When one hears the term demon, they’re usually reminded of mythological creatures with malicious intentions wrapped amidst an ugly appearance. Evil to a fault, they’re portrayed as the antagonists of good, and scapegoats for the unexplained.
In religion, folklore, and mythology a demon is a supernatural being that is generally described as a malevolent spirit. A demon is frequently depicted as a force that may be conjured and insecurely controlled.
Like most mythical legends, some of it is true, while other parts are misleading as humans try to explain things they can’t quite comprehend. And like most inconsistencies, the good are lumped in with the bad, and covered with the same deceptive blanket.
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Annoyed beyond belief, Helen Vandis glared at the man with her. She’d known Brin for nearly three thousand years, and this was the thanks she got for keeping him alive and out of trouble? To top it off, he stood there, all smug in his admission, looking like a cat that caught the rat. 3
Unfortunately, in this little scenario, she was the rat. Too bad for him she didn’t feel like running around a maze in search of the electric lever to pull for food. 4
“You traded my what?” she asked, confused and trying to clarify what he’d just told her.5
“Your soul.”6
“That’s what I thought you said.” Taking a step back, she gave him a warning look when he started towards her. “I’m going to go, you’re going to stay here. Follow me and I’ll seriously hurt you.”7
”You can’t leave.” 8
“Watch me.” Turning, she stopped short as a person stood there. She hadn’t heard him approach, and couldn’t help but scream. 9
Giving her a once over, the visitor nodded. “She’ll do.” 10
The fight or flight instinct surfaced, prompting her to quickly raise her knee, jamming the stranger in the one spot guaranteed to hurt. Scampering to the side as he tried to grab her at the same time he doubled over in pain, she continued on to the door and hopefully freedom. 11
Panic was setting in, which she used to fuel her running, making it to the door and pulling it open just as she heard heaving breathing behind her. Taking a step out, she let go of the door and ran. 12
“Helen!” 13
Ignoring Brin’s yell, she ran across the parking lot and towards her car. Shifting direction at the last possible second, she barely missed the body that appeared in front of her. The strange man from the building reached out, his fingers barely brushing the fabric of her coat as it trailed behind her. She was nearly to the car when something grabbed her from behind, yanking her to a painful stop that ended with her falling backwards to the ground. An arm fell to either side of her as he leaned over to keep her on the ground.14
“Mmm,” the stranger nearly purred. “Your soul is a strong one.”15
“Get off me!” Helen demanded, hitting out with her hands and elbows. Head butting him succeeded in a loosening of the grip, which gave her enough leverage to pull away. Scampering backwards as he stalked towards her, she hesitated slightly as he came to a stop. 16
“What say you walk away and leave the lady in peace?” a voice said from behind Helen. 17
Turning quickly, she took in what appeared to her to be a knight in shining armor… assuming that a long black coat could be considered armor. Ray-Ban sunglasses shielded his eyes, but she knew for a fact that they had to be black. Even though he wasn't overly tall, hovering at just above the six foot mark, he was muscular and had a serious 'kick your ass' aura surrounding him.
She’d never liked running in to Dark-Hunters on a normal basis, but could kiss this one for showing up when he did. Jumping to her feet and scurrying to the relative safety of the area behind the newest arrival, she watched the pair warily.
“He’s a demon,” she whispered.18
Raising an eyebrow over the top of the glasses, the man nodded thanks to her, then looked at the man. “There a reason you’re after this female?” 19
“She belongs to me.”20
Gaping at him, Helen took a step to the side, her protection temporarily forgotten. “I do not!” she snarled. 21
Glancing at her, the Dark-Hunter took a step back. “Well, belonging to you or not, she’ll be leaving here with me tonight. If you want to argue that, I suggest you contact my boss.” 22
Seething at the realization that he’d been denied her soul, the demon took a step forward, intent on claiming his ownership. He stopped as a gun leveled at him. 23
“Uh-uh,” the Hunter told him. “I’ll shoot you between the eyes before I behead you, so back the ass up, and then turn around and walk away.” 24
“Not without her.”25
“You know my line of work,” the Hunter said. “I get to kill things that prey on humans. Pretty sure Acheron would categorize this under that job description.”26
“You protect demons, too?”27
“I protect all that are being preyed upon,” came the reply. “Human, demon, Apollite, chicken, cat, dog, moose.” He shrugged. “If she does indeed belongs to you, then I’ll make sure she is retuned.”28
“No!” Helen said. “Damn it, I’m free, and have been for over five thousand years!” She glared at the other demon. “Brin doesn’t own me. Never has, never will.” 29
“Case settled then,” the Dark-Hunter said, the gun still pointed. “So, we’ll be leaving now, and you’ll be letting us leave.” 30
Realizing that he wasn’t going to get out of this with just intimidation, and not overly willing to piss off Acheron Parthenopaeus by killing one of his followers, the demon nodded curtly and vanished. 31
“Thank you,” Helen said. “Appreciate the help.”32
“No problem,” the Hunter replied. “Why did he think he owned you?”33
“Apparently my friend offered him my soul in exchange for something.”34
“And this friend doesn’t own you either?”35
Tilting her head to study him, she wondered what he was getting at. “I’m free,” she said. “As in no one owns me, has ownership over me, or has ties that could be construed as ownership in any way, shape or form.”36
“Just asking,” he said, slightly amused. “No sense on getting testy.” Taking a step back, he turned to leave. “Will you be safe enough to get yourself home?”37
“Yeah,” she told him. “At least I think so.” Spotting a shape moving just to the left of the building she’d escaped from, she straightened. “And I’ll be heading there as soon as I get a few answers.”38
Watching as she headed for the person that was skulking in the shadows, the Dark-Hunter decided to stick around in case he was needed to save someone from the female demon who looked like she was ready to annihilate someone. 39
Almost to the corner and relative safety, Brin came to a stop as a hand landed on his shoulder. Turning with a snarl on his face, he immediately pulled out of the grasp and tried to look innocent. He could see the Dark-Hunter in the background, leaning casually against Helen’s car as he watched them. 40
“I’m about to hurt you, Brin,” Helen told him easily. “Rather badly in fact.”41
“Now Helen, be reasonable,” Brin said as he backed up. “I had no choice. He was going to kill me.” 42
“So you offer up my ass instead?” she asked as she methodically approached. “I pull your smarmy hide out of the slave pits, give you something to change your life, protect you, and you trade that all away because…” she stopped and tilted her head in confusion. “Why was he going to kill you?”43
“I owe him.”44
“For what?” she asked, then snarled as he vanished from in front of her. “Stay the hell away from me, Brin,” she called out, knowing he would hear her. 45
“Can I go now?”46
Turning to the voice, she stared at the Dark-Hunter that was leaning casually against her car. “Get ya ass off my car,” she said as she approached. “Gonna dent it all up with Hunter butt-prints.”47
Nodding slightly, he stood, then walked away from the vehicle. “Sure you don’t want an escort home?” he asked as she opened the door. 48
“I’ve survived this long without…I’ll be fine.”49
“All right,” he said, walking away further. “I know when I’m not wanted.”50
What a sulk, she thought and rolled her eyes. “Hey.” Waiting until he turned, she nodded at him. “I thank you for your help tonight. Without it, I’d be someone’s slave, or worse.”51
“What could be worse?”52
“Being soulless,” she said as she ducked into the car and closed the door.53
Watching as she drove away, he shook his head slightly. “That was harsh.” 54
~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~55
Home, this century at least, was a modest four-bedroom ranch style house set on two acres. A fence ran the entire perimeter, blocking the outside world from impeding on the small slice of tranquility inside. 56
Pulling into the two-car garage and shutting the engine off, Helen leaned back with a sigh. She hadn’t meant to be that rude to the Hunter, but there was something about him that completely pissed her off. Maybe it was his occupation, or his rather glib nature, or more than likely, the fact that she’d actually needed his help. 57
Never one to be overly helpless, Helen hated it when she needed anyone to come to her aid. She’d survived through countless wars, famines, gods and goddesses, and near apocalyptic episodes, and did it on her own. Yes, there’d been beings along side her, but on the whole, they fought with her for their joint protection. 58
Which brought up the subject of Brin. Sighing, she climbed out of the car and let herself in to the house, pausing long enough to grab a beer from the fridge and her talisman from the cupboard. Since he’d been able to vanish from in front of her, she figured that somehow he’d managed to get his demon powers freed. Not knowing if Brin would be stupid enough to try something again, she needed that little trinket to ward off his magick and any nefarious plans that dealt with her soul. 59
“Little fucker,” she said to the empty house. “I should have left your arse to rot in that pit.” Sitting on the couch with a thud, she put her feet on the coffee table, grabbed the remote control and started to channel surf. Trying to ignore the events from earlier was put up against infomercial after infomercial, and unfortunately beat the hell out of something that could slice, dice, julienne and make fries. 60
Turning the television off with a disgusted sigh, she tossed the remote on the chair across the room as she took a drink from her beer. Her eyes went to the mantle that stood over the fireplace, and the pictures that lined it. Most were scenic images that she had taken over the years, while some where of her and her limited number of friends. 61
Brin stood in one image, his arm around her shoulder while both made goofy faces for the camera. That one had been taken about seven years previous, and served as a sad reminder of just how deep his betrayal had cut her. 62
“Damn you,” she whispered. “I hope that demon cuts your heart out and snacks on it.” 63
Taking a final drink of the beer in which she drained the contents, she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth, then placed the empty bottle on the table before the temptation to throw it at the picture ended up with her sweeping broken bottle off the floor.64
Sighing, she slipped the talisman around her neck, settled back in to the cushions of the couch and stared at the picture that heralded a more pleasant time. 65
~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~66
Brinal Edim, more commonly known as Brin, dialed the number, then hung up before it had a chance to ring. Staring at the phone, he raised it again, then changed his mind once more. Turning at a noise, he stared in to the street beyond him, searching for anything that could harm him. Not seeing anything, he started walking, angling towards the small alcove in the building ahead so he could phase himself back to his home, and safety. 67
He stopped when he realized that his home would be the first place anyone would think to look for him. Needing someplace else to stay, he started thinking as he moved in to the shadows of the alcove. He couldn’t go to Helen’s since she would probably kill him on the spot, and there was nowhere else that he could think of. A Were-Hunter sanctuary was a possibility, but demons didn’t have to play by the Omegrion rules, and that took away the safety he was looking for. 68
Knowing that he’d messed up royally with Helen, he considered showing up anyway and try pleading his case to her. If she listened, then he was sure he could make her see why he’d tried to trade her soul, and it would smooth over this little incident and he’d be safe. Then, when she fell asleep, he’d simply call the demon and see if he could follow through on the original trading of the soul for his safety. 69
Besides, it was Helen’s fault that all this happened anyway. If she’d had just killed his master when she rescued him from that pit all those years ago, then another demon wouldn’t have been called out to search for him. As a member of the Edim clan, Brin’s demon powers were in demand. Beings paid high money to own one, and then spent even more money making sure that their magick and demon powers were siphoned off correctly. One mistake could cost a life, and the owner would be without that euphoric aphrodisiac that was much sought after. 70
When well taken care of, the demonikyn of the Edim clan would emit a potent magick that could be stored to an intermediary, and then given to the slave owner, or anyone of his choice. People paid good money to be touched by Brinal, and he rather enjoyed his opulent lifestyle. 71
Then, as all good things, it came to an end when his owner was found cavorting within an orgy of others. None too impressed at her husbands’ ways, the wife waited until he was called away, then took his prize possession, and bound his powers. 72
Refusing to remove the bond upon her husbands return, the wife was cast out, and Brin was declared worthless to the master. Pulled from the comforts his clan had known for centuries, he was tossed in the general slave pens and forced to do menial work while fending off those around him. 73
Fighting got him sent to the pits more than once, and it was on one such occasion that a one-time slave named Helen had spotted him. Taking pity on the demon, and knowing exactly how it felt to have powers bound, she rescued him. He begged her to kill his master, but she convinced him that he’d never be missed and that they’d be long away if he ever was.74
Eventually, the wife had been convinced to release Brin, mostly through her husbands bringing her courtesans. Finding out that he had been removed from the pits caused more than an uproar, and demons were sent out to retrieve him. Since his powers were hidden, he was hard to find. 75
Until now. 76
Cursing at the bad luck of finally being caught, and totally surprised that the demon had kept looking long after the original master had died, Brin ran a hand over his face. Now, he had two demons to worry about… the one that found him, and the one he’d traded Helen’s soul to so he could unbind his powers and destroy the other demon. Realizing too late that it would have been much simpler to just kill the demon and hope that none other were that dedicated in finding him, he knew he’d totally screwed himself with demon number two. 77
Now that meant one more being knew who and what he was, and now that his powers were his own again, they’d be searching him out for his gift. He couldn’t even take off since the demon he’d bartered with had temporary control of him, pending his handing over of the soul of one Helen Vandis. Why the demon had specifically asked for her soul, he didn’t know… didn’t care, either… but he knew that his own long life was quickly drawing to an end if he didn’t produce his best friend. 78
~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~79
Driving slowly by all the places she thought Brin would be, Helen was starting to get completely pissed off at not being able to find him. It had been two days since he offered her up for sacrifice, and she wondered where he could be. Then again, since he’d mysteriously gotten his powers back, he could be anywhere. 80
She doubted it, though. He’d basically had a hard-on with trading her soul and she knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t leave without trying one more time. Willing to give him that opportunity so she could kill him, she drove towards the all night comic book store that he sometimes frequented. 81
Slamming on the brakes as a person ran across the street in front of her, she cursed as she watched him vanish in to the alley. He’d been tall, blond, undeniably sexy, and she looked in the direction he came from, expecting to see a tall and also undeniably sexy person in a black trench coat running after him. 82
Raising an eyebrow in surprise when no one else ran across the street, she looked back at the alley, wondering why a Daimon would be in such a hurry if he hadn’t been running from a Dark-Hunter. Pulling over to the curb when it dawned on her that he’d looked a little too anxious as he ran, she got out of the car as a feeling of dread crept through her.83
Easing herself in to the alley, she peeked out around a dumpster and watched as the Daimon she’d seen joined a few others as they beat on a body that was lying on the ground. Even though she couldn’t see the face from where she stood, she knew that it had to be a Dark-Hunter. No wonder the Daimon had been in a hurry; it wasn’t every day that they had a chance to lay a smackdown on their enemy. 84
This wasn’t her battle, and she of all beings knew that bad things happened all around. That was the nature of the universe, and backing away without being seen seemed like the best course of action. Taking a step away with all intentions of going back to her car, she suddenly found herself walking out of the shadows as the Daimons laid in more damage to the body on the ground. 85
“Back away from the dude in the tacky black jacket,” she said as she strolled towards them. “You wanna kill him,” she said, nodding to the body on the ground, “then you have to kill me first.” 86
“Wait,” one said as the others started for her. “Not human, but not quite…” he trailed off as he studied her.87
“I’m a demon,” she told them. “Which means demon soul, baby,” she said, tapping both hands against her chest. “Come get it.” 88
Watching as they dropped the body to the ground, she shifted from foot to foot. Although she didn’t have any powers, she still held the strength and agility of a demon, and that was more than enough to kick the crap out of a bunch of soul-suckers. 89
Two attacked at the same time, which ended up with them dying at the same time. Lifting her hand towards her face, Helen blew across a sai that she held in each hand, and then motioned for the others. Sometimes the long habit of bringing weapons with her everywhere paid off.90
Moving quickly to avoid the baseball bat that was swung at her, she grabbed at it before it cleared her personal space, and yanked hard. Pulling it and the Daimon who was holding it towards her, she struck out with her other hand and stabbed him. Now in control of the bat, she tsked the remaining Daimons. 91
“Beating a Dark-Hunter upside the head is a chicken-shit move,” she said. “There’s nothing more pathetic than a demon with no honor.” Smirking, she titled her head and looked at them. “So, how many did he kill before you beat him down?”92
“Fifteen,” one answered, then grimaced as the other one smacked him. 93
“Less talk, more dying,” the second Daimon said as he approached her. He exploded in a cloud of golden dust as Helen lunged quickly and stabbed him. 94
She looked at the lone Daimon. “Walk away,” she advised. 95
“What?”96
“I’m not a Hunter, on any branch of the so-called protection triangle,” she said. “I really don’t give a shit if you live or die. But,” she motioned to the body on the ground, “I can’t let you kill him.”97
Giving her a brief nod, he turned and walked away. Making it about five feet, he changed it in to a run, and took off around the corner. Watching for a while to make sure he wasn’t coming back, Helen turned to walk back to her car. Stopping with a sigh, she looked over her shoulder at the body, and gently chewed her bottom lip. 98
Walking over to him, she looked down. “Can’t let you fry in the sun,” she said as she reached down, grabbed his shoulder and rolled him over. Stepping back in surprise, she blinked in ironic amusement. “Small world, ‘taint it?”99
Crouching down, she put her arms under the same Dark-Hunter who had saved her life earlier, and started to stand. Grunting as she lifted him from the ground, she staggered slightly as the weight threw her off balance. “God,” she muttered. “You’re a heavy one.” 100
Even though her powers had been bound for what seemed like forever and a day, she still held the strength that most demons had. Carrying him to her car, and getting him in to the passenger seat without too much damage beyond smacking his head on the top of the frame, she hurried to the driver’s side and got in. 101
Taking a look at him, she exhaled. “Where do I take you?” she whispered as she reached over and quickly searched through his pockets for some sort of identification. Grimacing as her hand came away with blood on it, she pulled the jacket back further and sighed at the cluster of wounds that lined his side. “Don’t suppose your Oneroi could tell me where you live?” Waiting, she sighed again. “Didn’t think so.” 102
Starting the car, she leaned over, grabbed the seatbelt and pulled it across his body. Last thing she needed was to be pulled over for a violation. “I’m taking you to my place,” she told him as she started to drive. “You can rest in a closet or something until I find out who to contact about you.” 103
She could have easily contacted the Head Dark-Hunter, but had never actually met the infamous Acheron Parthenopaeus. Nor was she all that familiar with any squires. The option to contact a Were-Hunter she knew crossed her mind, but they were an iffy species that she tried to avoid. Her place seemed the best bet for now. 104
Pulling in to a garage, she hit the button to close the door, then got out and hauled the still unconscious Hunter in to the house. Dumping him unceremoniously on the couch, she shoved him onto his side so she could check his back pockets. Pulling a cell phone out, she gave him a couple taps on his butt in appreciation. 105
Letting him fall back to the couch, she opened the phone and flicked through to the address book. Top of the list was Acheron, and assuming that to be the ‘big-bad’ himself, she hit the dial button. 106
“Hello?” a voice answered, sending a shiver over her.107
“Acheron Parthenopaeus?” she asked, trying to banish thoughts of that voice caressing her. This guy could make a killing in the phone sex business.108
“Yes,” he said warily. 109
“My name is Helen Vandis,” she said, he eyes falling to her couch. “I have…” She paused when she realized she didn’t even know the name of the man on her couch. 110
“You have..?” he offered in a soothing tone. 111
“Um, well. An associate of yours, I guess. Tall, good looking, efficient with weapons.”112
“What’s your address?” he asked in that same melodious deep tone. 113
Giving her address, Helen turned as a knock sounded at her door. “Uh.”114
“That’s me knocking,” Acheron told her, then disconnected the call.115
Not as freaked out as she should have been, Helen closed the phone and tossed it on the prone form on her couch. Going to the door, she opened it and stared at the person that stood there. 116
“Helen, I presume?” Ash asked, then raised an eyebrow as she just stared at him. “This would work better if you moved so I can come in.”117
“Wha?” Blushing, Helen moved to the side. “Sorry. I’ve often wondered what you’d look like, and believe me, it’s nothing compared to the real thing. Kinda pictured you being a wee bit older.”118
Too used to people gawking over him, Ash gave a brief smile. “How old are you?” he asked, sensing the demon in her. Nodding as she gave a sheepish smile at the point that he made, he looked further in to the house. “Now, where is this associate of mine that you have?”119
“Living room,” she said as she turned and led the way.120
Spotting the man on the couch, Ash approached and looked down. “And how did he come to be on your couch?”121
“Anyone ever tell you that you have a sexy voice?” Helen asked. Looking at the couch, she sighed. “Found him in an alley, actually. Couple Daimons were ready to make a meal out of him.”122
“Couple Daimons?” Ash asked, looking at her.123
“Couple... three...four… five.” She looked at Ash. “He saved me a couple nights ago, and I had to repay the favor.”124
“That’s very noble of you,” Ash observed. “Not many bound demons would bother.”125
Taking a step back, a tangible wall slammed down over her features. “Only my powers are bound,” she pointed out. 126
“I was only commending you,” Ash said in a gentle tone. “And thanking you for your help.”127
“Oh.” Calming somewhat, she looked at the floor. “Sorry. Beings find out I have no powers and they think it’s an open invitation to try to own me.” 128
Turning from her, Ash looked at the Hunter. Jerking as if shocked, and moaning loudly, the Hunter opened his eyes and stared up with anger that quickly morphed to confusion. Sitting up slowly, his gaze tracked from Ash, to Helen, then back to Ash.129
“What happened?” he asked, still confused. Looking back at Helen, his eyes grew wide when he recognized her. “Okay,” he said slowly. 130
“What happened tonight?” Ash asked. 131
Shrugging lightly, the Hunter ran a hand over his chin. “Followed a Daimon, got jumped, and then saw some pretty stars and a few flying birdies,” he told them. “What the hell did they hit me with?” 132
“Baseball bat,” Helen volunteered. 133
“Okay,” he finally had to ask. “Who are you?”134
”Helen.” She smiled slightly. “And you would be?”135
“Out of here,” he said, standing. “I’m assuming you had something to do with me being here, so I appreciate the help, but-“136
“Sit,” Ash said calmly.137
Lowering himself back to the couch, the Hunter sighed. “Vaughn,” he muttered.138
“That a first or last name?” Helen asked.139
“Either or,” Vaughn said. “It’s what I answer to, so it really doesn’t matter. Can I get up now, Ash, or will you be spewing some cryptic shit that’ll make my life an even bigger hell?”140
“Your hell is your own making,” Ash pointed out. “Always has, always will be.” Looking at Helen, he quickly went through her mind and not seeing any overly dangerous thoughts concerning the Hunter, he titled his head slightly. “I know it’s a lot to ask since you’re not really interested in our field, but would it be acceptable if Vaughn spent the night and day here so he can rest?”141
Looking from one man to the other, Helen sighed. “You know I don’t really give a damn about your war, right?”142
“Trust me, little demon, I’m well aware of that.” Looking her over slightly, Ash studied her. “But eventually everything comes to those that try to ignore the obvious.” 143
Growling low in her throat, she turned from him. “Yeah, sure, the Hunter can stay,” she said. “As long as he keeps his hands and other body parts to himself.”144
Choking in indignation, Vaughn raked her with an impolite sneer. “I’m not into demon sex, thank you very much.” He looked at Ash. “What’d I do to deserve this punishment?”145
“Punishment?” Helen gasped, her earlier insult forgotten. Inhaling deeply, she spread her fingers out to calm down. “Every bedroom has large windows, but we should be able to pull a mattress to the basement for you or something.” 146
“Appreciate it,” Ash said, amused, then looked at Vaughn. “Get that started. I want to talk with Helen for a few minutes.”147
Knowing better than to argue with the Head Dark-Hunter, Vaughn headed in the direction Helen pointed, and opened a bedroom door. “Sweet mother!” he said loud enough for them to hear. “Talk about tacky.”148
Looking at Ash as the door closed, Helen glared. “Why should I let him stay here?”149
“Because I asked you?”150
”I owe you no allegiance,” Helen pointed out. “Don’t think much of Artemis, either.”151
“Then we agree on some things.” Motioning to the couch, Ash waited until she sat. “I know about this issue you’re having with Brinal Edim-“152
“Why does he need my soul?” she interrupted. 153
“Your goddess.”154
“Say what?” Staring at him, Helen felt like throwing up. “I don’t have a goddess.”155
“Yes, you do.” 156
“No, I don’t,” she insisted. “She abandoned me when I needed her the most.” Looking up as the door to a bedroom opened and a mattress was pushed out, she watched as it was easily carried in to the living room. 157
“Basement?” Vaughn asked in a sulking tone. 158
“I’ll show you,” Helen said, looking for a way to get out of the conversation with the extremely creepy Acheron. 159
Following with the mattress, Vaughn waited until she opened the door, then paused at the top. “Look,” he said as he leaned on the mattress, “I’m not sure why Ash asked me to stay here, but I’ve learned over the years that he knows what he’s talking about. If there’s a reason he wants me there, then I’ll stay.”160
Black eyes stared at her from under light brown hair, and he looked nearly sincere in his words.
“Okay.”161
Watching as she turned and walked away, Vaughn slid the mattress to the top of the stairs, and pushed it down.162
“Vaughn?” Ash said as he walked by for the pillows.163
“What now?” Vaughn sighed. “Want me to use the laundry sink instead of the bathroom?”164
“Um, ick,” Helen interjected. 165
“That won’t be necessary,” Ash said, his tone both amused and slightly disgusted. “I was going to mention that the bedroom at the far side of the house should be dark enough if you cover the window completely.”166
The muscle in Vaughn’s jaw worked as he clamped his mouth shut to keep from replying. “That’s…” Turning with a small growl, he stalked down the hall and shoved the door open. 167
Ash hid a smile as the door slammed shut, and then looked at Helen. “If it’s all right, I’ll be back tonight to talk.”168
“Why?”169
“Why what?”170
”Why would you be back to talk?” Helen clarified, grimacing slightly at the banging and cursing that came from the room at the end of the hall. 171
“Because I think that despite this ‘don’t give a shit about anything but yourself’ persona that you’ve cultivated over the years, you actually need someone to talk to that may understand.” 172
“I have friends who understand me,” she said with a derisive sniff.173
Ash nodded in understanding. “Would that be the friend that tried to trade your soul, or the friend usually chained to a wall for the past couple thousand years?”
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Interesting
I like the idea of Helen. Is that really her real name? Or just one she chose to use this time period? Her interactions with Vaughn were awesome. The tacky jacket thing was hilarious! Although one thing kinda threw me off. Ash didn't seem like he knew who was calling him. he's supposed to be able to see those things. I'd figure that when she called him, he'd be able to focus on the caller even if he didn't know their name. Or is it that he was pretending so as not to spook her? Anyway great write.

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someone noticed! Yes, it was so Ash wouldn't spook her with the "I know who you are, who you have, and what you did last summer"
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The story obviously starts out in medias res, which is fine, but it is a little too quick at the beginning when it plunges into the argument between Helen and Brin. Maybe you should put in a little more about their background and the way she rescued him a little earlier to make it a little less confusing. Or maybe you could present it as a flashback or something. Also, the wording in paragraph 80 was a little confusing. It would have been better if you broke the sentences up more. It's still good, but the timing and wording could be better.
In paragraph 63, line 1, it should say "should have" instead of "should of," unless you did that deliberately to put emphasis on her accent. Though maybe "should've" would have worked better than that.
In paragraph 73, line 1, it should be "she had" or "she'd" instead of "she'd had."
In paragraph 144, line 1, it should be "always has been, always will be," not "always has, always will be." Watch your tenses-- past tense and past participle tense are two different things.
Sorry for being so overly critical-- I can't help myself. I am so OCD... I tend to go a little edit-happy at times.
Anyway, nice job! It's really interesting so far.
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Thank you for your critique
You're correct on 'should have', and 'she had' (those slipped by me
) and paragraph 80 (I'll add that into the edit I do once I post the entire story)... but, I'm standing by 'always has'.... based on the character that used it.
Don't worry about being overly critical... doesn't bother me. I'm always open to hearing my grammatical mistakes.... although some times I'll opt to not follow since not eveyone speaks with proper grammar and it irks me when characters in stories are always (100%, all the time, never fail) grammatically correct (except in instances where the character should be that way... English teacher, etc). But, don't let that stop you from leaving an opinion and pointing out the errors... could be that I'll change the way.. or not... depends on if I feel it fits with the character and all that.
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oh my god, awesome DH fan fiction. i just got done re-reading Night Play. now on ot he next chapter!!! -skampers along to find the chapter-


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forgot to applaud.... darn that floating comment box.

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Very interesting indeed. I like the idea of there being a female demon that isn't childish like Simi, or some uggims. And love the interaction between her an the DH... and a DH that carries a gun instead of knives.
In paragfraph 22, 'the man' is mentioned twice, but refereing to two separate people.
" “Gonna dent it all up with Hunter butt-prints" .. that's funny!
"Back away from the dude in the tacky black jacket" even funnier. Rewarded 8
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Oh haven't you said that you won't be posting anything DH related after Paid In Full finished?
I am glad you did :-P

. Rewarded 3
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I originally wasn't going to post more because beyond you and maybe two more people, I wasn't getting feedback on the stories. But, I had a half decent idea to end a story with, and had to create a beginning to get there.
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yeah, I kept meaning to get on here and see what you've put up recently. but i've been real busy with work and all that lately. this story is a really good one so far, and it would have been a shame if you hadn't posted it.
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Thanks
Glad you're back! Your comments are always greatly appreciated!
Real life has that nasty way of poking in on internet life....
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I'll try to come and read more, and also comment more, because I really like your writing!
It's inconvenient that I am writing in another languages, because you can't read my stuff (slovak and german?)
Going to read the new chapters now!
Llt
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