I don't make a sound; I never make a sound. I bury my head in my arms, my back aching as I lean forwards. My fingers are numb and dirty, the nails long and jagged. Maybe it's better if I don't go to school. Everyone thought I was weird, not taking care of myself. They never see the bruises. He always makes sure no one will see them.6

The hard floor is hurting my feet and my ass. I lie down on my side and curl up tight. I don't feel like getting on my bed, where it's a little more comfortable. I'm too exhausted. I have no energy. He knows he's won; why won't he stop?7

I think about just leaving the house. I have nowhere to go, but anywhere's got to be better than here. I could steal some of my dad's money, hitch a ride somewhere far away - but who's gonna pick up a scrawny, terrified looking kid? Probably no one but creepy old guys and druggies, and I'd much rather stay out of that scene. So I lie on the floor, tears dripping into my hair and sleep evading me, as always.8

I hear a noise downstairs, and though I don't know what it is, I know it won't be my mom. She never makes a noise; she's learnt that by now. I don't know why she doesn't just leave. Maybe she has. Then I hear a shout; I can't tell what he says, but I can tell he's angry. He's always angry. I don't know what I do to make him angry. I guess he just can't stand me being the way I am.9

"Boy, get your feet down to your father now, you son of a..."10

He's closer than before. Obviously climbing the stairs. I don't move. His voice is slurred and harsh, but that's no different from usual. The tears come quicker.11

"You... damn!"12

He's roaring into thin air, just general practice. He doesn't expect me to respond. He's showing me who's boss. I got that, dad. You're the boss. I hear him crash onto the landing, just by my bedroom door. It's closed, but I can't lock it. There are no locks in this house, apart from on my parents' bathroom. My dad's the only one allowed in there.13

"You pansy, you better say you're sorry!"14

He's right by my door. I don't move. I can't stop him, not when he's this mad and this drunk. He waits, and then the door slams open, letting in a chilling blast of air, carrying the distinct scent of sweat and beer.15

"You... if you like men so much why don't you just... come here and take me!"16

I don't move. He knows I'm here. I'm always here. He knows I don't have the nerve to leave. He stumbles over to me; I hear his breathing get closer.17

"You're a disgrace."18

He sounds almost sober when he says that. I know it's true. I'm useless. I don't defend myself. I feel a massive blow to my stomach; he's kicked me. I groan slightly and fall onto my front, tears still falling fast. He kneels down beside me and takes hold of my left arm with both of his hands.19

Snap.20

I cry out, but my throat is dry and hoarse, so I barely make a sound. A rocket of pain shoots down my arm, which I try to move, but can't. The way he does it so deliberately, you can tell he really means it. You can tell I really deserve it. He stands up and leaves.21

Leaves me sobbing into the floorboards.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • silkcatseye
    May 6

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    Your story is full of emotion it is a very sad story and how could a parent do such a thing to a child. A great story.

    beginning: 1, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Frozen Angel
    March 20

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    This brought me to tears. I have never been abused horribly like so many other children and am lucky enough to never be in the future, but I have felt that uselessness you described at the end. My parents always find a way to remind me.

    This is truly a touching story.
    Thank you for being a part of this child abuse awareness.

    *Frozen Angel*


  • Rose Hathaway
    March 14

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    This took me away completely. It was perfect for my contest. It just gave me a closer look at what some people have to go through life with.
    Amazing! Thankyou for entering!


  • Maggie Kay
    February 28

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    oh my goshness!
    the last part nearly made me sick.
    I found my self full of hatred for the father!
    How could you do that to your child!?
    great story, one i wont forget anytime soon.
    it arose many emotions in me which proves its good!
    Thanks for entering


  • Lois.Stone
    February 28

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    Oh mu god. This is amazing. Thank you so much for entering, this is going straight to the finalists!

    loisx


  • Atticus Unanimous
    February 22

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    Oh god. This was excellent. By far this best I have read in a long time. The characters are wonderful, the emotions, the thoughts, the atmosphere. It's perfect.


  • LoveGo13
    February 20

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    Oh, wow. This is also a good story. The way you describe the way that boy feels makes the character vivid, even though you haven't described him physically. This is great!


  • Valkyrie silver member
    February 17

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    This is a powerful story. I enjoyed the vivid detail of your character's thoughts and surroundings.

    The one thing I'd ask is that you clarify that the father has all the speaking lines. (Which I assume he does, especially with the way your main character is silent) I missed the father's reason for his hatred - "I guess he just can't stand me being the way I am", and was unsure who was saying the quote "come and take me", until I read one of the other comments.

    p19 usless = useless

    That "snap", though, was very well executed. Um, the dramatic use of the single-word paragraph, I meant. That and the boy's acceptance of the attack, whoa. Very well written!

    And seriously, PS, if anyone else freaks over how many contests you've entered this in (), you can always remove this story from contests it didn't win anything in, if you feel like it.

    My story was Anasazi: Last Lament.


  • His.Golden.Eyes
    February 17
    Edit | Reply
    that was sad.
    The story was,not you.
    You seem to be a good author.

  • kcints
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, I'm going to go over the grammer errors that I caught first, just to get them out of the way. Don't worry, they were few and far between.

    In paragraph two, in the second to last sentence, doesn't (the second one) is missing an S. Also, take out the comma before too.

    Several times throughout the story you use no-one instead of no one. The latter version is, according to an old english teacher of mine, "more correct."

    Finally, in paragraph six, the second sentence is a bit awkward. There isn't anything grammatically wrong with it, but the way fast is thrown in there made me read over it a few times just to be sure. It's probably worth rethinking.

    Alright, well, that does it for the purely grammatical stuff. Now on to much more interesting things.

    Please don't take this the wrong way, but I can tell that this is one of your earlier stories. It's not that there's anything wrong with it, but the writing is much more...clinical. I don't feel as much for this character as I did for the girl with melophobia. Let me show you a few things from the first paragraph to explain what I mean.

    In the second sentence, you write, "I feel cold, even though I'm wearing my jacket; the heating cut out about a week ago..." Don't tell me he feels cold, show me. For example, "...hugging my knees close to my chest. I clamp my mouth shut to stop my teeth from chattering; the heating cut out about a week ago..." Trust me, you're reader will pick up on the fact that he's cold, with the added bonus of giving them a better picture of what's going on. Also, take out the second to last sentence and add on 'for a couple of days' to the end of the last sentence. Oh, and if you've removed the part of the second sentence where you admit to wearing a jacket, add 'of my jacket' after leather.

    Okay, now look back over that first paragraph. I think you're going to like what you see. I think it gives the reader a better picture of what's happening. And I think this is something you've done well in the other pieces I've seen, so I'm assuming it's been a little while since you first wrote this. You're writing has matured since then.

    I hope you haven't taken any of this the wrong way. I actually really liked the story. I liked that you kept the father's real reason for beating his son a secret throughout most of the story. At first, it seems like he's just another run-of-the-mill victim of a drunken father, until that last sentence from paragraph nine. I also really like that sentence in paragraph 21, "You can tell I really deserve it." Whether he really believes that or not, the sentence is really strong because it gives the reader an idea about just how badly these constant beatings have messed with his head.

    I love that sentence in paragraph nine, "Maybe she has." I don't know why I like this simple little sentence so much. I think maybe it's because so much is left up to the reader to decide. Maybe his mother did leave forever. Is he happy that she might be gone? Is it because he hates her too, because she let's her husband abuse him, or because he knows she's finally safe. Or is he sad? I'm sure it's a bit of both, no matter what the circumstances between the two of them are, but the way he refers to her leaving so casually...it hurts. It hurts me that so much stuff has happened to this kid that he can talk about his mother leaving and sound completely indifferent. Come to think of it, that's the way he sounds about almost everything in the story.

    You know, it's always amazing to me how a single sentence can expand my entire understanding of a story. I don't think I felt as much for this character as I have for your other characters because -he- doesn't feel as much as your other characters. He's practically numb, indifferent even to the beating he takes at the end, because he's completely given up hope. He knows he doesn't have the nerve to leave, or to stand up to his father, so he knows that the beatings will go on. Wow. And now, after having thought about that, after imagining what life is for this kid, I have to say I'm a little shaken.

    Bravo, once again. I think you could take a bit from what I wrote earlier and apply it to the rest of the story, but as for the story itself, it's a keeper. Send me another link and I'll make a point of getting around to it, hopefully sooner rather than later.

    Cheers,
    Kcints


  • Ashlyn Rose
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    exactly how many contests have you entered this story. Do you love it that much? or are you going to tell me that you just want the points? Either way I could care less. This is a good story but your squeezing as much as you can out of it. That is wrong


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    February 7

    Edit | Reply

    hm...

    wow very sad and moving congradulations this is the kind of story i am looking for you are one of my finalists!


  • Mag the Chodja gold member
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    Holy crap. o__o
    There's no other possible action right now but to kiss your ass, so I'm just going to follow through with it. That was terribly thralling and paints the most accurate picture of long-term abuse that I've seen yet.

    It was emotional, yet it wasn't. I saw emotion in the words, but the narrator was so numbed despite the tears, and his mentality had grown into the mold his father created for him.

    I don't know about anyone else, but even though I knew where it was going, and what everything was leading up to, that 'Snap' froze me. I aghast by the audacity, but immeasurably entertained.

    I wouldn't change anything on it, though there were minor mispellings here and there. Thank you very much for this one, and I hope it's not written from experience.

    EDIT: I entered Sycophancy of an Immortal.

    beginning: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 4.


  • Midnight-Engaged
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    Oh...wow. Very wow. This had a lot of emotional appeal in it, but I would say very little actual emotion. I think that works just a tad bit more for this story than it would for a different one becuase you know the main character is so far gone in his misery that he won't be showing much of anything. But just a little bit more wouldn't hurt...I found parts of this to be kind of lacking in emotional appeal.

    Another thing that bothered me was that I couldn't tell if your main character was a boy or a girl until the story was almost over. You should try to make that more clear earlier on.

    Most parts of this worked really well, but I personally feel like other parts of it were a bit overdone. Try to tone it down just a bit if you decide to redo this. Of course, it's perfectly fine just the way it is, but for that jump from good to incredible, I suggest you give this a once over.

    Hope all this helps! And truly touching story.

  • Lois.Stone
    February 3
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I like this! It had emotion, and its very sad. You describe so beautifully, and I connected with your characters! Well done!

    Loisxx


  • GrimDeath
    February 2

    Edit | Reply
    Aw, so sad; I liked it though. The raw emotions that ran though this story make it flow wonderfully and descriptions are amazing. Every thing just flows togeather, although its pure sadness its a great story. Great Job! Thank you for entering my Contest anf Good Luck!

    -Grim

  • Writing0Freedom
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is was emotionally and beautifully written! The picture was so vivid and powerful! I felt like I could see it. This is definitely a finalist and it connects with my character- so thank you! I also think you should continue the story!
    Wow!
    Thanks for entering!
    WritingFree


  • XxXDreamWeaverXxX
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    I have never been one for child abuse... I think it is horrible and no kid deserves it, not even the worst children deserve it... I like the way you wrote the breaking of the arm, it literally made my heart stop!

    This was very well written, and also very touching...!


    ~Cat


  • BlamedRobin
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this.this was like no other .I felt as if I were there watching it.it was horrible but so beautiful at the same time.I loved it and I want you to continue it so that the boy gets the guts to leave and when he does a nice man takes him in and it will go on like that.but I really dont want you to stop

  • brokenxheart
    December 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like it.


  • VampireFriends
    December 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    better?

  • VampireFriends
    December 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Okay, I'm sorry about all the "bunny"s, I'm now aware that you're not allowed to swear. Just try and ignore those, I'll get round to censoring it.

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