Pity they do not give.1
A lie is what they gift.2
"Every man for themselves" is our motto. 3
"Be prepared" is what I think every time I wake from my slumber. 4
Life is what they take.5
Anything is in their taking.6
Greed is what they have.7
Power is what they desire.8
And I intended to stop it all, once and for all…9
“Do you really wish to fight me, Lamania?” The pitch black wolf barked. Standing 7 ft., Alekka arched forward and we circled absentmindedly. “You’re completely serious? Ha! You silly pup…” Her graphite eyes bored into mine. My teeth bared as I let out a fierce growl. I could hear our accelerated heartbeats, excited of what was coming. The thrill of the chase, the thrill of the not-knowing. “After everything we’ve been through?” she growled. “After EVERYTHING! After everything you’re gonna turn your back on me?!”10
I scoff. “HARDLY ALEKKA! More of the sense of everything you PUT me through. My whole life you have been the whole reason I hate living on this filthy earth!”11
“Well that can be arranged…” and she pounced. I saw her fly through the snowy air and felt that same air burst out of my lungs. I hit my head on the granite ground covered in sharp gravel, the warm pellets of blood leaking from the back of my skull. Ignoring the dizziness, I staggered to my feet. The blurred world showed me unknown pictures of the same land I’ve always lived on. A dark ghost came to me, lifting a club and clobbered me with it. This caused my eyesight to return; the club was Alekka’s arm. She had turned around, thinking she had victory. ‘Oh brother,’ I thought. ‘Even she must know better that I don’t go down that easily.’ Sneakily I gathered the rest of my energy to lift me up on my knees and relaxed for a minute. All the wolves encouraging their queen didn’t notice my movements. So I took deep breaths. One… two… three breaths. I found my target. Locked my eyes on they prize. I stood and pounced at my enemy. 12
“Look out, Alekka!!” 13
I hit a brick wall and tumbled down the cliff. Grunts and groans, mumbles and moans. The growls and roars echoed off the territory walls. Nails and teeth pierced my thick skin. Pounds and grasps made ‘thumps’ and ‘pows.’ Long arms and legs and tails flailed in the air, backs and heads hit the rock bottom so suddenly. 14
Thump. Thump. Thump… Thump…. Thump……………………………Thump……………………………………………………………..Thump.15
The heartbeat of a loser. Defeat. Victory on my turf. But there was one problem…16
I was still crossing their boundary line.
this WILL continue so if you like it stay tuned!!
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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i like the sort of poetic start... is is a good hook though it may need to be grammer checked.
yes, very interesting and indeed could be expanded upon. there is a great storyline developing here and i hope that as it is developed a little more clearity will shine through.
overall the beginning was a little confusing as to who was who (especially because of the unknown gender to the unique names- i have the same problem in one of my stories) other than that, it seemed to move a little fast which is fine. but you could add in a lot more detail if you want to send an image (i can tell that this is a strong visual scene for you).
great job with this and good luck! just ask if you need any more help of have any questions!
p.s. you might want to put the chapters into a LIST so that people can easily be directed to the next chapter and be drawn to read on!
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Wow, i loved it, you had me at the edge of my seat. This was awsome, i could really picture the fight happening, and the last 3 lines were amazing "The heartbeat of a loser" my favourite part
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Pellets of blood. I really liked that paticular line of imagery. This was written very well. I could see evrything happening before my eyes! This was great!
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thank you very much! there about ....um 5 more (i think) chapters. SO CHECK "EM OUT!!
thanks again
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wow!
Amazingly rich descriptions! I could really see the fight so vividly in my head! XD The ending is just...wow! LOVE it! Really excellent start! The title is also really good...it's interesting! Great job! Very cool so far!
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okay i will stay tuned. bzzzt, tuning frequency... lol
uh oh. cliffhangerzzz O__O
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