Buffy fanfic: Loss and Loneliness

As Buffy stares up at the helicopter she realizes it’s too late.  Riley has left her forever and he thinks Buffy doesn’t love him, but she does in her own little way she cares deeply for him and now it is too late because he will never know that.  As the helicopter disappears with her only hope for a normal life, Buffy falls to the floor crying because she has hit rock bottom.  She feels like she is slowly losing everyone in her life and as a Slayer she should be use to that, but as a human being she can’t be alone.  Buffy is in a deep despair, but she slowly tries to deal with things as her mother is very sick and her little sister needs her.  She looks to Willow for support as Willow tries to be there for her best friend. “Willow he left me! Riley left me and I couldn’t tell him how I felt!” Buffy trembled strenuously trying to fight the tears back. “Riley was probably the only normal thing you had, but if he couldn’t see how special you were then he didn’t deserve you.” Willow said with some hopefulness. “I just don’t know what it is about me I have the worst luck with men and when I finally find someone I can settle down with my life catches up with me and I am left alone.” Buffy cried. “Maybe Riley isn’t the one for you and maybe you would have been disappointed if you guys did stay together or maybe Riley’s leaving was a good thing because you have a lot on your plate.” Willow replied hesitantly. “I wish I could just be a lesbian like you Willow things seem to be great between you and Tara, I just wish I could get it right I mean I did love Riley I just don’t know if I was in love with him you know the way I loved…” “Look being a lesbian isn’t all rainbows and sunshine, but I mean Riley just didn’t touch your heart the way he did and in the end if you had settled with him you would have been selling yourself short.” Buffy just sat there for a moment and thought about the way he made her feel and how no guy would ever compare to him, she had chemistry with Riley, but he was the only guy who made her heart melt she of course was thinking of Angel.  “Willow the only man I ever loved with all of my heart left me and the only guys I seem to be attracting these days are Vampires with no souls so what does that tell you?” “Buffy, Spike and Dracula don’t count because their just Angel wannabees besides Zander and Riley both loved you and even I had a thing for you too so you don’t attract just vampires.” Willow blushed at the thought of letting Buffy know that she had a crush on her at one point, but Buffy just half smiled and sat there in silence.  Willow knew Buffy just needed some time and she would be over Riley’s leaving. Weeks went by and Buffy started to feel an ounce of hope, but that hope she felt quickly disappeared as she came home one day to find that her mother Joyce was dead. Everything was a blur to her she tried to let the words sink in as the paramedics pronounced her mother dead, but all she could do was sit there in this catatonic state. She could barely move and she couldn’t take the pressure anymore so she did what she had to do she sent her sister Dawn to live with her father and she stayed home alone devastated by her mothers death.  Weeks went by and no one heard from Buffy or saw her; Willow tried to visit, Zander tried to call, and Giles tried the same, but nothing got through to her.  She would only go out patrolling then she would find herself at the nearest bar because alcohol became this quick fix as she turned to the bottle for comfort. 1

One night she became a lot more wasted then usual and eventually began to black out only to be awakened in a crypt to a familiar voice.  “Hello love I see you have awakened and just in the nick of time because I’m going to give you something that will take all the pain away forever.” Buffy tried to get up, but she couldn’t her legs and arms had been tied together and the alcohol in her system made her slayer strength weaken. “Spike what are you doing you crazy love sick puppy? Let me out of here! Even a heaaaartless creature like you couuuuld see that I havvvve been to hell and back and I don’t need your B B BULLSHIT!!!” Buffy slurred screaming at the top of her lungs. “Quiet Goldie locks your gonna wake the dead with all that riot. I am only here to help you and I may not have a soul like Angel or be human like Riley, but I am here and I haven’t left you like those idiotic fools.” Spike declared with pride. “Well, I don’t love you and I don’t want your help so get over it. If I wasn’t tied up and drunk as hell right now I would show you just how much I despise the ground you walk on. So let me go now or else” “Or else what love? Because from where I’m standing it looks like your stuck little bit and you can’t do a single thing about that.” Spike moves closer to Buffy and begins to run his fingers through her hair. She flinches at the thought of his touch, she feels like his fingers are violating her hair and suddenly she spits in his face. “Tisk Tisk I didn’t know the slayer would be so frisky I am gonna love spending eternity by your side we’re gonna have so much fun.” “ Spike what are you talking about? I wouldn’t spend one day with you even if I had to, I can’t even stand it when you’re around pretending to have a soul and fighting along side me! You are pathetic! I don’t want to be with you in fact I would rather die!” “ Well my love that’s the plan you see I drink you, you drink me and then we are one big happy family. You may think I am pathetic now as I have envied every man who could feel your soft silky skin, your perky luscious bosom, and warm sensation right beside your quivering thighs, but once I sire you and turn you into me you will see me as your god and bow down to me.” Buffy just sat there with this look of disgust and a faint laugh roared out of her mouth. “As much as this whole thing amuses me I must get back to reality and the miserable life I lead I have truly become just as pathetic as you. I don’t even have the nerve to insult you anymore, I must be losing my touch just like I have lost everything else.” “Buffy if you let me I will show you the world…I know you think your dying inside, but I will bring you back to life. I will be your savor and I guide you into a bigger and better life. A life where there are no limits, there is no pain, and all you have is this hunger for something more.” Buffy couldn’t take it anymore she wanted that life so bad, but she couldn’t give into the enemy it’s just the offer seemed so tempting all she could really do now was sit there and cry. Spike wanted to hold her, but just as he thought she was finally coming around she began to untie herself. Realizing he did not have much time he quickly tried to conjure up his warlock ally Legolos who would help him put an end to the slayer. The warlock appeared without further re do and cast a powerful spell on Buffy paralyzing her ability to defend herself against Spike, who could not harm her as well do to the chip in his brain. She knew she was doomed when she tried to fight Spike and the powerful force field around her would not let her break free. She wanted to fight, but she had no more will inside her so she began to give up. Legolos was gone in a puff and Buffy was left alone with her herself and the enemy. Spike knew he would soon be running out of time, as the Scooby gang would start looking for their friend so he had to act fast and he was going to do it now.  2

A dark figure was seen lurking in the shadows a familiar place stood before him. It was the Summers residence, it was Buffy's home, but it was lifeless and empty and he couldn’t sense her presence. “Angel is that you? It’s me Willow! If your looking for Buffy she isn’t home and even if she was she wouldn’t talk to you or anyone for that matter, she won’t let anyone in.” “I’ve heard about her suffering, but I am here to help, plus my sources tell me that there is a powerful magic that is being summoned tonight.” “Magic, well maybe I can help you with that I mean I am becoming quite the Wicca as you know and if you need help with magic I’m your girl.” Willow said with concern. “Thanks I might need your help, but I was kind of hoping I could find Buffy because I was told that this magic may be directed towards a slayer, but I don’t know who is in danger Buffy or Faith so I brought Faith with me.” “Buffy is hard to find these days and seeing as how she doesn’t get along with Faith I don’t see her being any easier to find.” Willow replied. “Well, can you track her with your magic or do I have to track her myself?” Angel said impatiently. “I’m sorry, but someone that doesn’t want to be found can’t be tracked and plus I’ve tried, so hopefully you have more luck with your spidey senses.” Willow said in a sarcastic tone. “Thanks for the vote of confidence I will track her myself and I am sorry for being rude it’s just that I don’t want anything to happen to Buffy. Can you do me a favor?” Angel asked. “I know you care about her, but sure what kind of favor do you want?” Willow asked. In search of his love, Angel set out to find the magical force and to find Buffy he just didn’t expect to find them all at once. “I can’t believe B’s mom died. I’m sorry to hear that everything isn’t 5 by 5 here in the Sunny D.” Faith said in a sympathetic tone to Willow. “Look I don’t really want to have a talk time with you seeing as how I still don’t trust you completely and I am only babysitting you until Angel contacts us.” “Yeah well whatever I just hope he gets back safe and we can help Buffy.” Faith said trying to seem concerned about Buffy, but obviously she was only thinking about Angel. Angel couldn’t believe what he had found, Buffy was in Spikes arms being drained of her life force and he couldn’t do anything to stop it because it was too late. With a fury Spike had never seen before Angel came full force colliding into both him and Buffy inevitably knocking them both to the floor. A fight ensued between Spike and Angel as Angel pounded Spike in the face and in retaliation Spike kicked Angel in his groined. Angel was distracted by pain and just as Spike was about to give the slayer his blood Angel came crashing on Spike like a lion to a zebra. He knocked Spike out with a swift kick to the face and he fell to the floor next to his beloved Buffy knowing what needed to be done. He didn’t want this fate for Buffy, but it was the only thing he could do to save her so he cut his arm and let the blood drip down her mouth. Maybe now he and Buffy could be together because nothing would stop them this time.  She would be his girl forever an eternity of undying love and he would be hers as well. Buffy awoke from a deep sleep suddenly there was no pain, no limits, and a hunger she had never imagined before. “Spike was right I think I am going to like this and I think I’ll go kill someone now because I need to feed, I need blood.” Buffy said with this twisted smile on her face. Angel and Spike both looked at her in shock. It was then that Angel saw true evil in the woman he loved; it was then that Angel knew that they were not going to be together after all. Spike on the other hand liked this side of the slayer and he welcomed it, but just as he was about to reach out to Buffy she growled. “You two boys are really pathetic you know that? Fighting over little old me…well I’ve got news for you there’s a new slayer in town and I need a real demon to be with. I don’t want a pathetic brooding Vampire with a soul or a bleached sappy vampire who whines. Angel where’s Angelus when you need him and Spike well you’ve always been a little baby I think that’s why I can’t stand you now and I couldn’t stand you when I was human.” Buffy laughed wickedly. “Buffy I can be just as bad as you want give me a chance at least I am still evil.” “Yeah, but your of no use to me you can’t even harm a human being because that chip has disabled you and you go around helping her and her friends. You disgust me Spike, but Angel maybe if we had a little fun you’d be so happy to see me that Angelus would finally be set free.” Buffy said with wonder in her eyes. “I wouldn’t touch you if my life depended on it your not her, your just a shell of her.” Angel said with anger in his eyes. “Wow the tables have turned when I was her I remembered Angelus terrorizing me and I think it would only be fitting if I got even with you.” Buffy smiled viciously. 3

Just as Buffy was about to leave Spike and Angel tried to stop her, but she knocked them both down with two strong punches. It seemed her slayer strength made her an even stronger vampire. “No one can stop me because I’m the only chance this town had and if I do say so myself I can take both of you on without even breaking a sweat.” “We’ll see about that come on Angel lets put this Vampire slayer back where she belongs….” A fight ensues between Angel, Buffy, and Spike with Buffy being the victorious leaving Angel and Spike to cower away in defeat. Spike and Angel watch as the new Buffy turns and leaves to wreak havoc on an unsuspecting Sunnydale. “We’ve got to get to Willow and Faith there the only other powerful people that can help stop your mess Spike! How could you be so stupid? Now we have one of the most dangerous things on our hands.” “Oh shut your yapper I didn’t do this by myself mate I just killed her, you made her what she is so stop playing hero and start playing daddy.” “I see you boys have a little dilemma on your hands” Angel and Spike turn to see Faith standing and Willow passed out. “We couldn’t wait for you Angel and I see you both have left me quite a mess. Willow tracks you down with her magic shit and it all led here to a new vamp previously known as B.” “Why is Willow on the floor looks like red passed out.” Spike replied quickly changing the subject. “Yeah well her best is a vamp and you two KILLED her…hey I am just stating the obvious here.” “What have you two done? You killed Buffy (turning to Spike) and you made her a vampire (turning to Angel) your both gonna pay for this when I tell Giles what you have done. In fact you're gonna pay now!” screamed Willow in grief. “Come down Will these guys will be dealt with soon enough we just gotta find B and stop her from killing anyone, maybe there’s a spell that will change her back?” “There is no such spell you can’t make her human again trust me if there was a spell I would have done it, but the only thing I could do was let her live.” Angel whispered slowly trying to fight the agony. “I just couldn’t let Spike kill her so I gave her my blood and now we are connected. So every time she kills someone or every time she feeds I will feel her inside of me.” “Then that means you can help us find B and stop her and maybe Willow can find some answers from Giles.” “I guess I could look, but the only thing I can do now is give her, her soul just like you Angel maybe if she has her soul she won’t be evil.” Willow said with some optimism. As soon as Spike heard this he had an epiphany “I will go to Buffy and I will tell her what they are planning to do and she will be forever in my debt and maybe she will want to be with me!” Quickly Spike sneaked his way out so he could get to Buffy before they did. Running through the cemetery as fast as he could Spike could smell Buffy and see that she was in a little trouble as 10 vamps were on her calling her “the slayer” and threatening her. As one tried to kill her she just got back up and said “I’m not the slayer anymore I am a vampire now so you will bow down to me and together we will take over Sunnydale.” “I’m afraid that might not happen Buffy because your meddling red head friend is gonna give you a soul!” Buffy turns to see Spike, but she catches him of guard when her smile widens. “You truly are loyal to your slayer and for that I am grateful now I will rid you of this chip and you will find the witch and bring her to me!” “That’s not the only problem love Angel has sent for other reinforcements…Faith the other Slayer is here and she is playing on the good guys team and we still have Angel to worry about.” “Well, we will just see about that now won’t we? It seems that Angelus is going to be making a speedy return and Faith well lets just say there’s only room for one bad slayer in this town and since we don’t need anymore being called I’ll just have to capture her myself. This is going to be all too easy with the help of my new reinforcements we will make Sunnydale our turf.” “But how can we desoul Angel, capture the head case slayer, and stop the witch? There going to see us coming blondie and they won’t be distracted by you because they know you’re not the same.” Spike said confused. “They may know I am not the same, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve that they won’t see coming. Spike I want you to listen carefully because this involves the warlock you summoned. I want you to let him in on the plan because Willow is no match for his power and Angel will no longer exist. You let me worry about the slayer and the others they’ll just be the icing on the cake.” Buffy yelled. The plan was to call upon Legolos the warlock who helped Spike kill the Slayer and persuade him to help stop Willow from ensouling Buffy and to desoul Angel. “Why should I help you my debt to you is done and I no longer owe you anything. The fact that I have allowed you to be in my presence once more after such a massive favor is more then you deserve.” “You’ll want to help me because you and I both know you hate slayers and now that one of them is dead you can stop them from bringing her back. And as for the other Slayer well lets just say she will be the one and only slayer left.” Legolos thought for a moment, but inevitably agreed and just as Willow was about to give Buffy her soul something stopped her. “I don’t understand I have done this spell once before and if I remember correctly I am doing it right again. I wish Giles were here or even Zander and Anya I could really use the support.” Willow whined. “Hey Will what am I chopped liver? I’m here and I’m kicking and breathing in fact I am the only slayer you guys got now.” Faith stated. Willow couldn’t take her holier then now attitude and they both began to bicker neither one backing down. “STOP FIGHTING THIS INSTANT!!!!” screamed Angel realizing he sounded a lot like Giles he began to change his tone. “Look guys Buffy needs to have a soul and we need to give her one so why isn’t it working yet?” “Angel I have tried this over and over again, but it doesn’t work its like something is stopping me!” Willow cried. “Spike! What has he done? Oh no you guys have to leave nowwwwwwwwww!!!” Angel begins to shriek as he slowly feels like his insides are being ripped out of him he immediately falls to the floor. 4

Angel was dead and Angelus was alive again. Willow and Faith started to run, but it was no use they were trapped. Surrounded by many vampires Willow tried to cast a spell, but something wouldn’t let her so Faith began to fight, but just as she thought she was gaining the upper hand a recognizable voice shouted “Don’t kill her!” Faith turned to see Buffy all vamped out and barely wearing any clothing with her skin tight leather pants and her leather bra to match Faith could see a little of her self in her old foe. Distracted by B’s abrupt change in style and mannerism Faith couldn’t save herself from being knocked unconscious from none other then Angelus himself. “Now now Angelus we don’t want another slayer called anytime soon so we gotta keep this one a live for a while.” “Slayer??? So you’re the new baddie in town and since when is Spike your love slave? This is going to be fun I have never been so intrigued by you before even when I stalked you. Tears will shed and blood will be ours we will take over Sunnydale and then the world.” “Yes Angelus I knew I could count on you to be just as evil as me, but of course that means your just as conniving as well so I don’t trust you, but I do know one thing we both want the same thing and we will stop at nothing to get it!” “God I love a woman who wreaks of evil schemes and the leather looks ravishing on you child. Come to Daddy!!” Spike watches as Buffy and Angel share an intense passionate lip lock and his world comes crashing down. His plan has failed and he has lost the slayer for good, now all he wants to do is find a way to destroy her and kill Angel or Angelus. Willow and Faith were now helpless the only reason they were alive was to be tortured for Buffy’s sick twisted games. Both of them had no hope for survival except the thought that Buffy was keeping them alive because she needed them. Although Willow didn’t know why Buffy would let her live, but deep down inside she hoped it was because Buffy remembered how fond they were of each other. “So how are my two favorite appetizers doing this evening? Faith I love the bad girl reformed act and those leather boots where did you get them? Never mind that I bet your both wondering why I keep you alive aren’t you? Well you see Faith I don’t want another Slayer being called anytime soon and I certainly don’t want to kill a witch who could prove to be very valuable.” “Soon B soon! I will get out of here and show you the true meaning of a bad slayer, you just wait and see.” “You don’t think your any kind of match for me, please the witch has more power then you if anything she’d last longer in a fight to the death with me.” Buffy laughed leaving them alone. “We have to get out of here Will or eventually we’ll die and the world won’t be a better place anymore!” “Well Faith if you have any suggestions as to how we will get out of here I am all ears.” Willow sighed.5

“I got a f f few suggestions hunny how bout I r r rescue you both with the help of Sp p pike and we put an e e end to this madness.” Willow and Faith turned to see Tara and Spike in front of them. It seemed that Spike came to the witch in hopes that she could lead him to them and she did just that. With a little magic Tara and Willow were reunited and they quickly escaped with Faith and Spike not too far behind them. “Faith you know I want nothing more then to kill Angelus and stop Buffy, but I need your help so we may not be fighting for the same reasons, but we could stop them together.” “You know I don’t know why Buffy never hooked up with you because a slayer can show you things you’ve never known. Buffy’s not the slayer anymore I am and I am going to rock your world.” Faith teased. Spike just started to take her in first staring at her shoulder length brown hair, then her deep dark chocolate eyes, and last her beautiful succulent body. She was sexy, a typical bad girl, and much more his type. As he kept staring at Faith she found herself quite hypnotized by his large rippling muscles and his beaming blue eyes. There was no denying that they both had this strange attraction to one another and there was no denying that they both were just as curious as the other. Realizing they were free and both alone in a long dark tunnel on there way to freedom, Faith couldn’t resist the temptation to see what it was like to be with a vampire and Spike couldn’t stop himself from wanting to be with a slayer. She had always wondered what it would be like and Buffy never gave her any of the details so now would probably be her only chance to find out. With lust in her eyes she grabbed Spike and kissed him until finally all of their clothes were off and they were having sex like animals. The sex didn’t last long because Willow and Tara interrupted them, but luckily they were able to put their clothes back on in time or else they would have had some serious explaining to do. While Spike, Willow, Tara, and Faith escaped all of them had a hidden agenda in their mind. Faith wanted Buffy gone for good so she could be the slayer, Spike wanted to kill both Angelus and Buffy so he could get his revenge, and Willow and Tara wanted to work to give Buffy and Angel their souls back. So the four of them had separate plans Spike and Faith were a team with one agenda kill Buffy and Angel before they get their souls. Willow and Tara, on the other hand, were going to try the spells together to see if their power could overcome Legolos’s force field. So as the two teams put their plans in motion Buffy and Angelus spent some quality time together. “Your so thoughtful Angelus you’ve brought me this lovely human sacrifice. How did you no I was so hungry?” “Because you have a thirst for blood that is just as strong as mine. I couldn’t let you starve yourself because you need to keep your big appetite I find that so appealing in women.” Buffy blushed and smiled crookedly as she circled around her next victim of five alone that night and she sadistically begin to taunt her prey then devoured her savoring every drop of her blood. Violently she jumped on Angelus and they satisfied themselves with monstrous sexual acts of pleasure. This was the life Buffy thought how could she even have fought it all this time?  6

Meanwhile as her and Angelus showered together both Faith and Spike armed themselves with many weapons and unsuspectingly entered there room waiting for the two blood sucking feins to come out. “I don’t get it even when their evil B and Angel still make with the love and no one else ever compares.” “ I know what you mean Buffy never once looked at me or any man the way she looked at Angel and even when he’s evil she still loves him.” Spike said in reply to Faith. Their conversation was soon interrupted as Buffy and Angelus came out of the shower both smirking at Faith and Spike. Spike felt betrayed and Faith seemed a little hurt, but they both knew that they had caught the two evil love birds off guard and they were going to kill them if it was the last thing they could do. Buffy sat there pleased that she had hurt Faith, but angry that Spike had deceived her so she had no problem with killing him. Almost tauntingly she avoided covering her naked form until she and Spike were only inches away. Spike became aroused at the thought of her naked form, but his arousal was short lived as Buffy begin to punch Spike slowly using him as her punching bag. He could barely get a punch in at first, but then his jealousy caused this unhealthy rage in him to heat up and he pounded on Buffy with his weapons like there was no tomorrow. Angelus just sat there and watched not caring about whether Buffy died or won instead he was stuck with Faith who secretly loved him. Hell hath no fury then a woman scorned as Faith lunged at Angelus knocking him to the floor. Soon both Spike and Faith were on top of both Angel and Buffy knocking them senseless, but not realizing that Angel and Buffy were just toying with them. The upper hand was not theirs for long as Buffy began to thrash Spike in the head and Angel began to strike Faith down to the floor. Just as they thought there lives would shortly be coming to an end both Angel and Buffy began to shriek in pain. It was obvious that something was happening to them and Faith and Spike didn’t have a clue. After both Angel and Buffy fell to the floor Faith knew Willow had gotten through to the spell and restored both of their souls. Buffy was the first to stand up “Oh my gosh I’m practically naked here! What the hell happened to me?” Buffy cried hysterically. “I didn’t know I could be this cruel and do such unthinkable things to all those people. I don’t know if I can live with myself anymore first Angel leaves me, then Riley, then my mom and now I am a vampire? I don’t know what to think anymore.” Buffy fights to hold back the tears. “Wow B you have a soul all of 10 seconds and you are already sounding merciful that Will really knows her stuff damn she is good!” Faith said unexpectedly. “Buffy I am so sorry for what I did to you I couldn’t let you die after Spike drink your blood I had to give you mine. I love you more then you will ever know and I hope that you can forgive me one day.” Angel declared with remorse. “Oh sure play the forgiveness card. You make me sick Angel. And as for you Buffy I may have been your bitch before, but now I have got my eyes on the real slayer. So you two can be pathetic together.” Spike announced. Faith and Spike smiled at one another and oddly enough walked away hand in hand, but before they went Faith turned and said “It’s nice to see you back to your normal self B.” 7

Buffy and Angel stood in silence and the realization of what had happened these past couple of days began to sink in some more. Meanwhile Willow and Tara were both reassured when they saw that Buffy and Angel were back to normal, but a little disturb when they watched Spike and Faith leave together. Willow knew that her friend needed time to sort things out with Angel so she and Tara headed to Giles to let everyone know what had happened and that everything was ok. The first words uttered came from Buffy’s mouth after what seemed like an eternity, but was only fifteen minutes. “I love you and I always wanted to be with you, but I didn’t know it would be like this, I didn’t know we would finally have a chance.” Buffy exhale noisily. “I don’t know where we go from here and I don’t know how things will turn out for us in the future, but I have to make a lot of adjustments now that I am going to live forever and I just don’t know where that leaves us.” Buffy continued. “I will respect you and your wishes, but I’m only going to say this once I want nothing more then to be with you even if it’s for an eternity. So I want you to at least consider that.” Angel pleaded. Slowly he began to turn and walk away recognizing that it was his cue to leave, but surprisingly he felt a hand reach out and grab him turning him back in the direction he was in before. Buffy began to kiss him passionately while her lips trembled and tears flowed down her cheeks she vowed that she would never lose Angel again.  Buffy knew she would never be alone and through every storm there is a rainbow so if she and Angel lived it didn’t have to be happily ever after as long as they had each other that’s all that mattered.  Knowing that Buffy was a Vampire now her friends and family were hesitant at first, but they finally accepted her and cherished her as they always did.  She was prepared to watch her friends get older and her sister Dawn grow up, but little did she know what lay in store, little did she know that her “sister” was in danger.8