Trepidation

The click of a trigger is enough to send a bullet spinning to near immediate contact with its target. But yet it is the split second release of the trigger that weakened knees give way to. Fear holds true to this very element. There are things that represent the trigger, and then there is the release of the trigger that strikes our bodies with relief. But perhaps it is the aftermath once the terror has passed that is the most scarring in our life. That moment of relief suddenly vanishing into panic when you realize that what you have just witnessed could possibly not be over quite yet. Is this in fact the very thing that drives the silver stake of fear into our heart? What if the most terrifying night of your life, lasted an eternity?1

I walked down a back road led by the beams from my flashlight rebounding off the reflectors that stuck out like sore thumbs. At this time of night it always seemed to me as if the trees that resided on either side of the road would lean closer in towards you as if to engulf you in one foul swoop. I had traveled this road alone many times before, but it was awfully late and that made me slightly uneasy. I shrugged it off as though it was nothing though; I was used to doing so with almost everything. My home life was no walk in the park, and I was sure that if I had gotten caught sneaking out like this I would surely never leave the house again.2

Quite naturally I was a very warm person most of the time. But tonight was chilly and the sky above me threatened to pour a blanket of glitter on this small town. I pulled my jacket tighter around me and zipped it up as I kept a steady pace towards my destination wanting to arrive there as fast as I could. For a boy I was awfully scared of a lot, but I never showed it even when I was alone. Showing my weaknesses was just another one of my fears that allowed me to hang on to my sanity when faced with my other fears.3

Finally the method to my madness awaited silently around the corner, my pace quickened as I felt the wind pick up with a violent whistle. There it was, my eyes traced along every part of the building in front of me as I continued towards it. Every light in the school shone like a beckoning lighthouse and I was the ship. Of course I knew I couldn’t go inside just quite yet, I had to wait for my group of friends that should be arriving shortly as well. As I neared the school I took the small gray pathway leading to the playground. I felt more in my element here than I had on the road, and my stomach settled releasing the nervous feeling I had before. Walking to a structure I made quick work of pulling myself up onto a platform and let my legs dangle out underneath me.4

I was alone. Sitting there in the dim light that managed to creep out was more unnerving than it ever had been before. I decided not to look around for fear my eyes may betray me and allow me to lay my eyes on a sight that did not exist. Instead I looked down as I watched my thumbs circle each other; the wind was eerie as it continued to howl through the very few nearby trees. My back faced towards the swings as I risked a glance up towards the road in front of me which I was sure my friends would be coming up any minute…or at least I hoped. It was then that my ears picked up the creak of a swing and a threatening giggle. I flipped myself around quickly, but only fast enough to catch a glimpse of a figure stop the swing and then fade into nothing. Every muscle in my body tensed and became as cold as ice; there was nothing normal about this. My eyes did not leave from that direction as I traced every inch of that area with them.5

It was then that my gaze fell upon a light baby blue jacket that lay draped over the swing. A ribbon of red trailed its way down the sleeve where it met a puddle on the ground. Like a strong magnet inches away from a fridge, I felt myself being pulled by an imaginary force to the scene. I slid down off the platform as I allowed my feet to think for themselves while my mind attempted to comprehend what I believed to have seen, and the small token left behind as an indication that something was here before me. I was almost there before I hesitated and pondered against closing the distance. I could feel it now, an ominous presence that seemed to wrap itself around me and enclose me in the space I now stood. Feeling as though there was no way to escape from this now, I closed the distance with two of my steps as my eyes took in the scene once more.6

My hand reached almost immediately as if to grab it, I had just now realized exactly who the jacket belonged to. But just as quickly as I had reached, I pulled myself back as before. There was no beginning to the puddle and track that laced itself so neatly around the sleeve. The jacket was severely stained with it; I dared not to touch it. Suddenly a curiosity burned inside of me and I clasped my hands around the chains on the swing, giving it a small push I heard no creak, it was the same when it came back towards me. All logic tested my very memory of the scene I had witnessed before, had I really seen that figure?7

A familiar voice startled me when it came from behind. I turned cautiously expecting another eerie sight to befall me. Seeing four of my friends I was immediately relieved and I simply nodded my head towards them with an uneasy smile. But it quickly turned into a frown as I saw that the owner of the jacket was not among them. They noticed and moved cautiously around me to see what I had looked at moments before. The expressions were just the same as mine may have been. Three of them had turned back to me with questioning eyes as I quickly shook my head to assure them it was not my doing. But the fourth he turned his eyes toward me gleaming with malice.8

I took a step back defensively as he mirrored it with a forward step towards me. It was impossible to be unsure of his thought process, an immediate accusation. How could I blame him, I had been here alone before all of them had come. I saw another one of my friends point to my hands with fear in her eyes, and I wasn’t sure I should look down. My curiosity betrayed me once more as I raised my hands in front of my face; they held the stain of red and the strong scent that I already recognized. I glanced towards the swing and saw the chains were braided with blood.9

My fight or flight instinct kicked into gear as my mind raced to even possibly imagine what my next move was. My throat swelled with words, but none came out as I choked in an attempt to convince my friend that I was not the monster I appeared to be at this late hour. As a fist shook angrily in my direction, another frosty wave of air swirled about us. I glanced back at my other friends in terror as I pleaded for them to help me. But not one of them moved in my direction. Suddenly I was knocked to the ground as I felt the weight of him crushing me. I could no longer breathe as the air escaped me. My face was numb to the pain as I felt the pressure of his fists beating into me. But I knew this wasn’t the end of tonight and that there was more to come, as my relief vanished into despair.10

All I knew was that I must escape from underneath him if I wanted to live, so in one swift movement I used my hands to push on his chest and force him off me. I immediately scrambled to my feet once I was free. My heart pounded as I raced to the school doors, and flung them open to retreat to the inside. I dared a glance behind as I continued to run with no aim of where to go. He was gaining on me, but something told me to slow my pace and turn back to him. I knew now that there was a reason I had to stop him, but he did not slow, so I ducked. He tumbled over me and broke his way through some caution tape, falling down a vacant elevator shaft.11

My eyes watered as I crawled close enough to peer over the edge at my friend whose blank stare startled me. I looked away from his face only to find his mangled body protruded with two pieces of a broken pole, but that’s not what sickened me the most about this horrific scene. It was the mere fact that my bloody handprints lay on his chest, and how there is always the hole in the center of the hand. That’s exactly where each side of the pole stuck through. Another giggle made its way to my ears as I turned slowly only to catch only another glimpse of the mysterious figure that now haunted my night.12

I collected myself and came up off the floor. Looking back towards the doors I came in, my other friends had not followed. Heading in the direction from which I had come, it now felt as though it took forever to get to the end. I peered through the glass of the door to the playground but my other two friends were nowhere in sight. The only thing out there was the blue jacket that swung on the now silent swing. I stared emotionless at it, for a few minutes.13

A wave of terror came over me as I relived everything that had just happened inside my head. I had to go home, I wanted to go home. Adrenaline burst into my muscles as I went to push the door open and free myself from this prison. It did not move. It was almost as if the door had been cemented to the frame never to be opened again. Not knowing what to do I panicked as I ran down the hallway, my feet stopping me at the edge of the trophy case.14

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly as I battled with my curiosity and a strange driving force that wanted me to look inside of the case. But it was not the case I saw as soon as I had to open my eyes when I felt almost a cool airy breath against my face. It was the hallway I was standing in minutes before. I let out a petrifying scream as I realized I was now trapped in the case, which was empty, or so I thought. It was then that my sight blurred as fearful tears came streaming out of my eyes. I clawed at the glass in an attempt to escape as soon as I could feel the spiders crawling all over me coming from out of nowhere, their needle like fangs sunk into my skin causing extreme amounts of pain. My body quivered as I grew weaker and weaker with every new agonizing sensation. Then there was nothing. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t hear, I couldn’t feel. I was engulfed in absolute nothing.15

Who am I you may be asking yourself now? If I told you would it ease your frightened state of mind? Let me tell you something my dears, my fears have long since passed since that night. But the terrors never cease to stop, and on those nights when bravery and ignorance lead you to this abandoned school. They will be waiting behind every corner. It is almost that time that I make my appearance once again, perhaps as a ghost or even a director’s puppet. I will let you decide what to believe. As I now bid my farewell to you I must say. There is no fear that is greater than the fear, of fear itself.