illusions of time wash across your eyes
and i see1
you are not all of what you are able to be2
but i can draw you that way3
do not fear
these small and freckled hands.4
and the music is there,
if you would listen5
and remember the rain
and your beginnings6
turn away from the darkness
clutching at your waist
and sing!7
you have wings
painted with delicate dreams
in hues that no one has ever seen
just waiting to8
u n f u r l
Author notes
A poem I wrote some time ago. I'm actually writing a song based around the first two lines...
Feedback is always appreciated. :]
Comments
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Proper grammar. I can't stress that enough.
even for poems, grammar is nice. Mostly when it comes to capitalizing "I" and the beginnings of each line.
I understand sometimes the form of a poem calls for it to be otherwise. But unless you're doing it on purpose, use correct grammar.
That's my two cents. -
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I use lowercase in my poetry on purpose...I think it gives it a sort of flow that can't be achieved with capitalized letters. *shrugs*
Don't worry, I'm usually a grammar freak. :]
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oh, I liked it. it was dark and illuminating at the same time. I pictured someone lost then heading toward the sunlight and flying. You did a good job of painting a picture. I also liked the since of hope you gave.
Bravo!beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you very much. ^^
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