You're Impossible (A Ryan Girl Story) [#?]

**I have NO clue what the story order for this is at the moment, so ... I'll figure it out. But this is the newest one as of Dec. 21st 2008**1

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Ryan McNeal laughed really loudly, so loudly in fact, that Ben just happened to turn and look at her. She knew what she was doing. She always had. Shifting so she turned her upper body towards Ben, yet keeping her face on John’s, she laughed a little bit more. John hadn’t cracked a joke – at least a funny one – but she’d laughed anyway.3

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Ben glaring at them. But she could feel his eyes burning on her skin. “Oh, Johnny, you are too cute!”4

“I am?” John asked her. She wasn’t paying attention. Her eyes floated to meet Ben’s. “I never knew you looked at me that way before, Ryan. I’m glad because you see …”5

Ben just stared back. Ryan always knew they held all of his thoughts, she usually could read them, but right now, sitting across from him in the classroom, they held nothing. John’s voice registered in her mind again. “… so what do you say?”6

Ryan blushed. “I’m sorry. What do I say to what?”7

He frowned. “To going out on a date.”8

She would admit to using John to get Ben’s attention but no way would she use him to get Ben jealous. “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m busy.”9

John looked surprised. “But I didn’t say when …”10

She felt bad. She did, but Ben was smirking at her. And she wanted to wipe that smirk right off his face. Where did he get any right to smirk at her like that? Ryan raised an eyebrow. Gawd, she was crazy about the boy.11

“You’re such a bitch!” John said really loudly. He grabbed his binders and stood up. She didn’t look at him but simply nodded. Ben grinned. Wait, now he was grinning? Why the hell was he grinning? She wanted to smack him again. It was a usual feeling when it came to him.12

Joe slipped into the seat beside her and said, “That was way harsh Ry. It was awesome.”13

She turned now, to look at Joe. He was her ex-boyfriend and best friend. Some people said that you couldn’t break up with your boyfriend and stay super close to them, but she was living proof that it was crap. You could do anything you want if you put your freaking mind to it – like, gawd, who wanted to live in clichés? Ryan shifted.14

“What?”15

“Your refusal to John, that was way harsh,” Joe commented. She blinked.16

“It was?”17

Joe laughed and rolled his eyes. “Duh – you totally led him on with your laughter and then totally shut him down with your ‘I’m busy’ crap. I’m kind of proud of you, Ryan.”18

She blinked again. That’d been harsh? She really hadn’t been paying attention to John. Now she felt a little bit guilty. Part of her had realized that she’d been harsh but still … Ryan was too focused on Ben. Blame it on Benny, she thought. “It was Ben’s fault. He was smirking.”19

He laughed again. “Oh, Ryan, this is why I love you girl. You are way too cute.”20

“And you are way too obnoxious. He’s coming to my place tonight.” Ryan grinned. “I’m excited. And you better not show up this time, dammit.”21

“I won’t,” Joe promised. She barely saw it, wasn’t sure if she imagined it, but he frowned in disappointment. Then he shot her a huge grin. “Ah, babe, tonight’s the night, ain’t it?”22

“It better be, dammit. I’m tired of waiting for him to make a move. So I’m going to. Yeah, when the timing’s right.” Ryan glanced back over at Ben, who was talking to some girl.23

“Honey, the timing’s never going to be right. You have to make your own timing,” Joe said as Ben laughed with the girl.24

“Mhm, yeah, thanks for the advice Mom,” she mumbled, watching the girl’s face light up.25

“Mom?” Joe’s voice barely registered in her mind.26

-x-27

You have to make your own timing.28

Joe’s advice echoed in her mind. Ben would be there within the hour. She had to clean her room. It was easier for them to hang out in his room. It wasn’t easy for her to have him in her room. She didn’t know why not.29

And hell he’d been in there a thousand times before.30

But tonight was different. She could feel it.31

Her skin tingled.32

Ryan felt gorgeous … and a little like a slut. Her V-neck top was driving her insane. She was used to T-shirts and shirts that covered stuff. Tonight she was going to strut her stuff. Her skirt was a little short but she wore leggings underneath them and it made her feel better.33

Her room was clean. Ryan glanced around. It was almost too clean. She jumped on her bed, just to wrinkle her comforter. Then she messed up her neat pile of papers on her desk. After that, she raced over and grabbed a sweater from her closet – tossing it onto the back of her chair. At least it looked somewhat lived in now.34

A knock came and her heart stopped. No one else was in the house. It’d just be them. Ryan ran. She didn’t care if she was obvious. She was going to KISS BEN tonight. Who cared about subtly?35

Swinging the door open, she couldn’t have stopped the grin on her lips if she’d tried. “Ben!”36

“Hey,” he said, smiling. It was awkward for all of two seconds. Then he came in, shutting the door behind him. “You look … weird.”37

“Weird?” she asked, blinking.38

“Yeah, like you’re on a date or something … it was tonight I was coming over, right?” For a moment before she nodded, he looked seriously worried.39

“Yeah, yeah, I just felt like wearing something different. Is it bad?” Ryan asked, mentally freaking out. Ben always checked out girls like this. If he didn’t like it, he might not like her …40

“No, no, it’s good.” There was a small pause. “Are we studying in your living room or kitchen?”41

“Um, Ben, it’s Friday. You don’t really think I invited you over to study, do you?” Ryan asked softly. She gave him a look and hoped he understood it. “Come on, let’s go up into my bedroom, play some music and …”42

He shrugged. Oh, shit, this was a mistake. This was a huge mistake. She shouldn’t have thought this would work. It wasn’t going to. It was a mistake. Inviting him over, wearing these clothes, everything … her entire plan was a mistake.43

“So, did you hear about John?” he asked as they went up the stairs.44

“John?” she asked confused.45

“Yeah, John from History,” he explained to an extent.46

“Oh. Him,” Ryan said, as if she suddenly remembered. “What about him?”47

“He started crying in Civics. It was kind of pathetic because it was so fake and totally whiny,” Ben told her. She glanced back at him.48

“What brought that on?” she asked, completely unaware of his answer.49

“You.”50

She whirled on him and demanded an explanation. When he told her it was because she’d turned John down, she almost laughed. Instead, she rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I’m so sure he was heartbroken.”51

“What do you mean by that?” Ben demanded.52

“I mean, I’m nothing special.” And gawd, how much she wished she was – if only in Ben’s eyes. She gave a shrug. “I never have been, not really.”53

“What the hell is your problem?” His tone was harsh, deep and scary.54

Ryan found herself falling for him all over again. Her fingers touched his cheek. “I don’t have any problem, Benny. I’m okay with it.”55

He sucked in air. She could hear it. His eyes were darker, narrow and hard. “You’re impossible.”56

And without warning, on the top of her stairs, he kissed her.57

Benjamin was kissing her. He was kissing her. BEN WAS KISSING HER. He was actually kissing her. HE was kissing HER. It wasn’t her kissing him. He was kissing her.58

It didn’t matter how many times she repeated it to herself in her mind, she wouldn’t get over it. Her stomach became tight and as she pulled her lips apart from his, tears came to her eyes.59

He cursed. “Ry … Ryan, I’m sorry.”60

She inhaled sharply. Her fingers fell from his cheek.61

“That shouldn’t have happened.”62

Ryan looked at him and said softly, “Then leave.”63

Ben gave her a nod. He turned. He took one step down the stairs before glancing back at her and whispering, “You’re impossible, Ryan, to find more than once.”64

“Think of me tonight when you’re asleep.”65

She turned and walked to her bedroom. Ryan pushed the door open and let it shut softly behind her. How could he apologize? How could he have said it shouldn’t have happened? It should’ve. It was meant to. Joe said create your own timing. Then why the hell was she in her bedroom ready to cry?66

Standing there for a few more minutes and realizing the answer …67

Ryan ran. She knew she’d have to chase him when she opened the door, he wouldn’t be there waiting for her. Her fingers touched the doorknob and she yanked the door open.68

He stood there, his hand wrapped around the invisible doorknob. His eyes were wide. She smiled. “You’re an idiot if you thought I was letting you get away … I just got you.”69

-x-70

Ryan jerked awake. Her entire body was inflamed. Sweat dripped off her as if she'd just been in a shower. Had it only been a dream? A dream? She groaned. Not again …71

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