"This is your punishment," He said, slamming the door behind him.1
'My punishment?' Of course, it didn't matter what it was for anyways, I was a nuisance to him and that was enough. I stepped back, shaking like a poor frightened creature. I wanted to get out. I knew what was going to happen. I just didn't want to believe it.2
Nothing's real.3
This is all a lie.4
"You look scared Hanae," He declared with a devilish grin. Taking a step closer to me, he added, "You don't need to be afraid, this will only hurt if you try and fight it..." 5
Before I could stop him, I felt his cold, strong arms grab my shoulders and brace me roughly against the wall. My back hit it with great force, and my knees gave way.6
"No..." I whimpered, tears welling in my eyes.7
Nothing's real.8
This is all a lie.9
"What's the matter, you don't like this?" He whispered, running his fingers down my back.10
"NO!" I screamed, trying to push him off. 'I don't want to face this again...'11
"Shut up," He hissed, grabbing me violently and throwing me down on the bed. He came unto me, his large, muscular body bracing me down, weak, defenseless. I couldn't move under his weight. I couldn't scream without being cut off by his brutal arms.12
'God...help me...' 13
"You deserve this," He said unmercifully. He began pulling down his pants and taking off my skirt.14
Nothing's real.15
This is all a lie.16
"Don't -" I tried to persist, but he silenced me with a vigorous kiss, devouring me. 17
His taste, on my tongue, is permanent.18
He rids me of my underwear and the rest of my garments, leaving me bare so he could proceed with the rest of my punishment. 19
His touch, it stings, his breath, it clings, on my neck. I feel...20
Scared.21
His tongue runs down my neck, like a serpent slithering down me, ready to sink it's venomous fangs into me. He works his fingers down my waist, and in between my legs. He smiles as I shudder at his touch. 22
"Please..." I cry out. I want someone to make this nightmare end.23
"I'm gonna make you enjoy this," He whispers evilly. 24
Tears flow down my cheeks. A silent scream is heard only by myself. No one can save me.25
He penetrates me. I try and scream, to stop him from hurting me, but he only hits me and shouts at me. He laughs at my cries.26
"You should know better than to upset me, haven't I taught you well enough to know that?" He asks sternly.27
"I-I'm so..." I begin, but he cuts me off.28
"This is how you can apologize to me for being a bad girl,"29
He hurts me again, this time, the pain is greater, I feel as if I'm caught between life and death, like my soul is breaking.30
Nothing's real.31
This is all a lie.32
Then why is the pain so real?33
When he is done, he gets off the bed, leaving me broken, tainted and sore. He looks completely satisfied as he fixes his belt, an evil gleam in his eyes.34
The feelings of defeat, shame, manipulation, grief and horror wash over me, grasping me in a chamber of buzzing emotions. Tears run down my bruised cheeks, blood runs down my bruised legs. This isn't the first time that he did this, and I try to hide it, try to pretend I'm strong. 35
I'm the only one who hurts myself.36
"Make sure to clean this mess up before your mother gets home," Father tells me before he exits the room. I jump out of my bed, ignoring the pain, and slam the door behind him. The pain stings me, and my knees tremble, and I fall slowly to the ground, my head resting against the door.37
'Why...me?' I ask God. He doesn't answer. He never does. The only comfort I find is from my tears.38
A cascade of blood runs down my legs, and droplets have splattered across the floor.39
This is why I don't find comfort in cutting myself. I'm seen too much blood already. I've seen too much pain, and tears. 40
Nothing is real.41
It can't be.42
This is a nightmare.43
---44
"Are you alright?" Jeremy asked me suddenly. His voice startled me. I looked up from my lunch to meet concerned brown eyes staring at me.45
"Yeah...I'm...I'm fine." I said, shoving a spoonful of macaroni into my mouth.46
"You seem really out of it," He said worriedly.47
"Am I not always?" I continue eating the macaroni, even when I feel as if I'm about to explode. It's just the cafeteria food, nothing's wrong with me...48
Suddenly a sharp pain grips my stomach and I almost choke on my food.49
"You okay?" Jeremy exclaims.50
"Yes," I say decisively. My throat feels tight. My stomach is churning. I try to stop gasping.51
"You should go to the nurse, I'll take you." Jeremy declared, standing up.52
"No!" I shouted. Suddenly, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I ran over to the trash can and immediately I lost my breakfast and my lunch. 53
"Ugh..." I groaned painfully, falling to my knees while clutching my aching stomach. Jeremy hastily rushed over to my side, followed by most of the inquisitive and stunned kids in the cafeteria.54
"Oh my gosh!"55
"Is she alright?"56
"Let's get her to the nurse. Hurry!"57
I felt as if I was being lifted up. I felt delusional, half conscious.58
'No...don't take me...I don't want to know...' I try and plead but no words escape my mouth. I'm scared. I didn't want this to happen again in front of them. They'll get suspicious. 59
Maybe I'm just paranoid, and delusional from sudden illness, but...60
***61
What if everything is real?62
What if I'm pregnant?
Author notes
Part of a story I'm trying to work on, I just felt like writing this little excerpt of it.
Hope you liked this! Please comment!
~*Princess*~
P.S.: Oemgee yays! I really appreciate the comments guys, so please do leave your thoughts! The critics help a lot. For the first I don't feel like a complete idiot or regretful that I ever posted this story! xD I want to try and write Jeremy's story but I don't really think it could top this O.o But any-who, I'll try sometime and see where it goes!
Cause I love my wittle JemStone X3
♥
A contest entry
- Hell Is For Children by Frozen Angel.
450 points, ended April 3, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Um, not really my first attempt writing something like this, but feels like it :/
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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cool story I guess. continue
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Wow, really lets the world know the evil nature of some people..............
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GOD! this is a good write! it scared me badly. i liked it, but i hope this doesn't mean something more for you... i loved this and want to read more!
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A very compelling story. I'd love to see where it leads.
The sad thing about this is that it is so realistic, this type of thing happens every day. You did an excellent job; this, I think, has become one of my new favorites. Please, tell me where I can read more.
Thank you for taking the time to enter my contest and for also being a part of this child abuse awareness.
*Frozen Angel* -
I'm commenting again that I love it,
and.
Also you should win.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Wow...that 'tis amazing Princess! It was so emotional..o.o Poor Hanae...it's pretty depressing. But we still love her! Anyways..this story was very deep, very emotional. Amazing in just one word..
Great job, and keep up the good work!
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O__o
So. This is pretty good.
I wouldn't be able to write anything like this.
<333
Cassy
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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(deep strick voice)u did a terrrible job
sorry for my spelling. Anyways u did well as always
Hmph, im getting jealous.
....
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Wow...
It's quite good. It really depicts a harassed and abused girl. Very real-to-life. Your a good writer. You should definitely finish it.beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 4, ending: 2, dialog: 1, characters: 3.
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Really good
Princess you are amazing.... This was so sad... 
. It felt so real... I loved her denial, how it was all that kept her going; that was really quite a unique touch. Superbly written and described. I found one typo but..... I think I lost it... *scrolls back up* Aha! "When he his done, he gets off the bed, leaving me broken" The 'his' should be 'is'. Other than that, I didn't notice anything else... Maybe I'm entirely stunned by the overwhelmingness. Brilliant, amazing, fantastic write. Great job!
~luck~
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whoa,
im almost speechless and trust me that doesn't happen very often. this is written incredibly, the emotions are so real it's shocking and this must have been so hard to write. well done
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This is so intense, so full of emotion, I think it must have drained you mentally after writing.
The story, from the POV of the protagonist, is superb in its telling, the raw emotions standing out in stark detail and reality.
The ending is also extremely well thought out and leaves the reader wondering if the girl is pregnant or ill.
This is a splendid draft and except for some edits, I believe there's nothing wrong with it; the plot and the telling is superbly created.
Now for the small edits:
p5 if try and fight it - 'you' required between 'if' and 'try'
p12 cut off my his - 'my' should be 'by'
p35 horrow - I think should be either 'sorrow' or 'horror'
p35 That feeling of.....washes over me - I think would look better if written as follows:
The feelings of......wash over me
The reason I say that is because there is more than one feeling therefore needs to be written in plural form.
This 'draft' is actually better than some of the 'finished' articles I have read recently; I doubt if anything needs to be changed to make it better.
Lawrie
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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WOW I felt like I was going to cry really!
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Wow, I really hope you write more to this. I want to know what happens when her father and mother find out she is pregnant.
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Whoa!!!!!! Talk about a reality check! This story is amazing, and something that many girls go through, even if we are not aware of it! Great write! I look forward to reading more if it!
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This is wonderful, especially the repetition of:
Nothing's real.
This is all a lie.
It shows her attempt to rationalize the horrific deeds done to her. The possibilty of a pregnancy in the end gives us a glimpse of her greatest fear. Whether the biggest fear is actually the pregnancy, or the end of rationalization, remains to be seen. Brilliantly written!
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I enjoyed reading this, interesting plot. The opening was particularly impressive, bringing in the theme of "punishment" right in the first line and immediately intriguing the reader.
I felt that, at times, the sentences could be trimmed down as it sometimes it felt a little convoluted which was a bit distracting.
e.g.
'"Don't -" I tried to persist, but he silenced me with a vigorous kiss. It was if he was devouring me.'
to,
"Don't -" I tried to persist, but he silenced me with a vigorous kiss.Devouring me.
If you see what I mean? I think it might increase the pace and allow the reader to focus in on the action. Just something to think about (:
I also felt that sometimes there was too much attention on the description of the dialogue (can't remember what the actual term is lolll) where it wasn't necessary. I found it a bit distracting at times and I think that maybe you're putting a bit too much effort into it as it's just suppose to be skimmed over. I don't know whether I'm making too much sense, I mean. for example,
'"You deserve this," He said unmercifully. He began pulling down his pants, and proceeded to take off my skirt.'
to,
"You deserve this," he said, pulling down his pants and taking off my skirt.
or,
"You deserve this." He began pulling down his pants, and proceeded to take off my skirt.
This might be something you'd like to consider if you decide to revise it (:
Overall, I really enjoyed this, I thought the ending was really powerful, cliffhanger and a half (; I'd be interested in the full version when it's all completed (:
xbeginning: 4, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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coolie.
That was cool ( did I already say that) Any way, I enjoyed the way you repeated
"Nothing's real.31
This is all a lie.32"
Through out your story. It kept the reality of her being raped and her trauma going through out the story. I think that you were able to touch on the devastation and pain from being raped, much less by a family member.
There are some parts when I don't think your touched on her internal feeling to much. Things that she might not want to admit herself. I know this may be the first time you've written a story like this but loved ones of mine have been molested/rape. and often they feel so disgusted with themselves that they Do blame themselves. Even as their attacker abused them, they felt it was their own fault.
But I also feel that you connected very well with your character. Sometimes it's easy to began a story and not really have your heart in it. So far I think you're on the right track. Keep it up!
~*Just as the sun*~
~*rises so do I*~
Raebeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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