Gone: ode to the animals

"Runaway," says the opossum,
even though the morning light
holds more terrors
than ever did the nighttime.1

"Flee," says the antelope,
even though the mountain land
holds more sadness
than ever did the desert sand.2

Away to the farness,
far away to the paradise,
where we can all
dwell in a place that's nice.3

"Faster," says the kangaroo,
even though the jungle deep
holds more danger
than ever did the grassland.4

"Unsafe," says the polar bear,
even though the sunny beach
holds more hunger
than ever did the arctic snow.5

Away to the farness,
far away to the paradise,
where we can all
dwell in a place that's nice.6

"Escape," says the monkey,
even though the city lights
hold more panic
than ever did the treetops.7

"Save us," says the dolphin,
even though the sandy beach
holds more peril
than ever did the ocean deep.8

Away to the farness,
far away to the paradise,
where we can all
dwell in a place that's nice.9

Away from this place,
all hope is gone.
Away to a space
that we can call home.

Author notes

this poem expresses what will happen to the animals. no one really stops to think that they have emotions too.

to show i read rules: twilight is amazing except ppl who hate it

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 42 of 42

  • CrystalFairyWings
    September 3

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    I loe this, and the animals make it even better, as I love most animals and they pretty much are my life. great job and well done, and good luck in the contest.


  • Farhan
    August 21

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    It was a very nice poem. I really liked the idea behind it. Your wording was also good. I think you are a good writer of nature.
    All in all, it was a good effort.


  • DemApples
    July 31

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    ok so i have read this poem before for my other contest but this poem was out of place in that contest in this contest .... i think you may have a winner but it's too early for me to be certain.


  • Le Masquerade silver member
    July 14

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    This is quite sad...It's true that we forget about the animals and don't care about what happens to them most of the time. This is good, I really liked it! thanx for entering my contest and good luck

  • felanor
    July 9

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    You did a good job of portraying the animals and their natural instincts in succinct stanzas. Really well done. I enjoyed reading thorough this and I felt for each animal as you described them.

    Good job and thanks for entering my contest.


  • Duality.
    June 24
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    this was really good! i liked i!!


  • Lekos Memory
    June 18
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    this is really good. I have a real soft spot for animals. I don't know what I would do to myself if there were only humans on this planet. might go nuts.

    This is a really good poem and going to put it on the finalist.

    Thanks for entering this into my contest.


  • Jennywinnie
    June 17

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    Wow this was great. I'm not the best at poetry stuff, but I liked the theme...I'm a tree hugger/animal lover too.

    Great job


  • DemApples
    April 17
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    umm i lke this poem but it doesn't really convince me tha you would do well in the other rounds


  • Vampiric souls
    March 20

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    This is interesting!! It is well written!!!! Great Flow!!
    Thank you so much for entering!!
    Souls!!


  • IceIceBaby
    March 18

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    mmmmmm! I like this! Very cute and very very good flow! your rhyme was good, a bit inconsistent, but still, okay!


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    March 3

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    Hi!

    Good poem! It flows well. You chose to rhyme in some places and chose not to in others. Generally, poems remain consistant. This poem works pretty well, anyway.

    Thanks for entering For Members Fourteen Or Under Only.

    Andy


  • Keirii
    February 24
    Edit | Reply
    This is very nice, little story.

    I enjoyed reading it very much.

    I noticed your use of nature and emotion
    in each place. I thought that was very
    good.

    Explaining the envirement is a good thing
    in a poem.

    It doesn't have as much in it as a story
    does so adding as much as you can and still
    keeping the poem form is very good(did that
    make sense??? lol sorry)

    Nice job!!!


  • GrimDeath
    February 17

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    Great Job! The poem had a great visuals and a strong flow and rythmatic format. The animal part is so true and kinda sad that people don't always step back and think about the poor animals feelings. Thank You for entering my contest and Good Luck!
    -Grim


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    February 13

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    tsk tsk tsk they never learn sorry you are DQ because you did not read the rules obviously because you were supposed to write "twilight" in your author notes


  • Cajun.Lullaby
    February 7
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    Nice. Very thought provoking indeed. Yes, this is the direction our world is heading, sadly, unless people like yourself raise awareness and take a stand. You might consider using your poetic talents right now to raise awareness against Sarah Palin's aerial wolf hunting; the subject seems to be right up your alley.


  • SweeneyTodd-girl
    February 6
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    nice.

    very unique and thought provoking. By the way, what will happen to toucans and hedgehogs?


  • Cbc
    February 5

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    woow. this is a great piece. i loved how the animals still want to flee even though the unknown is more dangerous then what they have now. i liked the flow and steady repetition of the main idea. great job! ^^ <3


  • Dystopian
    February 4
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    It was okay. I thought the part about the sunny beach and the polar bears was confusing too, but I got it on the reread. I thought that line particularly portrayed the growing threat of overpopulation, pushing more and more animals out of their habitat. Reminded me of Stand on Zanzibar.


  • Shancy Fayre
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this a lot. The meaning and presentation are nice. Good job. Can't find anything to be brutal about. Sorry.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.


  • Mosspath
    February 4
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    Awesome, it really touched me. Kind of confusing at the beggening, but I liked it!

    The voice of the animal kind of confused me, like this line:

    even though the sunny beach

    holds more hunger

    I don't really get it, you're talking about a polar bear. Polar bears like cold...right??

    Overall, great job!


  • lizzie march
    February 4

    Edit | Reply

    I liked it but think it could use some refinement

    I love the concept of speaking for the animals. To few people are tuned in to the effect we have on the planet and thus the animals. I think the flow could be improved a little bit, ie. holds more terrors3

    than ever did the nighttime. (don't you think just 'night' would serve your rythme scheme better.

    "Unsafe," says the polar bear,17

    even though the sunny beach18

    holds more hunger19

    than ever did the arctic snow.20
    (stanzas like this seem to be a contradiction. The polar bear says unsafe because the beach holds more hunger than the snow not despite that fact)

    I hope you continue to be a voice for the animal


  • Lawrie gold member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply

    I Like it!

    As jackalope is not an animal and the rest are, how about antelope instead? Same rhyme ending, same amount of syllables.

    I have to disagree with some of the comments made by others concerning the word 'nice'. In the three dictionaries I use they each define the word as 'pleasing to the mind and senses' therefore I don't see in any way why it shouldn't be used. It is not an archaic word, it is used daily by most people and I did notice none of the detractors suggested a word to take its place.

    For me, this is a beautiful poem which, going from your Author Notes, was written with emotion and passion, showing your love of animals.

    It has, and sadly will always be, the greed and arrogance of the human animal which is destroying our beautiful planet and the animals are always the ones to suffer.

    A lovely poem which should leave anyone with a conscience more than a few thoughts with which to ponder. Unfortunately, the majority of human animals, the so-called intelligent species, has no conscience when it comes to making a fast buck.

    You ask readers to be brutal but you are asking the impossible here for there is nothing to be brutal about.

    Well done

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Lois.Stone
    February 2

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    I love this poem. It's creative, detailed, and holds truth to it and morals. I like the way you write, and would like to read more of it.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!
    Loisxx


  • WhySoSirius
    January 25
    Edit | Reply

    :D

    As a fellow animal lover, I totally feel the same -- people need to realize that animals are living creatures, too, and we need to stop endangering them or otherwise treating them like crap! I'm not a fan of poetry, but I do like repetition, which I enjoyed in your piece. Gosh, it's so, so true. Great job with it, and keep on protecting all the world's creatures and critters!

  • TheDecree
    January 22
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    Gorgeously wriiten. The emotion comes through completely. Well done!


  • Hatshepsut gold member
    January 21

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    This was very well written, and very emotive. I loved it! I am an animal lover to the nth degree. I would cry if I ran over a gopher...which thankfully, I have not! I absolutely agree that animals have feelings, and they can't speak for themselves. Humans are destroying the planet, and the first to suffer for that are the animals.

    As for what the person below said about abortion...that statement was irrelevant and uncalled for.

    You are simply writing a poem advocating animal rights. You didn't once state that they are more important than humans. All life is sacred.

    But, people's personal opinions aside, this was really well-written, and carried a very powerful message. Great job!


  • Ghost of a Siren
    January 20

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    This makes me so sad. But it was beautifully written, I could definitely feel your passion on this topic. But like others have stated below, lose the word nice and find another animal instead of jackalope (as they are not real).


  • rinzu
    January 20

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    wow...u caught the emotions of the animals so beautifully...!!!

    a very well written write...

  • DarkWizzard
    January 19
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    Not Bad

    You should work on some of the vocab though. "Nice" is a dead word and should probably be changed to something else. You could upgrade most of your adjectives actually, but this is the only one that is really critical.
    Ummmmmm... Jackalopes aren't real...
    Oh and I think it would have been even better if you rhymed it, but I guess it's too late for that and it's just my opinion anyway.


  • beerstorecowboy
    January 18

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    Well, this is actually quite good. I like the idea and you have quite a way with words.

    My recommendation is that you lose the word "nice" as soon as possible. It just sounds too juvenile to be coupled with the beautifully crafted lines before it.

    Other than that, I really can't pick at you for much else. This is a good poem. One thing, though: You are aware that jackalopes aren't real, right?


  • Adelaine
    January 12

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo.

    Wow. This is beautiful. It's time that someone wrote a thought-provoking piece. This is a wake-up call to everybody.

    Wonderful write.

    - Adelaine

  • Kasdas2
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    Good poem, great message.


  • Celestial Rose
    January 7

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    Great job. I notice how people never seem to realize that animals have feelings too. You did a good job of showing what they think, see. I can almost feel what it might be like, to be an animal lost in a big city. Well done

  • lovetoloveyou
    January 6

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    You ended up with my loving this! I've never been a very good poetry writer haha... already great- good luck


  • beezy92
    January 3
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    I like it...it sounds a lot like a slave story or a childrens book. It doesn't really sound like a children's book, the the repetition made it slightly reminiscent. I definitely enjoyed it. The infrequent capitalization bothered me though. If you fix it and send me a message, this will definitely be a finalist piece. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • NiteEnjoysGolfBalls
    December 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    ???

    I like it but i dont get it... but thats my fault!!


  • Rose Hathaway
    December 28, 2008
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    Thanks for entering my contest!

    This was really kewl. Thanks for entering my contest! and good luck

    Mikaela


  • kissedbyan angel
    December 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow i love this one you have definatley made it into the finalists

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