Under the Porch Light1
It all started on a warm April day. Laura was walking down the main road in her town. The trees were swaying in the warm spring breeze, the smell of lilacs and fresh cut grass lingered all around; love was in the air. Laura, absorbing this lovely mood, was reflecting on the past five months with her love, Alexander. 2
Alexander was her dream guy, he was perfect in her eyes and he could do no wrong. He was tall, about 6foot 4inches with chocolate colored hair and eyes. His eyes to her were beautiful; she could stare into them for hours on end and get lost. Alexander and she had so much fun together they were always laughing.3
Still walking aimlessly past the swaying trees and dreaming about her love, Laura wasn't watching where she was going and as luck would have it neither was Treavor, they ran into each other and Treavor dropped all his books. 4
"I'm so sorry. I am such a klutz sometimes." Laura shyly said as she helped Treavor pick up his books. 5
"It's ok I wasn't paying attention to where I was going either." replied Treavor with a coy smile.6
Laura looked into Treavor's eyes and melted. In his eyes she saw joy, pain, love, and sadness. His eyes, blue as the sky, were mesmerizing. She found herself falling in love with him and she didn't even know him. Thoughts of him and her together now filled her mind and Alexander was shoved to the side.7
Treavor invited Laura to go to the cafe with him and she accepted without thought and they spent hours together talking and laughing; they never stopped smiling. While having so much fun with Treavor, Laura completely forgot about her date with Alexander, in fact she completely forgot about Alexander. When she got home at half past nine a crestfallen Alexander sat on her steps. Treavor kissed Laura on the cheek and told her good bye. Laura turned and was faced with an angry boyfriend.8
"Where were you? I was worried about you! Why didn't you call? Did you forget about our date? Â How could you stand me up like that?" Alexander yelled at Laura with tears streaming down his face.9
"I went to the cafe with my friend Treavor, we had so much fun, I guess I lost track of time. I am so sorry; I figured it was just too late to call once I realized what had happened. I love you." Laura replied in her sweet, smooth voice, the one she always used to get her way with Alexander. 10
It didn't work this time. She could see it in his eyes. His once chocolate brown eyes were now black as coal and the light of love that was once shining in them was out, there was nothing but emptiness, nothing but anger. 11
"Let me get this straight," he started yelling, "You went out with another guy, didn't call me, in fact completely forgot about me, and you think everything will be ok? You honestly believe a simple apology will fix what you have done wrong. You stood me up; I am supposed to believe you are honestly sorry, that you honestly love me. You are so messed up!" 12
The last line he said was heard by Treavor who was only 2 houses away and he quickly ran to Laura's side.13
Laura hurriedly said, "Treavor it's ok I can handle it. You can go home I will talk to you tomorrow. Please just go!" Silence surrounded her final plea and was finally broken when Alexander punched Treavor in his jaw. 14
The fight that followed was bloody and in the end Treavor prevailed and Alexander sulked off after Laura gave him his ring back, "We are through!" she screamed as he walked away.15
Once Alexander was out of sight Laura turned to Treavor who was wiping the blood off his face and asked, "What are you doing tomorrow? You want to hang out again?"16
"Actually I am hanging out at my girlfriend's house, maybe sometime next week we can hang out again." Treavor walked away. Laura was crushed, he left her standing there crying under the porch light.17
Later, while lying in her bed drying her tears, she thought about her day and finally realized she was wrong. She shouldn't have gone to the cafe with Treavor and foolishly believed he would actually like her and want to be with her. She shouldn't have treated Alexander so horribly when all he had done was love her and she definitely shouldn't have trusted a guy she had just met. "I hope I can fix things with Alex" were the last words she mumbled before falling into a fitful sleep. She would never forget this April day.18
Author notes
this is about me though i used Laura as my name...alex is my now ex and treavor is my new interest...this has not and will not happen but it fits soap opera quality, lol,, and it was what i was suppose to write about for my english class...be honest when commenting!
~Ash~
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Oh Baby! This story certainly did have a soap opera feel to it. I would watch that any day. Since the first paragraph I was hooked and had an urge to understand what was to come next. Seventeen paragraphs later I came to be shocked at the outcome of the write.
Good Job, Hope to read more interesting writes by you
~~SilverCake~~ -
WOW i really like this .. your poems and pics and backgrounds are really neat i enjoy reading ur poems keep up the great writing..
Britt -
very nice story. You emotions come through very crisp, clear, and vividly, i really like you ability to keep the reader hooked throughout the whole entire poem. you have such an amazing ability to write!!! keep it real and take it easy ~ josh
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i like this...its an interesting write and your emotions portrayed are real and raw.
your style is great...keep it up
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i am planning to write a sequel and i am thinking of writing the same story from trevors point of view. i think it would be interesting, anyway i will inform you when either of them are done. thank you again!
~Ash~ -
Excellent!
I don't know if I should feel more sorry for Alex or Laura.
Excellent work, very believable and realistic, something too many stories are lacking these days.
Wonderfully written!
Let me know if you're planning a sequel! -
thank you for commenting on my story!
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This is just simply lovely! Beautiful, and great point also! Good luck with future short-story writing!
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Well I know you've probably heard the phrase "Show your readers don't tell your readers." I feel like your telling me what's happening not showing me. Other than that the descriptions are great. Good job.
God Bless and Much Love! -
I really like this a lot. Laura made an impulsive foolish decision that so many young people make. She chose not to think through a situation and to forgo rationality for the rush and excitment of a momentary encounter. I love the remorse at the end and the moral in the story.
Here's some critical advice -
1. As far as structure goes, I think you're fine. Just skip lines between your paragraphs or indent the first wrod in a new paragprah.
2. Fix the verb in this sentence in your last paragraph " She shouldn't have went to the cafe with Treavor." went s/b gone.
3. To get to a more natural ending, here's an idea. I love the title "Under the Porch Light" and I love how Laura and Trevor break up under the porch light. Can you write something into the very beginning of the story that introduces the porch light?
I hope you don't mind my ramblings but you asked for feedback. God bless you! - Joanne -
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ::ghasps:: that was sooo intense!! the descriptions were great, and the story is amazing, wonderful job!!!! it was worth reading! xXxXx *Jordan**
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