Crystal Blue Persuasion

So my girlfriend dumped me. Yeah it happens I know. It was a few weeks ago now. What we had was brief but something I had wanted for a long time. She broke the news to me after a wonderful day together no less. The conversation was hard to smile through but I managed.1

"I had a great time too but I can't keep leading you on. Shouldn't there be more by now?" She said nervously.2

"Wha- I mean it's only been three weeks."3

"Three weeks! Shouldn't I have feelings for you by now? I mean do you have feelings for me?" 4

"Well yeah, of course I have feelings for you."5

"I just don't think of you as anything but a friend, a good friend."6

"...Oh... Well...Ya know...That's understandable, ya know, I'm a very understanding guy...uh...Ya know?"7

"Your lying... I really don't want to hurt you, that's why I'm telling you this."8

"Oh well...That's OK, I'm cool, I'm cool... I mean, I think things were going wonderfully... I mean I really wish you would give it another shot but...Yeah...You can't change how you feel... It's because I'm skinny isn't it?9

"No, no it has nothing to do with you physically."10

"Oh it's mental then."11

"No, it's just that I should want more by now and I don't, we don't do anything."12

"I knew it, if I would have made the move at the movie theater none of this would be happening!"13

"But part of me was relieved you didn't make the move, I think of you more as a friend."14

"Kiss me."15

"What?"16

"Kiss me, it's the only way to fix this, we have to make up for the lack of relational things we've done. Here we can each have a tic-tac first..."17

"No, I don't want to kiss you and still feel the same way and leave you with nothing."18

"Fine... I'm understanding of the whole thing, it's cool. There are plenty of fine opportunities!"19

"Yes there are."20

"Yeah... I'll keep telling myself that... Oh Jesus..."21

So I walked her to her door and that's where it ended.22

She said, "I'm sorry... I'll always have a special place in my heart for you"23

I smiled through the inner tears which were about to explode from my ducts at any moment.24

"...Bye..."25

I walked alone back to my car, I remember it raining, but I don't think it actually did. Honestly I expected to have a big Hollywood moment any minute walking back to my car. Any moment now she'll run up behind me and grab my shoulder, spin me around and we'll lock lips and everything will be great again! 26

But no. That didn't happen. I got in my car and drove off. The whole way home repeating, "Fight it...Fight it..." as I tried to fight the tears which came out anyway. 27

So how does one recuperate from that experience. Without the background knowledge of WHY I was so attached I guess it seems just like any story. But trust me I have my reasons. It was one of those 'love at first sight' deals. Yet I kept myself from even trying for many months out of fear she would say no and think I was some kind of perverted loser. Then she said yes, and I rejoiced, and then it didn't exactly work out as planned. 28

But our time together didn't end on that miserable day. I spoke to her once more, the last time I saw her actually. It was a beautiful sunny day and I had asked if I could talk to her for a couple of minutes, which turned into something closer to an hour.29

"Look I was just wondering if there was any chance we couldn't, you know...Work this out after the Summer. I mean, hear me out now, I agree we need this summer free to do whatever. But if we come back, both still single and lonely than ya know, why not?"30

"I can't change how I feel."31

"Yeah I know... Ya know you're right anyway. This would never work out, all we would ever have is *great* times..."32

And the conversation was really more of a sequel to the breaking up, except I was a bit more pathetic and persuading. But gimme a break, I needed that faint hope things might work out or the Summer would leave me miserable. By the end of the conversation I got that whiff of hope.33

"I think sometimes I think the exact same thing but I'm afraid to say it."34

"Then c'mon what do we have to lose. For God's sakes give me another chance! Just one more shot, just consider it for the LOVE OF GOD!!!!"35

(That's how I remember it anyway, though I believe it was less desperate)36

"OK..."37

"Hahaha! OK?! Yes! That's all I need!"38

"I'll /consider/ it..."39

"That's fine, that's fine!"40

So we said our goodbyes and here I am still slightly miserable anyway. But chances are I'll be miserable no matter what happens. If this girl wasn't nearly identical to myself I would have given up by now. But for some reason I don't see it ending the way it has. So I'll just have to see what happens. Regardless it will make a great movie someday.41