‘Who’s there?’ Marcus coughed.1
‘Why do I always forget the lights?’2
White light flickered from above, instantly blinding Marcus. As his vision came to, he surveyed the surroundings. He was in what looked like a small warehouse. It was completely abandoned, save for a little white midget. Though on closer inspection, he had never seen a midget like this before. Dressed entirely in white, with an egg shaped hat the little man looked odd.3
‘What the hell just happened?’ Marcus groaned.4
‘You were teleported to the labyrinth. Welcome Marcus.’ The little man replied.5
‘Who the fuck are you?’6
‘I am Selexin, your guide.’ He introduced.7
Marcus approached him warily.8
’Guide to what?’ He spat.9
’I was hoping they would inform you people this time round. Never mind’ Selexin muttered. ’let’s just get straight to the point, we don’t have much time. We are in the labyrinth, a small town as it happens, on planet Earth.’10
‘I’m glad’ Marcus interrupted.11
‘The area has been barricaded by an electric field, and will not re-open until the contest is complete. There are eight competitors, including yourself, who have been given the honour of fighting in the seventh Presidian. Each competitor represents another planet, and this is where all intelligent life forms come together to battle to the death’12
‘Now I know where you got your white coat’ Marcus muttered.13
‘I’m sorry?’14
‘Nothing, how do we get out of here?’15
‘Have you not been listening? There’s only one way out. You must be victorious. Win the Presidian and my officials will teleport you back to your home.’16
‘Sounds good, but this door will do the trick’17
Marcus kicked the door open. Outside it was pitch black, he could just make out the shadows of crops and a decrepit farmhouse. 18
‘Where the fuck are we?’19
‘Earth. South Australia, Grenwich, the labyrinth.’20
He grabbed Selexin by the throat and smashed him into the warehouse’s tin frame.21
‘Start talking, no more bullshit. Where the fuck are we?’22
‘Your use of expletives is much more repetitive than the last. But I see no reason for your hostility, I have told you almost everything, though I suggest we go back inside until I’ve given you all the instructions.’23
‘Enough games!’24
Selexin slapped a large metal band around Marcus’ wrist.25
‘What’s that?’ 26
‘This will tell you everything you need to know during combat.’27
The metallic band read Incomplete-5.28
‘At this moment five contestants are in the labyrinth. When three more have entered the Presidian will begin. I mean you know harm Marcus Jonathon. I am here to help you, because if you die, I die.’29
Marcus dropped Selexin.30
‘Why?’31
‘It’s the rules. Only the survivor and his guide will leave this place alive, that is if they don’t turn into Karanadon meat.’32
‘Riiight’ Marcus breathed, ’I’m going to have a look around. Stay here, I’ll come back for you when I find out what the hell’s going on.33
’You should be searching for a weapon. Your species is the weakest, and it’s going to take a lot of blind luck if you want to survive another ten minutes. Please Marcus, this isn’t a game you want to lose. I should know, I’ve played before.’34
Marcus didn’t believe a word that came from the little man’s mouth. But his eyes were dead serious, perhaps… were they even… fearful?35
‘You’re afraid’ Marcus observed, ’but not of me’36
’Five years ago I guided another earthling in the seventh presidian. He was a doctor, with limited combat experience and an eight year old daughter in his arms. He was as confused as you, and had to compete against the most dangerous beings in the universe until they were all dead. He survived. I don’t know how but we did it. But another competitor broke the rules, and when I returned to my home planet, my officials were not happy. The Presidian was cancelled, and the earthling and his daughter were left for dead. I had never seen so much violence. We had to organise another Presidian, re-do it, so to speak. They teamed me up with the next earthling. I don’t think your species should compete in this contest, but we’re here and there’s nothing we can do about it. Yes, I am afraid, this is the last place in the Universe I want to be, and you’re my only chance of survival.’ 37
‘Easy little man, just relax. Look, I’ll--’38
Marcus’ eyes narrowed. He only saw it now. A giant wall of electricity had shredded half the warehouse. He mustn’t have noticed it from the light. His neck hurt as he looked up at the never ending wall, like Jack’s been stalk rising into the sky. He couldn’t be sure, but blue currents licked out in every direction. He wasn’t? He was. He was boxed in.39
‘Selexin’ Marcus swallowed, ‘tell me everything.’40
A rain gutter began to fill. The roof was shelter to an old house on the edge of a line of farms. An old woman cooled the hot tea with her breath. She was nervous. Footsteps could be heard from outside. Big, heavy, footsteps. Of course, it’s probably just the storm. Outside the footsteps boomed. Then the most awful sound erupted. Was a baby crying? Were bones crunching? A giant shadow loomed up, as if growing, from the shed. The shadow was huge, the size of ten men, two giant poles stuck out, and bubbles started to drop, then it transformed. Slowly the Shadow got smaller, until it wasn’t a shadow at all, and stood outside the Old Lady’s door. It had become smaller, only 7 foot. It looked like a man, except it was black, too black. Orange markings resemblant of lava scarred his shoulders. Two horns spouted from the top of it’s head, finishing what was an awesome sight. He looked at the door.41
‘If I wanted to be polite?’ It bellowed in a deep husky voice.42
A little white man popped out from a back-pack like a jack and a box and rung the doorbell.43
‘Who the hell is it?’ The Old Lady barked from inside.44
It waited. 45
‘What’s wrong?’ The old lady answered the door.46
‘I need a map.’ It said.47
‘No, sorry, I don’t have a map, now get lost before I call the police.’48
Then the door opened. It and the little white man turned in unison, both surprised by this new found trust. But the old lady continued to fall. Her body folded to the ground. The duo saw six butter knives in her back. Then a horse clopped towards them. No. It wasn’t a horse.49
‘Falthimore…’ It moaned.50
Another tall man stepped forward. But something was wrong. It wasn’t breathing. It didn’t need to. The two foes held heavy stares.51
It’s lips parted for the briefest of moments.52
‘Are you going to kill me, sequence me, or are you smart enough to sit down and have a cup of tea?’53
Incomplete-754
Marcus checked his watch.55
‘One to go’ He paused, ‘you said this was different than before. How?’56
Selexin took a deep breath, ‘Rules have been changed this time round. Minor rules, but still rules that must be followed. Usually a contestant could bring whatever weapon he chose, this time they must find tools to defend themselves within the labyrinth. The wristwatch you wear, that was once a bomb, timed to explode fifteen minutes after a competitor managed to escape the labyrinth.’57
‘So I’m not wearing a bomb?’58
‘No. This time escaping the labyrinth is impossible. The last human used the weapon against the Karandon. Again my officials were displeased’59
‘It doesn’t look like they wanted him to win.’ Marcus said.60
‘He wasn’t expected to. They brought it down to cheating and luck. This time they will make sure you lose.’61
‘What?’ 62
‘An earthling is the weakest species in the Universe. Earth is the only planet that does not understand this game. It will be an insult if you won. Sadly, nobody thinks you can win, and nobody wants you to win.’63
‘Alright, so is there any good news in all this?’64
‘Well, I don’t know if it’s good, but… I can help you. We were only allowed to observe our fighters. Now we can help in any way the contestant chooses. Though I will doubt any would use our people.’65
‘Why?’66
‘These contestants are the greatest fighters in the Universe. On their home planet they are the best. They have pride. They kill alone. They have no need for us. So if you don’t want my help, I will understand.’67
Marcus watched the tiny midget, he could just reach his knees. 68
‘If what you’re saying is true’ Marcus started, ‘I’m going to need all the help I can get.’69
Initialised-870
The watch beeped again. The Presidian had begun. Marcus had sunk it all in. Seven of the most dangerous killers in the universe wanted him dead.71
‘Holy Shit’
Author notes
After reading through my book 'Contest', I felt like starting a sequel. Here's the begining. Or at least near the beginning.
Comments
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Yeah, I can tell you've been writing scripts a lot
It's almost completely dialogue, so the image in my head isn't as vivid as it could be. I'd suggest adding a little more description, just to make it flow better and stuff. That being said, the conversation is really good and your character is charismatic (his arguing is very amusing too) and his reactions were believable.
Humm, there's occasional grammar issues, such as......
'‘It doesn’t look like they wanted him to win.’ Marcus said.' The full-stop after 'win' should be a comma. And for example, the last line, ''Holy Shit'' should have a full-stop and no capitalizing on the 's'. But you probably know that stuff; I'm assuming they're just typos.
Oh, and in par. 71: 'Marcus had sunk it all in.' I would revise that sentence, lol
But I probably only noticed that because I do sentences like that a lot myself xD
Just let me know if you already knew this stuff and don't need me to tell you-- the editor in me is particularly insistent today.
Anyways, the concept is original and interesting. You've also got me wondering what happens next; I'd love to read more.
Go Team Earth! xD
Eph
Oh, and I love the midget <3 -
I like the premise. Its good reminds me of The Running Man or Battle Royale.
If you could clean up your dialogue I think you could massively improve the flow of your story. Try putting actions or descriptions with your dialogues, before or after.
If the sentence was...
"Holy Shit!" Marcus exclaimed
You could improve it by saying something like...
Marcus grabbed his hair. "Holy Shit!" Marcus exclaimed, mouth agape.
Just makes dialogue more interesting.
Good stuff though I'm looking forward to seeing some more.


