Her eyes are colored purple and her cheeks are yellow. Hair green on one side and checkered black and white on the other. Costume ridiculous and bright.
She dances with strings under her arms and wrapped firmly round her legs.
Her cap sounds with every jolt and move she takes, and her shoes clamor with bells.
People laugh and point. Children press ugly faces against the dull glass, leaving steam that quickly evaporates.
She watches them with drooping eyes and a frowning face. But she still dances. That’s all that matters.
Maybe she was a saint.1
He sits on a dirty sidewalk with his crooked hands in his lap and his spine bent like a hook.
A suitcase is nestled between his thighs and his face is wrinkled with a deep frown.
He lets the rain stream down his face and pool in his many wrinkles and gather in his white beard.
His back is covered with scars and scars and scars. His face is profuse with wrinkles and sadness.
He looks up at the darkened sky.
Maybe he was beautiful once.2
She sits at the television all day and watches the news.
Her hair is white and her hands tremble.
She glues her eyes to the wavering lines of letters at the bottom of the screen; trying to find how many times she could spell his name with all of the letters spelling bad sentences, so they could tell bad news.
He was bad too. And his name was long. She had all day.
Maybe she was sane once.3
He lies alone with ivory skin shining in the moonlight.
His sad hazel eyes watch the pools of light at the bottom of the window.
His hands line an empty bedside.
Maybe he had loved once.4
A contest entry
- The Christmas Present by Neolittlefish.
195 points, ended January 6, 18 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Enter whatever by Shadows Falling.
270 points, ended January 14, 30 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Good writing... by Lois.Stone.
350 points, ended February 25, 75 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Okay. I'm bored. So write me a story! by HyperActiveFreak17.
100 points, ended May 23, 28 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Feel Deep by ph34rmaster04.
225 points, ended May 30, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is beautiful! I can really understand how all the characters feel, and the repetition you use at the end of each paragraph adds a deeper feeling to it and really makes it bold. I really like this. Thanks for entering!
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deep. very very deep.
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In a short piece, you show you are a talented writer. I loved it! Every word had meaning, so thank you!
Loisxx -
WHOA! This is totally awesome. The words have so much meaning. The description gives me chills. I really like this. Great job!!
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ooh!
Beautiful! Stunning words and I love the format of this! Very creative and well-done!
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Where is the story?
This got me thinking,about the characters but to me thats all you have done listed and descrbed characters.Although FANTASTIC imagrey! Thanks 4 entering my contest and best of luck. -
wow, you really got me thinking in that story, it was very evocative and very sad. It's true, the world can be a horrible place, but then you find something good (like your story) and everything seems good again. Although I personally feel that the maths test I have tomorrow will destroy me more than the world could! just kidding, really loved the style you wrote in and good luck in the contest
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This is really touching.. and so sad at the same time.. good job
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Impressive, seriously. I like the concept that I think you are trying to pertray through this short yet deep peice of writing. My biggest peice of advice would be to fix the formating, you have breaks in odd places and short lines than long sentences that take several lines, otherwise I thought this was very well writen. I'm particularly interest in the second person:
He sits on a dirty sidewalk with his crooked hands in his lap and his spine bent like a hook.
A suitcase is nestled between his thighs and his face is wrinkled with a deep frown.
He lets the rain stream down his face and pool in his many wrinkles and gather in his white beard.
His back is covered with scars and scars and scars. His face is profuse with wrinkles and sadness.
He looks up at the darkened sky.
Maybe he was beautiful once.3
I wonder what was his story?
I may need to read more of your works.
Phoenix
. Rewarded 6
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