Tracks: Beginning

The fireplace was still burning when I entered the room, casting a pale yellow glow against the dark hardwood flooring. A deep rich oak table remained, untouched, at the corner of the bed across the room. It’s corresponding chair, also of the same oak wood, lay overturned in a bed of shattered glass by the fireplace. What was most disturbing, however, was not the fact that this home, once a hive of life and activity, was now a grave. No, what was most disturbing was that this was a grave without a corpse.1

The secret was out, it would only be a matter of time.2

The assassination played itself over and over in my head as I walked back towards the harbour. All my experience, all my planning, and yet somewhere in the intricate web forged by years of experience there was a flaw. Most importantly, there was a missing body, and I was a marked man. It was a cold November morning, the sun had not yet pierced the skyline, the city still slept. Fumes rose as thick spires from the underground sewers, lacing the still air with a sharp polluted sting. I stood, gazing out towards the Chicago harbour, savouring the thought of an open ocean before me. I allowed myself to believe that I was to leave this corrupt world behind me, and ahead of me was nothing save open sea. Unfortunately, on my frequent walks to the harbour, I soon realise that I am the poison that corrupts the very world behind me, I realise that wherever I go I will never be free of the mendacities and immorality that plagues society, and I reluctantly slink back into reality. Deep into my contemplation, I failed to notice the dark figure who loomed over me. As I stood there, surveying the harbour, I felt a tug at my pocket and the rustling of papers. I resisted the urge to immediately turn and attack the stranger who interrupted my solace, instead I peered over to my pocket to see exactly what this stranger was doing. I saw a gloved hand nimbly slip a photo into the gap in my trench coat. I was experienced enough to know that this stranger put an effort towards appearing inconspicuous, and so I did the same. I did not look at the stranger, instead I continued looking straight ahead, at the harbour.3

The stranger spoke in an icy, rough voice. “Barkeep took a stroll down flint street, found an empty case and a box of matches. Nine o’clock.” Without another word, the stranger departed. I took this time to peer at the picture stashed in my pocket. There was an open fireplace burning, contrasting a dark hardwood flooring. The room looked much more hostile in the picture than it did when I left it not an hour ago. What was most alarming however was not the painfully familiar room, but the body stretched out on the floor. My face went pale as I stared at the photo before me. I turned around, trying to find the mysterious stranger holding such incriminating evidence, but he was nowhere in sight. I knew better than to search for him, instead, I took the time to gaze once more at the beautiful vista before me. For all I know, I mused, this may be my final sunrise. And so I stood, gazing into the rising sun, a silent sentinel of a waking city, I stood.

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Comments


  • ABerko gold member
    December 16, 2008

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    Very good description. You almost see everything. Although if i were to find a negative, i would say the opening paragraph may have too much. Expand the house and not just the chairs. Give a larger description of the empty house. When you give too much detail it can take the reader's imagination out of it causing them to loose interest. Also ocean in Chicago? Isn't that a lake? I lived there for a little time i don't think i heard anyone call it an ocean. But i'm probably wrong. But awesome description and very interesting plot. You may have something good in the works and i can't wait to read on. Only commenting to help, don't take it the wrong way.


    • Moses.Reid
      December 16, 2008
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      Hey thanks for the comment
      Also, the term Ocean was metaphorical, I mentioned it was lake Michigan in the story, and in the paragraph I also say lake
      I was using the term ocean to give a literary exaggeration of the expansiveness of the water
      Also, thanks for your ctitique
      And the mystery of the book is parly based on the room's demeanor, so I can't exactly expound on the contents of the room, or even how it looks too much.
      Again, thank you for your comment