My Happy Ending

Corey turned around to grab something and put it in his pocket. I didn't see what it was though. "Okay I have my money now lets go," he said. Of coarse it was only his wallet. I kept quiet but followed him out to his new black Audi. He held the passenger door open for me. He is such a gentleman now I really wanted to know where he was taking me but WHY did he have to refuse to tell me?! Finally the car slowed but it was too dark to see out the window. "you ready?" he asked. "Yes I think so," I said. Corey and I have been together for four years and this wasn't the most mysterious he has been. As soon as he got out the door I started to open the door but he ran to my side and opened it for me. "You should be used to this by now you know," he said grinning. I just smiled back. He walked me to an ally then into a small door we had to duck to get in. It was a crowded place with bright lights and colors every one. We walked up to a man a desk as he looked up. "Corey P.," he said. The man nodded and made a symbol that told us to follow him. We did and he led us to a quiet booth in a corner of the room. "So the special occasion is dinner?" I asked. He just smiled a wide grin. The waiter came to soon to decide what to eat. I glanced at the menu quickly. "Ill have a Chef Salad thank you," I said. "Uh make that two of them," Corey said. The waiter nodded and wrote our order down. "Any thing else?" he asked. We both shook our heads and he walked away. "So why were you so mysterious about this dinner?" I asked him. "You havn't figured it out yet?" he said as it should be obvious. "Uh should I have?" I asked. He just smiled and was about to say something when food suddenly appeared under our noses. "Thank you," Corey said. We both started eating right away. Me because I was Starving him because he didn't want to tell me something. The salad was huge so I only got through half of it. By that time he had already finished all of his. "You know we have been together for exactly four years now right?" he asked. I totally forgot this was sorta an anniversary.That made me smile. "Ya I did," I lied. He smiled already knowing id forget. I had horrible memory and he knew it. "Well I figured you wouldn't remember but I definitely do. I want you to remember this anniversary for the rest of your life," He said. "Well why is this one so important," I asked him. He smiled a mischievous grin and leaned across the table to kiss me so I kissed him back and smiled. "Check please!" he said to our waiter. The waiter handed him the small leather booklet with our bill in it. He handed him a fifty quickly. "Keep the tip," he said as he handed the booklet to him. The waiter smiled and walked away.1

2

"Okay come on lets go for a walk now," he said. 3

4

He led me to a door larger then the one we came in and opened it for me. Out side was cool and the sky was filled with stars. There were no lights besides that. I loved it and he knew it. I am totally into astronomy. He led me to a bench with only enough room for two people. He sat down and put me on his lap. He started staring at the sky so I followed his gaze. The stars were as bright as ever for some reason tonight. "I love you, you know that right?" he asked. " Yes I know and I love you too," my voice sounding a little curious. "Well," he said putting me on the bench beside him, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you Jaimie," he said as he got down on one knee. He pulled out a little blue box from his pocket. "Jaimie, will you marry me?" he asked. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. He stood up and gently wiped a tear from my eye. "The last thing I want you to do is cry!" he said sounding worried."I-I- yes!," I replied most likely sounding like an idiot. Before I knew it he picked me up and was kissing me again but more passionately. 5

6

7

Author notes

I am not done with it yet but I need to go to sleep

any ideas for inprovment?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • Luci Ferraris
    September 3, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Till this far it's very romantic. I caught some mistakes in it, like the time their together. One moment it's three year, the other moment it's four year. Also the dialog should be changed. User 'MirrorIrorriM' made a usefull thread in the forums, it's called "Let's Have A Chat: Dialog, the Character Screams!", at least it helped me.

    Although I liked the story, work on it.

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.