The Lives of Others...

 1

A lone ragged figure stands
and looks through the pane
in the midst of the northern wind
that carries drums and gushes of water
crashing about her
Into and through her
tearing and tangling raven-like hair and
pale face smeared with the stains
of reality
That never seem to wash away
But for a flicker of light through the dark glass
that emanates the warmth
and what seems sincere joy of others
as she watches the surface in desperate longing
for the moment when the clear bead necklaces vanish
and the sun reappears
to offer its comforting and long awaited light2

but only for a moment…3

Author notes

Just a poem.

Enjoy.

Yrs.

Azaradelle.

Bleh.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Anti Creative
    October 16

    Edit | Reply

    Hey, you there

    With the talent. Stop it. Because you're blowing my already blown mind, man, & I only have the attention span to read good short poetry like a rich man's child writes bad poetry. Remember what I said about inspiration? Well you're it!

    language: 5, dialog: 5.


  • SoundInkMusic
    February 20

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done. Your choice of line breaks really helped the flow of the poem, and the occasional rhymes made it feel more like a cohesive whole without seemed forced or put-on. Great work with the imagery and descriptions in this one =)


  • citcat
    January 25

    Edit | Reply
    that was really excellent
    i loved how the poem flowed and it was beautifully written and the emotions are clearly displayed in it.
    well done


  • AleMor
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    It all seems like one run-on sentence to me, at first, but once I took the time to really look at it, it flowed really well and had good emotion. This seems like one of those poems that could mean a lot of things to a lot of people.

    The line "and what seems sincere joy of others," is worded a little awkwardly when read with the previous line in my opinion.

    Good Job.


  • Dawn Bon
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    Wow i really liked it
    and the format it was layed out in was really cool
    just wow i loved it
    black and white...black...and..white..


  • Cheerful-Panda
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    that was very beautifully written!
    and i can understand why its in the spotlight! You've got mad skills yo ! and seriously if i could write poems like this i would because this is probably one of the best poems i've read in a long time you can really feel the emotions oozing off the words!
    good job lori!!

    Mira =)


  • Gary Alexander silver member
    January 6

    Edit | Reply

    That's SOME sentence...

    But...a poem, nonetheless.
    I liked your use of "pane"...
    Also good uses of the sounds..."craSHing...guSHing" as well as
    "tearing and tangling"...and the visual "clear bead necklaces"
    Have you read Dylan Thomas's Under Milk Wood?
    GA

  • ohthedorkness
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    this was beautifully written. i like that it's mostly very grim, but still there's a glimmer of hope. the last line ties it all together very well.

  • rayjonez
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    Bleak but somehow hopeful, this poem posseses a unique undercurrent of power and promise. There seems nothing left but patient waiting for the brigtness of the dawn.


  • Orimis gold member
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    My dear, you paint with words. This is beyond any positive adjective that i can come up with. The structure is perfect, the flow is smooth and uninterrupted....

    I think I shall have someone write this in calligraphy and frame it on my wall.


  • sberendt gold member
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Some people have a way with paint, you have a gift and flair for writing moving poetry. The flow was smooth and everything connected all the way to the end. I loved it!


  • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As always, your poems are powerful and emotive. I particularly liked the way in which this was set out ... and the way you bought it to a close.
    It flows from line to line, such that before you know it, you're done reading ... took me quite a few reads to fully grasp it. But then I wasn't the best at Lit at school ..
    Nice work.

    RJ

  • faeriestone
    December 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love the flow of this poem and your use of metaphor!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • Be.Your.Own.Hero
    December 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! That was an amazing poem! It's very deep and meaningful, and so true. I absolutely loved it. You used a brilliant way of expressing the message within this, and it turned out beautiful. Keep up the great work!

    ~*princess*~

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Firestar-
    December 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice story. I like it.


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    December 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    you rock

    Because this can mean one thing, and this can mean another. It can be taken literally, and the metaphorical and symbolistic aspect could represent more than two views... I can relate so much with it, partly because I am at this point right now. I watched this cheesy video of a lion and how -even after a year of being in the wilderness of Africa and leading his tribe- he remembered the 2 humans who raised him and treated him well...

    I guess not all friends and not all friendships are like that. Your poem reminds me of the lives of my friends who are around me, they spin in their own axes, while I spin in mine, and yet, their absence in my life make me feel so much more empty than I would feel... maybe I am too preoccupied with things, too..

    Anyway, I've ranted on enough..
    Thanks so much for sharing this. Take care.


  • Moses.Reid
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    Very good poem, I must say!
    I love the metaphorical context sprinkled throughout the work
    the entire poem seems one large metaphor, with other analogies littering it's verse
    my favourite line, I'd have to say, is
    "tearing and tangling raven-like hair and
    pale face smeared with the stains
    of reality"
    And the seperation of "of reality' from the rest of the verse
    indicates, to me anyways, that not only are the stains reality
    but the above two lines are also in direct context to that analogy, and makes me think of the role of the "raven-like hair" and why you chose tearing and tangling for verbs

    A suggestion I would give is
    "and what seems sincere joy of others"
    I'm a bit confused as to whether you purposely left out the the between "seems" and "sincere"

    Ultimately
    Amazing poem


  • Rorshach gold member
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    i gotta like this

    Love the way it flows, no stopping, no sentances very cool. very beat poetry with longing, sadness and optimism as it ends. I'll remember this one, good good good


  • Olinda
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    and the sun reappears
    to offer its comforting and long awaited light2

    but only for a moment…3

    thats beautiful! i love this poem, its...

    Amazing! Great job!


  • VoreloverGal
    December 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good story.

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 4.


  • Host
    December 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. I pictured it, and held my interest! Nice work!


  • Token Massacre silver member
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I've missed reading your work. I like the imagery that you use and the words you chose to express them. You have a way of grabbing whomever reads this and speaking to them. As always, a pleasure to read.


  • Novaren
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    To me your poems reminds me of people who wait forever for the people they love in some place they promised to meet one last time but by some sort of tragedy they didn't and they wait in that specific place till the day they die.

    For the record I hate it when such stories reach such an end since it might bring me karma or something^^

    I'll give you props for reminding me the one type of ending I hate^^

    Hmm...maybe that happened to me as well in my past life...neh^^


  • iPoopAThug
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great

    I really liked this. When I imagined it I imagined a person standing in a storm and being in the center of it and the sun coming out and everything. You know like the eye of the storm kind of thing. Anyway I liked it and think it is also powerful symbolism along with a cool scene. Great work.


  • Aaez
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You know what?
    This is why I prefer your dark poems much rather than others. They're genuine, nothing seems forced or...fake. It all seems very very real.

    This is just as amazing as the rest of your stuff. I reallly enjoyed reading it. Though I kinda thought it'd be longer. But I guess it being brief is what makes it so...amazing. XD

    Well done, Lori. You always amaze me.

1 - 25 of 25