Taken: Prologue.

Prologue   Taken 1

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Helen yelled over her shoulder at her drunken friends as they laughed rowdily. She turned back to the front and continued walking further into the darkness of the street, leaving the bright lights and warmth of the party behind her.2

Back in the drunken mass a man slipped out, squeezing his way through to the open area. He swiftly slunk into the shadows, his face losing the smile previously plastered on, and all semblances of drunkenness. He slowly began following Helen.3

She continued down the road, her face sinking into darkness as her eyes adjusted. Dim lights nearby flickered slightly, feebly trying to cast some brightness. The small amount of light it managed to produce thrust the sixteen-year-old into sharp definition; she kept walking, unaware that there were two shadows stretching out behind her, not just hers.4

Humming slightly to herself she turned into a park, following a worn path. In the distance the Sydney Harbor Bridge lit up the sky, cars rushing across it. Wind ruffled her hair, making her rusty curls stream behind her. The same breeze sent golden autumn leaves spiraling above, hiding the stars momentarily. They scuffed along the rock, gliding past her. Tree branches waved, dancing to the song of the stars. Their bare limbs rocked eerily, silhouetted against the full moon. Helen hummed slightly to herself, completely oblivious.5

Suddenly she heard a twig snap loudly and spun quickly; facing the direction the sound had come from. Her pursuer cursed mentally for putting her on guard.6

‘It’s okay, just the wind.’ Helen thought desperately to herself. ‘Yes, just an over active imagination…’ She tried and failed to reassure herself. Her quick eyes saw a shadow reaching from the side of the path. As if sensing her gaze it slowly withdrew back into the main mass of darkness.7

Helen pivoted back to face her house. It was in view, situated just outside the park. Behind her the man silently crept out from under cover and crept towards her. Moving fast he grabbed her around the waist, flinging up his hand to her mouth to stifle a scream.8

She bit him hard and he pressed a nerve point, waiting until she cringed into submission. He moved his arm across her mouth, leaving his hand free again. With his left hand he pulled out a bottle and a cloth from his jacket and tipped a small amount of the liquid upon it. He twisted her around to face him, pressing the cloth hard against her.9

Helen tried to hold her breath as long as possible, knowing what it was. Finally she had to breathe. Opening her mouth wide, she took a deep lungful of sweet air; unfortunately it came with the sickly sweet taste of chloroform. Looking up at her captor she realized he had on a mask. He leant down closer to her and it slipped minutely, just enough to allow her to catch a glance of red hair and piercing green eyes. He must have seen the flash of recognition that crossed her wide blue eyes because the pressure increased.10

Helen thought quickly. She didn’t have much time before the chloroform forced unconsciousness, so she had to act fast. Fighting against the tide of oncoming darkness she closed her eyes, feigning sleep. With her hand she felt around in her pocket for her name bracelet, it had broken that evening. Her fingertips wandered along the letters, disfiguring the original message of ‘Helen Gates’.11

She found what she was looking for just as her captor began to drag her along the ground. She let her hand drop out her pocket limply, and then released the letters clenched tightly in her hand. They fell, shining softly, to land on the soft carpet of leaves. Satisfied that she had done all that she could do, Helen surrendered into the blackness, blessed unconsciousness. She dimly remembered her legs banging roughly against a car door before she blacked out completely.12

ŘŘŘŘŘ13

Helen woke as a bucket of freezing cold water was dumped on her. She gasped for breath and tried to open her eyes. Her eyelids slowly flickered open just as another bucket hovered above her head.14

“I’m awake! I’m awake.” She shouted hoarsely. All around her chuckles resounded, rough, wicked cackles.15

“Aww, the princess is awake!” Someone crooned from behind her, more cackles echoed.16

Suddenly she felt cold steel against her neck. She looked up to find her kidnapper pressing a knife against her throat. 17

“You speak when I tell you to, understand?”18

Unable to nod she croaked yes. The knife was withdrawn, leaving a line already beginning to well up with beads of blood. The man moved away with his back to her. Turning slightly he observed her.19

“Looks more like a drowned rat to me.” He remarked, setting off his henchmen in another fit of giggles. She tried to lift her arm but discovered she was tied to a chair. Feeling began to return to her body, giving her a bad case of pins and needles. She twitched in discomfort at the stabbing pains, feeling every bruise and rope digging into her. The kidnapper came over one last time.20

“Listen here girl.” She winced away from his breath. It smelt rotten, like beer gone off. “I’m going to trade you for a lot of money, but you know what? You know what?!”21

Unsure of whether to answer she whispered back. “What?”22

“I’m not going to give you back!” He erupted into laughter as her heart sank down even further. He left the room still snickering. He abandoned her in the grimy room with the water dropping down one side. Alone with the circling shadows of his followers.23


Author notes

Um...?

A contest entry

Should I post up the rest?

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Owen Aero
    February 14
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    Visually captivating, with a great flow that could keep me occupied for hours. Nicely done.


  • Tricia3 gold member
    January 27
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    Yes, Yes, Yes

    I love your style of writing and it sounds like the kind of story I would read. Very good use of descriptive words.

  • Tricia3 gold member
    January 27

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    Wonderful. You got me from word one and held me to the last word, which came entirely too soon. Would love to read mor

  • Nice, I like this a lot. You have some really good details, flawless grammar and spelling, a captivating story line, and well rounded characters. I love when he says he's going to trade her for a lot of money but not return her anyway. This is the best dialog I've read in a while, very fluent and realistic, didn't seem scripted or forced. Another story I'll have to look into once the contst has ended. Thank you for entering and the best of luck, you are a finalist.


  • Atticus Unanimous
    December 29, 2008

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    Interesting. You've got a lot of potential here. There weren't any glaring mistakes, none that I can remember. I love the images you press upon memory here. It's wonderful. Great job and thanks for entering.

1 - 8 of 8