Drifting Souls (Ch. 5)

Story of Lila Sergiev pt. 21

The next night’s misery was soon upon me. I lied emotionless, sorrowfully experiencing heterosexual sex for my first and hopefully last time. Damn. I was glad to be a lesbian. There was nothing gentle about the way he treated me. It was rough, and it fucking hurt. There was nothing pleasurable about his penetration. A tear rolled down my cheek as I felt his hot seed shoot deep inside of me. It was almost as if I could already feel the child forming within. At that point I hoped so. I didn’t want to experience this hell again.2

He leaned down and kissed me as gently as I imagine he could manage. I wanted to die. This was wrong. I belonged to one person. It was not a man, and it most definitely wasn’t him.3

~~~4

I fell asleep and woke up to scenery 8 months later, thankfully almost full term pregnant. It felt odd, though. Lila hadn’t woken me and I wondered where she was. Something wasn’t right.5

It was a blistering summer day. I could feel the sun’s powerful heat hitting me even through the window. I really missed air conditioning about then, and that long black hair of mine was not helping.6

I walked downstairs to the servant’s quarters to find her. Though she was deathly sick, I couldn’t help but catch the glimmer of hope in her eyes when I walked into the room and had a seat beside her bed. She took my hand into hers and kissed the back of it sweetly. Her face was worn and tired. I was sure she had aged about 20 years in 8 months.7

Lila wasn’t the kind of person to give up, but there was something about the way she laid there carelessly that suggested she knew she was going to die. She wasn’t the first to have this terrible sickness, whatever it indeed was, and wouldn’t be the first to die from it. I held her hand carelessly, and kissed her forehead without a trouble. If I too died from this, it would be okay with me. My soul and love belonged to only Lila, whatever else happened to my body was none of my concern.8

The “what will be, will be” mentality of Lila was just one of the many things that fascinated me about her. In her mind, all things were controlled by nature and some cosmic greater good. If she died, it was because she was meant to die, right then, at that moment no excuses or regrets. Amazing. I admired her strength and unrequited faith in the fact that no amount of bitching or complaining will change what is, was, or is to come. Life goes on. Shit happens.9

“I miss you desperately, love” I whispered to her gently, leaning close to her without a care.10

She reached up and stroked my cheek gently, “I miss you, dearest Julia.”11

I smiled at her.12

“I have something for you.” She said to me sweetly, opening her side dresser drawer. “I used my lifesavings to get it for you. I know we could never be engaged, but I wanted to give you something that could symbolize us, from now until forever. Secretly, I hope you will pass it down to further generations.”13

“Lila…” This worried me. I didn’t want her to do anything like that. It wasn’t my intention to make her leave anything with me.14

“Julia. It is for you. I want you to have it. Don’t argue with me. I’m not going to be needing it. Just wear it. For me?” She opened the box to reveal that beautiful but not overbearing diamond pendant that resided ever so dazzlingly at the end of a golden chain that I had just offered to Liv for her birthday. The scene continued to play, I sat on the bed and let Lila put it around my neck, but in my mind, I was in complete awe. This was the story. I and my who knows which great grandmother… we are the same person. This had to be given to me, so that I could give it back to its rightful owner.15

Julia searched for hope somewhere, “You seem to be getting around a little better today. Maybe everything is clearing up. Maybe it’s all going to be okay?”16

Lila shook her head morbidly, causing a tear to fall down my cheek, “I think I’m just waiting to die, darling.” She closed her eyes, trying to stay strong for me.17

“Lila… please don’t say such things. It breaks my heart to think of going on without you.” I nuzzled her hand and held it close to my tearstained face.18

“Only until will meet again, my love.” The corners of her mouth turned up into a peaceful smile. She was sure of this. Sure of death. Sure of fate. Sure of us. Maybe I should be too.19

I couldn’t help but cry on the inside as well as out, even though I knew how our story would now end. As soon as I awoke of this bittersweet sequence of memories, nothing would stop me from being with my love. Ever again. It was only a matter of waiting out this torture. It was a matter of watching my reason for living die before me. Inside I knew I had to experience this pain before I could really appreciate the treasure of really getting to be with Liv.20

I fell to her side and cried my eyes out as she rubbed my back sweetly. Suddenly, I had a really bad feeling as she began to cough harder and harder. I crawled in bed with her and held her close… until she drew her final breath in my arms.21

~~~22

I had lied there for about an hour before I could bring myself to call someone to get her. I just couldn’t let go of her. I knew letting go meant letting go for a very, very long time.23

Finally I sighed, weak from my heaving breakdown and rose to my feet. I kissed her rosy lips gently and took one last long look into her unexplainably dazzling grey-green eyes before shutting them, to put her at peace. Before I completely walked from her arm-shed I repeated what she last said to me, whispering it gently just above her angel face, “Until we meet again, my love.” 24

Placing what I knew would be our one, last kiss onto her lifeless, motionless lips, a tear fell from my face to hers. Quietly I swept it away and left the room to find someone to make arrangements immediately. After all, it was summer. Before the embalming liquid could arrive from the next town, the body would already begin to rot.25

Inside I screamed, but my body would not follow my heart. If the stories were true, this wasn’t the end. If only I could make my stubborn ass body listen to my heart, it would know that she wasn’t dead. I would make them wait to bury her, because Lila Sergiev was not dead, only sleeping.26

~~~27

If the stories were accurate, this sickness wasn’t a killer at all. It was completely unexplainable, but it wasn’t the kind of sickness that literally killed people.28

Somehow, Lila was only in a coma. The idea was that the sickness caused the patient to be comatose for around 3 days and then would make them reawake, alive, and barely ill, with the exception of dehydration.29

This made so much sense to me now. That part of the stories those ignorant, unspiritual gossipers was true. 30

Damnit.31

~~~32

They took her body away to be buried that same day. I went to watch them lay her down and to secretly, silently assure her that my heart would continue to be with her always. The inside me was still trying to get used to the fact that Lila and Liv are one in the same and that Julia and Jade are one in the same, and furthermore that this wasn’t the end of the story, no matter how it seemed.33

My mind began skipping scene to scene, now, playing them out in detail, but skipping my misery in between. Five days after the burial, I had my beautiful baby girl, Lillian Maria. Day six, came a dinner party to celebrate the new arrival to the Weddington family. Of course I smiled and curtsied as always, but inside I had only one mission, to find an explanation.34

A well renowned doctor, which happened to be a friend of Nathaniel’s, began to explain the strange epidemic at dinner, thus causing a large, ridiculous fit by me directed at Nathaniel later that night in his office.35

“You mean to tell me that she could still be alive, alone, down there in that horrid box, screaming and crying for me to come save her and you’re not going to allow me to do a damned thing about it!? Nathaniel Weddington, you allow me the money to try to excavate her or I swear to God I will find a shovel and go dig her up myself.”36

Nathaniel rested his head in his hands with his elbows on his desk, heaving a great sigh. “Fine. I will permit it, but nothing can be done until morning. You wouldn’t even know if you’re digging the right spot if you try to go tonight. Wait it out. First thing, we’ll see.”37

I turned to leave the office, but before opening the door, I stopped and asked him, “You know about us. Why would you permit it?”38

He stood walking behind me and whispered into my ear, getting uncomfortably close, “I can’t have your heart, but if I don’t get you some answers, I wouldn’t even get to keep your body.” He rubbed my torso, down to my legs, but I broke away and went to bed.39

The first thing in the morning, the grave diggers began to dig up her grave. I stood with my arms crossed, staring down into the hole as their shovels struck wood, feeling my heart skip a beat, hoping she would still be alive, but knowing she would probably be insane.40

They pried open the box as the stench of dried blood and rot began to rise from the ground. It was the grossest, most gruesome, most horrible sight I had ever seen. Lila had woken up and tried to claw her way out. Her body was covered with blood from her bone-exposing fingertips that she had tried to dig her way out with. Her hair was caked with blood. Her soft white face dripped dark red rubies. Her grey-green eyes stared up at me in a maddened fear, her mouth was open, as if she took her dying breath trying to scream for help.41

I collapsed to my knees, screaming in horror at the sight of her, tears rolling down my cheeks. “No! LILA!” I cried through my hands that I covered my face with. What hurt me more so than the fact that I allowed her to be buried, was the fact that she had suffered so much unbearable fear, waking up to complete blackness—buried alive. I could have saved her. I was too late.42

My mind flashed forward to the very next scene, about 3 months later. I had made up my mind. There was no changing it. I had left a note on Nathaniel’s door that I wouldn’t be back. I walked up to Lila’s once again closed grave to the sculpture Nathaniel agreed to let us put up at her grave of her, in deepest regrets for her unfortunate circumstance.43

I placed two fingers on my lips and reached high to touch them to Lila’s sculpture’s. With the other hand, I held a gun to my head and said to her strongly, with a tear running down my cheek, “Until we meet again, my love.”44

The gunshot rung and echoed through the hills of Derriana, as my lifeless body collapsed to the ground, but once again, just as I had entered this dream, I didn’t land on the cold, hard ground of Lila’s grave. Instead, I landed someplace much, much softer.45