The contents in the goblet swirled, the vortex at the centre now self sufficient from its creating force.
King Bryce the second watched in fascination as the vortex slowly died out, the wine returning to its natural placid state. It had taken forty seconds since he had swirled the contents, a simple choice he had made, but from that choice the contents had had enough momentum to carry on unaided for two thirds of a minute. The king of Rallion - the most powerful of the kingdoms on the Kingsland - enjoyed small observations like these. They corroborated what he had always said. Every choice one makes in life has consequences. Some far weightier than others, true. But nevertheless it was a wise man who tried to plan for every eventuality.
Comments
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Wow! The detail in this is awesome! I really enjoyed it; it's interesting how you made a big deal out of watching the ripples in a goblet. Very good!
Unfortunately, the point of this contest was to have only one paragraph, or a few unrelated ones. This was two, and I really am very sorry but I have to DQ. I would definitely like to read some more of this, however, if it's available. It seems to be a very well-written piece. -
'King Bryce the second(,) watched..'
Also you used 'swirled' twice, not in the same paragraph, but its too close. Try using another word.
'...simple choice he had made, but from that choice the contents had had enough momentum to carry on unaided for two...' This feels like it could be made into two sentences. I know that normally you shouldn't start a sentence with 'But', but in this case I think it's ok
I think this is a great start and it could be taken in so many directions. I really hope that this is chosen.
Good luck in the contest.
Brooke
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