Germs1
Germs! Germs! Germs everywhere! And most of all here. Jacob pulled out a packet of moist towelettes. He fished one out and began dabbing at the toilet seat. He ran the towelette over every corner, every spot on the green seat, making sure to scrub scrub scrub like his mother taught him. She’d be so proud that he didn’t just walk away from the porta-potty. “Confront your problem,” she once said, and that’s what he was doing.2
“That’s better,” he said, looking at the shinning plastic ring. He was about to sit down, when something caught his attention. The little square on the end of the toilet paper role had a rip in it. It began. Long, steel nails tickled his insides, causing an unreachable itch. His neck burned red and his face flushed.3
“It’s just a little tear,” he thought, and went back to sitting down. He could feel it though, like a small insect burrowing into the back of his head driving him mad. With a flash, he jumped up, tore off the last square of toilet paper, and shoved it in his pocket. 4
“There,” he said aloud. He looked back at the toilet seat. By now it was dry again. Germs danced on the surface, squealing, “Come sit down Jacob, we won’t mind.”5
He shuddered. There had to be some other way. He puzzled over the conundrum until it hit him. Jacob tore off little squares of toilet paper. Happiness tickled his veins. Oh how clever he was! Mother would be overjoyed. He took great care in positioning the little squares around the seat until no green showed. He smiled, satisfied with his work. 6
Jacob was about to sit down, when the world began to shake. Water sloshed in the toilet as the porter potty jerked back and forth. Laughing came from outside.7
Jacob tried to brace himself against the wall, but it was no use. The porter potty tipped over onto its side, spewing toilet water everywhere. 8
Jacob crawled out of the germs onto the grass. He dug out a handkerchief and made a futile attempt to scrub the mud from his suit. Just when he had and was about to do it, just when he’d killed all the germs, they had come back. 9
The boys were laughing, slapping each other on the back and grinning from ear to ear. "Hey Jacob, did your mommy pick out that suit for you?" Jacob walked off away from the group. They called him names. Names that sent a shiver down his spine. “Homo.” “Faggit.” “Woman.” He looked down at his debris-splattered suit. Mother would be so disappointed. 10
Author notes
This is meant to be a snapshot in the life of a boy who fears germs. Him trying to overcome his fear... and failing/succeeding in many aspects. *shrug.*
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I did listen to the youtube addittion read but...
This was written very well. You were able to tell an entire story with only a few words; not the actual 400 word story, but the story of a boy and what it's like. You discribed everything in almost perfect detail and i was able to picture it clearly in my mind. The end, however, was the part that impacted me the most. I agree with you last comment except i am speaking only of the end; it was incredibly depressing.
Bret
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This story really disturbed me.
Not even so much the story, just the image it gave me.
Of this little boy in twenty or so years.
I don't know.
There's just something incredibly depressing about it.
Well done.
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Thanks for the comment. Yea... this isn't really a happy snapshot. I tried to make it leave you wondering... "how is this kid ever going to get over it/what is his life going to be like?" Like one of those people who keep trying to overcome it but are beaten down.
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You certainly can tell a story in a few words
Good morning Voldo, hope you are having a good holiday season and are looking forward to 2009.
This strange tale about a boy apparently suffering from the obsession, not only of germs and dirt, but the desire to please Mommy is pathetic and very sad.
I’m surprised that even his scrubbing the toilet seat in the beginning didn’t sound funny, only depressing. So if you meant it to draw a few giggles like the TV show ‘Monk’ apparently does, it didn’t happen.
You certainly can tell a story in a few words
. Still, the cruelty of the other boys with their name-calling did surprise and confuse 
me. There seemed to be no reason 
.
They couldn’t have known what took place inside the porta-potty. Then they rocked it on purpose. They must have known the boy—but you didn’t tell us that. It’s your choice, but I’d work some more on this.
Geri
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Hey,
Yea, it's implied that the boys know who he is. You're supposed to be surprised, not knowing what's happening when the porta-potty is shaking, but then come to the grim realization when you see the kid's teasing him.
I can see what you're saying. I think to clarify it, i'll add a line where one of the boys says "Hey Harold, did mommy pick out that suit for you?"
Yea, you're right. It's not supposed to be funny like Monk. Supposed to be sad and depressing.
Hehe, I really aimed for brevity. :-D I'm glad I achieved it
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awe, this was so sad.
and it seemed so, real.
you did a great job describing what was like, going on inside his head.
i love it. (:
great job. <3 -
Very interesting from a psychological standpoint. Especially the fact that it's not that he gets mad when they call him names or thinks worse of himself, it's "mother would be disappointed." Really quite sad. Well written too. I do have a question "Porter Potty"? I thought it was "porta-potty" shortened from portable potty?
Anyway, nice job!
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Ha.... that's like when i thought gezuntiet was spelled Flazuntite... *goes about fixing porta-potty*
Thank you for the comment. Much appreciated. Any thoughts on improvement?
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Hm. A very well written story, fraught with emotion. You did very well with this piece. I didn't find any grammatical or spelling errors to fix, but you have a small structural issue in paragraph 5. Easily remedied, though.
Great work. Thanks for sharing this.
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Thanks for the comment.
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