Die For You

*Emily laughed to herself as she saw the full grown man fall slowly to the ground. Her maths classes were always entertaining, with short, plump, uncoordinated Mr Kenning to keep them entertained. 1

“Could he get any more gay?” Kristen whispered. Emily smiled at her, and looked back to Mr Kenning. The day had been so long, Emily had been impatiently waiting for the end of the school day so she could go home and call Liam, her boyfriend who had the flu. There just didn’t seem any point to being at school when he wasn’t there. He was her first real boyfriend. She had had a few of those ‘walking-around-holding-hands’ type guys, but her and Liam were different. They could talk about anything. He had been her first kiss, her first real date, and they both knew he would be the one she lost her virginity too. Not that she was planning on it anytime soon, but she knew he was the one. She could imagine spending her whole life with him, growing old...you know, kids, dog, white picket fence, the whole deal. Her mind slowly wandered back to Maths just as Mr Kenning was dismissing them. She grabbed her bag and walked out of room 567, chatting excitedly with Kristen. 2

“Hello?” A deep voice at the other end murmured, almost sexily. 3

“Liam?” 4

“Baby! I missed you today! How was school?” His voice went up a notch.5

“Sucked. You weren’t there...and it was cold and rainy and...” Emily started.6

“Baby. I love you and I wish I was there to keep you warm!” His voice turned sickly sweet and you could hear him smiling and picturing her in his mind.7

“I wish you were too. But I will see you tomorrow...right?” 8

“Of course. I would miss you too much to stay away from school another day!”9

“So loving you right now!” Emily laughed.10

“I love you. I love you so much. I thought about you all day. I couldn’t get you out of my head! But...to tell the truth...I didn’t want to. There was nothing I would rather think about than you.” Emily could feel herself going red, and her smile growing.11

“Whoa, permanent smile on my face now! I love you too. More than you will ever know as well. You are the one for me!” 12

“Hey...I was talking to Katie and she said something about you mentioning... ‘Doing it’...what was that about?” 13

“Oh. Umm...I kinda said...Don’t freak out okay? I kinda said that you will be the one I do it with for the first time. Like...when I’m ready and all...” 14

“Oh, baby, you know I would never pressure you into anything. But anytime you are ready, I will be as well. I love you so much, there are no second thoughts. When you are ready, we will.” 15

“Okay baby, thank you. I trust you with my life. I’ve got to go now though...I wish I didn’t. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.”16

“I love you too Baby. Bye.”17

“Bye.”18

Emily hung up the phone and waited for a few seconds, until her heart beat calmed down. She reminded herself to have a serious talk to Katie; she couldn’t believe she had told Liam! How embarrassing! Now he’ll think she’s all dirty! She sat down and started laughing. Soon she was uncontrollable with laughter, about her ‘sex’ talk with Liam. She couldn’t help it. She knew she wasn’t ready, but she also knew, that sometime her and Liam would do it.19

She was bursting with excitement. It was so strange how just one day without Liam could leave her restless. She was just so excited to hold him again. It seemed like forever since the last time they embraced. She was walking quickly into the building, but it soon turned into a jog. She had passed the first corner of the almost empty corridors, and she saw her boyfriend. He looked more attractive then she remembered, his dark hair falling around his eyes. She always told him he needed a haircut, but she never really meant it and he knew that. He knew she found him irresistible.20

He looked up and saw her. His face lightened and he smiled widely. She ran up to him, he opened his arms and took her in. They stood there hugging for what seemed that forever. 21

“Hey baby.” He said finally, looking down at her. She looked up and for one moment wished she was taller. From this height she had a clear view up his nostrils. But that thought passed as she held him closer.22

“Hey.” She whispered into his soft black jacket. She sniffed in deeply, taking in his scent. There was no smell as comforting as one of someone who loved you.* 23

Emily opened her eyes and glanced around this cold, white hell. She felt her eyes and was surprised to find them wet with tears. With no idea how long she had been sitting there, she stood to walk over to the hospital room door. She glanced in the glass and saw her baby, her boyfriend. His hair was shaved, with a bandage on his head and tubes feeding out of his arms. This was not the boy she remembered. 24

“Excuse me, miss? Are you okay?” A nurse in all white asked with a Colgate smile. Emily nodded and the nurse turned to walk away.25

“Excuse me? Do you know how Liam is doing?” She called after the nurse. 26

“Sorry sweetheart. I don’t know. He has had a pretty big accident.” The nurse turned away again, but this time Emily let her leave. It had been 2 days since Liam’s car accident. She had spent all the time she could at the hospital, wishing that it could have been someone else who got injured. She felt so selfish but she wished it was his mother or his father...anyone but her boyfriend. She needed him and seeing him like this broke her already fragile heart. 27

*“So Em. Are you sure about this?” Liam asked her nervously. She nodded.28

“I have never been so sure about anything. I love you and I want to be close to you.” She was so scared and he looked over her. He leant forward and kissed her passionately. She knew at that moment that she was doing the right thing, and her fear was gone. He undressed her like she was precious, held her gently and together, in love, they kissed again.*29

Emily put her head in her hands. That night, she still remembers it like it was yesterday. It was the most amazing night of her life, and then was when she really fell in love with Liam. Doing something that huge was a big step for her. She had always been a safe kind of girl. Even though it was unplanned and risky, she never hesitated for a second, and knew deep down she was ready for this, and ready to be in love. She raised her head and looked at the empty corridor of fluorescent lighting and white walls. She hated this place. She wanted to be in Liam’s bedroom again, and live that night over and over again. She wanted to be in heaven again, not in this hell. She walked back to the room, and looked at the boy who once held her. It scared her to think he might never hold her again. She blinked back her tears and held her breath to stop from crying. She needed to hold him so bad. 30

“Honey? Are you okay?” A hand came to rest of Emily’s shoulder. 31

“Yes mum. I’m fine.” Emily said unconvincingly. Her mother sighed.32

“You have to come home. You can’t spend all your time in this place. Liam would want you to...” Her mum started. Emily shook her hand off.33

“No. I am here for Liam. Don’t tell me what he would want. You didn’t even know him.” Emily snapped. She didn’t mean to be angry, but she couldn’t help it. It was like she was angry, sad, frustrated and confused all at the same time. Why did this have to happen? She went and sat back down in the cold empty chair and let her head drop again, into memories of what once was.34

*Emily opened the piece of paper and started reading. 35

‘I am so sorry baby. I never meant to hurt you. Please. Believe me when I say I did not say what they said I did. I would never say anything about you. I didn’t even tell them about you and me spending the night together. They guessed and they just love an excuse to piss me off. Please forgive me. I need you so much. 36

Love37

Liam38

P.S You are beautiful and Saturday night was beautiful too. I hope we share another night like that one? If you want to anyway. Love you.’39

Emily smiled through her tears. She picked up the phone and dialled. 40

“Hello.” Said the same sexy voice she had learned to recognise. 41

“Hey.” She answered.42

“Oh, did you read the letter?” He asked nervously.43

“Yes and its okay. I love you to much to stay mad at you anyway.” 44

“Thank you so much. By the way, I have a present for you!”45

“Oh my god! What is it?” Emily smiled as things went back to normal. She loved talking on the phone to him, she could talk for hours. And so they did.*46

“Miss Stevens? Are you awake?” A deep voice slowly lulled her out of her daydream. 47

“Mmm?” She mumbled, forgetting where she was. 48

“It’s Liam. He...” The doctor started. Suddenly she was wide awake. She pushed past the doctor and ran to the door, pressing her face against the cold glass. 49

“Where-Where is he?” She asked, panicking. He reached for her hand and pulled her towards him.50

“He had a- There were complications. He didn’t make it. I am so sorry Emily.” It was like time had stopped. The silence weakened her and she fell to her knees on the cold, hard floor. The doctor reached for her, but she pushed him away. He wasn’t gone. The doctor was lying. He was some asshole playing a joke on her. He couldn’t be gone. It was only a few hours ago she saw him, lying peacefully. 51

“No. Don’t tell me that bullshit. I don’t want to hear it. Where is he? Tell me where the hell he is. Now.” Her voice rose in anger and fright. The doctor kneeled beside her. His hand lightly gripped her shoulder, and feeling her shuddering, his eyes filled with tears.52

“I wish, so much that I didn’t have to tell you this. That he was still here. But he is gone Emily. The trauma from the accident had seriously damaged his vital organs. The chance of him staying alive was so small...” As the doctor continued explaining, it finally sunk in. Her baby, her boyfriend, he was gone. He was dead. 53

*I would die for you. The email ended and that last sentence replayed itself in her mind. She clicked back onto her Instant Messaging conversation and typed.54

‘I love you.’ She pressed enter and sat, staring, waiting for his reply. This was the first time she had said that. They had been good friends for so long. His email, a desperate confession, made her realise that she felt the same way. He hadn’t asked her out, yet, but had admitted to having a long crush on her. 55

‘R u serious?’ He replied. She sighed, smiling and typed again. 56

‘Yes. I realised it now. I love you Liam.’ 57

‘Holy shit. Hehe, Sorry. Do you wanna go out with me? I understand if you don’t...’ She broke out in a huge smile, and excitement filled her. Slowly, taking a deep breath, she typed the four words to change her high school life. 58

‘I would love to.’ *59

Her mother had been sitting, holding her for hours now. The tears poured from her eyes, and she was shaking uncontrollably. That one sentence, ‘I would die for you’ repeated itself over and over in her mind. He couldn’t be dead. Why? Why would anyone be so unfair as to kill the only thing keeping her alive? Her family, her friends, they never understood her relationship with Liam. It was more than just puppy love, it was real love. She knew it, and Liam knew it. And that was all that mattered. Her reason for happiness, for love, for life was gone. It was there one day, and then as quick as it came, it left again, leaving nothing but an empty, breaking heart and memories. 60

“Are you ready?” Her mother asked Emily, stroking her dark hair and kissing her head lightly. Emily looked up and smiled lightly. 61

“Almost.” She stood, and walked over to the full length mirror. She glanced in at her dark figure. The black dress clung tightly to every curve on her body, and the low neck line showed her beautiful tan. Her father had told her it was too revealing for a funeral, but she didn’t listen. This wasn’t for respect. This was for Liam. She wanted to look good for him. She had spend the night before, doing her nails the dark red he loved so much, and straightening her usually curly hair. She knew that was the way he liked it. 62

*“You look so beautiful.” His usual smile was nowhere to be found; as he stared at the girl he was lucky enough to call his own. She blushed, and looked down at herself. She saw her muddy doc martens, baggy track pants and oversized white t-shirt. 63

“Umm...thanks. It’s really...nothing.” She started laughing. He looked surprised. 64

”What?” He asked. “There’s something different about you.” 65

“Oh so you’re saying I’m not always beautiful?” She laughed. He shook his head.66

“You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. But is it your hair?” She ran her fingers through her freshly straightened hair. She nodded.67

“It’s straightened.” He smiled and nodded. His mouth opened as he was about to say something, but instead he reached out and ran his fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes, and felt his warm lips touch hers. She slipped her hands around his neck and kissed him back, running her fingers over the back of his neck, pulling him closer. *68

The car slowly drove down the wet road. She looked out her window to see only grey. There was nothing about this day that wasn’t black. She couldn’t stay still, as she sat alone in the backseat of her cheap, second-hand car. Her parents were quiet, as they turned off the radio and all you could hear was the soft patter of the rain. The church wasn’t far away, only about ten minutes. But these ten minutes, were the longest of her life. Firstly she counted the cars they passed, trying to get Liam’s face out of her mind. But it didn’t work, so instead she closed her eyes, trying to pretend she was back when her life made sense. She needed to be back there. Back with Liam. But her fantasy was interrupted as the car came to a stop. She looked out the window to see the huge, looming building staring down at her. The building of death and black. She felt like turning around and running away from here. But instead, with a blank face, she got out of the car and started walking. Walking towards the menacing building. This day was to say goodbye to Liam. This day was the end of Liam and Emily. 69

“He was such a beautiful person...boyfriend.” She swallowed her tears and continued. “Not everyone approved or believed in mine and his relationship. But we always did and that was enough. I will miss him so much. It’s so hard...coming to realise that the person you love isn’t here. I love him, and always will. No one will ever replace him, in my heart.” Emily turned away from the sea of black, and wiped her eyes furiously. She had managed to keep from sobbing the whole eulogy. A soft melody started playing, as people came forward to say goodbye. Some were crying, some weren’t, but you could see the sadness in everyone’s eyes. 70

*“O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? 71

Deny thy father and refuse thy name; 72

or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, 73

and I'll no longer be a Capulet.” The girl spoke loudly and clearly as she gazed into the wide open space. 74

“Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?” A whisper behind her said. Suddenly the sound of clapping filled the room.75

“Perfect! It took you a few tries, but you have this section perfect! If I didn’t know better I would think you guys were in love!” Mrs Davis said dramatically.  At this, the class erupted in laughter.  Emily glanced back at Liam, smiling. 76

“Oh. So you are together then?” Mrs Davis asked embarrassed. Emily nodded. Liam and Emily had been ecstatic when they won the leads in the school play. Hearing that it was Romeo and Juliet was even better. 77

“Oh, okay, good on you...well from Act 1, scene 3, Juliet, her mother and the nurse please.” Liam left the stage, taking one last glance at his Juliet. Renee and Ellen climbed the steps and joined Emily on the stage, ready to begin the scene. The scene started and Emily continued acting. But everyone in the theatre could see that Emily’s heart wasn’t in this scene. Her heart was still with her real life Romeo.*78

Emily zipped up her dark velvet jacket. The funeral had lasted forever. Liam had chosen a long time ago that he wanted to be cremated. He always hated the idea of being buried and if there was one thing he feared, that would be it. She looked at the dark, cold urn in her hands. The idea that this held her once affectionate, warm boyfriend was enough to send shivers down her spine. Although she appreciated his parents suggesting she released his ashes, she didn’t know if it was a good idea. She did want to be the one who said the final goodbye to the love of her life, but she didn’t know if she had the courage. Her fingers nervously twitched on the smooth surface. She looked at her reflection in the urn, her messy dark hair and tear stains.79

The car came to a sudden stop. 80

“We’re here.” Liam’s mother whispered. Emily opened the car door and stepped out; feeling the power of the wind hit her. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she said her final goodbyes in her mind, and stepped to the edge of the cliff. 81

*“No. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to live anymore.” Emily blinked back tears and looked at her boyfriends, beautiful face. This was the first time she had seen him cry.82

“I need you Liam. You have to stay with me. Please. I am begging you.” Emily told him, gripping his arm with desperation. He sighed and closed his eyes as a stray tear ran quickly down his face. She had known he had depression issues before they went out, but she was confident they could overcome it. Their love could conquer it. 83

“You are the only reason I am still here.” He murmured, kissing her forehead.84

“You are my reason to live.” She replied, snuggling into him. He took a deep breath to speak. 85

“You said you would die for me...” Emily interrupted quickly. “But do you love me enough to live your life for me?” He smiled a sad, but beautiful smile.86

“Yes. I do. I love you so much, and if you want me to stay, like honestly want me to stay, then I will. To be with you.” She closed her eyes and kissed him quickly, before snuggling into him and letting sleep take over.*87

Emily fumbled with the top of the urn, but removing it, she looked out, at the sea, hundreds of metres below. She smiled a sad smile, remembering her life with Liam. And with one, deep breath, she thrusted the urn away from her. As she did, the urn slipped, crashing onto the rocks below. She looked down; saw the remainders of the urn so far below her. A cloud of ashes, a cloud of memories were flying in the breeze, and as she watched it go, she remembered his face one more time.88

*“I love you.” He smiled, his eyes twinkling, as he took her into his arms and kissed her forehead. “Always will, no matter what.”*89