As we sit you can feel the sexual urge and tension building....ready to be discovered.You slowly slip your hand beneath my top,just above the waist of my pants.As you caress me i become aroused,however i hold back not wanting to seem to egar.You turn the t.v it seems you can no longer fight the urge you must break the tension.I slowly go down on your hard pulsating member...looking up at you as i take the whole thing in my mouth, you are so amazing, even looking at you makes me aroused.As i hear you moan,i become wetter.You tell me to come up to your face and start kissing me passionately.I start kissing your neck....slowly....working my way down to your stomach then back to your hard pulsating penis.Licking your shaft going slowly down to your balls licking them, sucking them. You get up and go behind me.As i lean over the sofa you enter me, the feeling so intense.As you thrust inside of me i moan in pure bliss......1
Author notes
this is my first attempt at erotica
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I can't wait to read the conclusion, though I somehow know how it might finish. Very good...jcd
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I loved it and i'm another one who agrees you moved to fast, you need to add more descriptions, though it was great for a first time. can't wait for the next part.
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I liked it but, I too have to agree more discriptive , leading up to the actual intercourse. But it is still better than my first attempt which i have ywt to post it is so bad, LOL
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wow...very good first attempt, no way could i write something as good as this.
again agree with the lack of clothing, and maybe more of detail for you could have helped the atmosphere.
anyway, brilliant write. well done.
l8az sky x -
arousing
the only thing i can think is WOW!.......so...what's your number?...ha ha....no i mean really what's your number and when are you available?....ha ha ha.gosh sex humor is great. i like how you're not afraid to use the small but impacting words...it takes balls.....balls that are licked that is...lol. -
Krystal, great job at a first attempt... you're gonna have to tell me when Part 2 comes out.
From a reader's standpoint however, I agree with the above comments... or are ya'll already stripped? LOL anyways. If you need any input on areas that are questionable feel free to im... Talk to you later chica!
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*DJ* ~
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Maby a bit more description would help. It was kinda jumpy. (the lack of removing of clothes would make these acts that you talk about impossible)
good first attempt anyway.
smile. It could be worse!
Edited on May 01, 11:39 because 'it put a
instead of a '.
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Not bad for a first attempt. You seem to jump from just sitting there and barely getting felt on to all of a sudden blowing him. I think a lead up exploring your arousal and the taking off of his clothes would add to the piece. Also some more description of how both your bodies feel. Other than that, I can't wait for part two!
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Very good for a first attempt at erotica. I have a few suggestions for you but will IM you. Well done!!! I look forward to the continuation of this good beginning of a very steamy piece
(pun intended)
Lily ~*
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