Dying for a Laugh

The weather was fittingly glum. The rain came down in damp wet sheets, the temperature hovering right around freezing. It was the perfect weather for a funeral. Miles walked up the granite stairs to the intimidating church, his head hanging to the ground. As the other mourners shuffled past him, he hesitated and attempted to calm himself. Shapeless black dresses and musty suits swam past him, leaving him alone on the front step. Miles was 34, balding, and had never been to a funeral in his life.1

He entered the building and doled out the necessary and stale condolences and shook hands silently when appropriate. He was awkward and self-conscious; he felt like the only one who was sweaty and nervous in the small, dim room. When he reached the casket sitting in the foyer, he was unsure; was he expected to touch the body? Did he simply gaze at the blank face and unnatural skin sadly? Tentatively, he touched a hand. It was cold but not unpleasant; the smell of the heavy makeup used was suffocating. He glanced at the young man lying on satin. The mortician had done an almost flawless job of covering the scars. If Miles hadn’t been there to see it all happen, he wouldn’t have noticed the small imperfections left on his brow. Miles squeezed his hand again, feeling as though he didn’t have the right, and quietly slipped into the sanctuary, making sure that he sat next to a familiar face.2

What a horrible loss!” his pew partner bellowed.3

“Yeah. It’s a shame,” Miles breathed, shaking his head in solemn agreement.4

“And he was so young! He left such a nice family, and a darn beautiful wife, too,” the man wiped his eyes. Miles said nothing and anxiously picked at his fingernails.5

The organ started. The deceased’s family trudged in to take their seats in the row in front. The casket was carried in, three men on each side. Miles watched the crowd. The awkwardness of his situation started to crash down upon him. He saw women wiping their eyes and heard sobs rise around him. His seat mate heaved and gulped like a guppy, gasping for any available air. Miles tugged on his stiff collar and tried carefully to look away. He peered curiously at the family and saw only stony expressions. The service was dragging. As the preacher began to drone about celebrating such a great life, Miles felt something stir inside of him. It wasn’t a pain, exactly…more like a tickle. He tried to suppress the sensation. What had he eaten for breakfast? He scratched his stomach. He tapped it lightly. He punched it a little harder. He pushed his monochromatic tie aside to get a better angle. By this time, he had attracted the attention of his previous pew acquaintance, who was looking on with surprised interest.6

“Hey buddy. You OK?”7

Miles continued to pinch and scratch. “Yeah,” he let a nervous giggle escape. “Fine.”8

He couldn’t concentrate. His breathing was getting ragged.9

“And so we shall not mourn this life, but give thanks for it…”10

A burble of laughter escaped as he remembered swerving into the dead boy’s car.11

“He was truly loved by all who knew him…”12

A loud burst of hysteria escaped. His internal organs were bleeding all over the concrete when Miles found him that night, he recalled. Several people surrounding Miles turned in their pews eand scowled disapprovingly. 13

“You need to quiet down, man,” his seat mate was still trying, “People are looking at you!”14

Miles nodded and bit his tongue. The boy was pronounced dead on the scene. The impact had killed him. Even remembering now, still his giggles sounded.15

“He will surely not be forgotten…”16

Miles couldn’t help it. He opened his mouth and the laughter escaped. It was like a stream-it couldn’t be stopped. The congregation turned. The preacher quieted. Miles kept laughing. Every time he started to get control, he would start up again relentlessly. Soon, his sides ached in protest, but his mind kept on reeling. It dawned on him that he should get up and leave, that he should be polite and stand outside, but instead he started walking down the narrow aisle toward the pulpit with no explanation. His laughter was bouncing off of the high ceiling, reverberating back to him like a song. The stained glass windows rattled with his mania. He decided to dance to the lovely sound it made. It really was beautiful, he could not deny that. He should be composing songs to his laughter, not sitting in a church. He chuckled and jigged. He shouted and boogied. His voice reached octaves above a baby’s cry and his leg muscles cramped with exertion. The crowd’s protests only added to the glorious music he heard. It was like the Southern revivals he always saw on television. His cheeks grew numb from overuse. Why was everyone so glum? This funeral was a ball!17

He was still laughing, legs twitching to an inaudible rhythm, when he was thrown headfirst onto the damp curb.18

Author notes

kelseyo

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • kelseyo
    November 19
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    He was laughing because he didn't know how to deal with his emotions in any other way. He was guilty, from actually killing the boy, sad, nervous, etc, and laughing was the only way he knew to get it out. Sick, right?


    • twixzster
      November 19
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      aah ok, i understand. I was thinking that but I wasn't sure so just asked to check.

  • twixzster
    November 19
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    well...ohk. haha, i'm trying put together what I make of this story. I liked it. But I was wondering why I was sorta laughing to this It's like dark humour. Wow, I kept thinking "demented man". It was creepy but funny too. Your writing style is great, no mistakes and the twist all kept me reading. I think you did a great job of it but why is he laughing? Are you not gonna tell anyone? I'd like to know though. Overall, nice piece! & thanks for entering

  • DeathByChocolate
    June 20
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, I ment to ask, what did he find so funny?

  • DeathByChocolate
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    Cool Really random, but thats whats great abou it I really wasn't expecting that at all from the title

    Great job and good luck

  • Adinatak
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    What did he find so funny??? Great piece, off-beat and enjoyable.


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    June 7
    Edit | Reply

    Funny!

    I loved it. Everything in this contest is so glum... You cheered me up!


  • Devolution
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    HA! I love it, it rocks. A piece of very well done humor in the sea of awful drool that is storywrite.

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • Satan-chan
    March 4
    Edit | Reply
    funny! lolx.. it is really good! thanks for sharing!


  • beezy92
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Haha poor dead guy, poor Miles (: I love the pew-mate. This was funny...lately I've been trapped in the prison of trying not to laugh at inappropriate times too. At least someone's free. This was a fun write and it really made me feel. (: Finalist list.


  • Rorshach gold member
    December 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    i loved this

    Made me smile, brilliant. Thanks for cheering me up


  • lavanya
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Intresting piece...i really wanna read more if u have ... laugh of this man making end more intresting and bit hilerious too...well done dear...keep writing.


  • sberendt gold member
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That was very interesting! I didn't expect him to burst out laughing! This is definitely a flash fiction piece to be reckoned with. Great writing job!


  • Aaez
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wth!? XDDDDD
    I so don't get the point of this story, but it did make me laugh for some reason. XD
    I was reading it and I'm like. "Oh...snap. He is in troooouuuble." Hahaha. Well I must say, you do have a great vocab and you know how to use it well. And descriptions were really nice.
    I still don't get why he started laughing though. XD
    Insane little man. XD heheheh

    Aaez.

1 - 14 of 14