‘Twas the night before Christmas when I ate too much pie.
My stomach distended, I wanted to die.
The Pepto was found in the closet upstairs.
I hoped, in vain, an antacid was there.1
My family was sleeping all soundly in bed,
Unaware the discomfort I had in my head.
My stomach…my brain…I indulged way too much
From the banquets of Christmas: cake, wine, and the such.2
While up in the closet, I panicked in pain.
I ran to the bathroom, on cold tile I lain.
Away from the food in the kitchen below,
The aches and the pains, my bowels threatened to flow.3
The toilet: clean, white; the towels hung nearby.
The sink within reach if unable to rely
On the trashcan I would use as a bucket to yack
As I sat on the toilet and felt an attack.4
When what to my miserable eyes did appear
But an indignant old elf who said with a leer,
“You’ve eaten too much and drank more than you should,
Beer, cookies, and turkey in bulk are no good.”5
“You had buffet for breakfast but still lined up for lunch
To serve yourself ham, desserts, and rum punch.
At dinner you dined on delicious delights
Of fried chicken and dumplings. You ate to new heights.”6
The old elf shook his head at my disgusting menu.
Ashamed at myself, I knew what to do.
The toilet, I flushed. Then I wiped up my face.
Two aspirin and Tums, I took in disgrace.7
Then I told the old elf to leave me alone.
To lecture me now when I was all grown
Was rude and uncalled for and no Christmas joy.
I sent him away, “Find someone else to annoy!”8
Quietly…softly… I snuck into bed
To sleep off the pain that had grown in my head.
My stomach would mend in the time before dawn.
'Christmas BREAKFAST was coming,' I thought with a yawn. 9
A contest entry
- 'Twas the night before Christmas by SageSyren.
575 points, ended January 3, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This made me laugh. That was really funny. Great story!
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arn't those elves that come to lecture you when you are suffering great? This made me laugh. You did a good job with this, better than I did, of corse, I wrote mine when I was fifteen so I'm not suprised it isn't good. lol. Anyways, good luck in the contest!
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Wow, this is really creative and funny! Very creative, I never would have thought of it!
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~~~laughs until I get the hiccups~~~
This was hilarious! Who hasn't experienced this feeling at some time or other during the gluttonous season of excessive eating and drinking? I loved this part:
"The toilet: clean, white; the towels hung nearby.
The sink within reach if unable to rely
On the trashcan I would use as a bucket to yack
As I sat on the toilet and felt an attack."
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oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that is so fricking funny
laugh laugh laugh
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Haha, this was really cute I enjoyed it Nice take on the classic. I couldn't help but smile at several parts. Best of luck in the contest!
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I loved this!!! I laughed so hard. My daughter wants to read this now, because I was laughing so hard.
Thanks for entering and for giving me a good chuckle.
Good luck
Brooke
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