This Is My Story - Prologue

As I sat in the hallway by myself, eating my lunch and reading a novel, I wasn't paying attention to the words on the pages. I was daydreaming like I always do. Sure, I pass all my classes with A's, and yes, I am known as a band geek, but through all those lessons that it seems like I'm not paying attention when I am, I am thinking about something completely different. Which means I can multitask really well. Anyway, I was thinking about life and how it can get really messed up - especially in high school. 1

When you first go in as a freshman, you're a bit scared of the upperclassmen and don't really want to get in their way or anything like that. You are completely invisible to them. As you gradually become more confident, you decide that it doesn't really matter who you're friends with as long as you have one or two. In sophomore year, some of your friends change and leave you to be yourself while they go off with their boyfriends and whatnot. I'm at that stage so I eat by myself. Somewhere in the time you go from being twelve to this age, you discover the opposite sex and decide that that is a very important part of life. So you spend your time before school deciding on a nice look to impress your crush instead of doing the homework that you should be doing but don't want to do even though it's due at the beginning of first block that day. You carefully set each hair in place and posing in front of the mirror, wondering which smile is your cutest so you can flash it at him when you walk by him in between classes. 2

Life can be so strange sometimes. Especially when some guy that you absolutely hate and dispise and don't ever want to be caught near him asks you if you'd go out with him... While you're gently letting him down, you really are thinking, "HECK NO!!! I wouldn't be caught dead with you even if my life depended on it!!! How could you even ask me that question?!?! That is SO disgusting!" Then you avoid that person until you don't have to see him anymore because it makes you sick to even think about being anywhere near him. That's how I feel about this one freshman. His name is Austin and he's creepy. Everyone swears he's gay, even me. I mean, how can you be THAT feminine and NOT be gay? Of course I know it's mean, but it's how I feel. I try to be nice to him, but ever since he asked me that question, I won't even look at him or go anywhere near him. 3

With him asking me out and me in love with another guy that I can't be with just yet, my life is going downhill real slowly. I've got a few friends that care about me, but they just laugh when I tell the story of Austin and how it freaked me out or when I mention this other guy, Daniel, and how much I wish we could be together. My eyes are usually filled with sadness when I think of him. I really hate how my friends usually just give me sympathy and tell me to get over him since it's been two years. Yeah right! Two years, I still love him, and you expect me to get over him just like that?!?! YEAH RIGHT! 4

I marked the page I was on and closed the book. I decided that it was time to stop daydreaming. While I'm pulling my Geometry book out of my backpack, I hear footsteps coming closer. There's no reason for me to look up since no one ever pays any attention to me, so I just start to dig at the bottom of my bag, looking for something to write with. Usually, the footsteps pass right by me, and no one ever pays me a second glance. This time, though, I was surprised to look up and see the feet had stopped right next to me. I raise my eyes to see who in the world would want to talk to me. My breath flew out of my chest as I see this guy leaning against the locker with his arms folded across his chest. It was Sean. Now, I'd been developing a small crush on him, but I was always trying to ignore it because last year, we got in this huge fight over nothing, and he'd accused me of liking him, so I'd denied it. I have been trying to hide that I still kind of like him ever since. Well, at least ever since he started paying attention to me at school. Over the summer, the crush kinda disappeared. Then when marching band started up again and he began to actually talk to me, listen to me and joke about and with me, it came back. I'm having a hard time leaving him alone now. So when I looked up to see his gorgeous blue eyes looking down at me, I was really surprised. 5

"Hey, how are you?" he asked, smiling.6

I was trying to clear my head before I could answer. It took me a few seconds to even realize what he'd asked. "Oh, I'm fine, I guess."7

"You guess? Why are you sitting alone?"8

"I always eat by myself. None of my friends want to eat with me, I guess. Either that or I have no friends." I always hated to admit that, but it was only true. And I really didn't want any sympathy from anyone, so I tried not to say it too often.9

"Oh I'm sure you have friends, but I can't imagine why they wouldn't want to eat with you," he replied as he slid down to sit by me. "Whatcha workin' on?"10

"Oh, I'm just finishing up my Geometry homework - it's due next class, but I didn't understand it last night when I was really tired, so I just didn't do it."11

"Cool. Do you need any help?" I was baffled as to why he was talking to me, let alone sitting next to me, asking if he could help me with my homework.12

"Ummm, sure," I said, confused. Why does he fight with me so much, and then be really nice to me all of a sudden? I thought. Boys are SO confusing!13

"What kind of Geometry is it?"14

"It's just the classification of triangles with sides and angles - I never really understand how to do that." Hey, at least he's really easy to talk to.15

"Oh I hated that, but it's easy for me. Let me see your book," he reached over to grab it from me. I picked it up off my lap and handed it over, grateful to relieve my brain from this stupid math that I hated. "What's the assignment?" 16

I told him what it was, and sat there, silently watching him. His blond hair was thick and wavy, and getting a bit longer than I liked it. His eyes were focused on the pages he was looking at and his mouth was... was he smiling? I looked away, afraid he knew I was watching him. I just stared down the hallway in the opposite direction from him, still wondering why he would be so nice to me. He always said hi to me in the halls now, and every once in a while, we'd get in a conversation, but he never offered to help me, unless I asked him first. Even then, he hardly ever wanted to. I started pulling my fingers through my hair, as I always did when I was thinking really hard. I turned my gaze back to him, thinking I could watch him now, hoping he still wasn't smiling. My heart skipped a beat - he was not only smiling, but he was staring at me, his eyes glittering with amusement as I jumped a bit. We held eachother's gaze for a few seconds before I started to laugh and I could feel myself blushing intensly. I looked away, jumping for joy inside, while trying to keep myself from actually doing that. 17

"So..." he said. My heart was still beating wildly.18

"What?" I said, looking back at him. He was concentrating on my homework, or that's what it looked like. 19

"You're probably wondering why I'm sitting here, talking to you voluntarily, and helping you with your work." 20

"Well, yeah, because all you usually do is say hi, or correct me in drumline to help me get better, but that's about it." 21

"Now you know that isn't true. I talk to you sometimes," his dazzling smile was making it hard for me to breath. "But I just saw you sitting here alone, so I decided to give you this...22

"Because you dropped it in the band room this morning." 23

I shook my head and saw Sean standing next to me, holding out my Geometry homework. Wow, my day dreams were getting more and more extreme. There were a few footprints on the piece of paper he was handing to me, and a water stain on the corner of it. Luckily, someone had picked it up before it got too destroyed. At least I didn't have to do it all over again. "Thanks," I said, quietly. I gave him a little smile, then flipped open my Geometry book to the page I needed to finish. 24

"Your welcome," he replied. I looked up just in time to see him smile back, then turn to leave. 25

"Sean," I said. "I have a question I wanted to ask you."26

"Yes?" he said back. He turned around to face me.27

"You know how we hardly ever got along last year?" He just nodded and kept watching me. I took that as the cue to keep going. I couldn't back down now, even though my stomach was writhing inside me, every part of me telling my brain that this was not a good idea. "Well, I was just wondering, why have you been so nice to me this year? It's kind of confusing to me that we would fight so often and then come back from summer break and you're all of a sudden acknowledging me." 28

Sean was quiet for a minute, still gazing at me with this expression on his face that said, "Why does it matter?" I immediately regretted asking him. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid question for me to ask you." I turned back to my work trying to concentrate on a problem I'd already done. 29

"No, it's okay," he said. He was still standing here? Why? "It's a good question, one that I've been trying to answer myself."30

"Seriously?" I asked, surprised that he didn't know. "But, how could you not know yourself?" I had to keep telling myself to calm down. He couldn't actually like me that way, could he?31

"I don't know, but I enjoy talking to you sometimes. I mean, sure you can be annoying sometimes, if you follow me just to talk to me, but I enjoy saying hi to you when we see eachother in the halls, and talking and laughing with you. Even if it is only for five minutes."32

I couldn't believe what I was hearing - was he actually ADMITTING that he liked me? I had to count to ten and tell my self to breath evenly so I wouldn't show him that I was freaking out. He was staring at me like he wanted to say something else. But I guess he decided against it, because he turned red as he heard what he just said to me. I think I might've been blushing as well because my face was starting to burn. My ears were hot, too and I had to look away from his face. 33

"Well, I have to go, so I'll see you later," he said as he turned and hurried away, turning back for a second to smile at me. 34

I was stunned. I finished my homework, not even knowing what I was doing. As I sat there, struggling to put my book in my backpack and gathering my stuff to go to class, I was rethinking everything that had just happened. I walked to Geometry in a trance, thinking how closely this was to my daydream. I looked up just in time to avoid running into Daniel. He was watching me, a sad, longing look on his face. I blushed again, tears threatening to fall from my eyes as I turned into the classroom. Today was going from normal, to outstanding, to depressing.