My Story

'What u doing with us?' 1

'You're so ugly...straighten your hair, it looks silly.' 2

'Oh god, you're so stupid and embarrassing.'3

Day after day, she constantly reminded me what I was. Constantly she put me down, so everyday I used to cry myself to sleep because of a girl, who i thought i knew, who i trusted. I started taking overdoses cause I'd started hating myself that much. I hoped I would die. I didn't deserve to be in this world. I didn't want to be anymore. 4

Night after night, her voice was still in my head, and with me in my dreams.5

I started to hate myself. I started to believe what they said. Maybe I wasn't good enough. I thought if I changed she'd be nice to me. She'd like me. She'd maybe lay off me – she did....eventually.6

She made me hate who I was, and who I was becoming.7

I stopped eating and continuously exercised. 8

Every night I went to bed...I was proud of myself. I achieved something. I used to go bed tired, exhausted, my muscles aching, oh cant forget the hunger pains. But I was proud of it all. 9

Every time I saw someone eating at school I smiled. Cause it'd been days since I last ate. And besides when ever I did I threw it up, or took loads of laxatives. I was becoming smaller and smaller. The best part was...no one knew. It was my special secret. But at the same time I was becoming ill. Though I didn't care. I WANTED perfection. I NEEDED it. I no longer cared what she said to me. I was caught up in my new found friendship. One that could never have been with her. She helped me. She kept me company. She comforted me when I was lonely. I loved her. So as everyday went by...I was eating less and less. Some days I wouldn't eat at all. Or I'd eat a bite or two of something and end up burning all the calories up. Though whenever I looked in the mirror I saw a fatty. Lots of flesh. I couldn't SEE the bones I longed to. I couldn't FEEL the bones I always longed to. So it went on, and on, and on. I started exercising more, even when I hadn't eaten anything, I still exercised for an hour at a time. I only drank water. And it only got worse and worse. 10

And why? Because she thought she was better than everyone, and still to this day she doesn't understand how hurtful the things she used to say to me were. Now she acts as if we're close friends or something, but I could never see her like that. She ruined my life in high school. People like that...well they're not worth ever knowing...11