To The End pt. 3

We all pile into our cars and head back to Gerard's house. We all walk in and start setting out drinks and snacks. I pour myself another Jack and Coke and down it like it's water. I look over and see Frankie staring at me.1

"Um, Jay?" he asks tentatively.2

"Hum?" I reply.3

"Be careful ok?" he requests.4

I nod and smile at him. He disappears and I just shrug and pour myself another drink, this time a glass of orange juice with coconut rum. I down it and see Gerard approaching.5

"Ah, my drinking buddy! How's it going big man?" I ask.6

He places a light kiss on my forehead, "Pretty good babe. What's our spread tonight?"7

"We have Jack,Malibu,Kahula,Gin,Vodka,scotch,anndd...I think that's it. That enough for you sweetums?" I ask playfully.8

"You know it. Want me to pour ya something?" he asks.9

"Yeah, hit me up with a glass of scotch and orange juice."10

"Commin' right up," he replies.11

Gerard grabs a large glass from the cabinet and fills up most of it with scotch, and the rest with orange juice. I only mix my drinks for the flavor. I don't like alcohol plain, it's too bland. 12

I drain that drink like a sailor and see that even Gerard is impressed.13

"Problems tonight hun?" He asks. I can tell he's already fuzzy. He must have drank before we left for the mall.14

"Not really," I slur, "Just feeling a bit detached."15

He nods and pours us each a Jack and Coke. Handing one to me, he places a kiss on my lips.16

"You're beautiful," he whispers.17

I nod,giving him a drunken smile. I drink all my Jack and Coke and place the glass on the counter, feeling my legs wobble. I see that Gerard's eyes are glassed over and his face is flushed. I lean up and give him a deep kiss. His tounge runs over my lips and I grant him entrance, meeting his tounge with my own.18

He pulls back and looks at me, "Let's go to my room."19

I nod and follow him upstairs, stumbling a bit on the stairs. We reach his room and he closes the door behind him. He pushes me on the bed and starts kissing me again. I kiss him back and snake my hands under his shirt,tweaking his nipples a bit. He lets out a giggle and bites down on my neck, causing me to groan. I unbutton my shirt and tie and toss them on the floor,my pert breasts appearing wonderfully, covered slightly by a forest green lace bra. I hear Gerard sigh as he cups one of my breasts and continues kissing my neck. I place my hands on his ass and grind against him.20

The doorknob clicks and light shines in,hurting my sensitive eyes.21

"Jay? Gerard?" I hear Frankie cough out.22

"Frankie..I," I sputter, standing. I sway on the spot and place a hand on the nightstand to balance myself. 23

Frankie stares at me and Gerard in disbelief. I slowly make my way over to him,ignoring the fact I'm still in my bra. 24

"Frankie please-," I sputter.25

"Get the hell away from me," he spits out, backing away from me.26

Tears fill my eyes and I watch Frankie pound down the stairs.27

"Hey Frankie, where you goin'?" I hear Mikey yell out.28

"Fuck off!" is Frankie's reply as he slams the door. I hear his car start and peel away.29

I sink to the floor, my shoulders shaking and tears falling quietly to the carpet. Gerard steps over at me, muttering an apology and he too pounds down the stairs. I hear him grab a bottle of alcohol and walk out into the backyard. 30

I gather my shirt and tie and walk down the stairs. I walk past a mirror and see my face is streaked with mascara and eyeliner. I growl and punch the mirror,hearing the glass shatter and my skin split. Glass embeds itsself into my skin and I let out a yell. I keep punching the wall over and over, ignoring the throbbing pain in my hand and the blood spattering all over the wall. I feel a pair of strong hands on my bare shoulders and turn around to see Ray staring at me.31

"Jay?" he asks quietly.32

I notice everything is silent.33

"Leave me the fuck alone!" I scream.34

"Jay please calm down," Mikey says.35

"Fuck off! You don't know what happened!" I yell.36

"What did happen Jay?" I hear Karry ask.37

"Frankie...Frankie found me m-making out with..with Gerard," I choke.38

Karry shoots me daggers and slaps me. I stand still,knowing I deserve more than that. The alcohol is still buzzing around inside me and everything is still hazy, making everything seem somewhat dream like and unimportant even though I feel the horrible pain in my chest. I feel the pain in my hands and now on my cheek and storm out of the house,Ray behind me. 39

"Jay,stop!" he says, grabbing my wrist.40

"Stop it! I fucked up okay! I'm a horrible person! I've hoped and dreamed for two years for Frankie to like me, and now that he does, I get fucked up and about screw his best friend, whom I don't even think of in 'that way,'" I scream. 41

I sit on the grass and start bawling. I put my head in my hands and curl up on the earth. Ray rubs my bare back and whispers to me that it will be okay. I'm hoping and praying it will be.42