It was a cool spring day so I hiked in the green forest. I listened to the birds' song. One was off key, and such a strange sound too. I looked up trying to find the source when I saw a large bird blocking the sunlight. No, not a bird. I realized the shape was all wrong, and as it circled away from the sun I could make out its features. A man with wings? The majority of his body was hairless, hard and shiny. Only parts of him were covered in what looked like golden feathers; his sides, hips and midriff plus the wings themselves that extended out of his back. Magnificent! 1
As he circled, I noticed he drew closer. A rush of wind nearly blew me off my feet as he became vertical. Soon he gently lowered his toes onto the ground. He left his soft wings extended, perhaps for a fast get away. 2
I approached him gingerly with amazement in my heart. He watched me curiously as I reached out my hand towards his golden feathers. He tenderly extended his wing so that I could touch it. I'd been so engrossed I hadn't noticed his hand reaching for me. I took a step back as his fingers touched the tips of my hair. He seemed as fascinated with it as I was with his wings. With a deep breath I let him touch my hair, and he smiled as he ran his fingers through it.3
"That feels nice." I said to him. He only blinked back at me. Then I realized; "Don't you talk?"4
He opened his mouth and some strange sounds came out, a mix between a bird's song and sheep's bleat. I placed my finger over his lips as his eyes captivated me. They were golden like the sun. I have no idea how long we were like that nor how I wound up leaning against his hard chest as he petted my hair. 5
Slowly as the sun began to set, he pulled himself away from me. He pointed at me then the ground, and he beat his wings several times quickly gaining air. After several minutes, I thought about giving up but then he reappeared. He lowered himself softly before me, only this time he carried something with him; two dead rabbits, skinned and dripping blood.6
I yelled at him. "What are those?!" He tried to hold one out to me. "No! Get that thing away from me. Go! Get out of here you monster!" I pointed at him, then the sky. 7
His shoulders slumped at my rejection. It was then that I realized his intent; that these were an offering. Before I could reconcile, he flew away.8
Hopeless, and feeling like dirt, I began my slow walk home. Suddenly a shadow fell across the full moon. As if a miracle happened and an angel descended from the sky my golden man landed before me with another offering; fresh, cold, beautiful flowers from the mountain top. I graciously accepted these, and with lowered eyes said, "Thank you. I'm so sorry for earlier." Then he did something unexpected; he kissed me on the cheek. I looked up in shock and he looked a little scared at my reaction. He tilted his head adorably as if checking if it were all right.9
I smiled broadly and wrapped my arms around him. He chirped happily and nuzzled my hair. Now I have found my angel.
Author notes
Written for MiNoNaNo group challenge:
500 WORDS. +/- 10 only.
Genre: Fantasy.
Components: Two characters, one female(human), one other(not human)
Impact: Tender love scene, no actual sex. Discord. Discord resolved.
This is difficult for me keeping it around 500 words. Just my summary was about 50. Plus I started really liking the golden man's character (he's so innocent) and wanted to get much more involved in the story but I had to keep reminding myself to keep it simple. The hardest part was cutting a lot of detail to get it down to 500.
for contest; Be My Valentine ♥ by x3mydarkesthourx3
you're crazy if you think I'm advertising my birthday on here. 
It's sometime in the summer somewhere between 10-40 years ago.
for contest; STORIES, POEMS, ANYTHING! by twilight-rox110
Twilight
for contest; Lots of Love xx by Neolittlefish
fav movie; Star Trek IV
for contest; Storywrite's Choice by HowDoYouSayLove
category; Short Story
In a list
A contest entry
- Whatever You Want. by wolf-storm.
135 points, ended December 14, 2008, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Fantasy by WritersEffigy.
100 points, ended December 14, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - STORIES, POEMS, ANYTHING! by Clary--Selene--Tayy.
350 points, ended February 13, 34 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Things with Wings by hotwaxtears.
350 points, ended February 23, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Be My Valentine ♥ by Artificial.Smiles..
309 points, ended April 3, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make me jealous! by Lois.Stone.
1300 points, ended March 24, 60 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Lots of Love xx by Neolittlefish.
325 points, ended May 21, 53 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Variety GALORE!!! by Keirii.
175 points, ended April 5, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Head over Sneakers by gone.green.0.
175 points, ended June 10, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want LOVE stories by mememe6.
139 points, ended June 10, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Just Something... by Dual.Of.Fireflies.
100 points, ended July 5, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Light Romance by yin20yang.
350 points, ended August 7, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Less than 600 words! :D by Disasterous-Bastard.
275 points, ended September 1, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best romantic stories by RedHearts.
280 points, ended November 18, 29 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Is there enough details in 500 words?
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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Wow.. That was weird
funny 
I liked it. it was so different!!
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AHHH!!! DEAD RABBITS??? But how sweet!!! The ending was a bit abrupt, but the final sentence was quite satisfying. I must admit the detail was phenomenal. Good job.
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That was kinda scary!
Wow, that was amazing! Kinda scary because I had watched a documentary on a "bird man" or New Jersey!
I've scared myself silly, I'm telling you.
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Hmmm... that is scary that there's a bird man in New Jersey
I'll have to look him up. Thanks for the silver too.
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Hahahaha!
It was either Pennsylvania or New Jersey, but a bride collapsed and this bird man was trying to warn people! He would like tap on their windows and try to make them turn around.
He had golden wings and glowing, HUGE red eyes!
God, don't let it eat me!!! LOL...
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That does sound scary!
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You've got enough detail in here to fill out the scene. Your description of the golden man is very good. I assumed since he was fascinated with the girl's hair that he was bald, or maybe feathered on his head, but you didn't say. Other than that detail, everything flowed very well. The rabbits were a nice "discord" maker. Poor wittow things.
I think the number of trophies you've won after the MiNoNaNo should prove that this is a good short.
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Hmm... I thought I had in there that he was bald... I guess it was one of the things I cut out. Thank you for reading and commenting.
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Loved it. I've always loved the idea of wings on a human. And I love the idea that he's clueless...lol It was awsome and yes there was enough detail in that 500 worded story. Short but enjoyable. It has a dream like ambience about it
Hope you write more! -
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Thank you. I'm happy you like it.
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Oh this is SOOOO sweet!
Such a tender, raw moment. I love how you captured something short, but with such description and detail. You're headed straight for the finals!
YAY,
~IncessantMusic~ -
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Thanks
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Interesting read
This was an enjoyable read. To bad it was so short. It felt like it almost begged for more words to be used. Still amazing how much was contained in those 500 words but i would say that in this case 500 were too few.beginning: 2, language: 4, plot: 2, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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Thank you, yeah it's definitely on my list to come back to and extend. Unfortunately it won't be for a while. but I appreciate your kind comments.
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I really liked this. I can relate to the feeling of finding an angel. Perhaps she doesn't have real wings, but it doesn't really matter.
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Thanks. It's true, it doesn't matter when you find the right angel.
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Dude I loved this!!!
I've never read anything like it!!!
Really was an interesting storyline!!!
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Thanks! So happy you liked it. And thank you for the trophy
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I liked this a lot, that was very sweet when he came back with the flowers for her . I especially like the added detail of one of the birds being off key, it added a great bit of humorous detail (also if I was her that would probably annoy me too!) Thanks for entering my contest,
Neo -
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Thanks, happy you liked it!
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This is adorable! Where you got the idea, I have no clue, but it was amazing!
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Thanks, I'm not really sure either, it just came to me when I was told to write a fantasy/romance.
thanks though
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Oh, my god! This is the most unique romance story I have ever read! I LOVE IT! 500 words of perfection! I can't believe how much I love this. I mean, I'm a romantic and everything, but gosh! I could just hug the life out of you for writing this! I totally loved it!!!!!!!
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Wow, love your enthusiasm! Thank you Lady Editor!
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Niiice
Very interesting, not something I expected from the beginning. I think it could have been a little longer, but I understand if you have a limit. This would be a great multi-chap story. Best of luck!
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Yeah, it's in the back of my mind to expand on it. Thanks for the comment.
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hm...
thank-you for your entry, i will be reviewing the finalists momentarily! -
Awesome..
Such a beautiful, innocent story. Amazing details, left me wanting more. I've NEVER given three applauses in my two years on SW now I've found a piece that deserves it. Great story packed into few words. Awesome job.
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Thank you, I'm honored.
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I like it you should definately continue it. You could go far with it. I thank you for entering it into my contest.
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Thank you for your comment. It seems like I have enough interest so I will definitely expand on this.
and thank you for the trophy too!
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Yes, very nice read!
I enjoyed the concept of your story, although it seems a bit unrealistic, but it's still creative. Your description of the golden man was excellent.=)
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thanks! yeah I wasn't exactly going for realism in this story
I appreciate your comment.
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a bit odd
I think the natural human reaction to a large man swooping at you would be to run away in terror. Your story therefore reads more like a dream sequence i think.
Lets face it, most girls are terrified of strangers, and if a stranger kissed you i'm sure the police would be informed immediately. Like i say, a bit odd. -
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haha! very true. I probably wouldn't. and I do often pick out stuff like that in other's stories. but this isn't reality it's fantasy! I do a lot of things in my fantasy worlds I wouldn't do in real life. I fight vampires, stop time and talk back to my boss.
We don't know much about her here, this species could be another species in her world she just may never have seen one before. With this short of a piece I couldn't really establish stuff like that.
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great job keep going
this was a great story, but i wish you would keep going like give him a voice later or something... it'd be absolutely great. -
i want more!!
you left me very disaponted that i couldent get to know this golden man better.
haveing said that though, the breifness means my imagination can fill in the rest of the story, thanks!
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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Yes, believe me I wish to expand on it more too! Thanks for the comment and applause.
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This was very sweet! Great job!!
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Wonderful! You have conveyed so much in such a brief number of words. It makes a beautiful character study too. Cutting some detail away, tightened it and kept it to the moment.
Beautifully done.
It was worth dragging you kicking and screaming into the challenge
Be careful, you may get to like the short-shorts, they can be addictive
Lis.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks Lis, that means a lot. Though I don't know, I still want to take this and expand on it.
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Now this is what i would call innocent love........hey i wish it was me
...kidding ....this is the most beautiful story of urs i ever read. so now u r trying to beat me in romantic stuff.......believe me i would like to have sweet challenger like you ...kidding again. beautiful and discriptive story.........my kind. i m lovin it.
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Thanks dear. I'm sure I can never beat you in romantic emotional writing. Yet I still try.
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Man, this was so good. You kept all the details and still got in under the word limit. Good for you.
Love it
Brooke
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Actually wasn't half the details I wanted.
However, it was a learning experience.
Thanks! -
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I totally understand. I left most of mine in the cutting room floor too. I hate it and I hope I don't have to do it again.
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I like this.
I've never read anything like it before and the details were good for such a short story.
I feel your pain, I really do: I'm terrible at conforming to word limits
I agree with you: the bird man was really cute, strange but cute
Great Story!
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Thanks.
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