I loved how the moonlight shown on the knife so elegantly. Reflecting the shadowed trees of the familiar road. I watched as the slight breeze pushed the trees' branches further, revealing a full moon. Although I never allowed the knife to travel toward my face. Where it reflects lies, and hatred. Someone that's had nothing to gain in the past. Someone who's always kept something bottled up inside. Where every emotion was abused and churned to make something ten times deadlier. 1
There was no light coming from anywhere, and I could see almost all the stars that night. They were glowing brightly, adding a tranquil sensation.2
It wasn't my choice. Never was. And the thing with this situation, was that I didn't really mind. I should, but at this point my mind was basically numb.3
Perfect....4
Coming up close to the house, I could feel the beating of my blood pace up. A rhythm in my mind was drumming to a point where I almost couldn't handle it anymore. Driving me wild as the knife in my sweaty hand started looking real friendly. 5
Only a couple more steps, a couple more seconds. I could almost feel the fuming sensation about to explode as I came to the front porch. There was a light in the house, and the door wasn't locked. They almost never were.6
Slowly turning the knob, I made sure to keep silent and stop my breathing. 7
I knew exactly what to do from here on out. Which gave me brief hesitation, but I kept my mind focused on the prize. 8
The freedom, the limit that was pushed back a long time ago. Like a rubber band, at one point the elasticity can only take so much.9
With each silent step I took into the house, the rubber band was being stretched just a little bit more. I couldn't help the grin slowly cultivating on my face when I sensed someone close by. 10
What did it feel like? Not having an scraping conciounce? Chewing away the last edges of your insanity. Knowing that this may be the end, but that it would also be the end of all things heretical.11
I licked my red lips and found them to be covered bitterly in blood. I hadn't noticed how hard I had been biting down on them these past couple of minutes, but at that point it didn't matter.12
The man that had been sitting down on his desk, writing something in black ink and oblivious to my movement, stood up for a moment. Not looking back yet, but almost like he knew immediately something was wrong. Although I didn't give him much of a chance to speak.13
The moment he turned around, I brought up the sharp knife and poked my pointer finger with it. Watching as the blood starting oozing out from just that small touch. My eyes reflecting exactly the feeling I felt inside. And then I knew I was ready.
Author notes
I don't know if I made it to the quarter final rounds. I got a message and just assumed, so tell me if I didn't and I'll take it out of the contest. (Option 1)
I want a really critical review, I'm not so sure about this peice. I tried to make you feel bad for the character, but I think instead I made her seem crazier 
Comments are VERY much appreciated,
~Lone
In a list
A contest entry
- Quarter Finals Round-The Best Writer Ever!!!! by MoonRoseWolf.
315 points, ended February 14, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Murder by WritersEffigy.
100 points, ended December 14, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Prompts for the Giant Shrimp Soul by colormeimpressed.
245 points, ended December 26, 2008, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Was it choppy?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
I love your main character, very psychotic, but there was something very frail and sad about her that made you wonder what terrible thing had happened to her to make her go this way-thus inducing sympathy for your character.
There were a few spelling mistakes (elasticity is a word, don't worry
), but no grammer mistakes as far as I could see, so they would be easy to find if you checked ove rit.
I loved your descriptive use of language, especially this sentence- 'Someone who's always kept something bottled up inside. Where every emotion was abused and churned to make something ten times deadlier.'
Overall, I really thought this was a great entry, and I loved reading it. Well done and good luck in the contest!
-
i like it, its cool and wierd, but still sorta scary. =]
-
Wow, that was really good! I don't really care if people make mistakes (Yeah, I know, I'm a terrible 'judge'.) unless it's everywhere. But this still was good. I luffles it!
Great job!
-
I didn't really realize that elasticity was a word, but that's ok. on paragraph 11 you said scraping conciounce
was that supposed to be conscience? If it was then I understood... but if it isn't I have no clue what you were talking about it.
Overall the story was captivating and enjoyable... and it actually did make me like the character better and made her seem more crazy, as you said before. Excellent story
-
wow....
that was good! really good use of adjectives.
one thing though:
the thought proccess was a bit sketchy. a few parts where i didnt get where the thoughts came from.
other than that is was AMAZING!!!! i want to read some more-if there is any.
-
-
thanks for the comment! there might be more, but I'm not completly sure if I want to extend it. I seriously need to stop writing things like this, it makes me feel like I'm the Pyschopathic main character
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
