Assault of my Senses

My dear, departed darling,1

Perhaps it’s too late to tell you that I finally cleared the mist from my mind.2

It sits idle now, full of the crayola dust3

& glitter you tracked in when you danced4

so beautifully[thoughtlessly] by me.5

Without you, it’s all I can do to breathe6

the liquidsolidgas that batters my body.7

the bruises reminding me of the glitter painted8

sosocarefuly across your eyes.9

The glitter that reflected every inch of my10

‘perfect’ face as youyouyou11

Tore my heart to shreds.12

[It’s the perfect shade of misery blue && it’s cheaper by the pound]13

It’s possibly the wrong time to mention that I wantneeddesire14

you here by my side; highlighting every15

one of our tiny imperfections,16

stapled so tightly to our longlonglong list of mistakes.17

Without you, it’s all I can do to see18

secondsminuteshours into the future you shattered19

into a million shiny pieces that fell;20

like painted trash into the crowded gutter.21

To be trampled by ‘well wishers’22

as youyouyou tore my[our] perfect,23

plastic future to shreds.24

[We could’ve had the world, but baby that was just too cliché]25

Maybe I’d be wrong to tell you that tonight taped your picture back together26

& just criedsobbedwept for you and your27

perfect pout. The c[harming], mischievous28

look that threw me headoverheels.29

Without you, it’s all I can do touch30

the reality left scattered on the compacted31

dirt floors of my heart[mind]32

& no matter how many times I33

dig out my dusty broom, I just can’t34

bring myself to scrape away everything35

that youyouyou left behind.36

[Now I’m stuck with the pungent odor of rotting yesterdays]37

I guess now just isn’t the time to mention that I fixed those broken strings38

that once plucked out your sinful39

melodies. The songs meant for only our40

tornbrokenshattered hearts to sing.41

Without you, it’s all I can do to hear42

the fluent notes that whispered43

through the darkest daysmonthsyears44

of a life I never chose to live. & though I listen45

with every fiber of my mindbodysoul,46

I still can’t bring myself to sing the47

words that youyouyou never said.48

[The three perfect syllables that could never pass your swollen vocal cords]49

& just maybe you’d come home if I happened to mention that I bought your favourite50

ice-cream. The butter-pecan one51

whose taste would linger on your lips for52

hours after I had kissed it all away.53

without you, it’s all I can do to taste54

the candy-coated sunrises of yesterday55

& somehow the world got sososmall without you here.56

Our little kitchen seems so empty without57

the smellsflavourssounds of the58

over-enthusiastic cooking that59

youyouyou once insisted upon.60

[Somehow, I never got tired of the take out we replaced it with]61

Is it too late to tell you that I stopped hating you62

for leaving my alonebymyself63

to face the condolences;64

the empty promises that it would all get better.65

I don’t know about you, but I66

Neveeverever healed. & tonight I67

just wanted to say goodbye to you,68

my dear, departed darling. Before69

youyouyou faded forever.70

[And, for once, I’ve got nothing more too say]71

Your lost, lonesome, love.