Teddy Bear Gods and Spiritual Constipation [2]

Continued from previous: http://storywrite.com/story/1378021

Microwave Ovens2

Microwave ovens are certainly mysterious appliances. But luckily for you, everything is carefully explained in great detail in the instruction manual. Sure, people say that the instruction manual is only suggestions from the manufacturer, and that you can figure it out yourself, but that’s not true. You should definitely read the instruction manual. The warranty information too. And don’t forget the fine print… 3

Death and Dying (Per request):4

If you dream of the death or pending death of a loved one, there may be something not quite right in the lives of those around you. Look to your friends; is one of them hiding something? You should be sure to be available as a shoulder to lean on, but also be aware that someone may be trying to blame something on you.5

The death of a complete stranger means that somewhere, a complete stranger is dying. This, although possibly depressing if you are of a kind nature, is not at all unusual. Don't worry about it.6

Colors7

Black: 8

Black is a very scary color. It may remind you of that skimpy black dress you wore the other night, (In case of men, that black trench coat.) It was in the heights of bad taste, and you should be ashamed to wear such an atrocity in public. The Leprechauns of County Limerick may decide to kidnap you and make you mend their boots, or darn their socks, as punishment for such a dastardly deed.9

Black also symbolizes marriage; maybe there is somebody who saw you in that dress who is going to propose. Do not accept. They obviously have no sense of fashion. 10

White: 11

White is the symbol of hope, and purity, peace, innocence, mourning, happiness, and blandness. It’s all very nice to be the embodiment of these things, but it can get boring. Go shopping! Take a long walk! Climb a telephone pole! Do something exiting!12

Red: 13

Red is the spiritual equivalent of blood, and although your own may taste good, (rather salty) do not try anyone else’s. It might offend them. 14

Also, perhaps dreaming of red may indicate that your vegetable soul if hemorrhaging badly. You should take better care of it. 15

Red means fire as well. Check and see if your hair is on fire; you never can tell with these things. 16

Green: 17

Green is moldy, and the color of life. The color green symbolizes contradiction and opposition. You are tying to deny something in your life, but it is not working. Remember the saying: “Honesty is the best policy, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar”. Unfortunately , you are not. 18

It would be a good idea to check the bread in your pantry, and the yogurt in your fridge. It may be past it’s prime.19

Gold, and Yellow: 20

As is obvious to the slowest mind, gold symbolizes wealth. If you dream of gold, it does not necessarily mean that you are, or are going to become, rich. It may mean that one of your friends is rich, and is laughing at you. 21

Or maybe it means that the dollar signs on your underwear were not worth that extra fifty cents a package. Stick with white, please. It is better for our state of mind. 22

Yellow signifies bodily discharge and daisies.23

Blue: 24

After dreaming of blue, look at your cell phone. It is not the latest model. Does it have Bluetooth? Is colorful? Can you text people? Most importantly, does it have all the latest additions? I thought not. You should go to the cell phone store and get a new one. Recycle this one at Albertson’s. 25

Blue may also warn you that the kiwis in your tea are not happy. They may be thinking, in their puny but sufficient kiwi minds, “Die, (Your name here), die”! If this is the case, put them back in the fruit bowl where they belong. They should not be in your tea. That is disgusting.26

Pink: 27

Pink is a color associated with love. Do not leave standing water outside, especially if you live in Florida of Texas. Standing water is a breeding ground for mosquitoes, and trust me, they don’t need any more help than they already have. 28

Dreaming of pink also means that Valentine’s day is coming up. Even if it is March, it is still coming up. Start buying your supplies now, while they’re cheaper.29

Purple: 30

Spiritual petunias can really overtake your dream garden. Weed out any purple flowers in your dreams, they mean that something is taking over your life, and leaving you with no time for anything else. 31

Dreaming of purple can be stressful, and sugar-free spearmints often help deal with that stress. They are currently on sale, so you should consider getting a whole lot for the future.32

Silver and Grey: 33

Silver represents second place in the school science fair. If you are a student, work very hard on your project. If you are an adult remember what you learned from science fair, and also the lessons that your grandmother taught about life. Your grandmother is always right. Especially about the technicalities of toilet scrubbing. 34