Outside the sky was grey again, and flashes of light leaped from cloud to cloud. It was eerily beautiful, and the rolling thunder calmed my confused mind. What happened? The question continually streaming through my head. I ran my finger over the moisture, collecting on the inside of the window, and the cold air from my fan gave me chills. I picked up a red, cotton throw and wrapped it around my shoulders. For the first time that semester my dorm was quiet. I was the only person who hadn’t gone home for the summer, forced to stay in limbo between one dorm and another. The quiet allowed me to focus on the soft drops of rain landing on the grass below my window, and remember another calming thunderstorm. Only, he had been there that morning. 1
He woke me in his usual way, poking me with his nose until I opened my eyes, and then grinning boyishly with not so innocent desires. I loved him that morning, and in a different way I love him now, but I can no longer feel his body against mine. The droplet of water disturbed by my fingertips rolls down the glass in the same way that a tear rolls down my cheek. I feel drained, empty; wondering where he is2
. 3
He had been my everything most of that year, we were first loves, first lovers, best friends. Where had we gone wrong? It was destined not to last, I met him through vodka and the intertwining of tongues at a rowdy college party. But that night he held me in his arms, tousled my hair, and kissed me in a way I will never forget. If not for alcohol we two self-conscious children may never have discovered what we might become that night, and after a few weeks we fell in love. But, now it seemed like those moments might not have meant as much as they seemed. 4
Even with the blanket draped around me my body still feels chilled, and I take it as a sign that despite my pain I am still alive. I turn the fan off and open the window, so I can feel the warm summer rain on my hands. The humidity of a Kentucky storm rolls in around me, thicker than the blanket, I let it fall and lean forward to breath in the fresh air. The rain slows to a sprinkle, and I can just barely hear the thunder in the distance. My life ended the night we parted, but this morning I have been reborn to a shaky new start.5
Author notes
Inspired by the song, The District Sleeps Alone Tonight by the Postal Service.
I left it vague because I want to capture that moment after the breakup when you're mind is filled a million questions that have no hope of ever being answered. This is just that moment that comes after you've spent a rough night crying your heart out, and awake to find that the world has still gone on despite the feeling that time has stopped.
The lines used for the basis of this poem were,
"I am not permanent and the only thing keeping me dry is where I am... and I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving."
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I actually thought about using Nothing Better also. I love their music because it can break your heart or lift your spirits depending on your mood, it's perfect for cloudy, rainy days.
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This story is incredible. I coulndt bear to read it because it was so sad and it is an even sadder story because it conflicts with my morals but i liked it nonewtheless. there was so much emotion and it hurt me in relation to my life. I feel like i have been left also though i have not but you stirred it in me to feel that way. I love Postal Service and am so glad that you enjoy them too. Do you like "nothing Better"? it is my favorite followed by "district". Awesome job!
All my best
Arielle
the One and (L)Only
Edited on May 20, 1:43 p.m. because ''. -
I actually wanted there to be a want for more, since that's the way she is left feeling in the end. It's not so much about the character, but really about that small moment in time... maybe I didn't pull it off quiet that well, but it was my intent for it to have loose ends.
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Ruth-
You did have some very nice lines in this work. They were what stuck in my mind. The one about the meeting with Vodka, and being caught in the corridors between limbo. Those two sentences were quite impressive.
For some reason when I read this I had little clue as to what this was about. It came together when I read the author's comments, but then I was left wanting a bit more. I wanted to see just a little more depth and characterization.
Thanks for the piece, and good luck.
Justin -
i agree with muddy king ^_^ i love stories that leave enough for the imagination, because in a way, it lets the reader have his or her own interpretation or something like that
this story is exactly what i would do during a rainy day alone.. i'd reminisce, and most of the times, the rain bring forth the sad kind of nostalgia... or maybe it's just me thank you very much for this!
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Actually I like the hole this leaves you with as it makes you wonder and leave wanting more...very effective in my opinion...there was a tenderness with the chill...almost like a cold shower of reality...excellent..Peace Muddy
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This was very nicely done, the imagery was vivid and real. This seemed like a diary entry, not fiction. Great job, I'm glad I read it.
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Great
I've never read anything quite like this, and it was quite enjoable. It's extremly touching, you know, one of those little spaces inside us. -
All healed up and ready to write.
This would make a good intro to a romance novel, about recovering fom a devastating romance, or affair. -
hmm...think this should be a fully developed story with character details...are you sure it was his "nose" poking you to wake up? : )-
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